The Best 95 High Jokes

Following is our collection of High jokes which are very funny. There are some high higher jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these high lowe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

- Leviticus 20:13 ESV

What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?

Oh, high marks.

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.


Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak

Gambler

A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."

I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.

He said "No, the steaks are too high".

What does the highest paid WNBA player make?

Sandwiches.

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high...

She seemed surprised.

A man walks into a butchers...

The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."

Top High Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore high schooler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean high munchies dad jokes. There are also high puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high...

She looked surprised.

I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high...

She looked surprised.

My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill

I told him, "My door is always open".

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

In a stable environment.

Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

Never give a Roman a high five.

Or he'll give you a HIV.


I was walking down the High Street with my wife...

... and upon reaching a corner, we saw six men beating up someone. I was going to turn and lead my wife away from the crime happening before us, but suddenly she exlaimed

"Oh my god it's mom! Quick quick! Go and help!"

I turned to her and said

"Nah. I think 6's enough."

My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table

At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.

I asked her "Do you know him?"

"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.

"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"

And that's when the fight started....

A girl came to me today...

...and told me she will have sex with me if I advertise some random liquid detergent. Of course I said no, after all I'm a powerful man with high standards. As powerful as the new Ajax detergent, which offers a unique freshness, activated on air contact.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition.

Today I was offered sex by an 18 year old female...

Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents

An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and masturbating on the job.

No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.

Alabama changed the drinking age to 34

They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap

He was high on my list of priorities

Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.

Well, that and sex.

What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team?

The High Five

I had a gay friend in high school...

...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.

What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?

They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?

So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

A man from out of town walks into a bar...

he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.

TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32.

It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt

He's high on my list of priorities

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...

No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer

What's the highest story of any building?

Floor 20

When midgets smoke weed...

...do they get high, or do they just get medium?

I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised.

My highschool bully still takes my lunch money...

But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."

"Sure thing, sweet pee."

Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me...

... She said no both times.

2020 Olympic high jump results

Gold - Mexico

Silver - Mexico

Bronze - Mexico

The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...

...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right....

Alcohol IS a solution.

I was offered sex from a 21 year old girl today

In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.

How do you know when you've got a high sperm count?

When she has to chew before she swallows.

"Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!"

"Actually, you're not."

Why should you never store meat on the top shelf of the freezer?

The steaks would be too high.

Everyone pees in the pool...

But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

My friends and I experimented with sex in high school...

I was the control group

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.

He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

What's a vegan's favorite animal?

A high horse

What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?

A Hijacking.

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

"I've made a lot of sacrifices to get to where I am today,"

said the Aztec high priest.

Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with marijuana?

He wanted the high ground.

Yo mama's so fat

she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....

He then asks the bartender why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling? The bartender says well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else's drinks for the next hour. The guy ponders for a minute and then says, I would do it, but the stakes are too high.

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school?

They don't want to see integration in their schools

In high school some kids told me they'd give me $20 to hang out with them.

Turns out it was just clique bait.

What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?

The Pulp.

I like how the girl that called me a loser in high school is now blowing up my phone

She sends me things like what are your plans for dinner and Your dad and I are going out for dinner there's food in the fridge

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

I had my leg x-rayed today.

The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
The doctor replied "æŠ«èšć·2.54æŠ«èšć·"

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.

We never made it to a gig.

I told my wife she'd painted her eyebrows too high this morning

I don't know if she agreed but she seemed surprised

During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries

Apparently through high voltage nipple clamps wasn't the answer they were expecting.

A guy walks into a bar...

He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."

...Then Juliet looked down from her balcony and said,

"Its over Romeo,

I have the high ground"

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.

High definition.

Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work.

It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.

Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.

Don't honk your horn at old people.

When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.

Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school.

I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.

For the first couple weeks, I didn't earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.

In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...

The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

Not to brag, but I did a lot of experiments with sex and drugs when I was in high school.

Unfortunately I was part of the control group.

A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...

but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.

She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.

Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.

She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.

The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.

Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.

This one isn't wearing any shoes either!

2 men in an airport

1st man says, "I can't find my wife." 2nd man says, "I can't find mine either, what does yours look like?" 1st man " Six foot tall, blonde, big tits, mini skirt, high heels and a boob tube, whats yours look like?" 2nd man says, "Fxck her we'll look for yours.

So Betsy DeVos resigned...

I guess some people were starting to pressure her to invoke the 25th amendment and she got scared because she can't count that high.

A guy was in high school for 10 years. He must have been really stupid, but not as stupid as the guy who was there 20 years.

The longer you go to high school, the dumber you are. Thats why I never went.

How long can a meth high last?

The rest of your life.

Why don't pirates do very well in school?

They're only used to high C's

A chemist walks into a pharmacy...

With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.

The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"

The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemistry teacher 43 years ago.)

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Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the high lower jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working high highschool piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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