High Jokes

195 high jokes and hilarious high puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about high that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your next junior high or upper schooler party memorable with high jokes. Featuring THC-related jokes and gags, these hilarious one-liners, puns, and riddles will have everyone in stitches.

Funniest High Short Jokes

Short high jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The high humour may include short huge jokes also.

  1. I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
  2. Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak
  3. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
  4. I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
  5. In high school some kids told me they'd give me $20 to hang out with them. Turns out it was just clique bait.
  6. Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
  7. TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
  8. Twenty years ago, my friend made a website where you compare getting high from different drugs. It was the original trip advisor.
  9. What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats.
  10. As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests. My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging

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High One Liners

Which high one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with high? I can suggest the ones about loud and strong.

  1. What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school? Oh, high marks.
  2. Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
  3. Why didn't the japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
  4. It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.
  5. Gas prices are so high... That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
  6. My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt He's high on my list of priorities
  7. I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high She looked surprised.
  8. What would you call the Fantastic Four if snoop dogg joined the team? The High Five
  9. I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  10. I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised.
  11. I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high... She seemed surprised.
  12. We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes. We never made it to a gig.
  13. What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.
  14. My dad gets high all the time He's a pilot.
  15. Cop asks a high are you? Guy: no officer, it's hi, how are you.

How High Jokes

Here is a list of funny how high jokes and even better how high puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
    By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
    The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷"
  • What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
  • My wife said, Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs? I said, Fine, but I don't make any sense when I'm high.
  • I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food? SEIZURE salad.
    I peed
  • Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
  • Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.. But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
    He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.
  • Why are there no highly credited esteemed flat-earthers? Because flattery will get you nowhere.
  • When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class. Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
  • Fight Club was awesome! Hey guys so I found this Fight Club last night and had a blast! I showed up a little late so I missed some of the rules but I highly recommend it!
  • I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.

High School Jokes

Here is a list of funny high school jokes and even better high school puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school? They don't want to see integration in their schools
  • Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me... ... She said no both times.
  • Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam? Because she literally can't even.
  • What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport? Cross country
  • Why did Arkansas raise the legal drinking age to 32? To keep alcohol out of the high schools.
  • They say the average high school prom goer now spends $1000 on prom Or $2000 if you count the abortion.
  • My high school guidance counselor told me I'd never become anything as an adult. Jokes on her. I became miserable!
  • Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
  • I had a Muslim kid in my high school and he was notorious for being late So we called him 9/12
  • Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's.... Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.
High joke, Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....

High People Jokes

Here is a list of funny high people jokes and even better high people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work. It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
  • I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint. He is now high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
  • Doctor of death! Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that's too high for a dentist.
  • Why can't short people cook? Because the steaks are too high.
  • So Betsy DeVos resigned... I guess some people were starting to pressure her to invoke the 25th amendment and she got scared because she can't count that high.
  • Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism? Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content.
  • If you lose one senses, your other senses become stronger. That's why people without a sense of humour have such a high sense of self importance
  • I did really well on my essay about communism. People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.
  • What drug do French people use to get high? Oui'd
  • Some people say Ketamine is just for animals... They need to get off their high horses.

High Five Jokes

Here is a list of funny high five jokes and even better high five puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • 5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
    High fives all round!
  • Why can't T-Rex's High Five? Because they're all dead
  • There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.
  • What tree gives the best high-fives? A PALM tree!
  • What does a ginger do when he wants to high five a friend? He claps
  • I went to give a suicidal person a high five.... But he left me hanging.
  • How do plants greet each other on the first day of spring? With a high-five (or high-stem)!
  • You should never give an executioner a high five... They will always leave you hanging
  • I high-fived Saddam Hussein Didn't want to leave him hanging
  • A Japanese guy tried to high five Logan Paul... But Logan left him hanging.

Junior High Jokes

Here is a list of funny junior high jokes and even better junior high puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A priest and a rabbi walk by a junior high school... The priest peers inside and says "Hey. Let's go inside and screw some little boys."
    The rabbi responds "Out of what?"
  • Teacher: "I will call your parents!"
    Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!"
    Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…"
    High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"
  • If I knew a kid named Roy that wore corduroys back in junior high school, we'd still be calling him corridor Roy to this day.
  • Did you hear? Somebody released a bunch of angry, rabid owls down at the local junior high! I tell you, school hooting is a real problem in this country.
  • Why are junior high girls like simple math? It's easier to just do them in your head
  • The best b**... I ever got was in junior high. God I love being a teacher
High joke, The best b**... I ever got was in junior high.

Uplifting High Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about high you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lower jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make high pranks.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some w**... with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."
- Leviticus 20:13 ESV

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."


A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."

I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.

He said "No, the steaks are too high".

What does the highest paid WNBA player make?


"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?

A man walks into a butchers...

The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."

How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."
The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high...

She looked surprised.

My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill

I told him, "My door is always open".

Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

In a stable environment.
Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

Never give a Roman a high five.

Or he'll give you a h**....

I was walking down the High Street with my wife...

... and upon reaching a corner, we saw six men beating up someone. I was going to turn and lead my wife away from the crime happening before us, but suddenly she exlaimed
"Oh my god it's mom! Quick quick! Go and help!"
I turned to her and said
"Nah. I think 6's enough."

My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table

At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....

A girl came to me today...

...and told me she will have s**... with me if I advertise some random liquid detergent. Of course I said no, after all I'm a powerful man with high standards. As powerful as the new Ajax detergent, which offers a unique freshness, activated on air contact.

Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...

Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents

An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and m**... on the job.

No name was given but he was a high w**... officer.

Today my s**... friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap

He was high on my list of priorities

What do you call a high person with Downs Syndrome?

A baked potato.

Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.

Well, that and s**....

A man from out of town walks into a bar...

he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.

At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared

A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'

My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing w**... on his cow farm. I told him it wasn't a good idea.

The steaks would be too high.

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

An officer was fired for smoking w**... and m**... on the job...

No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high w**... officer

What's the highest story of any building?

Floor 20

When midgets smoke w**...... they get high, or do they just get medium?

My highschool bully still takes my lunch money...

But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

What's the difference between a high and drunk driver?

The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a u**... sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your u**.... You're diabetic." She says.
Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."
"Sure thing, sweet pee."

2020 Olympic high jump results

Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico

The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... female doctor, female lawyer, etc.

I was offered s**... from a 21 year old girl today

In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.

How do you know when you've got a high s**... count?

When she has to chew before she swallows.

"Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!"

"Actually, you're not."

Why should you never store meat on the top shelf of the freezer?

The steaks would be too high.

Everyone pees in the pool...

But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

My friends and I experimented with s**... in high school...

I was the control group

A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.

He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.

What's a vegan's favorite animal?

A high horse

What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?

A h**....

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

"I've made a lot of sacrifices to get to where I am today,"

said the Aztec high priest.

Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with m**...?

He wanted the high ground.

I went cow tipping in a m**... field

The steaks were high

So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....

He then asks the bartender why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling? The bartender says well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else's drinks for the next hour. The guy ponders for a minute and then says, I would do it, but the stakes are too high.

What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?

The Pulp.

I like how the girl that called me a loser in high school is now blowing up my phone

She sends me things like what are your plans for dinner and Your dad and I are going out for dinner there's food in the fridge

I asked my Roman friend for a high five

Got h**... instead

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

I told my wife she'd painted her eyebrows too high this morning

I don't know if she agreed but she seemed surprised

During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries

Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.

A guy walks into a bar...

He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."

...Then Juliet looked down from her balcony and said,

"Its over Romeo,
I have the high ground"

High joke, ...Then Juliet looked down from her balcony and said,

jokes about high