The Best 96 High Jokes
Following is our collection of funny High jokes. There are some high higher jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these high high school freshman puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest High Jokes and Puns
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.
"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."
- Leviticus 20:13 ESV
What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?
Oh, high marks.
Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"
"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."
I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.
Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?
It was a Big Mcsteak
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said "No, the steaks are too high".
What does the highest paid WNBA player make?
Sandwiches.
I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high...
She seemed surprised.
A man walks into a butchers...
The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."
You can explore high schooler reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean high munchies dad jokes. There are also high puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How I learned to miknd my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."
The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!
I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high...
She looked surprised.
I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?
SEIZURE SALAD.
I peed
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
Never give a Roman a high five.
Or he'll give you a HIV.
My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table
At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....
A girl came to me today...
...and told me she will have sex with me if I advertise some random liquid detergent. Of course I said no, after all I'm a powerful man with high standards. As powerful as the new Ajax detergent, which offers a unique freshness, activated on air contact.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
High definition.
Today I was offered sex by an 18 year old female...
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the sex I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
An officer was fired for smoking cannabis and masturbating on the job.
No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.
Alabama changed the drinking age to 34
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities
Puns are the only form of humor where a groan is high praise and a laugh is a fair attempt.
Well, that and sex.
What would you call the Fantastic Four if Snoop Dogg joined the team?
The High Five
I had a gay friend in high school...
...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.
What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common?
They both contain high amounts of trans fats.
What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?
So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
A man from out of town walks into a bar...
he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.
TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32.
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
My friend used my todo list to roll a blunt
He's high on my list of priorities
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...
No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer
What's the highest story of any building?
Floor 20
When midgets smoke weed...
...do they get high, or do they just get medium?
I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high
She looked surprised.
My highschool bully still takes my lunch money...
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
2020 Olympic high jump results
Gold - Mexico
Silver - Mexico
Bronze - Mexico
It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right....
Alcohol IS a solution.
I was offered sex from a 21 year old girl today
In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.
How do you know when you've got a high sperm count?
When she has to chew before she swallows.
"Sweetheart, I'm pregnant.", "High pregnant, I'm dad!"
"Actually, you're not."
Everyone pees in the pool...
But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
My friends and I experimented with sex in high school...
I was the control group
A guy walks into a bar and sees a bunch of meat hanging on the wall.
He sits down and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. Bartender says the deal is if you want a free drink you gotta jump up and touch the meat but if you miss, you buy a round for the bar. The guy takes another look at the meat and the bartender asks if he's in. No, says the guy the steaks are too high.
What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?
A Hijacking.
Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with marijuana?
He wanted the high ground.
Yo mama's so fat
she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school?
They don't want to see integration in their schools
In high school some kids told me they'd give me $20 to hang out with them.
Turns out it was just clique bait.
What is the highest religious authority among oranges called?
The Pulp.
My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
I had my leg x-rayed today.
The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
The doctor replied "ζ«θ¨ε·2.54ζ«θ¨ε·"
We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.
We never made it to a gig.
During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries
Apparently through high voltage nipple clamps wasn't the answer they were expecting.
A guy walks into a bar...
He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.
He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.
High definition.
Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.
Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.
The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.
Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people.
When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.
Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her.
I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.
My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school.
I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.
I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.
He said the steaks were too high.
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
Not to brag, but I did a lot of experiments with sex and drugs when I was in high school.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
Why are there no highly credited esteemed flat-earthers?
Because flattery will get you nowhere.
A high school senior visits a psychic...
"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."
My pot smoking college roommate decided to choose Theology as his major.
He's now a high priest.
My wife said, Can you have a talk with the kids on drugs?
I said, Fine, but I don't make any sense when I'm high.
A janitor at my work asked me to come over and smoke weed with her!!
I told her No. I can't stand high maintenance women.
The phone bill was exceptionally high...
.... so the husband called a family meeting to discuss the issue.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's phone.
Son: I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.
All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was patiently listening to them.
Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??
Tomorrow I'm having skin grafted from my butt onto my hand and I cope with humor. Make me laugh.
I'm going to have to ask my girlfriend if she wants to try butt stuff just so we can hold hands.
The surgeon's going to hand my ass to me.
If I high five someone did they technically smack my ass?
Two scientists walk into a bar
I'll have H20 says the 1st.
I'll have H20, too says the 2nd.
The bartender doesn't have a clue what they want because he flunked out of high school, and started working at a bar.
I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, soβ¦
I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"
She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, "You dropped your purse on the floor outside McDonald's."
"Thank you so much" she said, "Where is it?"
I said, "I've just told you, on the floor outside McDonald's."
5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour?
Purrrrrr-ple
High fives all round!
A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker
The steaks were high.
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days
They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".
Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".
Gas prices are so high...
That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
Fire broke out at a local marijuana farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch.
The steaks were high
My dad gets high all the time
He's a pilot.
What's a pirate's favorite musical note?
The High Cs
The cleaning lady at my office invited me to go smoke weed after work, but I told her no
I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women
As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests.
My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging
"I'm sorry, Your Highness, but we can't put Humpty Dumpty back together again!" said the King's man.
The King, who was drunk, replied, "Let the horses try."
What do politicians, drug addicts and birds have in common?
They all have friends in high places.
A man and a dog walk into a bar
Both get up on stools and the bartender says "sorry no dogs"
"But my dog can talk"
Bartender: "Prove it"
"Fido, what is the top part of a house called"
Dog: "Roof, roof"
Bartender (annoyed): "You're going to have to do better than that"
"Fido, what is the high grassy part of a golf course called?"
Dog: "Ruff, ruff"
Bartender (more annoyed): "I'll give you one last chance before I throw you out"
"Fido, who is the greatest baseball player of all time"
Dog: "Ruth, ruth"
Bartender throws the both of them out into the street.
Dog: "Maybe I should have said Dimaggio"
Three cows were playing poker while smoking weed
The steaks were high.
Aman comes home from work and his wife greats him at the door wearing a sexy French maid outfit.
He smiles as he is looking her up and down. High heels and fishnet stockings. Then he says Thanks for cleaning the house today honey.
My wife has been penciling in her eyebrows lately⦠I think that she draws them a little high, so I told her.
She just looked at me surprised
I once got high by snorting ground-up bones of a marine mammal, then I ran my neighbor over.
I did it on porpoise.
Russian health tips
-"For better digestion ,I drink beer, for low blood pressure I drink red wine, for high blood pressure Cognac and for colds Vodka. "
-"And what about water?"
-"I don't think I ever had such an illness...."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the high high people puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working high high school piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
