High Five Jokes
135 high five jokes and hilarious high five puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about high five that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest High Five Short Jokes
Short high five jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The high five humour may include short thumbs up jokes also.
- As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests. My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging
- 5 year old daughters first independent joke: What is a cats favourite colour? Purrrrrr-ple
High fives all round! - There was a man on a stool with a rope around his neck. He said he'll kill himself if i didnt give him a high-five. Of course i left him hanging.
- How do plants greet each other on the first day of spring? With a high-five (or high-stem)!
- What's the difference between Darth Vader and Tom Brady? Darth Vader probably gets high fived
- My financial adviser said I should be tight with my money. So when I got home I high-fived my wallet.
- A man is brought to the gallows to be executed. As they're putting the noose around his neck, he's asked if he has any last requests. he asked for a high five. But they left him hanging.
- One of the last things Jeffrey Epstein said to the guards was - "high five!" But they just left him hanging
- Two catterpillars meet up And they high five, and they high five, and they high five, and they high five, and they high five...
- Why does Jesus Look so sad? Because he high-fived with both hands and his disciples left him hanging.
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High Five One Liners
Which high five one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with high five? I can suggest the ones about congrats and fist bump.
- Why didn't the japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
- What would you call the Fantastic Four if snoop dogg joined the team? The High Five
- Why can't T-Rex's High Five? Because they're all dead
- What tree gives the best high-fives? A PALM tree!
- What does a ginger do when he wants to high five a friend? He claps
- I high-fived Saddam Hussein Didn't want to leave him hanging
- A depressed man tried to high five a tree But it just left him hanging
- How old are you, son? Son: I'm 5.
Dad: High five, i'm dad. - Some people just need a high five In the face.
With a chair. - What do cannibals say before giving high-fives? Give me some skin.
- Hillary gave Jeffrey Epstein a high five but she still left him hanging
- Aaron Hernandez once tried to give me a high-five... But I left him hanging
- Why can't 4 reach 6? Cause of the High Five.
- I went to go high five a shirt in my closet... ...but I left it hanging.
- What do you call it when two hand amputees high five eachother? A stump bump.
Happy High Five Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about high five you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fives jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make high five pranks.
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
A man went into a bar in a high rise.
He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out.
He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more.
Finally the man asked if he could have a pill.
The flier said it was his last one.
The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars.
The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar.
The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death.
The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and j**... Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting.
During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.”
So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie.
After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.
Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.”
The others nod and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping.
He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.”
So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.
When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.”
The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when j**... emits a thunderous f**....
He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
May: "Why did you slap me?!"
Michael: "I didn't slap your face! I High fived it!"
May: "I'm going to tell mom on you when we go to the sea side!"
Micheal: "Uh, Shore you will."
May: "Don't be such a beach."
How does a blonde high-five? She smacks herself in the forehead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was friends with h**... in middle school
But that dude have the weirdest high fives
Jets Fan
A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was once a man who woke up every morning and f**... really loudly...
Every day he would wake up, release the pressure, and his wife would say in disgust "one of these days, you're going to f**... your guts out". So one Thanksgiving, the wife got up early to start fixing the feast for the day. As she was removing the giblets from the turkey, she had an idea. Sneaking back up to the bedroom, she carefully lifted the back of her husbands pajamas and placed the giblets into his pants, then snuck back downstairs and continued her work. After a while, she heard her husbands alarm go off and, just as every morning, the eruptive release of high pressure gasses. She giggled to herself and her small prank, and waited for him to come down stairs. Five minutes went by, and there was no sign of him, but she kept preparing the meal. Ten minutes...Fifteen...and now she was a little worried so she went up to check on him. She noticed the bathroom light was on, so she knocked on the door and asked "honey are you ok?" He came out and sheepishly replied "Well, it finally happened. I f**... my guts out. But by the grace of god, and these two fingers, I was able to get them back in."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
if men fall asleep directly after s**... . . .
why is it so hard to catch a r**...?
-Jimmy Carr
p.s. never high five a rabbi
An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.
The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a h**... and a high five?
Fred Phelps hates giving high fives.
Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy...
One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy."
The other two ladies agree.
The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name my Leroy 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!"
The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.
Then, the second lady says, "I'm gonna name my Leroy Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me any day of the week."
Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other more high fives.
The third lady then says, "You know, those two Leroys were good, but I'm gonna name my Leroy, Jack Daniels."
The other two ladies shout in unison, "Jack Daniels? That's not a soda pop... that's a hard liquor!"
The third lady bursts out, "That's my Leroy!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
A joke about black aviation.
So my cousin is in aviation school. He decided to learn how to fly so he can propose to his fiance. Anyway almost all of the other students in his class are black people. Nothing wrong with that, it was just weird because it's in an area with very few african americans. So it's weird to see that many, like 20 in one place. Anyway, My cousin was really struggling with several key things in flight, and so he asks the best in the class, who happens to be black, if he will offer his help. They both practice together for a couple of days until my cousin finally gets the whole thing down. Eventually the test day roles around and he is really nervous, so with the test, he asks the instructor if his black friend helping him could lend moral support by flying at the same time. The instructor agrees, and they take the test. So in the end, my cousin lands the plane at the same time as the black man, and they both run and high-five each other. The instructor informs my cousin that he got top marks. He had passed with flying colors.
My girlfriend hates high fives...
because she gets slapped every time.
high five
I've just read that actor Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber last night during an argument at a nightclub in Spain.
Orlando complained that his hand was pretty sore today.
Apparently the entire nightclub had queued up to high-five him.
Random Guy at Chipotle
A random guy at Chipotle said "give me a high five" and afterwards said "you should wash that hand"...not sure whether to laugh or not.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Russian comedian describes life in his country
"You tell them that two plus two is four. But they show you the edict: as of yesterday, it's five. You say: four. But now it's six. And those who said it was five are in prison. You yell: four! But they admitted to past missteps and made it clear that if we pull together, we can make it seven. And if we leverage, we can go as high as eight. You yell: four! But they look at you and shake their heads: we thought he was intelligent but he's like a broken record - four, four four. No vision, no fresh ideas, not like overseas!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son tells his father he lost his virginity...
... the father high-fives his kid and says, "that's great pal, let's sit down and have a beer."
the boy replies to his father, "I'll have a beer but I can't sit down"
The Stat Hunters
Two statisticians are out hunting. They see a bird sitting on a tree branch someways out. "Go ahead, take first crack at it!" says the first statistician. The second statistician shoots 7 inches too high. The first statistician then aims, and quickly shoots 7 inches too low. The two men look at each other, then simultaneously high five and say "Nice shot!"
Judge:You are sentenced to death.
Judge: You'll be hung.
Wife from down the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG!
Me: Your Honor please uncuff me so I can high five my wife.
Never high five a rabbi - Jimmy Carr
I went to high five Robin Williams
he left me hanging
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ron, an elderly man in Florida...
Ron, an elderly man in Florida, had owned a large farm with a big pond in the backyard for several years. The pond was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and citrus trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down and check on the swimming hole, because he hadn't been to that area of the property in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**...."
Rob held the bucket up high and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy died after having s**... with his teacher...
His friends high fived him to death.
Zak galifinakorishdjignko
Aristotle: We are what we repeatedly do.
Plato: Well then I guess I'm YOUR MOM!
-high fives Socrates-
What kind of high fives does Jesus like receiving?
Holey ones!
Every time I meet someone new, my girlfriend gets a slap across the face.
I really need to stop high-fiving people.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't b**... in 1850 give high-fives?
Because everyone always left them hanging!
A reporter from North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer...
A reporter from a North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer, "Would you give your mansion to the supreme leader if you had one?"
The farmer answers, "Yes, of course I would!"
"If you had one million dollar, would you give it to the supreme leader, too?"
"Yes, absolutely!"
"How about five cows, would you give them to the supreme leader?"
The farmer hesitates, then answers, "No..."
The reporter is confused, "you would give a mansion and one million dollar to the supreme leader, why would you not give only five cows? Is it because you think cows can't match the highness of the supreme leader?"
"Well, yes... and also I really do have five cows..."
Why did the apple cross the road?
To high-five the guy on shrooms
In five-card poker, six-high beats a pair...
Meet my girlfriend
No no, I'm not high-fiving you man !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are black people afraid of high fives?
They don't want to be left hanging
Who is the easiest to get a high-five from in a war?
The French.
They always have their hands up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do women die from s**... five times less than men?
Because they can't climb high enough on the corporate ladder.
"Rate your high fives on a scale of 1-10"
"Oh, I would say they are a high five"
Why should you never high-five a Roman?
They might give you Hi-V back!
My girlfriend of 2 years just told me her ex used to beat her really badly, and she never told me b/c it's really painful for her to talk about. I feel bad I didn't figure it out sooner.
I always thought she just really hated high fives.
What do you call money on drugs?
A high five...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
News from the s**... health clinic
A friend of mine received news from the s**... health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V
What did Magic Johnson give his teammates after winning an NBA title?
A HI-V (high five)
136 days!
Three guys are celebrating in a bar.
They keep high-fiving each other and yelling, " " " "
They are so excited, the bartender can't stand it any longer.
"Hey," he says, "what are you guys celebrating?"
"We finished a jigsaw puzzle!" says one of them.
"You finished a jigsaw puzzle???" says the bartender. "How come that's so exciting?"
"Well, it said on the box 'Four to six years'!"
What do you tell someone when you give them a high five?
Here you go: ^^^5
I will never give Tony Romo a high five
The risk of killing him is too high. I'm too pretty for jail.
I got shot by a cop after I beat him at poker. He had quad aces but I drew an 8-high straight flush (clubs) on the river...
...I guess black fives do matter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Bad news," The doctor said. "There's a high chance that you have gonorrhea."
This was quite alarming, as he was telling me this information five minutes after we had i**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some people just need a high-five.
in the face... with a chair... twice.
What do you call a number on drugs?
High Five
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son comes home and tells his father "I finally had s**...!"
The dad smiles, gives his son a high five and cracks oben two beers. Then he says: "Nice son. Come on, take this beer, sit down and tell me everything."
The son: "Beer is cool, but I can't sit for a while."
If I were in high school again, I'd register as a licensed therapist.
Then listening fives times a week would finally payoff.
So Richard Spencer just got an alt-high five while being filmed.
Some might call it a punch but I prefer an Alt-Hug
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a s**... celebration?
A High Five
Why can't Abraham Lincoln high five anybody?
Because he is dead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you tease a Jewish midget?
Heil h**... so they can't high five you.
How many tuba players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five, One to screw in the light bulb and four to complain that it's too high.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
14-year-old boy who had s**... with his hot teacher died...
...his friends high-fived him to death.
I always give a black man a high five when he wants one.
Don't want to leave him hanging
Facebook Birthdays.
Facebook birthdays don't remind me to say happy birthday. Instead, they remind me to systematically remove the kids from high school who I haven't talked to in five years.
The funniest joke I've heard happen organically.
I was sat in front of a couple I didn't know on the bus who were arguing. The girl was asking why the guy never made more of an effort romantically, but he's saying that it doesn't come naturally to him to make these big gestures. She keeps angrily saying he needs to be more spontaneous.
He says "I'm a guy, I can't just turn it on like a tap."
She says "Force it!"
He says "Fine, I can't just turn it on like a faucet".
Unsurprisingly, this didn't help. Neither did it help that the guy in front of them cracked up and turned around for a high five.
If only someone returned Jesus's high five.
He wouldn't have been left hanging.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Asked my SO to give me a high five
Yeah, now I have h**...
Why couldn't a Japanese man get a high five
How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six - one to try and reach the socket, and the other five to stand around saying that its too high for her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The more I think about it, maybe h**... wouldn't have been so upset..
If people stopped leaving him hanging for high-fives all the time..
So Saddam Hussein was trying to give George Bush a high-five...
But George Bush left him hanging.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did ancient Romans not exchange high fives?
They didn't want to spread h**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sometimes some people deserve a good high five,
in the face, with a chair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I kinda feel sorry for h**....
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
A doctor is performing a very dangerous operation on a child.
Doctor: The chances of you surviving this are only 50%
Child: Lets do it 2 times then!
*high fives the doctor*
How did the Roman contract AIDS?
From a high five
