High Class Jokes
99 high class jokes and hilarious high class puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about high class that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest High Class Short Jokes
Short high class jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The high class humour may include short upper class jokes also.
- Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
- When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class. Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
- Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
- Son, as a reward for graduating high-school at the top of your class, we've decided to pool or money and send you abroad! Son: Is she hot?
- I was voted Most Private Guy in my high school class. I can't tell you how much that meant to me.
- London held a monocle convention for high class members of society... ... it was a respectable spectacle spectacle.
- I used to be so popular in school I would have a new best friend every year.. ..until I got to high school and they let everyone pick where they sat in class
- In high school math class ... I owned a car and I was good at calculus. They made me the "designated deriver".
- They should offer a class on speaking the truth in high school It'd be a great way to earn a foreign language credit.
- Why was the high school dropout always so rude to people? Because he didn't have any class.
Share These High Class Jokes With Friends
High Class One Liners
Which high class one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with high class? I can suggest the ones about high people and high ranking.
- I was voted Least likely to succeed by my High School class. I hate my teaching job.
- I took a programming class in high school I got a C++
- I took a Microsoft Office class in high school. I Excelled in it.
- I failed the high jump in gymnastics class today... Ever since then the bar was lowered
- What kind of classes do fishes take in high school? Debate.
- I remember there was a Quadruple Amputee in my High School Gym Class \*
- Every high school student has that one class they loathe For me, it's the bourgeoise.
- Beginner's English class Hello! How are you?
I'm high, thank you! - "What did two years of Spanish classes teach you in high school?" Nadar
- How do you make "Malabu" a lower class word, instead of a high class word? Chevy Malabu
- I knew a Muslim kid in High School who was always late for class We called him 9/12.
- A paraplegic high school senior can graduate... ...but can't walk with their class.
- Why did the r**... high school cancel driver's ed class? They needed the car for s**... ed.
- Pristine coke and high class w**...... It's all fun and games at Robot Wars
Witty High Class Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about high class you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean classy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make high class pranks.
One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes.
After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Then she said, "First Question was which tire was flat?"
Father and his 13 year old son walk into the pharmacy.
The son sees the boxes of condoms and asks: "What are these dad?"
And the father answers truthfully:
"These, my boy, are called condoms. Men use them to have safe s**...."
"Oh.. i see! the boy answers. They shown them to us at school, in the s**... education class."
Then the boy looks at a packet with 3 condoms in it and asks: "Why does this one have only 3 in it dad?"
"This, son is for high-school kids: One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday."
Then the boy looks at another packet that has 6 inside.
"What about this one? Why does it have 6 in?"
"This is for college students: Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."
Then the kid sees that packet with 12 inside and with great wonder asks: "And this one dad, with 12 inside?"
His father sighs and explains to him: "These my boy, are for married people. One for January, one for February…"
Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!
A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the c**... display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe s**...."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of
3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one
For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two
For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.
"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
Why condoms come in packs of 3, 6 and 12!
A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the c**... display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe s**...."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.
"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
Bad Science Joke
A high school science teacher is ordering supplies for his class online, but he can't find one particular compound. So he calls the store. "Excuse me sir," says he, "But do you by chance carry Sodium Bromate?" The store owner replies, "Na-BrO"
Need a good PG rated joke for a class...anybody have one?
I've been scouring the posts on here but a lot of them are highly s**.../not appropriate.
Have to give a joke for my Toastmasters class. Ideas?
An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...
Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"
"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.
"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."
"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"
The two men drink to their hometown.
"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.
"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."
"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.
A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"
"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."
Read the punchline out loud. I first heard this in high school, not sure how well it translates to print.
Poor Tom.
When he was seven, he lost his left eye in a tragic accident. Being from a poor family, the only replacement they could afford was a wooden eye.
When he was seventeen, three weeks before the prom, he was still dateless. He decided to work up the courage to ask someone, but he knew he has limits. He set his eye of Amy, a girl in his class, who spoke with a lisp.
He walked up to her at lunch, while she was surrounded by her friends, and he managed to stammer out a quiet "willyougotothepromwithme?"
"Whath that? I can't hear what you're thaying."
"Will you go to the prom? With me?" he answered, a little louder.
Amy smiled. She never thought anyone would ask her!
"Go with you? Would I? Would I?"
"LISP LISP LISP!"
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
High School Reunion
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkle-faced, fat, gray-haired, old man asked me:
"What did you teach?"
A high-class London lawyer gets stopped by police...
A high class stuck-up London lawyer gets pulled over by traffic police for failing to stop at a stop sign.
Officer: 'License and registration please'
Lawyer: 'Why?'
Officer: 'Because you failed to stop at the stop sign back there'
Lawyer: 'But I slowed down and could see that no cars were coming'
Office: 'But it's a stop sign sir, it doesn't matter if it was clear, you still needed to stop before setting off again. License and registration please'
Lawyer (trying to be all s**... and righteous): 'Alright then Officer, explain to me the difference between stopping and slowing down, surely it's open to misinterpretation?'
The officer says 'Alright then, step out of your car please Sir'.
The Lawyer steps out of his car and the officer throws him to the floor, pulls out his baton and starts beating him with it continually.
'Now then,' says the Officer, 'do you want me to stop, or to slow down?'
Got this one in a forward from my dad - I did not see that one coming.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD..
WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS MARY , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALDING,
WRINKLED FACED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
s**...
ASKED
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?
Successful entrepreneur
I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.
I asked him how he did it.
He said it was easy.
"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"
An old one my late grandmother used to tell
In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."
Tomorrow's Final Exam
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate many excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury
or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the
student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."
School Punishments
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny,Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
A man walks into a drug store with his 10-year old son...
They happen to walk by the c**... display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe s**...."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied,
"Those are for married men…
One for January, one for February, one For March......."
After her divorce, Jenny moved back to her home town, hoping to start afresh...
After her divorce, Jenny moved back to her home town, hoping to start afresh.
A few weeks later, while making a dental appointment, she recognized the name as that of a good looking boy from high school, 20 years ago. But when Jenny walked into the dentist's clinic, she realized it must be someone else: the dentist was bald, had a big beer belly and looked old. Just to be sure, Jenny asked if he had graduated from that particular high school.
"Yeah," said the dentist. "I graduated in 91." "Oh, you were in my class!" said an excited Jenny. "Really?" he said, "That's interesting. "What did you teach?"
A father and son are having the talk about s**...
After a few minutes, the son says, "Dad, I know all that stuff. We went over it in Health class."
Dad says, "Well, do you have any questions?"
"Yeah, I have one about condoms."
"What do you need to know?"
"When I was in the drugstore, I saw that they sell them by the dozen. Who needs that many at once?"
"That's an easy one, son. You saw that they sell packages of three. High schoolers buy those. One for Friday, one for Saturday, one for the rest of the week. They also sell packages of six. College students buy those. Two for Friday, two for Saturday, two for the rest of the week."
"OK dad, but what about the dozen?"
"Married people buy those. One for January, one for February..."
The old dentist
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he beamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, "What did you teach?"
mother's milk
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the
cat can't get it.
He got an A.
A Very Outdated But Still Funny Joke
A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class, "What part of the body enlarges to ten times its normal size during periods of excitement?"
The girl stammers and blushes and looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to answer that question."
So the teacher asks a boy, "Do you know the answer?"
The boys answers, "The pupil of the eye."
"That's right," says the teacher. Then he turns to the girl and says, "Two things are obvious. First, you didn't study your lesson last night. Second, you wedding night is going to be a terrible disappointment to you."
My High School had a nap time class
It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.
What are the most offensive jokes you know?
What's the difference between Pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.
That joke got a kid suspended from my high school english class.
What do a cheap robot and a high class p**... have in common
They both stop working for you after you pee on them.
It's the first day of high school...
...and the principal is giving an orientation to the freshmen class. He says "Welcome to high school! We have a few rules we must go over. First, men will use the men's locker room, and women will use the women's locker room. If anyone is caught in the other gender's locker room, it is a $20 dollar fine for a first offense, $30 for a second offense, $40 for a third, and so on. Any questions?"
A kid in the back stands up and asks "How much for a season pass?"
In high school, everyone used to call me the class clown
it was probably because of the face paint.
A father and her disappointing daughter
So there's a girl, who just graduated from High School as an honors student but just a few A's away from making Valedictorian. After her graduation, her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
The girl goes to medical school. Once again, she graduates near the top of her class but isn't the top of her class. The father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
The girl was nominated for a big promotion in her hospital but was just a few marks away from securing it. Her father walks up to her and says "you've let me down."
Years pass. The woman has grown to hate her father. One day, she receives a letter saying her father had passed away. Forgetting all of her hate, she gets on the next flight to her mother's home.
As soon as she arrives, her mother hands her a letter detailing one final request from her father.
"At my f**..., I would like to have my daughter lower my body into my grave so she can let me down one more time."
The MotherSuperior almost had a s**... ...
The Mother Superior was congratulating the girls in the current graduating class of the all girls parochial high school, and as she shook hands with each graduate, she asked her what she was going to become.
So Mary Teresa said a secretary, and Agnes said a homemaker, etc.
But when she got to Barbara Cecilia, Barbara Cecilia said "a p**...".
Well, the Mother Superior turned white as a sheet and said, "What did you say, Barbara Cecilia?"
And Barbara Cecilia repeated, "A p**..., Mother Superior."
Whereupon the Mother Superior said, "Oh, thank goodness - I thought you said 'a Protestant'!"
What was h**...'s favorite class in high school?
Chemistry because he always had the final solution
Reading between the lines.
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
I once knew a guy in high school who got caught m**... in the shower.
It really ruined our class trip to Auchwitz for us.
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.....
I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary's high school.
"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1989. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, gray-haired, decrepit, s**..., asked,
"What did you teach" ?
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son
They happen to walk by the c**... display, and the boy asks "What's are these, dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe s**...". "Oh I see" replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school".
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday". "Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6-pack and asks "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men" The dad answers "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday". "WOW!" exclaimed the boy.
"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack. With a sigh, the dad replied "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
SWEET PERFUME
A high class looking woman sat down next to me on the train. I took in a breath and asked aloud, 'What's that smell?'
She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, 'Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce." She turned away.
About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent f**.... She turns to me and asks ,What's that smell?'
I say, "Broccoli, $1.49 a pound.'
A Former Sergeant In The Marine Corps Took A New Job As A High School Teacher
A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence... the rest of the year went very smoothly :)
Classroom Nerd
(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that F@#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a p**...
Did you hear about the hunter who traded a prize deer for a high class p**...?
He got the best bang for his buck
Graduation unlike before
2 Asian kids graduated from High School. The school had never witnessed this phenomena, but both of them were #1 in their class. Long story short the parents couldn't be happier....it was a Nguyen, Nguyen for them.
I was in shop class in high school and my teacher had a nail, a bolt, and a screw in his hand...
... He asked us if we knew the difference between them. A girl raised her hand and said, "Well, I've never been bolted."
It hurts every time!
During high-school health class, the topic of s**... came up. Whilst discussing it, the teacher described it as, "the most pleasurable experience you will ever have".
After hearing this, a girl from the back of the class calls out, "You're lying! It hurts every time!"
Puzzled, the teacher finally clicks and asks, "You aren't devoutly religious, by any chance...?"
A boy walked into class 20 minutes late and really high.
My teacher asked him why he was so late and he said, "I don't know, I think there were more stairs than usual."
I have no home button.
..and I work at your place.
You can call me and I know your face.
I cost $1000 although some think me a waste.
What am I ?
That's right. A high class h**....
High school science classes say that "two bodies cannot occupy the same space". Whoever came up with that saying never saw how much butter an English muffin can soak up.
A man visits his 70th class reunion
He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."
Danny Glover made a special appearance at a high school drama class to help teach improv. He only said one line,
"I'm too old for this skit."
The world tennis association just added lisinopril and high blood pressure medications in the same class to their banned substances list...
Ace inhibitors
Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
What kind of vegetable is essential at any high-class party?
Collared greens.
Killing self now.
On Election Day, here's a little tip that I learned in high school civics class:
Vote for option C every time, and you'll get at least 75% correct.
Why didn't the cow laugh at my joke?
He wasn't very amoosed because it was udderly lacking in humor, he had herd it before, it wasn't very mooving, it was cheesy and I milked the punchline a bit too much. Definitely wasn't moosic to his ears. He still gave me a pat on the back though, which put me in a better moood.
I was at a joke competition too, so the steaks were high, yet I still managed to butcher the joke. I knew I should have stuck to that cowculus competition instead, except everything goes in one ear and out the udder in my math classes.
Ok you should stop reading here, it's probably pasture bedtime.
People from High School class of '69 turn 69 this year,but because of social distancing,
69 is the safest position for distancing and everyone has some place to safely cough into.
As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having s**... with kids, m**... being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.
Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.
An all boys high school teacher was doing the attendance roll call one morning
She went through the list of names and each student replied, Yes miss as their name was called.
James?
Yes miss, replied James.
Is Robert here?
Yes miss, replied Robert.
Jack?
After about 5 seconds of silence, Jack hadn't replied.
The teacher continued, j**... today?
The whole class in unison, Okay we will miss.
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-a**... jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"
A new competition!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I recently entered a competition to see who gained the most weight and lost the most hair," he tells the bartender. "What the heck? Why?" the bartender asks. "Oh, they didn't call it that," the guy replies. "It was advertised as 'high school class reunion,'"
Putin and Medvedev go to a high class restaurant.
Putin says to the waiter "For the meat I want a rib-eye steak, medium rare. The potatos are to be baked with sour cream".
The waiter asks "what about the vegetable?"
Putin looks at Medvedev and back to the waiter and says, "He'll have the same"
Missed Orientation Class of Fight Club
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.
Not mine and could be old but this will not age
A teacher teaches class on drug a**...
He walks into the classroom, draws a big circle and a small circle on the blackboard and asks: What are these?
As nobody answers, he says: The big circle is your eye pupil, when you're clean, and the small circle is your eye pupil, when you're high! If the police see this, they put you in jail…
Then he proceeds to draw a small circle and a big circle and asks: What are these? . Nobody answers…
He points to the small circle and says: This is your a**..., before you go to jail….
[REAL] My son has moved up a level in swim class
Up until this point he's been swimming with me or Mom during class. This is the first level where he swims independently with a teacher. My wife was nervous about it, but I said:
"Don't worry, I'm sure it will go swimmingly."
Rode that high for a day or two.
