Hiding Behind Jokes

92 hiding behind jokes and hilarious hiding behind puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hiding behind that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Hiding Behind Jokes
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Funniest Hiding Behind Short Jokes

Short hiding behind jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hiding behind humour may include short hide behind jokes also.

Yo Mama so fat, You can hide behind her back and still be visible... Because of Gravitational Lensing.
In a dangerous situation, I'd always put my children first. I do this because I have a crippling habit of hiding behind my mistakes.
Scientists have found the gene for shyness They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes.
After years of searching, scientists have finally found the gene for shyness... ...hiding behind two other genes.
Did you hear? They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes
Behind every successful man is a woman. This game of hide and seek has been going on for too long...
My wife broke out into tears. "I don't know what you're doing behind my back..." "Well...yes. That's sort of how hide and seek works," I replied.
Why is the Easter bunny the poorest animal in the world? He carries his tail behind, has to hide his eggs and can only come once a year.
Dad Joke "Hey dad, why are you hiding behind that bush with a poncho?"
"Shh, you'll blow my cover!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm in wetness protection"
....
"Whatever, dad"
Drunk girls are like COD campers when they go peeing... ...hiding behind a bush or tree and pressing circle...

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Hiding Behind One Liners

Which hiding behind one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hiding behind? I can suggest the ones about hiding and hides.

Where do you hide after killing a black person? behind a badge
how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
Where is the best place to hide after killing someone? Behind a badge..
Where's the safest place to hide after shooting someone? Behind your badge.
Why do you never see an elephant hiding behind a tree? Because they're very good at it
Wheres the best place to hide after shooting a black guy? behind a badge
Where do you hide when you kill a black guy? Behind a badge
Where do you hide if you kill a black man? Behind a badge.
How do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a tree and make carrot sounds.
I finally found my niche She was hiding behind the coush.
Yo mamma so fat, when she plays paintball her teammates hide behind her.
Your mommas so fat when criminals break out of jail they hide behind her.
Yo mamma so fat, when she plays paintball her teammates hide behind her.
Yo momma's so fat, when we played hide and seek, I spotted her behind the Himalayas.
I'm a killer, but there is one place I would not like to hide in. Behind bars.

Hiding Behind Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about hiding behind you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean conceal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hiding behind pranks.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house n**.... So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed n**... and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack." She says "I'm going to call 911, while I'm really looking for my sister." She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the n**..., and gives her a slap, "How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you're running around scaring the kids!"

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.
One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble.
One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek.
Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred.
Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes.
Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Playing a game," the boy replied.
"What is your name?" the officer questioned.
"Mind Your Own Business."
Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!"
The boy replied, "Why, yes."

Little Johnny got caught stealing in a FOOD 4 LESS and runs away from the cops.
He runs towards his school and into his classroom.
He asks his teacher "May I please hide in your classroom because I got caught stealing".
The teacher says "Yes".
Little Johnny first hides under a desk, but no, the cops can see him there.
He then hides behind the door, but no, the cops can see him there.
So the teacher suggested to little Johnny "Hide under my long, fluffy skirt".
Little Johnny says "O.K."
The cops arrive and ask the teacher "Have you seen a little boy around here?".
The teacher replies "sorry, I haven't".
When the cops left the classroom the teacher says" Johnny, the cops are gone.you can come out now".
Little johnny replies" not yet, I got one more braid to go".

One day, a team of blondes and a brunette team took part in a fishing contest.
They went to the Frozen Lake and installed from a two different perspectives.
The brunettes were making fish one after another, but the blondes were unlucky.
The blonde team gathered around in a circle and start a discussion about the problem and wanted to find an answer for it.
After two hours they decided to send someone to spy on the other team, so they can find out what the brunettes were doing differently.
The blonde spy goes and hides behind the bushes.
After a while, breathless arrives at her team and screams with joy: "I’ve found it! I’ve found it! We gonna rip them off!"
All the blondes, full of wonder asked her: "Spit it out, what do the brunettes do differently?"
"Whole! They’re opening a whole in the ice!"

If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds.
There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.

What is the golden rule of hide and seek in Ethiopia?

no more than 10 behind the same tree

Why couldn't you see the elephant behind a strawberry

Because he was hiding!

Einstein, Tesla, Newton, and Pascal are all playing Hide 'N Seek

It is Einstein's turn to be it. So he covers his eyes and slowly counts to 20.
Tesla climbs up a tree, Pascal jumps behind a bush, and Newton stands right where he is and draws a 1m x 1m square around him.
"...eighteen, nineteen, twenty! Ready or not, here I come!" exclaims Einstein. Of course, Newton is the first person he sees so he tags him. "Gotcha, Newton!"
To which Newton responds, "Nope. Pascal!"

A Brunette, a blonde, and a ginger

are all running from the cops. They run into an alley behind a restaurant. Behind the restaurant there is only a dumpster and a half full of sack of potatoes. The ginger hides in the dumpster, the brunette hides behind the dumpster, and the blonde hides in the sack of potatoes. The cops round the corner and approach the inside dumpster.
The ginger meows and the cops say, "Oh its only a cat, they aren't in here." The cops then approach behind the dumpster. The brunette growls and the cops say, "It's just a dog, they aren't behind here."
As the cops leave they pass the potato sack without giving it a second thought. Then the blonde goes, "Potatoes, potatoes."

Two gay guys live together

The first guy says, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."
The second guys says, "What if I can't find you?"
He says, "I'll be behind the piano."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my Mrs. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.
Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?
Cheers

A man calls home from work to talk to his wife...

When a woman picks up the phone, he assumes that it is that of the new maid his wife hired. He asks to talk to his wife. The maid says "I'm sorry, the Mrs. is in bed with her husband."
"What! I'm her husband!"
"Well who is she in bed with?"
"I don't know. Do you want to make $50K really fast?"
"Ok."
"I want you to take the shotgun that's behind my desk, and then I want you to kill them both!"
The maid agrees to do this, and sure enough, she finds a shotgun. The man hears screaming, which was followed by gunshots and silence on the other end.
"Good. Now I want you to take the bodies and hide them behind the red shed."
"You don't have a red shed. I could hide them in the pool."
"I don't have a pool."
"Yes you do."
"Is this 920-3582 on 1st Avenue?"

Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.

At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.
"How are you going to travel on a single ticket?" asked a lawyer.
"Wait and watch" answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, "Ticket please." The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
"Wait and watch" answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

The hippy and the nun

A hippy gets on the bus. When he sees a nun he likes, he walks up to her and says "Wanna have s**... with me?" The nun replies "Heavens no!" and runs off the bus. When the hippy gets off the bus at the next stop, the bus driver says "See that grave over there? That nun goes over there every night at 8:30. If you dress up as a ghost, then she will have no option, other than to have s**... with you". The hippy nods and gets off the bus.
At 8:30, the hippy goes to to the graveyard, dressed as a ghost, and hides behind the grave. The nun then comes, and starts praying. Then, th hippy stands up and says "I command you to have s**... with me!" The nun replies "Oh.. Ok then.. But I have an oath of virginity, so it will have to be from err.. Behind." They then go back to the hippies apartment.
Afterwards, the hippy runs away going "Haha I am the hippy!", and the nun runs away going "Haha I am the bus driver!"

Nice try hippy

So there is a hippy who gets on a bus. After getting on the bus, he spots a nun sitting by herself. He goes to sit with her and asks her, "Will you have s**... with me?" And then the nun responds, "Oh, Heavens no." The hippy reaches his stop and passes by the bus driver on his way out. "Hey buddy, I know how you can have s**... with that nun," says the bus driver. "How?" asks the hippy. "You see that grave at the top of that hill over there? She goes to pray there at 8:00 PM every night. Just dress up as a ghost and tell her to have s**... with you as the dead man from the grave for his last wish. She'll have to do it," says the bus driver. Later that night at about 8:00, the hippy dresses up as a ghost and hides behind the grave until sure enough, the nun shows up and starts praying. The hippy jumps out and tells her to have s**... with her as a dead man's last wish. She does and after they finish, the hippy pulls off his costume.
"Ha! I'm the hippy!" He exclaims.
"Ha! I'm the bus driver!" says the nun.

I think my wife is cheating on me

I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, Just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Hide and seek.

A girl was teaching a boy about her own rules at hide and seek: "If you can find me in 20 minutes, you may hold my hand. If you can find me in 10 minutes, you may kiss me. If you can find me in 2, you may do whatever you want to me, and I always hide behind the fridge."

A blond, a redhead and a brunette rob a bank...

The cops are close behind them when they run into a shed. Inside are some empty potato sacks.
"Quick," the brunette says, "hide in there." They all climb into the sacks just as the cops come in.
The cop walks up to the sack with the brunette and kicks it. "Meow!" she says. The cop figures it's a cat and walks on to the sack with the redhead and kicks that one. "Woof, woof!" she says. The cop walks on to the third sack with the blond and kicks it.
"Po-Tay-Toe!" she shouts.

Philosopher's game

A philosopher is standing behind a desk with 3 red cups. As someone approaches it, he gets from his pocket a small piece of paper with just a small dot printed, hides it under one of the cups and shows that the other ones are empty. Then he shuffles the cups very fast and ask What's the point?

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

Arty

Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly m**... her for only a dollar."
Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:
ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE LOCAL MARKET

a brunette, ad red head, and a blonde escape from prison

The three ladies hatch a plot to escape from prison by hiding in a laundry truck. As soon as the truck stops, they jump out and make a run for it.
Being in the middle of nowhere they head for a plume of smoke that seems to be coming from a chimney.
Upon arriving at a farm, they hear sirens and dogs barking not far behind them.
In a panic, the ladies run into a barn and close the door.
Looking for a place to hide, they find three burlap sacks on the ground, and each one climbs inside a sack.
Hiding quietly, they hear the barn door open and the prison warden followed by three guards walk in.
the warden walks up to a sack and kicks it. the brunette inside yelps, "ruff, ruff, ruff!"
"eh, just some puppies" says the warden.
the warden walks up to the sack where the redhead is hiding, kicks it, and hears "meow, meow", and says "eh, just some kittens".
So he walks up to the sack where the blond is hiding, kicks it and hears "potatoes, potatoes!"

Where do you hide after a m**...?

Behind a badge.

A dad and his little son are on a train...

The son is looking out the window.The dad warns him that the wind will take his hat but the son doesn't care,so he takes his son's hat and hides it behind secretly.After a while the son turns back and asks,
-Where is my hat dad?
-The wind took it.
Answers the dad and the son begins to cry.The dad calms him down and says,
-Look,I know how to get your hat back.I will whistle and your hat will come back.
The dad whistles and takes the hat behind him and gives it to the son.
The son looks happy and surprised.He runs to his dad's wallet and throws it out the window and says,
-Do it again!

Another blonde joke

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are hiding from a farmer in a barn.

The brunette hides in a horse stable.

The red head hides behind a cow.

And the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes.

As the farmer walks up to the stable the brunette says "neiiigh". He goes to the cows and the red head goes "mooo". The blonde hears this and as the farmer approaches her corner of the barn she says "potato potato potato"

Two Russian sailors decide to quit drinking,

but they still have a bottle of v**... left, and they refuse to let it go to waste, so one says:" Anatoli, i shall hold the bottle in one hand behind my back, if you can guess which one, we will drink it, if not, i will throw it overboard." They agree on this. The first sailor hides the bottle, the second guesses:"Left!"
"Keep guessing, Anatoli, keep guessing."

After a long search, I finally found the French cologne I was looking for...

It was hiding behind the American cologne

What's white and hides behind a tree?

a shy milk.

Do you have a private part?

A woman hears someone knock at the door. She opens to see and a man asks, Do you have a private part?? She slams the door in disgust. The next day she hears a knock, opens up and it's the same man. He asks the same question the woman slams the door again.
Her husband gets home she tells him what happened for the last two days. The husband says to her, Honey I'm taking tomorrow off to be home just in case he shows up again.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and the husband says, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen. If it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to see where he is going with this. The man asks the same question, Do you have a private part? Yes! replies the woman. The man replies, Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's own alone and start using yours? .

What was in those drums of chemicals Captain Malcolm Reynolds hid behind in Firefly?

For-Mal-To-Hide.

You know who really did 9/11?

Sean Spicer. He was just hiding behind Bush.

Where's the best place to hide after committing m**...?

Behind a badge.

An inspector, making his rounds, inspects an elementary school.

One teacher says to her class, "Treat him like you would the President of the United States." Sure enough, later that day, the inspector walks in to see how the lesson is doing. Just then, one of the students gets up, stomps over to the inspector, punches him in the gut, nicks his phone, and hides behind a curtain.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouts the teacher.
The kid says, "Deleting Twitter."

Are you looking for trouble?!

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide and seek.

Einstein starts counting to ten.
Pascal runs to a nearby bush and hides.
Newton stands right behind Einstein, takes out a chalk, and draws a perfect one meter by one meter square on the ground around himself.
As Einstein reaches 10, he says,
"Ready or not, I'm coming to you! Or, in my frame of reference, *you're* coming to *me*!"
He turns around and sees Newton, so he yells,
"Haha! I've found Newton!"
Newton replies,
"Nah, you found a Newton over a square meter, that's Pascal!"

What is huge and hides behind 56 teeth?

Deez nuts

Police chase

So a blonde, brunette, and redhead have just robbed a bank and are running from the cops, and they decide to ditch their car and hide in a barn.
The redhead hides behind a horse
The brunette behind a cow
And the blonde behind a rather large sack of potatoes.
As the cops come in, they investigate the stalls and first come to the horse stall
The redhead makes a neighhhhhh and the cops move one
They get to the cow stall, where the brunette goes moooooo
And when they get to the blondes stall, she has to think quick in order to save the group, so she simply replies poooootaaaaaatoooooo

Isaac newton, pascal, and Einstein are playing hide and seek.

They decide that Einstein is to count. He closes his eyes and slowly starts to count to ten. Pascal immediately takes off and hides behind a tree. Sir Isaac Newton calmly crouches down and draws a 1*1 meter square on the ground, and then steps onto it.
When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Isaac Newton, and calls "I found you!" Newton says:
"You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter! You found Pascal!"

I lost my wife yesterday...

It's okay, I found her hiding behind the couch after a while.

Mind Your Own Business

Somebody once told me that if I wanted to have s**..., it would be rude to leave things behind

So I had to hide the receipts

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

A guy walks into a bar...

…And says to the bartender, *knock-knock*!
The bartender says, What, is that some kind of joke?
The guy replies, Take my wife, please!
The bartender yells, I've had it!
He storms out from behind the bar and kicks the duck and talking dog.
The blonde looks up in surprise and hides behind the priest.
The bartender grabs the rabbi instead and throws him out, hitting the blind guy heading in.
The bartender hops on the horse and rides off.
A time traveler walks into a bar.

m**... and Trouble are playing hide and seek

m**... goes and hide behind a police car. The ploice officer asks: "What is your name kid?" "m**..." says m**.... To which the officer awnsers: "are you looking for trouble?" "No, sir. Trouble's looking for me!

I was on the phone to a woman from the babestation channel. I said "Can you hide behind the couch?" Confused, she asked "Why?"

I said "Because my wife is coming downstairs and I can't find the remote."

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a s**...."

A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.

It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his c**..., while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "

Moth Inspector

A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks around, and sees a big bulge in the curtains, and a pair of feet sticking out underneath. He whips the curtains open, and says, "Who the h**... are you?"
The man says, "I'm the moth inspector."
The husband says, "Moth inspector? Why are you n**...?"
The man looks down and says, "d**.... I'm too late."