Hideous Jokes
20 hideous jokes and hilarious hideous puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hideous that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you brave enough to face the hideous laughter? This article explores the Hideous Laughter 5e spell which can leave even the bravest of creature's screaming in terror. Find out how to use this monstrous spell to your advantage with ghastly examples of naked creatures running away in fear!
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Funniest Hideous Short Jokes
Short hideous jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hideous humour may include short horrific jokes also.
- While going to sleep, my roommate always says that there is a hideous monster under his bed. We have a bunk bed.
- A hideously ugly man with a parrot on his shoulder walk into a bar... The bartender asks "does the animal speak?"
The parrot replies "I don't know."
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Hideous One Liners
Which hideous one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hideous? I can suggest the ones about awful and horrible.
- How come we never see hideous fish men around any more? Dagon.
- I'll never watch women's powerlifting again. I saw some truly hideous snatches.
Laughable Hideous Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about hideous you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean atrocious jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hideous pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This hideous woman came stumbling up to me in a club with whiskey breath. She leaned into my ear.
"s**...?" she asked.
"Male," I replied.
A man is sitting on a train with a baby, who is very ugly.
In fact, the baby is so ugly that a nearby passenger says,
What a hideous baby.
I've never been so insulted in my whole life, the man says, and
hurries to the train conductor to complain.
I'm so sorry, sir, the train conductor says, when the man tells her
he was insulted so terribly. I apologise on behalf of the railway
company.
Please allow me to move you to the first-class cabin, where you
can enjoy a free glass of champagne and I will try to find some cheese for your pet rat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Complimenting the wife
An Irish man's wife is standing n**... in front of the mirror, looking at her body and feeling distraught by what she sees.
"Oh p**..., look at me! I'm hideous! I'm overweight, me t**... are saggy and me hair's starting to go grey.
"Could you please pay me a compliment to make me feel better about meself?"
p**... looks up from his book and says to his wife,
"Ah well... at least we know ye have perfect eyesight!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Failed DIY project
I thought it would be cool to tar up my driveway, but it ended up looking hideous. Can't even blame anyone, it's my own s**... asphalt.
Local police have reported finding a body in the river. They say it's hideous, bloated and the smell is indescribable. It's ruin of a face is reportedly the stuff of nightmares. Obviously I'm really worried.
Just drop me a text and let me know you're okay.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that excessive consumption of raw egg white can cause brittle hair, rashes, fungal infection, and anemia...
I then imagined the hairless, hideous, and weak beast Gaston should have looked like.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't even know what ugly is anymore, I've thought some dude was alright looking, but a friend said she thought he was hideous
I should add we were looking into a mirror at that time
A couple who had two beautiful daughters decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant and was
happy to deliver a baby boy.
The father raced to the hospital to see his new
son, but was horrified to find an incredibly ugly
baby.
He said to his wife, "I cannot possibly be the
Father of that hideous child. Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered."
His wife blushed and the husband became suspicious. "Have you been with another man?" he said.
His wife admitted, "Not this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A l**... walks into a bar & tells the bartender...
A l**... walks into a bar & tells the bartender "I know I'm disgusting looking but If you could please serve me a scotch I'd be grateful, I'll leave if I'm too much to stomach." Bartender says "No problem, as long as your paying I'll pour."
So the bartender pours the l**... a drink & then starts gagging. the l**... say's he'll leave but the bartender says "No it's ok." So the l**... orders another scotch & the bartender pours the drink then vomits. the l**... says "you don't have to pretend I'm not hideous I can leave." The bartender shakes his head & says " what you look like isn't a big deal, but the guy next to you keeps dipping his chips in your arm."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mother went into a coma after giving birth to twins
When she woke up after 6 months and 3 days, the doctor told the mother: "While you were in a coma, we had your brother name your children. One is a boy, one is a girl."
The mother, with a disappointed and angry look on her face told the doctor: "Why my brother? That guy is an idiot. So what did he name them?"
The mother, expecting hideous names, prepared herself.
"The girl, was named Denise." The mother thought, "Hey that wasn't so bad. What about my boy?"
The doctor said, "Denephew".
Fooling Around On Me?
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
His wife confessed, "Not this time."
Three men walk into heaven after death and find there is only one rule.
There are ducks running around everywhere, and God tells them that the only rule is to not step on any ducks. You must watch your step wherever you go. The punishment of stepping in a duck is that you are forced to marry someone hideous.
The three men begin to like heaven. They are roaming around when the first man hears a loud, pained quack and discovers he had accidentally stepped on a duck. The next day, he finds that God was serious about the rule, and was forced to marry an very unattractive woman.
The next day, the second man went off on his own. He was daydreaming, and accidentally stepped on a duck. He, too, was made to marry a very ugly woman.
When the two men were lamenting over their punishments, they found their friend with a beautiful supermodel wearing a wedding dress. They go up to God ask how he got to marry such a beautiful women.
"Because, she stepped on a duck."
The metamorphosis
One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"
Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transformed into a giant beetle, six legs and antenna and all. She cries "Oh papa, papa. Come look at what has happened to our dear boy"
The father comes into the room. Takes a look at his only son. Runs to open a window, grabs his son's aquarium full of his favorite sea invertebrates and throws the whole thing out the window. "Papa!" his daughter asks "Why did you do that?"
He replies "With Franz like this, who needs anemones?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bartender notices a hideous man at the bar surrounded by several hot women...
...the bartender said to him, "please don't get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn't help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I've seen. In fact, you are quite ugly. Now normally, I would think that these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you're dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it's not the money. Tell me, sir what is it about you that attracts all these b**...?"
The man paused a moment, licked his eyebrows, and said, " I haven't the faintest idea."
