Uproarious Hide Jokes to Share with Friends
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.
Einstein counts down while the two hide. Pascal immediately runs for it, but Newton just draws a square around himself and stands there.
As he turns around he proclaims "Found you, Newton!"
"No, you found one Newton on a square-metre. You found Pascal."
I am trying to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it is turning out to be really difficult.
Good players are hard to find.
Hooker
Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."
How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
Two gay guys live together
The first guy says, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."
The second guys says, "What if I can't find you?"
He says, "I'll be behind the piano."
Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?
Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...
The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her bondage and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her bondage and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.
They're going to be called Shatner Pants.
Why don't orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Hide and seek.
A girl was teaching a boy about her own rules at hide and seek: "If you can find me in 20 minutes, you may hold my hand. If you can find me in 10 minutes, you may kiss me. If you can find me in 2, you may do whatever you want to me, and I always hide behind the fridge."
Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler....
The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"
You can explore hide camouflage reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean hide lurk dad jokes. There are also hide puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Where do you hide after a murder?
Behind a badge.
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek
Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"
How do you hide money from a Republican?
Put it in a science textbook.
Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek
Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."
I've been trying to hide my erectile dysfunction from my girlfriend...
But I just don't think I can keep it up for much longer.
Nerd joke.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...
Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"
Little Johnny skipped school one day...
and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny's parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home. When he saw the teacher coming he said "Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren't here. "No," Little Johnny replied "you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your funeral."
Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
I'm having trouble organizing a Hide and Seek league.
Good players are hard to find.
Having sex with you is like playing hide and seek
After the first 60 seconds you yell "ready or not, here I come!"
Losing game pieces sucks...
Especially when it's hide and seek...
I'll never forget you, Brian..
A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff
I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'.
A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor
So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"
If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side…
…at least you can hide your own Easter Eggs.
Why is it best to wear leather when sneaking around?
It's made of hide
What can't you hide in a basement full of dead hookers?
My erection
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.
Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek
While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"
Where do you hide after killing a black person?
behind a badge
Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains?
Mountains peak.
To the handicapped guy who stole my bag
You can hide but you can't run
How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders
1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop
Now, no one will open internet explorer!
To the guy in a wheelchair that stole my phone
You can hide but you can't run
Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?
In the ICU.
Skipping School
Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"
It confuses me why people feel comfortable with government surveillance as they have nothing to hide, so nothing to fear ....
….but get really scared when I ask them to take their clothes off.
Why is leather armor the best for being stealthy?
It's made of hide.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal...
... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"
What's the safest place to hide a dead body?
Page 2 of Google search.
My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me.
His record is 20 years and still counting.
Why is leather armour better for sneaking than steel armour?
Leather armour is made of hide.
Where's the best place to hide after committing murder?
Behind a badge.
My dad and I play hide and seek all the time. My record was 3 hours until my dad found me.
His record is 20 years and still counting.
I saw my girlfriend midway through sex with another guy.
So I pulled up my pants and told him to hide.
What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?
They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek
Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.
- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.
Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking?
Because it's made of hide.
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...
You can hide, but you can't run.
Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek?
He comes out at the wrong time.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
Why does leather armour help the wearer be stealthy?
Because it's made of hide.
Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.
The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"
Yo mama is so fat..
..when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
how do you catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek?
Because nobody is looking for them.
Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler
So that the neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"
Also, so that I can still take her breath away, after all these years...
I'm trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy.
Good players are hard to find.
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but failed.
Good players are hard to find.
Leather armor is perfect for sneaking
Its literally made of hide.
Little Emily went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them. Mum said, "You should say "No", they only want to look at your knickers."
Emily said, "I know they do. That's why I hide them in my bag"!
Stastistics are like bikinis.
What they reveal is interesting; what they hide is critical
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
To the guy in the wheelchair that stole my camo suit.
You can hide but you cant run.
Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet
There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.
As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.
The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"
The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"
He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.
Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"
The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"
He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it
"Potato Potato"
This hideous woman came stumbling up to me in a club with whiskey breath. She leaned into my ear.
"Sex?" she asked.
"Male," I replied.
Last night my wife asked me if I wanted to dress up as a clown, hide in the drains and scare her
but I didn't really feel like It.
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket
You can hide but you can't run
I saw a guy in a wheelchair wearing a camo outfit
I thought, man you can hide but you can't run.
What's the worst place to hide in a hospital?
The ICU
For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries!
(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)
Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ?
The ICU
Here's a trilogy of jokes
You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree?
Because they are good at it.
Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the forest?
Giraffes eating cherries
My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body...
I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
Bondage is so much easier now we're older. I used to have to blindfold her.
Now I just hide her glasses.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries
How do you hide an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Paint it's toenails red.
Don't believe me? Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Women can hide the fact they are horny…
Us guys stick out
Putin's inner circle is trying to hide the news that the war isn't going well in parts of Ukraine from him...
They have a very strict Donetsk-don't-tell policy.
A bunch of functions are drinking in bar...
When someone yells "A differential is coming!" All the functions panic and try to hide, except e^x . One of the functions asked "e^x , why aren't you hiding from the differential?" To which it responded "I'm e^x , a differential can't do anything to me!" At that point, the differential walked in and overheard e^x 's arrogant claims to which the differential said "Ah but you see, I differentiate with respect to **y**"
I'm not proud. Learned this from a TA in Diff Eq in college.
First thing I do when I clock in to work is hide
They say a good worker is hard to find and I'm a damn good worker
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
-So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
-A giraffe eating cherries.
A soldier is running from the military police.
Just in time he sees a Nun and asks if he can hide under her dress explaining that he doesn't want to get sent to Afghanistan. She agrees and he is able to outwit the MP. When he crawls out he says you have a really nice pair of legs sister. The Nun says, yeah and if you had looked up, you'd have seen that I have a really nice pair or balls too, I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.
Everytime I go to work, I hide because..
Good employees are hard to find
My short friend has been trying to hide the fact they changed their gender AND had a kid
Personally, I think they're a little transparent.
