Hide Jokes
160 hide jokes and hilarious hide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article offers a unique perspective on the game of hide and seek. Learn how to hide behind objects, run and camouflage yourself as a fugitive to stay hidden and win the game. Tips and tricks on how to stay hidden from the seeker are included.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Hide Short Jokes
Short hide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hide humour may include short reveal jokes also.
- Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in tree? Because they're so good at it!
Please don't ban me - My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
- Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ? The ICU
- Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler.... The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"
- My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body... I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
- What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common? They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
- My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me. His record is 20 years and still counting.
- I'm trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy. Good players are hard to find.
- My dad and I play hide and seek all the time. My record was 3 hours until my dad found me. His record is 20 years and still counting.
- A man was recently arrested after being found hiding in a wardrobe. When the police asked him what he was doing there, he said 'Narnia business'.
Share These Hide Jokes With Friends
Hide One Liners
Which hide one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hide? I can suggest the ones about conceal and invisible.
- Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
- TIFU by hiding in poison oak Whoops, wrong shrub
- Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? They are really good at it.
- Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.
- Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room? You're not alone.
- Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains? Mountains peak.
- Why don't orphans play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them.
- Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek? He comes out at the wrong time.
- What's the safest place to hide a dead body? Page 2 of Google search.
- Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek? Because nobody is looking for them.
- How do you hide money from a Republican? Put it in a science textbook.
- how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
- Why do easter eggs hide? Because they're little chickens.
- What do you call a blonde in a closet? Last years hide and seek champion
- Why do accordionists never play hide and seek? They’re always found out.
Hide Seek Jokes
Here is a list of funny hide seek jokes and even better hide seek puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was double majoring in cloning and hide-and-seek But I had to take a year off to find myself.
- Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ? No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
- I think my dad and I have the best relationship ever We've been playing Hide n Seek for nearly 22 years and I still can't find him!
- Why did Loki throw a tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek? Because he was a Thor loser
- Sleeping with my wife is like playing Hide-and-Seek... I close my eyes, count to ten and say, "Ready or not, here I come."
- My idea of starting a professional Hide and Seek tournament was a total disaster. Good players are hard to find.
- What's a skeleton in a closet? A hide and seek winner.
- Why don't ladybugs play hide and seek? They always get spotted!
- Why do tigers always beat cheetahs at hide-and-seek? They've never been spotted.
- What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? Last year's winner of hide and seek
Hide And Seek Jokes
Here is a list of funny hide and seek jokes and even better hide and seek puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I played hide seek as a kid and the ultimate winner hid so good we never found him. Years later they found him under a pile of dirt Turns out He won by a landslide
- When I was younger my parents used to play hide and seek with me. It's been 30 years and I still haven't found my dad.
- Came out to my parents at Christmas. Later that day my nephew asked to play hide and go seek. Now I'm back in the closet.
- Why don't husbands play hide and seek on Karwa Chauth? Because good luck hiding when your wife hasn't eaten all day!
- What do you call a skeleton with blonde hair in a closet? Last year's winner of the blonde "hide and go seek" contest
- Animals in the jungle played hide and seek, and always… the leopard was spotted!
- Have you heard about the champion of hide and seek? Me Neither
- I won a game of hide and seek at the airport. I was hidden in plane sight.
- Why are snakes so bad at playing hide-and-seek? Because of their inability to count.
- Have you heard of the new senior board game? It's called "Alzhimers Hide 'N Seek".
It's single-player.
Hide Behind Jokes
Here is a list of funny hide behind jokes and even better hide behind puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In a dangerous situation, I'd always put my children first. I do this because I have a crippling habit of hiding behind my mistakes.
- I finally found my niche She was hiding behind the coush.
- After years of searching, scientists have finally found the gene for shyness... ...hiding behind two other genes.
- Behind every successful man is a woman. This game of hide and seek has been going on for too long...
- My wife broke out into tears. "I don't know what you're doing behind my back..." "Well...yes. That's sort of how hide and seek works," I replied.
- Why is the Easter bunny the poorest animal in the world? He carries his tail behind, has to hide his eggs and can only come once a year.
- Dad Joke "Hey dad, why are you hiding behind that bush with a poncho?"
"Shh, you'll blow my cover!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm in wetness protection"
....
"Whatever, dad" - What was in those drums of chemicals Captain Malcolm Reynolds hid behind in Firefly? For-Mal-To-Hide.
- After a long search, I finally found the French cologne I was looking for... It was hiding behind the American cologne
- I'm a killer, but there is one place I would not like to hide in. Behind bars.
Uproarious Hide Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about hide you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean display jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hide pranks.
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**...
Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a h**... before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."
How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two gay guys live together
The first guy says, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."
The second guys says, "What if I can't find you?"
He says, "I'll be behind the piano."
A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.
"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"
Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?
Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...
The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"
Why are hipsters such great assassins?
Because they hide the bodies in places no one has ever heard of.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?
To hide his b**....
William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.
They're going to be called Shatner Pants.
I just got dumped.
That's the last time I hide in her trash can.
A Child Didn't Attend School
Late afternoon, the grandma saw the teacher walking up their driveway. She asked her grandson, "Did you leave school early today?" He hung his head and admitted, "Yes Grandma." The grandma thought it was hilarious and assured him saying she would tell the teacher that she hadn't seen him all day. "Maybe you should go hide," she suggested. "Oh no, Grandma. *You* should hide, not me!" Surprised, she asked why. The grandson said, "I told the teacher you died!"
Cheese Jokes
Q:What type of cheese do you use if you need to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone
Q:What type of cheese do you use to make a Polar Bear come to you?
A:Camembert
Q: What type of cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam
Q:What type of cheese doesnt belong to you?
A: Nacho Cheese
Jehovah's Witness
I was just wondering………..if a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to heaven and knocks on heaven's door….. does Saint Peter answer the door or does he hide like the rest of us???
Hide and seek.
A girl was teaching a boy about her own rules at hide and seek: "If you can find me in 20 minutes, you may hold my hand. If you can find me in 10 minutes, you may kiss me. If you can find me in 2, you may do whatever you want to me, and I always hide behind the fridge."
If I have three bags of sour skittles and a child steals one bag of my sour skittles. What will I have at the end of the day?
Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the elephant paint the bottom of its feet yellow?
So it could hide in a bowl of custard.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a bowl of custard? No?
That means it's working, the crafty b**....
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek
Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"
Doctor says, "I've got good news and bad news…"
The bad news is that you have Alzheimer's.
The good news is now you can hide your own Easter eggs!
I've been trying to hide my erectile dysfunction from my girlfriend...
But I just don't think I can keep it up for much longer.
My friend and I are going to see a movie.
As we enter the theatre, we see a sign that says "no food or drink permitted."
Quietly I say, "I have a way to get around this."
To which he says, "How? It's not like we have a purse or huge pockets to hide things in."
I replied, "I've got a couple Twix up my sleeves."
Three slabs of concrete walk into a bar
They sit down, order drinks and start bragging about how strong they are. As they're doing this a small bit of green tarmac walks in and they hide under the table as it orders its drink.
When it leaves they all get up and the barman asks them
"What's up with you guys? I thought all of you were tough."
"Oh, we're tough," they said, "but he's a cycle path."
If Jesus is always walking with me in my life, then when I look back, why do I only see one set of footprints?
Sandpeople always travel single file to hide their numbers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny skipped school one day...
and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny's parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home. When he saw the teacher coming he said "Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren't here. "No," Little Johnny replied "you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your f**...."
You know what the best thing about Alzheimer's is?
You can hide your own Easter eggs.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.
They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.
The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.
The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.
The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having s**... with you is like playing hide and seek
After the first 60 seconds you yell "ready or not, here I come!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A soldier is running from Military Police. He runs up to a nun, and asks, out of breath: "Please... may I hide under your tunic?"
..."I'll explain later."
The nun nods in agreement.
A moment later, two Military Police officers show up and ask:
"Sister, have you seen a soldier here?"
The nun shakes her head. MPs run off, and the soldier crawls out from under her tunic and says, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria. I want to return to my family..."
The nun nods and smiles.
The soldier, relieved, adds jokingly: "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun smiles, and replies in a deep voice "Well lad, if you had looked a bit higher, you would've seen a great pair of b**...… guess we're both not going to Syria."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Losing game pieces s**......
Especially when it's hide and seek...
I'll never forget you, Brian..
A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff
I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'.
A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor
So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"
Why do rogues wear leather armoe?
Because it's made of hide.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What can't you hide in a basement full of dead h**...?
My e**...
How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders
1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop
Now, no one will open internet explorer!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To the guy in a wheelchair that stole my phone
You can hide but you can't run
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
now if i were a diamond ring, where would i hide ...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Skipping School
Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out o**... Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.
It was all just smoke and mirrors.
I saw a climate scientist eating pasta out of a pink leather bowl
He was eating carb on dyed ox hide
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where's the best place to hide after committing m**...?
Behind a badge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw my girlfriend midway through s**... with another guy.
So I pulled up my pants and told him to hide.
Why can't Dalmatians hide?
Because they're always spotted!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...
You can hide, but you can't run.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
A paraplegic stole my camo shirt
You can hide but you can't run!
Where is the best place to hide if you are running from the police
Rick astleys house he's never gonna give you up
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife walked in on me m**......
I tried to hide what I was doing and quickly changed the TV channel but it switched to a programme about disfigured babies. She saw what I was doing and saw what was on TV, so now she thinks I get turned on by disfigured babies. I mean, how unlucky is that? The same programme being on at the same time on two different channels!
Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.
The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"
What's the best thing about having alzeimhers disease?
You can hide your own easter eggs
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To that cow that escaped while i was skinning it alive
You can run but you can't hide
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...
Where would you hide it?
To the person who has stolen my 5 tonne concrete boots and my invisibility cloak...
You can't run but you can hide
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where's the safest place to hide after shooting someone?
Behind your badge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've never tried to hide my s**... change from my kids.
I'm very trans parent about it.
Little Emily went home from school and told her mum that the boys kept asking her to do cartwheels because she's very good at them. Mum said, "You should say "No", they only want to look at your knickers."
Emily said, "I know they do. That's why I hide them in my bag"!
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Trump and o**... Bin Laden have in common?
They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 reasons why my parents are bad at hide and seek.
1. They always hide in their bedroom.
2. They make too much noise.
3. my dad takes a pill that makes him think he is invisible and proceeds to take off his clothes
