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Hide Jokes

160 hide jokes and hilarious hide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article offers a unique perspective on the game of hide and seek. Learn how to hide behind objects, run and camouflage yourself as a fugitive to stay hidden and win the game. Tips and tricks on how to stay hidden from the seeker are included.

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Popular Hide Short Jokes

Short hide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hide humour may include short hidden jokes also.

  1. Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in tree? Because they're so good at it!
    Please don't ban me
  2. My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
  3. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
  4. Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ? The ICU
  5. Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler.... The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"
  6. My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body... I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
  7. What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common? They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.
  8. My dad and I play hide and seek a lot to beat each other's record. My record is 2 hours until he found me. His record is 20 years and still counting.
  9. Why is leather armour better for sneaking than steel armour? Leather armour is made of hide.
  10. My wife found out I was cheating My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding…
    She got mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me ever again!!

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Hide One Liners

Which hide one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hide? I can suggest the ones about hiding and reveal.

  1. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket You can hide but you can't run
  2. Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
  3. TIFU by hiding in poison oak Whoops, wrong shrub
  4. Why does leather armour help the wearer be stealthy? Because it's made of hide.
  5. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? They are really good at it.
  6. Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.
  7. Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room? You're not alone.
  8. Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital? In the ICU.
  9. Why is leather armor the best for being stealthy? It's made of hide.
  10. Why is it best to wear leather when sneaking around? It's made of hide
  11. Where do you hide after killing a black person? behind a badge
  12. Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains? Mountains peak.
  13. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag You can hide but you can't run
  14. Why don't orphans play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them.
  15. Why is Kevin Spacey bad at hide and seek? He comes out at the wrong time.

Hide And Seek Jokes

Here is a list of funny hide and seek jokes and even better hide and seek puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm trying to organize a Hide and Seek tournament for a while, but it is not easy. Good players are hard to find.
  • My dad and I play hide and seek all the time. My record was 3 hours until my dad found me. His record is 20 years and still counting.
  • Why do women over 30 stop playing hide and seek? Because nobody is looking for them.
  • I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but failed. Good players are hard to find.
  • I'm having trouble organizing a Hide and Seek league. Good players are hard to find.
  • I am trying to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it is turning out to be really difficult. Good players are hard to find.
  • I was double majoring in cloning and hide-and-seek But I had to take a year off to find myself.
  • Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ? No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
  • What do you call a blonde in a closet? Last years hide and seek champion
  • I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament. But good players are hard to find.

Hide Seek Jokes

Here is a list of funny hide seek jokes and even better hide seek puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I think my dad and I have the best relationship ever We've been playing Hide n Seek for nearly 22 years and I still can't find him!
  • Why should women over 30 never play hide and seek? Because no one is looking for them
  • Why don’t accordion players ever get to play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding with that thing.
  • Been trying to organize a local hide and seek competition, but it's been quite difficult. Good players are just hard to find.
  • Why do accordionists never play hide and seek? They’re always found out.
  • Why did Loki throw a tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek? Because he was a Thor loser
  • I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game But good players are hard to find
  • Sleeping with my wife is like playing Hide-and-Seek... I close my eyes, count to ten and say, "Ready or not, here I come."
  • My idea of starting a professional Hide and Seek tournament was a total disaster. Good players are hard to find.
  • What's a skeleton in a closet? A hide and seek winner.
Hide joke, What's a skeleton in a closet?

Hide Behind Jokes

Here is a list of funny hide behind jokes and even better hide behind puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • how do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
  • Where is the best place to hide after killing someone? Behind a badge..
  • Yo Mama so fat, You can hide behind her back and still be visible... Because of Gravitational Lensing.
  • Where's the safest place to hide after shooting someone? Behind your badge.
  • Why do you never see an elephant hiding behind a tree? Because they're very good at it
  • Wheres the best place to hide after shooting a black guy? behind a badge
  • Where do you hide when you kill a black guy? Behind a badge
  • In a dangerous situation, I'd always put my children first. I do this because I have a crippling habit of hiding behind my mistakes.
  • Where do you hide if you kill a black man? Behind a badge.
  • How do you catch a rabbit? Hide behind a tree and make carrot sounds.
Hide joke, How do you catch a rabbit?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about hide can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of hide puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uproarious Hide Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about hide you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean conceal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make hide prank.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein counts down while the two hide. Pascal immediately runs for it, but Newton just draws a square around himself and stands there.
As he turns around he proclaims "Found you, Newton!"
"No, you found one Newton on a square-metre. You found Pascal."

Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...

The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".

h**...

Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a h**... before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."

How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.

Two gay guys live together

The first guy says, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll hide, and if you find me I'll blow you."
The second guys says, "What if I can't find you?"
He says, "I'll be behind the piano."

A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.

"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"

Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?

Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

Why are hipsters such great assassins?

Because they hide the bodies in places no one has ever heard of.

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his b**....

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

A Child Didn't Attend School

Late afternoon, the grandma saw the teacher walking up their driveway. She asked her grandson, "Did you leave school early today?" He hung his head and admitted, "Yes Grandma." The grandma thought it was hilarious and assured him saying she would tell the teacher that she hadn't seen him all day. "Maybe you should go hide," she suggested. "Oh no, Grandma. *You* should hide, not me!" Surprised, she asked why. The grandson said, "I told the teacher you died!"

Jehovah's Witness


I was just wondering………..if a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to heaven and knocks on heaven's door….. does Saint Peter answer the door or does he hide like the rest of us???

Hide and seek.

A girl was teaching a boy about her own rules at hide and seek: "If you can find me in 20 minutes, you may hold my hand. If you can find me in 10 minutes, you may kiss me. If you can find me in 2, you may do whatever you want to me, and I always hide behind the fridge."

If I have three bags of sour skittles and a child steals one bag of my sour skittles. What will I have at the end of the day?

Three bags of skittles and a small body to hide.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

3 bags.

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are all being chased by soldiers, they all run into a Barn and hide in big burlap sacks. The soldier walk in and hunt for them, they poke the first bag and the Scotsman says "Meow!" so they pass it off as a bag of kittens. They poke the second pack and the Englishman says "Woof!" so they pass it off as a bag of puppies. They poke the third bag and the Irishman says "Potatoes!"

Totally Nerdy Joke: Einstein, Newton, and Pascal playing hide and seek

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It's einstein's turn to count. Pascal runs away and hides under some bushes. Newton draws a large box in the dirt and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting, sees Newton and declares "Aha! Newton, I found you!" Newton replies "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal."

Where do you hide after a m**...?

Behind a badge.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek

Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot.
"I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein.
"You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!"

How do you hide money from a Republican?

Put it in a science textbook.

Where is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of a Google result.

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."

I've been trying to hide my erectile dysfunction from my girlfriend...

But I just don't think I can keep it up for much longer.

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims Newton! I found you! You're it! Newton replies You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

Einstein is it and starts counting. Pascal immediately runs off and hides. Newton just stands there and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square and sits there waiting for Einstein to finish counting. When Einstein finishes counting, he immediately sees Newton, exclaiming, "You're it!" Newton only smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

Three slabs of concrete walk into a bar

They sit down, order drinks and start bragging about how strong they are. As they're doing this a small bit of green tarmac walks in and they hide under the table as it orders its drink.
When it leaves they all get up and the barman asks them
"What's up with you guys? I thought all of you were tough."
"Oh, we're tough," they said, "but he's a cycle path."

Little Johnny skipped school one day...

and since his house was next to his school, the teacher decided to visit Little Johnny's parents the next day after school, but his granddad was the only adult home. When he saw the teacher coming he said "Johnny! Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you aren't here. "No," Little Johnny replied "you go hide. I told the teacher that I went to your f**...."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.
The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.
The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.
The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"

Leather jackets are great for sneaking up on people.

They're made of hide.

Having s**... with you is like playing hide and seek

After the first 60 seconds you yell "ready or not, here I come!"

A soldier is running from Military Police. He runs up to a nun, and asks, out of breath: "Please... may I hide under your tunic?"

..."I'll explain later."
The nun nods in agreement.
A moment later, two Military Police officers show up and ask:
"Sister, have you seen a soldier here?"
The nun shakes her head. MPs run off, and the soldier crawls out from under her tunic and says, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria. I want to return to my family..."
The nun nods and smiles.
The soldier, relieved, adds jokingly: "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun smiles, and replies in a deep voice "Well lad, if you had looked a bit higher, you would've seen a great pair of b**...… guess we're both not going to Syria."

Losing game pieces s**......

Especially when it's hide and seek...
I'll never forget you, Brian..

A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff

I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'.

A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor

So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"

If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side…

…at least you can hide your own Easter Eggs.

What can't you hide in a basement full of dead h**...?

My e**...

Why do elephants paint their t**... red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.

Newton, Einstein and Pascal are playing hide and seek

While Einstein is counting down from 100, Pascal runs and hides. Newton stands in pain view, and carefully measures out a meter square, then stands in it.
When Einstein turns around, he exclaims "Newton you're supposed to hide so I can't find you" . Newton replies "you found a Newton over a square meter, you found a Pascal"

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop
Now, no one will open internet explorer!

To the guy in a wheelchair that stole my phone

You can hide but you can't run

Skipping School

Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"

It confuses me why people feel comfortable with government surveillance as they have nothing to hide, so nothing to fear ....

….but get really scared when I ask them to take their clothes off.

My best friend tried to hide his drug dealing through a fake tobacco company and glass manufacturer.

It was all just smoke and mirrors.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

What's the safest place to hide a dead body?

Page 2 of Google search.

Where's the best place to hide after committing m**...?

Behind a badge.

I saw my girlfriend midway through s**... with another guy.

So I pulled up my pants and told him to hide.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!

My wife walked in on me m**......

I tried to hide what I was doing and quickly changed the TV channel but it switched to a programme about disfigured babies. She saw what I was doing and saw what was on TV, so now she thinks I get turned on by disfigured babies. I mean, how unlucky is that? The same programme being on at the same time on two different channels!

Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.

The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"

Yo mama is so fat..

..when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Why do easter eggs hide?

Because they're little chickens.

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So that the neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"
Also, so that I can still take her breath away, after all these years...

Leather armor is perfect for sneaking

Its literally made of hide.

Hide joke, Leather armor is perfect for sneaking

jokes about hide

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these hide jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.