Hid Jokes
90 hid jokes and hilarious hid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hid Short Jokes
Short hid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hid humour may include short sacks jokes also.
- Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today... And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
- My favourite childhood memory was making sandcastles with my grandfather. Until my mother hid his urn away from me.
Credit. Sandi Toksvig - My fondest Childhood memory was making Sand castle with Grandma. Until my mother hid the Urn.
- My teenage son recently started asking me awkward questions about the human body.... I should've probably hid it better...
- My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with my grandpa. Then my mom hid the urn from me.
- My fondest memory when I was a kid was building sandcastles with my grandpa. I really enjoyed it until the day my mom hid the urn from me.
- Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ? No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
- Who was the most racist president? Bill Clinton. He hid from the black guy in between the Bushes.
- My new and 100% original (and truly terrible) COVID pirate joke... How did the pirates manage to avoid the pandemic?
They cove-hid. - There are 3 perks of having Alzheimer 1. You can make new friends every day.
2. You can look for the Easter eggs you hid yourself.
3. You can make new friends every day.
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Hid One Liners
Which hid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hid? I can suggest the ones about hide and disguise.
- Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese? Because he's not a rat.
- When I'm bored... I text a random number and say "I hid the body now what".
- A panda once hid his food in order to get more. The zookeepers were bamboozeled.
- I hid some cheese under my bed the other day. I heard that's where Munster's hide
- My girlfriend asked me to take her breath away. So I hid her inhaler.
- Big Foot discovered Chuck Norris and hid in the forest.
- Dinner hid in a network of tunnels Time for dungeonist crab!
- Easter is on April Fools this year Tell your kids to go hunt for eggs you never hid
- How can you tell that pirates hid the communist manifesto Because an "X" Marx the spot
- I thought someone hid something in my bag of chips... But I got to the bottom of it.
- I saw my wife in Walmart... After that I hid the pieces in the frozen.
- How did I get away with killing a black man? I hid behind a badge.
- I got caught stealing paint. I thought I hid it pretty well, but I was caught red handed.
- Yo mama so fat... Smaug hid all his treasure inside of her.
- Did you hear about the man who hid in the refrigerator? He thought he would be cool.
Unearthly Funniest Hid Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about hid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ran jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hid pranks.
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
A man goes for confession ...
The priest says Tell me son why are you here
Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.
The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?
Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.
This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.
The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?
Farmer and Son
A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
My Grandmother found and flushed my w**... so, I hid her weelchair......
Now neither of us are rolling
Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.
One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him.
There once was a woman who had 100 children....
She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.
A men goes to a priest...
-Father, I am a sinner...-
-So, what you've dove?-
-I hid a jew in my basement during the second world war.-
-But this one isn't a sin, it's a very honorable thing.-
-I made him pay 300 pounds a month-
-Well, those are a lot of money but you saved him so you can go and may God be with you.-
-Ok then but... should i tell him that the war is over?-
An old man goes to confession..
An old German man goes to confession one Sunday. He enters the confession, sits down and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, and I want to confess". The Priest says "Well my child, what are your sins?". The old man responds "During the war I hid a young Jewish woman from the n**... in return for s**... favours". The Priest, while surprised, says "It was a difficult time, you risked your life to help this woman despite the immoral exchange". "I understand that father" the old man says "But, do you think I should tell her the war is over?".
Courtesy of my Dad!
Men's Help Line
MEN"S HELP LINE, "Hello, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
Caller: "Hi, Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her p**... out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
WAR BOARDER
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.
So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?
I played hide seek as a kid and the ultimate winner hid so good we never found him. Years later they found him under a pile of dirt
Turns out He won by a landslide
My favourite childhood memory is making mud pies with my grandad.
Until mom found out and hid the urn.
Why is Darth Vader's helmet so p**...?
...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.
An old farmer writes his son...
An old farmer writes his son (who is in prison) a letter and he tells his son that he won't be planting potatoes this year because there is no way he can dig up the field by himself. His son writes back and tells his his dad that there's no way he can dig up the field cause that's where he hid all the money he stole. Well, the cops read that letter and the next day the cops sure dug up that field good and proper. The same day the cops got to digging, the son writes his dad again telling his dad to go ahead and plant his potatoes and that is the best he can do from in here.
The wife's weight gain, through overeating and laziness, had become the final straw in an already strained relationship and I decided I would just have to kill her.
I hid in the kitchen, knowing it wouldn't be long before she turned up looking to raid the fridge. And sure enough, she soon came waddling in.
I leapt out from behind a cupboard, arm raised, brandishing a huge knife..
"OH MY GOD!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. "Are we having cake?"
A man has a car accident...
A man is talking with a policeman after he had a collision with a tree.
'Could you please tell me what exactly happened, sir?' asks the policeman.
'You see,' says the man, 'there was this squirrel that suddenly popped out of nowhere to cross the street.'
'But if it is truly necessary, can't you just run over the squirrel?'
'I know, but then the squirrel hid behind a tree.'
I'm pretty sure someone stole the last paragraph of my essay, and hid it on a really high shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Not original, and not sure if it's been posted before, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share.
I couldn't imagine my parents having s**...
So last night I hid in their closet and watched
A Blonde A Brunette and A Redhead trespassed onto a farm
later a farmer came to chase them out so they all went hiding in the barnyard. The redhead hid with the pigs and said "oink" "oink", the brunette hid with the cows and said "moo" moo", and the blonde hid under a potato sack and said "potato" potato"
Little Timmy and God
5yr old Timmy went to church and the priest wanted to teach them that god lives within us all..so the first child he saw was Timmy and he asked "wheres god Timmy?" and Timmy went pale white and ran home as fast as he could and hid under the bed...when his mother asked Timmy what happened he replied..
"gods missing and they blaming me!"
l**..., chased by an angel, hid himself in the London Philharmonic Orchestra
He was eventually found in the horns section.
A man thought he was a worm.
A man thought he was a worm. And thus he was afraid of chickens, because, well, chickens eat worms. Obviously.
So he went into therapy. After 6 months the therapist managed to convince him that he no longer was a worm.
And as a final test, he needed to face chickens. Upon seeing the chickens he got scared and hid himself from the chickens.
Upon seeing this his therapist asked "Why are you hiding from the chickens, are you still thinking you are a worm?"
The man replied "No I know I'm not a worm. But do the chickens know?"
My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with Grandpa.
That is, until Mom hid the urn.
A good joke I heard a while back
A man walks in a church crying and says to the priest " I killed my sister and hid the body. My guilt is killing me what should I do?" The priest responded
"Drink some holy water"
A second guy comes in sobbing and says " I cheated on my wife and I can't tell her." The priest responded
"Go drink some holy water"
A third guy comes on laughing and the priest asks " Why are you laughing?" The man responded
" I peed in the holy water."
Little Johnny goes to his dad with his girlfriend
"How was I born daddy?", Asks Johnny.
"An Angel came and delivered you to us while we were on vacations", hid dad replied.
"And my sister?", Johnny goes on
"Angel gave her to us in the bedroom", his dad replied again.
Johnny turns to his girlfriend and says, "See.. Nothing happens, babies aren't born that way! Let's do it."
I'm pretty sure someone hid the last paragraph of my essay on a shelf that I can't reach,
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Teacher asks students
\- "Did you ever save anybody's life?"
\- "I did." Steve raises his hand.
\- "Whose life did you save?"
\- "My nephew's."
\- "How?"
\- "I hid my sister's birth control pills."
One day Mom was cleaning junior's room
and in the closet she found a b**... S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should s**... him."
what's the difference between a bunch of cameras and a million dollars?
i haven't hid a million dollars inside your house
A friend of mine accidentally deleted my game data and told me to calm down
...So after a nice cup of tea, i hid his body
Where is god?
Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God missing and they think we took him!"
My parents found b**... gear that i've been hiding in my room
I bought b**... gear from my local s**... shop and hid it under my bed.
My parents were furious when they found out and I was yelled at and spanked.
So i started leaving it out in the open.
My son tried to open the jar of jokes I hid in the top shelf.
He failed while trying to reach for it, now the jokes on him!
When I tried to give my 3 yo a kiss at bedtime he hid under the blanket. What are you doing? I asked.
I'm playing hide-'n-cheek
A man was peeing in the park
A man was peeing in the park and then a policeman came by.
"Please stop what you're doing and put it back in your pants" he said.
The scared man hid his d**... and went back to his friends.
"Oh man, I've tricked that policeman." said the man "I've put it back in my pants but I haven't stopped what I was doing"
Me: HOW COULD YOU LET YOUR EVIL BABY SHEEP ESCAPE? Sous: I hid it away with Gordon Ramsey.
Me: WHERE'S THE d**... LAMB SOUS??!!
Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent...
Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear
The Liar Ant
I saw an ant in the kitchen so I placed a sugar cube in front of her.
She inspected it and went to tell her friends, then I quickly hid the sugar cube coz I wanted them to think she's a liar.
When I will die...
When I will die, I want my last words to be : "I hid 1 billion dollars in the..."
My little brother was scared of taking a creativity test and hid himself in a box.
And I shouted at him, ''you gotta think outside the box, you know!''
I wrote something funny on a paper...
I wrote something funny on a paper and hid it inside a cupboard. No one could get it. It was an inside joke.
The worst pick up line I ever thought of...
'If I told you Voldemort hid a Horcrux in your sphincter would you let me destroy it? ;)'
Still single for now...
An old man was having a check up....
The doctor asked how hid erections were doing.
"They come and go."
A cat entered a barn
A cat entered a barn:
Meooow!
All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again:
Woof, woof!
All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.
Did you hear about the guy who hid from a serial killer in the bathroom?
He was just stalling.
News reports say a Muslim hid several Jews in a freezer at the kosher market in Paris last week
I guess the oven must have been broken
I bought my wife a gift for Christmas and hid it in the perfect spot, a place she would never look.
I put it in her l**... drawer.
What happened to the man who hid his money in a washing machine?
He got arrested for money laundering
I'm 50 but people keep telling me I have the body of a 22 year old
I dunno what's up with the cops and lawyers, I hid it it weeks ago
Did you hear that the government hid evedence of flying dinosaurs
The info was pteredacted
How did the h**... avoid getting caught?
He hid in plane site.
When I am bored
I call a random number. The first thing I say is: "I have hid the bodies. Now what?"
I got home tonight and couldn't do my workout
Turns out the wife hid all my dumbbells
She said she was trying to lose weight
Did you hear about the man who hid smuggled precious stones in his fleece sweater?
When the police found amber in his clothing, he was charged.
What was in those drums of chemicals Captain Malcolm Reynolds hid behind in Firefly?
For-Mal-To-Hide.
I killed my wife the other day for always being right
...and hid her in a suitcase under my bed.
She always said the only way I would have s**... with another women would be over her dead body.
