No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan"
Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure
Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day
Father: "Ask your sister.
Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier
Sperm bank employee: What glass of milk
Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk
Sperm bank employee: Oh no
Me: What
Sperm bank employee: You drank my glass of milk
"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."
Bartender: Hey
Horse: Yes please
Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.
* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"
Cause I wanna make you mine.
The first act is a girl trying to tie a knot with a cherry stem in her mouth. She tries and tries, but she just cant do it.
A guy from the audience yells out, "Hey, maybe you should practice with my dick!" Most of the audience laughs.
The girl requests a microphone and a nearby teacher obliges. The girl says into the microphone, "I think I should get good with the cherry stem before I try anything smaller."
Friend :"ok, shoot."
Me: " what has a tiny penis, and hangs down?"
Friend: " I dunno, what?"
Me: " A bat... now, what has an enormous penis and hangs up?"
Friend" I dunno what?"
*click*
The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"
His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.
Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.
Because I want to leave a baby in you.
Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."
'Cause men keep misinterpreting what you say to support their own selfish agendas.
I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two jerk-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the *belt* same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"
Anyways, they arrested me.
My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.
I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."
She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"
"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're taking a shit."
He orders nine shots.
The bartender apprehensive asks, "whats the occasion?"
The man mumbles, "first blowjob."
The bartender brightens up and pours nine shots and lays them out.
The man downs all nine in a row.
The bartender still smiling says,
"hey, make it an even ten. On the house."
The man shakes his head,
"No thanks. If the first nine didn't wash out the taste, I doubt one more would help."
Hey kid, want to buy some candy?
I said "Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"
And he's all like "I'm not Denzel Washington you racist piece of shit."
Classic Denzel.
They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"
Steve: "Hey, what kind of rocks are these Dan?"
Geologist: "They're sex stones."
Steve: "What? Really?"
Geologist: "Yeah. They're just fucking rocks."
"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died."
...and suddenly, I feel a large slap on my ass.
Turning around, I spot the ugliest woman imaginable; she was large, heavily tattooed, and caked with metric tonnes of makeup.
She said to me, "Hey there, guy. I saw you over there and thought you should call me."
I looked her over once again, disgusted, then said, "Do you have a pen?"
She replied "Of course!"
"Well you'd better get back in it before the farmer realizes that you're gone."
can't wait to get out of prison.
Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"
Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Hey? Well, here are the best Hey dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Hey pick up lines to share with friends.