Hey Dad Jokes
115 hey dad jokes and hilarious hey dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hey dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Hey Dad Short Jokes
Short hey dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hey dad humour may include short yo daddy jokes also.
- Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
daughter: "I don't have a si-" - Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - Just a Dad Joke Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife:No you're not - "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died." - Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
Walter: It's on the house. - I may not be able to use by the "N" word... But at least I can say things like "Hey Dad", and "Thanks for the warning Officer!".
- A son goes up to his dad and says Hey uh, dad I really don't know how to tell you this but uh…. I'm, uh, gay.
*very long and awkward silence
Dad: Hi uh, gay I'm dad - Son: Hey Dad, theres some guy collecting for the old folks home at the door Dad: Great! Give him Granny!
- A dad walks into a bakery... ...and he asks, "Hey do you have any big pieces of shortbread?"
The baker responds, "No, we don't make them any longer." - Somewhere in Alabama Daughter : ' Hey dad I'm pregnant.'
Dad : ' Hey pregnant I'm dad.'
Daughter : ' Yes you are.'
Share These Hey Dad Jokes With Friends
Hey Dad One Liners
Which hey dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hey dad? I can suggest the ones about hey mom and dead dad.
- Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses? No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
- Hey girl is your dad in jail... ...Because if I was your dad, I would be
- Dad: Hey did you hear about Maya Hee? Son: Maya Who
Dad: Maya Ha Ha - *Destruction: 100* Wife: I'm pregnant
Me: Hey pregnant, I'm dad
Wife: No you're not - "Hey Dad, I'm going to the airport. Call me a taxi.' Dad : "Hi taxi"
- Hey dad today we learn about eclipses, do you know what they are No son
- Yea i may be white but at least I can say.. Hey dad!
&
Thanks for the warning officer! - Hey Dad, I'm hungry D: Nice to meet you hungry, I'm dad!
Why did you name me this - Hey dad can you pass the salt? I don't know son, can you pass the semester?
- Hey dad, wanna see my new book? Yeah son, so long as it's not the novel coronavirus.
- Hey dad why does it smell like dead here? Hey dad? Dad?! DAAAAAAD!!!
- Simba says, "Hey dad at school on my test I was a big cheetah." "Just kidding, I'm lion."
- Hey, I'm a robot Dad. You can call me Al Al Uminium
Happy Father's Day! :) - Hey Dad, who invented the haircut? I don't know, but I'm sure it was some barberian.
- Hey Dad, do the Indian people celebrate Thanksgiving? They did. Once.
Great Hey Dad Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about hey dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean birthday dad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hey dad pranks.
A boy and his dad are talking.
"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."
Little boy in custody battle.
Hey mother and father were in a heated custody battle for their son. The judge asks the little boy,"Do you want to go live with your mother?". Little boy replied,"No she beats me." The judge says "Oh,do you want to live with your dad?". Once again the little boy replied " No, he beats me." so the judge asks,"Well who do you want to live with?". Little boy looks at the judge and says, "The Dallas Cowboys they don't beat anybody."
Ketchup and rubber buns
DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".
KID: Gotcha.
DAD: what did you buy at the store?
KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.
DAD: What did you have for dinner?
KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.
DAD: What do you do when an old lady crosses the street?
KID: Ketchup and rub....... HEY!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher tells her students to make a sentence using the words "cheese" and "liver"...
The White kid responds, "Last night my mother made a Cheese and Liver sandwich. It was delicious."
The Black kid responds, "Last night my Dad told my Mom to go get groceries. When she came back without the Government cheese, he punched her in the liver."
The Mexican kid responds, "Last night some vatos tried looking up my sisters skirt. So I tell them, HEY LIVER ALONE! CHEESE MY SISTER!"
First job
A teenager walks proudly home one afternoon to tell his farther dime good news.
Teen: Hey dad, guys what, today i got my first job!
Father: Congratulations son, I'm very proud of you. How much does it pay?
Teen: (confused) well, so far I'm out 20 bucks. But if she starts paying me, I may have found a career!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A conversation between friends.
White kid: My dad's well hung.
Black kid: Mine was hung too.
Chinese kid: Hey! My dad's Hung too!!
This is a below average joke attempt. I know, hanged vs hung. Still I thought I'd share.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... son Jedidiah returns from college for the summer
He hops on a plane and arrives at the airport where his dad is waiting on him.
Daddy: Hey, Jed! Good to have ya back in town.
Jedidiah: Glad to be back, daddy.
Daddy: So tell me. What did ya learn there at college?
Jed racks his brain and decides on his memory.
Jedidiah: Pi r^2
Daddy: What are they teaching you in college? Pie are round!
A joke from Italy
Pierino returns home from school and he is very happy. He tells his dad "Hey Dad! did you know that today me and my friends placed a bomb in the school?
"Are you Crazy?" his dad responds. "You will be in a lot of trouble when i tell the principal what you did and he expels you when you go back to school tomorrow!"
Pierino: "School? What school?"
My first job ...
When I was 15 I came home one day very excited, walked up to my father and said, "Hey dad! I just got a job!"
To which my father replies, "Congratulations son! How much does it pay?"
Confused, I respond, "Well, she charged me 50 bucks... If they're going to start paying me... Then I might end up a workaholic!"
( I think this is a bastardization of an old Andrew Dice Clay bit... I'm sure it was funnier when said on stage).
Bad religious joke I created.
One day Jesus is talking to god and says,
"Hey dad, guess what I did today?"
God: "What?"
Jesus: "I walked on water."
God: "No way."
Jesus: "Yahweh!"
Badum, tss
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
Two friends meet after a long time.
and begin catching up on old times.
Friend 1: "Hey last time I heard, your engagement fell through. What happened man?"
Friend 2: "Well it was her decision. She decided I'm not good enough for her."
Friend 1: "I'm so sorry to hear that. But you know what? You should have told her about your super rich dad, and how you would inherit his money."
Friend 2: "I did. She's my mom now."
So a son comes home to find his father watching television...
- Son: ''Hey dad, some chick just told me I looked hot!''
- Dad: ''Oh yeah? And what psychiatric institution was she from?''
- Son: ''Same one as mom, I guess!''
huehuehuehue
The Silent Wife
Father : hey Son! why is your mother sitting so silent today?
Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and i heard
" GLUE STICK "
Father : God bless u son !!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter can be so cruel...
Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?
Me: I don't know, what?
Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!
"Hey, Dad? Why don't you ever tell me you love me?"
the dad looks at his son, smiles, and says,
"You love me."
Little Johnny
"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.' "
Fatherly love
A father and son were watching TV together. The son turns to his father, "Hey dad, if I told you I was gay would you still love me?" The father turns and smiles, "Don't be rediculous," he replies, "you were an accident I never loved you. "
A dad and his daughter are having an argument...
The daughter gets really frustrated with the situation, and goes to leave the room. When she reaches the doorway, she turns around and blurts out "AND BY THE WAY, JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!".
Her dad yells back "HEY, WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS".
Jimmy's First Cow
One fine morning on the family farm, Jimmy excitedly ran into the house with a glass of milk. He can't wait to show his father so he runs into the living room.
He shouts "Hey dad! I just milked my first cow!" while proudly holding up the glass of milk and then chugging the entire thing.
His dad stares at him horrified and says "But son... we don't have a cow, we have a bull"
A boy asks his father a question........
"Hey dad, why do they call gardeners 'people who have green thumbs'?"
"Oh son that's just a saying, they don't actually have green thumbs, it's like when someone gets caught stealing and they call them people who got caught 'red handed' their hands aren't actually red, they're black"
A girl tells her parents she's going to major in psychology
"Hey mom! Hey dad! I'm gonna study a real science! PSYCH!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Slip of the Tongue
Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doing', Joe?"
Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters. He says, "your dad sent me up here to have s**... with both of you."
One girl replies, "Get out of here. Prove it?"
Mike shouts down stairs -, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?"
Joe shouts back, "of course, both of 'em!" What's the point of f**...' one?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy sees his dad has a black eye
- Hey, Dad. Why do you have a black eye?
- You'll have two if you leave your girlfriend's underwear in my car one more time!
My girlfriend just texted me
My girlfriend just texted me, her dragon name was "Vaerjuam".
I was like " Hey Vaerjuam. I'm dad."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....
I never should have given dad my username.
A joke from my dad when i showed him my new plant: "Hey thats a money tree!"
Where did you get it, the dollar store?
My son came home from school and I immediately asked him:
"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"
"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."
"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!"
He just said "That's a D, you idiot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Son: Hey dad, want to hear a joke?
Dad: Sure son.
Son: s**....
Dad: I don't get it.
Son: I know you don't.
A farmer gets a call from his son in prison...
They talk for a bit. The farmer mentions that times have been hard with his son not around, and that he's getting too old to dig up the field. The son responds back, "DAD! NO! That's where all of the bodies are hidden!" The FBI swarms the farm, digging up every inch of the field and the son calls back the next day, "Hey dad, that's the best I can do."
Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.
Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.
"Just don't tell Dad" she says.
*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.
An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."
Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.
Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."
The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:
"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."
My dad once told me, "Don't look directly into the sun during the eclipse"
Then I said, "hey dad I'm over here!"
How was your weekend?"
"Hey, dad how was your weekend?" - "Light, dark, light, dark, Monday."
An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...
Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey Dad, I have this idea for a TV show
"Hey Dad, I have this idea for a TV show. It's like those ghost hunter shows, but instead of idiots walking around in the dark saying, "Is there a spirit in here?", it will be skeptics debunking it, and finding out what's really going on."
"They had a show like that when I was a kid."
"Really? What was it called?"
"s**... Doo."
Did you know that corks come from trees?
Son-"Hey dad, did you know that corks come from trees?
Dad- "No son, Quarks come from particle accelerators"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kid1: Hey Dad why am I called lily?
Dad: Because a lily petal fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid2: Hey Dad why am I called rose?
Dad: Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid3: herdurrrrahduhrgh#%*?
Dad: Shut up Cinderblock
Hey, dad.
"Dad, is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless under the circumstances?"
"Yes, son, yes there is."
Jokes for six year old
Hey guys. Was hoping all you hilarious people at jokes could help a dad out.
I recently started working out of town for long stretches and I just want to be able to tell my six year old son some funny jokes for his age.
I've looked some up but after the 4th website I realized they are mostly unoriginal and not that funny. Anyways, you guys got anything to make the little man laugh when I call him?
"Hey Dad! What's one snowball plus one snowball plus one snowball?"
"Snowman"
- My 7-year-old
Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.
The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"
The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".
The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".
The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".
Hey dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?
"Because a rose petal fell on her head when she was a baby, dear son," replied the Dad.
"Oh, thanks for telling me Dad!"
"No problem, Toaster Oven."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I will always remember what my Dad told me before he kicked the bucket
He said "Hey. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
A child talking with his mom..
Child: mom, my friends told me that my birth was unplanned and that you and my dad didn't really want me as a son, is that true?
Mom: hey, don't call me "mom" in public....
Daughter, "Hey dad! How many licks does it take to get to the center of Firefox Quantum?"
Dad, "I don't know yet. It's frozen."
A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French.
Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey dad, why is my sister named Uma Thurman?
"Oh it's your mother's favorite fall out boy song"
"Thanks Dad"
"No problem I've Got A Bad Idea And A Dark Alley That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny's dad was fat, and his son's friend was surprised
He whispered to Johnny:" Hey, your dad's a little on the heavy side."
Johnny snorted. "He's heavy on every side!"
Can't escape Dad jokes when you're a Dad...
Son (in crowded store): "Hey Dad, do you know where Mom went?"
Me: (knowing Mom can hear around the corner) "Just ask some people where the most beautiful woman in the store is..."
Mom: (snort-laughs from around the corner)
Me: "...and see if she has seen your Mom."
Mom: (silence)
Mom: "Can't lie...that was a good one."
Hey dad, how did you meet mom?
Well son I was at a party and someone bet me to jump off the roof next thing I know there was a beautiful nurse tending to my wound
Oh so that was mom
No, she was the one I landed on
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey its me garfiel
And i love lasagna
(Please help my dad beats me and has me on a cage help)
Person A: hey, does your dad like sports?
Person b: no, my dad hates sports
Dad: hey sport
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll never forget the last thing my dad said to me before he kicked the bucket:
"Hey son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
Little Johnny
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it.
He says, "Hey, Dad! What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."
There was once a man who had 100 kids.
There was once a man who had 100 kids. He was not a creative man, so he named the kids after the number of their birth. One of his kids, 90, had a few kids when he grew older. One day, they found a dog on the road. They took him in, and named him This. This was a very good and well behaved dog. Dad, I'm going to go feed This. Hey dad, I'm taking This for a walk. One day, This went missing. The kids went out to search for him, when they saw him on the side of the road, with skid marks all over his body. Years later, the kids still remembered and missed This.
Moral of the story:
Only 90s kids will remember This.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey dad if you were a bubble, you could blow yourself.
When I was a young man, my dad walked in on me...
He said Son, you'd better quit that or you'll go blind!
I said Hey Dad! I'm over here!
This joke is translated from my language.
There was a kid named daisy who went to her parents and asked them a question.
Daisy: hey dad why am I named daisy?
Dad: because when you were first born a daisy fell on your little head.
So her brother who is named bricks went to the dad and said: wnaopa wabwkla woplrn
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt.
Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."
So I took off her skirt.
Then she says, "Take off my bra and p**......"
So I took off her bra and p**....
Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elephant is standing on a street corner with an e**....
His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.
At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"
Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's nothing...." and awkwardly changes the subject.
The next day, same elephant in the same condition is on the corner only this time the dad is taking the kid to school.
Kid: "Hey dad, what is that? It's not the the trunk and it's not the legs, it's in between the legs. Mommy says that's nothing."
The dad thinks for a second and then laughs, "Yeah well, mommy is spoiled."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child walks up to their parents and asks
A child walks up to their parents and asks hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?
The parents smile and reply, When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead . The child satisfied with the answer walked away.
The younger sibling came up and asked the same question.
Darling, we named you Droplet because when you got you out of a hospital, a rain drop fell on you head. Hence, Droplet , the parents replied.
Gharwaalalalaajahaha!!!! said the youngest child.
Oh shut up Refrigerator, don't be mean! the father yelled
The shortest Dad Joke in the world.
Driving down a country road with your kids in the back seat, point at a stack of hay bales on some random farm and exclaim:
># Hey!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... Roberts dies and goes to heaven.
As he gets to the
pearly gates, St.Peter says, "Next." He replies, "o**...
Roberts." "The o**... Roberts?" "Yes St Peter, the o**...
Roberts." St. Peter says, "Wait here a minute. I know someone
anxious to meet you." He goes away for a few minutes and comes
back with a guy on his arm. "Jesus,this is o**... Roberts." "The
o**... Roberts?" o**... says, "Yes Lord, the o**... Roberts!" Jesus
says, "Boy come with me. I know someone that has been waiting
to see you for years." So Jesus leads him into a small room.
Over in the corner is an old man sitting in a rocking
chair. Jesus says, "Hey dad, this is o**... Roberts." "The o**...
Roberts?" o**... says in a very humble voice, "Yes my Lord. The
o**... Roberts.."
God says, "Boy I've been waiting years to see you. Could
you come over here and take a look at my knee. It's been
bothering me for years......."
