heroin Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious heroin puns

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.


I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old...

It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two.

Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.


My friend died doing what he loved most...



My Uncle always said "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life!"

He did heroin


I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.


I'm 60 days clean now!

It's hard showering every day, but luckily i had heroin to help me through it.


I'm finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my heroin addiction to help me through it.


Heroin use among horses have grown

But finding the evidence is like finding a needle in a haystack.


I saw a policeman give a talk on heroin once.

couldn't understand what he was saying...


My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.

The sooner she's old enough to buy her own heroin, the better.


Im 60 days clean now.

It's been hard taking a bath every day, but at least I had heroin to help me through it.


If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.

But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.


I've been so stressed lately. I've been doing that Chinese remedy, with the needles

You know, Heroin


What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.


I've heard addicts claim that heroin became their "God" but...

...they're always taking his name in vein.


When I was a teenager, my dad found cigarettes in my room & made me smoke the whole pack.

I'm really glad he didn't find my bag of heroin.


Holmes said to his brother, "Mycroft, all this heroin that Watson administers is making me terribly constipated."

And Mycroft responded, "No shit, Sherlock?"


The church are upset about a new type of Heroin, called "Jesus"

They hate it when people take the Lord's name in vein.


Heroin is like a baby..

..it feels so amazing to have in your arms.


Did you hear about the farmer who was a heroin addict?

He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack.


There's a new type of Heroin on the market that's called "Jesus Christ"

Finally a way for people to feel good after taking the lord's name in vein


I decided to try the ancient Chinese practice of using needles to get rid of back pain…

The heroin worked a treat for me.


What does a garden and a woman on heroin have in common?

They both grow vegetables when someone plants a seed in them.


A rabbit is running around the forest...

when he comes across a lone wolf rolling up a joint. He says to him:
"Hey wolf, that's terrible! Don't do that, come with me and lets run together." The wolf is bewildered, yet agrees to go.

So now they both run through the forest when suddenly they encounter a timid bear about to mainline some heroin. The rabbit shouts: "Stop bear! You don't want to do that. Come along with us, and we shall run together. The bear is hesitant but eventually caves in and joins them.

Now all three of them are running together when they come across a lion doing rails of blow. The rabbit says: "Hey lion..." And immediately the lion smacks the shit out the rabbit, and knocks him unconscious. Then he says: "This fucking rabbit makes me run around the goddamn forest every time he pops ecstasy!"


Apparently heroin addicts spend upwards of $500 on heroin a day

On an unrelated note, anyone want to lend me $500


What is a heroin addict's favorite website?



My local sheriff did a talk on heroin.

I couldn't understand much of it.


TIL my mother named me after her favourite hobby

My name is Heroin


My local police chief does a talk on heroin...

So you can't understand any of it.


A local policeman did a talk on heroin

It was impossible to understand him


Heroin really messed up my household...

All the spoons are missing.


Women are a lot like heroin.

At first you're like, "Oh geez, this is fun" then eventually you die.


I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.


So someone asks a junkie..

Do you still use heroin?

Well.. On the one hand yes, on the other hand no.


Translated: A rabbit is running in the jungle

A rabbit is running in the jungle when he sees a monkey getting drunk. He hops over to him and says "Man, its such a nice day out. Why don't you put down that disgusting stuff and come run around with me." The monkey agrees.

After a while they meet an elephant smoking some weed. The rabbit again approaches him, "Man, put down that awful stuff and come run around with us." The elephant agrees and they resume running around.

After a while they see a tiger about to do some heroin. The rabbit approaches him but before he can say a word the tiger smacks him and says, "I am sick and tired of your shit. Every time you do cocaine you get half the jungle population to chase you around like idiots."


What are the most funny Heroin jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Heroin? Well, here are the best Heroin dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Heroin pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes