The Best 73 Heroin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Heroin jokes. There are some heroin methed jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these heroin heroin addict puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Heroin Jokes and Puns

There's a new type of Heroin on the market that's called "Jesus Christ"

Finally a way for people to feel good after taking the lord's name in vein

What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.

So someone asks a junkie..

Do you still use heroin?

Well.. On the one hand yes, on the other hand no.

Heroin joke, So someone asks a junkie..

My local sheriff did a talk on heroin.

I couldn't understand much of it.

Did you hear about the farmer who was a heroin addict?

He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack.

The church are upset about a new type of Heroin, called "Jesus"

They hate it when people take the Lord's name in vein.

My friend died doing what he loved most...


Heroin joke, My friend died doing what he loved most...

Heroin use among horses have grown

But finding the evidence is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Never Fall in love with a Heroin addict because even though they have a lot of love to give.

It's all in Vein

Women are a lot like heroin.

At first you're like, "Oh geez, this is fun" then eventually you die.

Did you know that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson use to be addicted to heroin?

He almost died one day, until he finally decided to lay the smack down.

You can explore heroin cocaine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean heroin junkie dad jokes. There are also heroin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

The only school shooting I do.

Is heroin in math class.

My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.

The sooner she's old enough to buy her own heroin, the better.

Tried heroin last night...

It was dope.

I've heard addicts claim that heroin became their "God" but...

...they're always taking his name in vein.

What's the most common blood type among drummers?


Heroin joke, What's the most common blood type among drummers?

What's the difference between heroin and foot long dicks?

Your mom isn't addicted to heroin.

So I've heard there's a heroin epidemic among white teens...

I guess they're used to shooting up to solve their problems

They're calling the internet a drug now.

Don't worry, though. It's not as bad as Cocaine or Heroin. They're calling it a 503 bad gateway drug.

I like my women like my heroin

Smuggled in a tiny box from South East Asia

Heroin is like a baby.. feels so amazing to have in your arms.

Did you read the novel about the US drug epidemic?

The heroin gets abused.

Heroin really messed up my household...

All the spoons are missing.

If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.

But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.

What is a heroin addict's favorite website?


I have a heroine addiction...

...because I can only sleep with a girl if she has saved somebody's life.

What does heroin make you feel like?

More heroin.

A local policeman did a talk on heroin

It was impossible to understand him

I'm a heroine addict

Wonder Woman, Super Woman, Batgirl--I just can't get enough of them!

My local police chief does a talk on heroin...

So you can't understand any of it.

An English Joke

What happens to Santa when he gets addicted to heroin?

He becomes a dependent clause

School is like Heroin

I shoot it up all the time.

When I was a teenager, my dad found cigarettes in my room & made me smoke the whole pack.

I'm really glad he didn't find my bag of heroin.

I tried taking heroin the other night, but it didn't work

My efforts were in vein.

What do you call the main actress who suffers drug addiction?

The Heroin.

I saw a policeman give a talk on heroin once.

couldn't understand what he was saying...

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

I decided to try the ancient Chinese practice of using needles to get rid of back pain…

The heroin worked a treat for me.

I've been so stressed that I started doing that Chinese needle therapy. You know the one...


TIL my mother named me after her favourite hobby

My name is Heroin

Im 60 days clean now.

It's been hard taking a bath every day, but at least I had heroin to help me through it.

The rate of babies born with heroin addiction has skyrocketed

to a number almost as high as those babies.

My Uncle always said "Do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life!"

He did heroin

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

Apparently heroin addicts spend upwards of $500 on heroin a day

On an unrelated note, anyone want to lend me $500

I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

I'm finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

Keith Richards recently went to the doctor

They were surprised to have found traces of blood in his heroin stream.

I've been so stressed, I decided to finally try that Asian relaxing technique with the needles.


What's a Heron with only one eye?


I'm a heroin addict...

I'll only sleep with women who save my life.

What does heroin do?

About 78% the work of a hero.

How do you keep a white dog clean?

By keeping him away from cocaine and heroin.

Did you hear about the dancing heroin addict?

He tried to do the Hokey Pokey, but he couldn't turn himself around.

I'd tell more of the joke, but that's what it's all about.

I wanted to be a vigilante but...

the heroin lifestyle is too deadly.

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of heroin?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of heroin fall out a 53rd-floor window.

What does a garden and a woman on heroin have in common?

They both grow vegetables when someone plants a seed in them.

How does heroin watch tv?

with a hdemi cable

I tried quitting heroin.

But all my efforts were in vein.

My heroin-addicted friend

I used to have a great friend. As we grew older, he started doing heroin. Of course, this affected him pretty strongly. Eventually, he even started calling the injection his "God". Weird, I know, but that's just how he was.
Sadly, he passed away recently, although I guess that was to be expected. After all, thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vein.

You know who was the main character in the movie about drugs?

The heroin.

What do you call a Midwesterner who uses heroin?

An Ohp-iod user

What's the difference between a heroin overdose and a shotgun suicide?

Heroin addicts feel great after they shoot themselves.

Last night I watched a documentary on heroin...

Which really is the best way to watch a documentary.

An anti-vax mom walks in on her son self vaccinating.

And she says that better be heroin !

Never call your heroin Jesus.

You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vein.

The war on drugs has started.

So if you see any heroin you should shoot it.

Did you hear about the hardworking heroin addict?

He was always up burning the midnight foil.

What do you call a heroin addict-turned Harvard student?

IV League

Quarantine has me really stressed and bored so I've been trying that Chinese thing with the needles

You know, heroin

Last night...

... I watched a documentary on heroin. For the record, that's really the most enjoyable way to watch a documentary.

"Son, what are you doing in there?"

"Injecting some heroin!"

"Ah, ok, I thought you were getting a vaccine or something..."

A lot of guys struggle to add muscle

Take my cousin, for example. He has a very strict diet and always sticks to his regimen. He never skips a day. The dude is still a skeleton, basically. Some people just struggle to add weight. Granted, his regimen mostly includes heroin, but still.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the heroin opium jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working heroin vein piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes