heroic Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious heroic puns

Mental Hospital

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"


A young man with a nervous stomach sits at the dinner

table with his girlfriend's entire family. The uncomfortable bloat he feels is ruining his chances of making a good impression. Despite his heroic efforts a small fart leaks out. "Spot!" the grandma scolds. Looking down the young man sees the family dog cower near the base of his chair. "Great!" the young man thinks, "I'll let out just a little more to be comfortable and the dog will get blamed." Pfffft, the young man releases a little more gas. "Spot!" the grandma again scolds and the dog cowers in shame a little more. "This is AWESOME!" the young man thinks. "I'll just let out one more big one, the dog will get blamed and I can relax and charm the hell out of her parents." BRAAAAAAAPPP!!! the young man lets it loose. "Spot!" the grandma yells "Come here before he shits on you."


The Lone Ranger and his faithful American Indian sidekick Tonto are riding the plains.

The Lone Ranger and his faithful native American sidekick Tonto are riding the plains. It's midwinter and bitterly cold so the heroic duo enter a saloon for a warming drink.

The bartender takes one look at Tonto and shouts: "Get him outtahere. We don' serve no Injuns!"

Faithful Tonto agrees to wait outside while the Lone Ranger has a quick drink. To keep warm he decides to run around his horse.

Alas the drink proved too enticing for the Lone Ranger and poor Tonto was soon forgotten.

Eventually after a few hours, a cowboy sauntered in, looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Is that your horse outside?"

"Yes, why?" asked the Lone Ranger.

The cowboy answered, "You've left your Injun runnin'."


Jim and Mary.

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."


A pig with a wooden leg and his owner walk into a bar.

His owner orders a beer and begins bragging to the bartender about his pig. "See that scar on his head? He got that rescuing me from a fire," says the guy. "And see that he's only got one eye? He lost the other one saving 17 people from dying in a bus crash." "So what heroic act was he doing when he lost his hind leg?" the bartender asks. "Dang it man," the guy says. "With a pig this good, you don't eat it all at once!"


Park Statues

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."

And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head."


A Firefighter, a Sheriff, and a Paramedic are trying to get into heaven...

St. Peter greets them and tells them regardless of their heroic acts, they'll need to be able to count to ten to get into heaven.

The Sheriff goes first. He hauls out his Colt .45 and counts the shots, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Let me try again!" So he reloads, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Nope, I only got 7 shots."

So the Paramedic steps up, "I can do this." He gets into CPR position, "1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... 1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... Nope, CPR only goes in rounds of five."

The firefighter reluctantly goes next... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10"

"That's amazing!" St. Peter declares, "You're the first all week. Can you count any higher?"

"Sure, 10, jack, queen, king."


A heroic biker . . .

Last week, a group of Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

The would-be jumper responded, "I'm going to commit suicide."

While George didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a legend-in-the-making opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.


The story of a heroic husband ....

Wife to her husband - How do I look? I just came back from the beauty salon....

Husband - Well. Was it closed?


One evening, a man on his way home encounters an old hag saying

she's a beautiful princess of a certain kingdom before, because of her unparalled beauty an envied witch cursed her making her looks like a hundred year old hag and to lift the curse someone must satisfy her sexual desires.
The man being heroic help her to lift the said curse
so he satisfy her sexual desires the whole night.
A morning came and man noticed that old hag still looks like a hundred year old hag,

he blurted "why are you still looked like that? You should've turned to princess right now",

and the old hag replied "How old are you young man?"


"You're that old and you still believe in fairy tales??"


Ig the Knight

Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!

To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.

Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."


An atheist dies and meets st Peter at the pearly gates.

St Peter: I can't let you in here your a non believer.

The atheist not wanting to go to hell says

Atheist: But st Peter I'm a good man

St Peter looks through his book

St Peter: You seem to have a pretty mixed record, but if you can tell me about one heroic good deed you have done I will let you in.

Atheist: I once was walking down the street when I saw some girl about to get gang raped. So I ran up and knocked out the leader with a single blow. I then stepped back telling them to scram before I KOed them to.

St Peter is amazed by this and says

St Peter: When did this happen?

Atheist: About 5 minutes ago


Ok a man was at the zoo

And was nearing the lion enclosure. When he gets there he watches the lions and sees a litlle girl fall into the enclosure. The heroic man jumps in,punches the lion in its nose, and saves the girl. The parents thank him and the crowd cheers him. The next morning he turns on the news. The news says

"Heroic man saves girl from lion cage"

He grins at himself and goes on with his day. He notices that a few people are giving him funny looks all holding the same newspaper. The man goes and gets one of these newspapers and the headline reads

"Man beats up african immigrant and steals his lunch."


if the answer is serious, risky, and heroic. what is the question?

what is the speed settings on the world's most powerful vibrator?


A man visits a priest for confession...

An elderly man in Germany walks into a confessional box after feeling the urge that he needed to confess.

Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. During the great war I hid a Jewish refugee in my attic.

Priest: Well, that's not a sin my son, but rather a heroic act of great compassion and daring.

Man: But I made him agree to pay me 20 marks for each week he stayed.

Priest: I must admit, that wasn't a great decision, but I am sure you did it for a good cause.

Man: God bless you father, that puts my mind to rest, just one more question however...

Priest: Yes my son?

Man: Do I have to tell him the war is over?


One shudders to think how much worse the Bowling Green Massacre would have been...

... If it weren't for the heroic intervention by Frederick Douglass.


Some people say Berkeley's idealism was like a hero's approach solving the problems with direct and indirect realism.

I wouldn't say it's heroic at all. In my opinion, it's quite Philonous.


What are the most funny Heroic jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Heroic? Well, here are the best Heroic dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Heroic pick up lines to share with friends.


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