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Hero Jokes

132 hero jokes and hilarious hero puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hero that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From guitar hero to Marvel heroines, get ready for a laugh. Check out this collection of hero jokes and humorous anecdotes to celebrate the people who show bravery in the face of atrocity. Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face!

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Funniest Hero Short Jokes

Short hero jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hero humour may include short wizard jokes also.

  1. If I had a dollar for every downvote EA"s comment gets.... I would have enough money to unlock half of the Battlefront 2 heroes without having to grind them.
  2. Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn't know what group to join... She's still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former
  3. For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero? Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.
  4. A lawyer, comedian and a war hero walk into a bar. The bartender says, what can I get for you, Mr Zelensky?
    Credit to u/DrDerpberg
  5. What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.
    PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.
  6. If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's Doctor Whom.
    ^*
  7. Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician. Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.
  8. Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero. I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.
  9. I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out. It felt good being on the winning side for once.
  10. Did you hear about the team of mutant trans-women super-heroes? They're called "The Ex-Men".

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Hero One Liners

Which hero one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hero? I can suggest the ones about character and avatar.

  1. All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors... Because heroes never dye.
  2. If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on? The Ex-Men.
  3. Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?
  4. What do you call a super hero completely made of ice? Justice
  5. Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest? Because not all heroes wear caps.
  6. Have you heard about the one-armed super hero? He single handedly stops crime.
  7. If Caitlin Jenner was a super hero Would she be an X-man or a Transformer?
  8. Iron Man is a super hero... Iron woman is a command.
  9. What was Iron Man's rejected hero name? Fe Male
  10. If a person donates a kidney, he's a hero But when I donate 5, I get arrested.
  11. What do you call a vietnam war hero with a new apartment? New tenant Dan
  12. Donate a liver, you get called a hero Donate a whole bag of 'em, you get sent to jail
  13. My grandfather donated his kidney and was considered a hero I donated 5 and was arrested.
  14. What do you call a war hero covered in salt and pepper? A seasoned veteran.
  15. What super hero league would Caitlyn Jenner be a member of? The X men!

My Hero Jokes

Here is a list of funny my hero jokes and even better my hero puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero... I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
  • When bill gates donates 30% of his net worth He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.
  • The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore... Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano
  • How to turn your tongue into very own super hero! Step 1: place tongue between teeth
    Step 2: bite down. Hard.
    Step 3: your tongue should now be Thor.
  • The Hero: I'm on a quest to avenge the death of my Father! The Paladin: You have my sword!
    The Elf: And my bow!
    The Dwarf: And my axe!
    The Necromancer: And your father!
  • If I could be any super hero, I think I'd be Aluminium Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.
  • I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
    I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster
  • So when I donate a kidney I'm hailed as a hero, but when I donate 20 kidneys I get arrested? Make up your mind hospitals!
  • Go to a dog shelter to find a dog, you're a hero. Go to a women's shelter to find a wife, you're a monster.
  • I once had 4 blowouts at once, but managed to drive on the metal of my rims from New York to New Jersey. I did pretty good, but the hero of the moment was my car. It worked tirelessly.

Marvel Hero Jokes

Here is a list of funny marvel hero jokes and even better marvel hero puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Marvel Cinematic Universe just announced their newest addition to their 2015 film that will be released in 2019 starring a transgender hero. Auntman
  • Which Marvel hero would be the best nemesis of The Riddler? The Pun-isher.
  • Marvel are developing a new super hero who has the ability to remotely edit people's DNA. He will be called Gene Hackman
  • How to be a super hero DC: be an orphan or raised by an orphan
    Marvel: get in a freak accident
  • What do you call Stan Lee's f**... without any super heroes? Marvel less.
Hero joke, What do you call Stan Lee's f**... without any super heroes?

Action Hero Jokes

Here is a list of funny action hero jokes and even better action hero puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've written a script for a film about an action hero who works in accounts. The sequels going to be set in a different department.
    This time it's personnel.
  • TL; DR: Action hero references Oedipus Die Hard's John McClane and his catchphrase . . .
  • What do you call a m**... action hero? Jean-Claude Van Darn

Hero Heroine Jokes

Here is a list of funny hero heroine jokes and even better hero heroine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Was just reading a new book with a great female hero And I can say I'm addicted to this heroine.
  • My family think I have a heroine addiction I can't help it, I just really like female super heroes.
  • What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having s**... with female superheroes? A heroine addict.
  • What does h**... do? About 78% the work of a hero.
Hero joke, What does h**... do?

Entertaining Hero Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about hero you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean actor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hero pranks.

Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a v**... from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.
One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.
Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.

That pig is a hero.

One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...

Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."

Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes....

..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"

h**... use among horses have grown

But finding the evidence is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Tried h**... last night...

It was dope.

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.
A passing Fox News reporter says: You're a hero. Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: 'Brave New Yorker Saves Child.
The man replies: I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia.
That night the news on Fox TV says: Islamic extremist kills New York dog.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the second is a simple command.

"I've found your hamster," I told my daughter over the phone.

"You're a hero!" she screamed, "Thank you so much. Can you put him back in my cage for me?"
I said, "Of course. I just need to get him out of the hoover first though."

A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

h**... is like a baby..

..it feels so amazing to have in your arms.

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to h**....

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to h**.... h**... was a decorated war hero and qualified leader.

h**... really messed up my household...

All the spoons are missing.

What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his hoagie off a bridge?

There goes my Hero.

What is a h**... addict's favorite website?

Instagram.

A hero without a villain becomes useless. A villain without a hero becomes..

The government.

A pencil stands face to face against his nemesis, Paper. Will our hero find the strength he needs to overcome his greatest foe?!

2B continued...

Hero of the Soviet Union

[[ Here's a joke from Soviet Russia. "Hero of the Soviet Union" was the highest distinction awarded. ]]
A fisherman catches a wish-granting goldfish. The goldfish tells him to wish for anything.
"I want to be a Hero of the Soviet Union", he says.
A moment later, the fisherman finds himself in Kursk. There are 5 Panzers approaching, and he has three grenades.

The guy who killed h**... is my hero

Oh wait...

If caitlyn jenner was a super hero, what team would she be on?

The X-Men
I'll see myself out.

I just got my best score on Sitar Hero 3!

I got five stars on "Curry On My Wayward Son"

h**... was a hero...

He single handedly ended the Holocaust, and killed one of the most evil people from history!

There is a hero that is a Llama

He is the best at fighting crimes, solving crimes and saving the day. However, a villain outsmarted him. He was faced with saving either Marley Dank or the Llama chick that he liked, he could only choose one to save. I guess you can say that he was having a dillama

What's the difference between having AIDS and having kids?

Everyone considers you a hero if you beat AIDS.

How come when someone donates a kidney, they get called a hero

But when I go ahead and donate five, I get arrested?

It just doesn't make sense

You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.

Did you hear about the Japanese firefighter who changed careers to aviation in 1940?

He went from hero to Zero.

Why did Jill Stein try to censor a movie where the hero uses a shop vacuum to save people?

Because she doesn't want anyone to think there's such a thing as good vac scenes.

An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.

The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, "I'm sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we're blown off in the heat of the fight".
The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, "do you think he'll be OK?"
She replies, "Would you be OK if you could never talk again?"

I don't understand when someone donates a kidney they get praised a hero,

But when I donate 5, I get arrested?

o**... donation has a n**... double standard when it comes to praise.

Some guy donates his kidney, he's praised as a hero. I donate 5, and I get arrested? Double standards smh

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel b**..., and 11 Stuka dive b**....

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

What did Dave Grohl, lead singer of the Foo Fighters, say after his sandwich was stolen?

There goes my hero!

In class I was asked who my biggest personal hero is

I replied that the man who killed h**... has to be at the top of everyone's list.

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles' heel but have you heard of Bophades' nuts?

How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero,

but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the t**... War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.

I dont get it

If someone donates 1 kindey, they're hailed a hero, but I donate 5 and get arrested!?

A guy donated a kidney and they called him a "Hero"..

I donated 7 and they called me a monster

Action hero fancy dress ball...

Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.
They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.
When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'
Chuck Says: 'I'll go as Beethoven'
Arnie says: 'I'll be Bach'

Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.

But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.

When Santa enters a house to give stuff to kids he's a hero and a amazingly kind man

When I do it I get arrested for trespassing and being a child predator

If I could be any super hero I'd be Aluminum man

That way I could foil the bad guys

Oh sure, when Thor throws a hammer, he's a hero!

But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"

When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you

When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero.

But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.

What's the worst thing about being a birthday cake?

After you are set on fire, you are eaten by the hero that saved you.

Long ago in a far away land,

A hero comes upon a village. The villagers all look very upset, so the hero asks what happened.
"There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it comes down and eats one of our v**... girls" one of the villagers replies.
The hero then promises to help with their predicament and gets to work.
In three weeks' time, the dragon starved to death.

Thought I saw my first super hero today....

He was sprinting down the street wearing a cape....
Turns out, he hadn't paid for his haircut.

My uncle, a circus manager, said his local hero and famous Human Cannonball was retiring. I asked him what he was gonna so to replace him.

He said it was Impossible. It's hard to find a man of that caliber.

Hero joke, My uncle, a circus manager, said his local hero and famous Human Cannonball was retiring. I asked hi

jokes about hero