Heretical Jokes
19 heretical jokes and hilarious heretical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heretical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Heretical Short Jokes
Short heretical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heretical humour may include short jokes also.
- What did the Pope say to the heretic who successfully lobbied to be buried on hallowed ground? "What we have here is a failure to excommunicate!"
- The Pastafarian heretic sealed his sieve, flattened it and declared it a deity. He is a Pantheist.
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Heretical One Liners
Which heretical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heretical? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What did the Romans say after they caught the heretic? Nailed it.
- Why did the Space Marine shoot the Tailor? The heretic kept crossing the warp
- Want heretics out of your Jewish neighborhood? Better Call Saul.
- What happened to the heretical chef? He was burnt at the steak.
Heretical Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about heretical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heretical pranks.
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking across a bridge...
and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
I said, "Well there's so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Baptist or Episcopalian!"
"Baptist."
"Me too! Are you Baptist Church or God or Reformed Baptist Church of God"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1893 or Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917."
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" as I pushed him off the bridge.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heresy
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" and pushed him off.
~Emo Philips
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I ever ran a tobacco company...
... I'd name my cigarettes "heretics". So anyone could burn his own heretic every single day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about that retired actress who was a heretic from Lebanon who married a woman?
She was a has-been thespian Wesleyan Lebanese lesbian.
Fed up with all the denouncements, God finally decides to appear in front of an atheist...
To show that he is the Allmighty and omnipotent and put the heretic to his place, God asks the atheist for one wish that he *will* grant.
Atheist, after a careful consideration, replies:
"Erase my memory of this incident."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once upon a time there was a girl,
this girl had the ability to heal others any other living thing imaginable. One day a very injured d**... came into her door and out of the kindness of her heart she healed him. The d**... rose up and thanked her while he girl outstretched her hand to shake it, as was customary. But alas the d**... flew away. For healing a d**... the town denounced her and called her a heretic and decided he l**... her. As she was hanging the d**... flew in and saved her. She asked Why did you save me he replied. I'm not just gonna leave you hanging!
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
- Emo Philips
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off...
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious?" "Yes," he said, I said, "me too! Are you Christian?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are you Episcopalian? Lutheran? Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic s**...!" and pushed him off.