The Best 75 Herd Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Herd jokes. There are some herd shear jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these herd sheep puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Herd Jokes and Puns

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Cuz I herd he got nailed

A cow joke

Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

NASA launches bovines into space

It was the herd shot round the world!

jokes about herd

Once upon a time, there were two cavemen...

There were two cavemen overlooking the tundra.

Caveman 1: Hey look! A flock of elephants!

Caveman 2: Herd?

Caveman 1: Herd of what?

Caveman 2: HERD of elephants.

Caveman 1: 'course I have! There's a flock of them, right over there!


Why can't you keep a secret from cattle?

They herd

What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

The attorney charges more.

Herd joke, What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

A joke I just invented (I think!)

I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.

A young man visiting a ranch went out walking with...

...one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

Civics teacher dropped this on us today.

Have you heard about the new Nasa program? They're fixing up one of their shuttles and sending some cows into space to study. It'll be the herd shot around the world!

You can explore herd cow reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean herd livestock dad jokes. There are also herd puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:

"hey look, a bunch of cows!"

The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"

His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"

The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"

The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"

A married couple

A married couple driving along the country side and got in an argument. They're so mad at each other that neither one is saying a word to the other. Until the guy drives past a herd of cows and says to his wife "relatives of yours?" His wife instantly replies "Yes! They're my in-laws."

Hey look! A flock of cows!

Herd of cows...

Of course I've heard of cows there's a flock right over there!

What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle?

Beef strokanoff.

A European missionary goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.

However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The missionary looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "

In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

Herd joke, A European missionary goes to an African tribe...

Did you know that NASA sent a bunch of cows into orbit?

It was the herd shot round the world.

An albino child in an African tribe...

This puts the tribe's chief in a fury and immediatly summons the white missionary that was sent by the Church in his village.

Chief: "Explain the white kid, white man!"

Priest: "Well, you see, a white child amongst your black tribe is... like the black lamb that was recently born in your herd of white sheep, they..."

Chief, interrupting: "If... if you keep quiet about the black lamb, I'll keep quiet about the child."

So, a stutterer was a wedding

He stand's up and says:

-hip, hip

And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:

-HURRAY

The stutterer, tried again, but louder

-HIP!! HIP!!

Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!

-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!

The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!

-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!

Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!

-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses


A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"

"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied

"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.

"Yes ma'am I am."

"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired

"Yes ma'am I am"

Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"

The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."

Confucius say to quiet the herd

One must shut the flock up

Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.

Suddenly there is a loud noise from the sheep area.

Tom the border collie jumps up asking, "Did you hear that from the sheep, Boomer?"

Boomer the Collie: "Of course I herd them."

A shepherd was looking for a sheep that ran away

Forget it, you've already herd this one.

What do you do for a living? I herd cattle.

Ah, you're a rancher?

No, I'm a Zumba instructor.

Two cows are standing in a field in Canada in the year 2003.

One cow turns to the other and says, "we gotta watch out. I hear mad cow disease has been spreading through the herd." The other cow looks towards him and says, "what are telling me for? I'm not a cow, I'm a duck!"

A herd of cattle... A murder of crows...

...a migraine of children...

Herd joke, A herd of cattle... A murder of crows...

Why did the zombie herd ignore the feminist?

Because they were hungry for brains

Did you hear about the herd of cows that broke into a marijuana field?

The steaks have never been higher!

What do you call a stampeding herd of Llama?

THE ALPACALYPSE


SpaceX to launch ten cows up into orbit

It'll be the herd shot around the world.

"Look! A flock of cows!"

"Look! A flock of cows!"

"Herd."

"What was that?"

"Herd of cows..."

"Well of course I've heard of cows."

There's a whole flock of them right over there!"

Why was the herd of well-sighted deer so smart?

It was full of good eye deers.

Bobby told Billy he stopped a stampede.

That was the biggest bunch of bull he ever herd.

Herding sheep.

A sheep herder is watching his dog herd all their sheep into a pen. The dog finishes and says "Master, I've got all 30 sheep in the pen". The man looks at the sheep, then back to the dog and says "but I only count 26". The dog says "I know, I rounded them up".


"I love my job!" said the farmer

"All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.

"What did you say?" said the farmer.

"You herd me."

In Greek mythology, Chiron was known for his knowledge and skill with medicine

One could even call him the Centaur for Disease Control.

He was a big believer in herd immunity.

A man in Wisconsin got trampled by stampeding cows

At least, that's what I herd

A disgruntled cow complains about the way it's treated

The Cow grumbles under its breath "This lousy cowboy does nothing but push me around all day"
Cowboy: "What's that you said?"
Cow: "You herd me!"

A herd of masturbating cattle is called Beef Stroganoff, but what do you call it when they do it to each other?

Hamburger Helper

What do you call a herd of sheep tumbling down a mountain?

A lambslide.

A herd of cattle got into a cannabis farm and began to graze...

When asked how serious the situation was, the owner responded, "the steaks have never been higher!"

A herd of cows were standing in a field of marijuana.

The steaks have never been so high.

I was going to tell you a joke about cattle

But you probably have herd it before

A husband and wife been arguing all day:

They pass a herd of jackasses. He says: Relatives of yours?

She says: Yep, in-laws

What did the weed farmer say when he saw a herd of cattle eating his crops?

The steaks are high.

What do you call a herd of turtles?

hurdles

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin' off

WHAT DO WE WANT? HERD IMMUNITY!

AND WHEN DO WE WANT TO HEAR IT?

(Ok, I see myself out)

This is my all time favorite joke

Old man: I love my job

Young boy: all you do is round up sheep

Old man: what did you say to me?

Young boy: you herd

I love my job! exclaimed the farmer. All you do is boss me around all day! complained one of his sheep. What did you say? challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

You herd me.

A husband and wife had been arguing all-day

They passed a herd of jackasses, she drawls "relatives of yours?"

"Yes!" he says, "In-laws"

I have a joke on immunity...

but you have probably herd it.

A herd of sheep walks into a bar.

One of the sheep says "A round of beers, please."

The bartender says "Okay, so that's one, two, three, four.... five..... six.......

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz........."

What did the cows write on their protest signs when the farmer made them social distance due to COVID?

We just want to be herd.

Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to spend Christmas together?

Because they have herd immunity.

Yo mama is so fat

When she took the vaccine she got herd immunity

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied



Did you hear about the farmer that called his herd of pigs and ended up being trampled?

Was the first report of sooey-cide in the whole state.

Driving down a country road I pointed to a flock of cows...

Son: Herd of cows, dad.

Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!

What do you call a group of deaf people?

I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.

A little boy walked up to the farmer watching over cows in his field.

Boy:wow! Would you look at that bunch of cows!

Farmer: Herd

Boy: Heard of what?

Farmer: Herd of cows

Boy: Of course I've heard of cows

Farmer: No, a cow herd

Boy: what do I care what a cow heard? I got no secrets from a cow.

(No punchline but my dad used to say it every time we passed cows on road trips and it still makes me smile)

One of the only jokes I know

What a cute bunch of cows!

It's not a bunch, it's a herd

Heard of what?

Herd of cows

Well, duh, of course I've heard of cows!

No, a cow herd

What do I care what a cow heard?





Sorry if it's lame

I love jokes about sheep dogs..

I won't be satisfied until I've herd them all.

Marital Argument

A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. The wife says "relatives of yours?" Husband says, "yep, in laws."

Why do sheep not get covid?

They have herd immunity.

A farmer was sitting in his barn. After a long day he was admiring his work.

Farmer: I love my job

Sheep: Yeah cause all you do is boss us all day

The farmer not believing what just happened

Farmer: What did you just say..!?

Sheep: You herd us.

What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ?

They became Flatman and Ribbon...

You might have read about nature photographers disguising their cameras as herd animals to photograph lions...

Don't believe it.

Fake Gnus

Your momma's so fat

She achieved herd immunity by herself

A herd of butterflies just laid eggs in front of my house! Obviously, I can't go out now...

The floor is larva

I do not want to hear any more jokes about cows….

I've herd them all so don't udder a single word.

What do you get when a herd of elephants tramples Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

Did you know about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and herd?

What about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?

Tracker

So the cowboys hire a native american tracker. The tracker would often dismount his horse, look closely at the ground, sniff, put his ears on the ground, etc.

So today they are riding a trail. Tracker asks for a halt, gets off the horse and holds his ears to the ground. Gets up says "Buffalo come!"

Cowboy says "Wow! You can feel the vibrations of the herd moving?"

Tracker : "No. Face sticky!"

A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date...

German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"

Sheep: "You herd me."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the herd moo jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working herd ewe piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes