Herd Jokes

125 herd jokes and hilarious herd puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about herd that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Herd Short Jokes

Short herd jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The herd humour may include short flock of sheep jokes also.

  1. "I love my job!" said the farmer "All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.
    "What did you say?" said the farmer.
    "You herd me."
  2. Marital Argument A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. The wife says "relatives of yours?" Husband says, "yep, in laws."
  3. A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date... German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"
    Sheep: "You herd me."
  4. Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
  5. "Look! A flock of cows!" "Look! A flock of cows!"

    "What was that?"

    "Herd of cows..."

    "Well of course I've heard of cows."

    There's a whole flock of them right over there!"
  6. A joke I just invented (I think!) I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.
  7. This is my all time favorite joke Old man: I love my job
    Young boy: all you do is round up sheep
    Old man: what did you say to me?
    Young boy: you herd
  8. What do you do for a living? I herd cattle. Ah, you're a rancher?
    No, I'm a Zumba instructor.
  9. I just finished the book my friend gifted me on herd mentality. But I haven't read the reviews yet so I don't know if I like it.
  10. A herd of sheep walks into a bar. One of the sheep says "A round of beers, please."
    The bartender says "Okay, so that's one, two, three, four.... five..... six.......

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Herd One Liners

Which herd one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with herd? I can suggest the ones about crowd and pasture.

  1. What do you call a stampeding herd of Llama? THE ALPACALYPSE
  2. What do you call a group of deaf people? I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
  3. Why can't you keep a secret from cattle? They herd
  4. SpaceX to launch ten cows up into orbit It'll be the herd shot around the world.
  5. What do you call a herd of sheep tumbling down a mountain? A lambslide.
  6. What did the insolent sheep mumble to the shepherd? You herd me.
  7. Your momma's so fat She achieved herd immunity by herself
  8. Yo mama is so fat When she took the vaccine she got herd immunity
  9. Bobby told Billy he stopped a stampede. That was the biggest bunch of bull he ever herd.
  10. NASA launches bovines into space It was the herd shot round the world!
  11. Why was the herd of well-sighted deer so smart? It was full of good eye deers.
    (Ok, I see myself out)
  13. What did the sheep say to her abusive shepherd? You're herding me.
  14. My dad grew up herding sheep in Germany He was a German shepherd.
  15. What do you get when a herd of elephants tramples Batman and Robin? Flatman and Ribbon.

Herd Elephants Jokes

Here is a list of funny herd elephants jokes and even better herd elephants puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ? They became Flatman and Ribbon...
  • Did you hear about the antelope... Did you hear about the antelope that was trampled by a herd of elephants while getting dressed?
    He was a self dressed stamped antelope.
  • What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels... At least the elephants you could reason with
  • What is the difference between a priest and a rabbi? They both aren't a herd of elephants getting in a squabble with a group of TSA workers at the airport.
  • What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being trampled by a herd of elephants.
  • What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill? Swim for it Jane!

Herd Immunity Jokes

Here is a list of funny herd immunity jokes and even better herd immunity puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have a joke on immunity... but you have probably herd it.
  • Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to spend Christmas together? Because they have herd immunity.
  • Why do sheep not get covid? They have herd immunity.
  • In Greek mythology, Chiron was known for his knowledge and skill with medicine One could even call him the Centaur for Disease Control.
    He was a big believer in herd immunity.
Herd joke, In Greek mythology, Chiron was known for his knowledge and skill with medicine

Herd Goats Jokes

Here is a list of funny herd goats jokes and even better herd goats puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There will be no shushing me! Like the goats in my country, I will be herd.
Herd joke, There will be no shushing me!

The Funniest Herd Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about herd you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean swarm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make herd pranks.

Did Jesus die a v**...?

Cuz I herd he got nailed

A cow joke

Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

Once upon a time, there were two cavemen...

There were two cavemen overlooking the tundra.
Caveman 1: Hey look! A flock of elephants!
Caveman 2: Herd?
Caveman 1: Herd of what?
Caveman 2: HERD of elephants.
Caveman 1: 'course I have! There's a flock of them, right over there!

What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

The attorney charges more.

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.
It was a herd shot round the world.

A young man visiting a ranch went out walking with... of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

Civics teacher dropped this on us today.

Have you heard about the new Nasa program? They're fixing up one of their shuttles and sending some cows into space to study. It'll be the herd shot around the world!

Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:

"hey look, a bunch of cows!"
The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"
His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"
The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"
The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"

A married couple

A married couple driving along the country side and got in an argument. They're so mad at each other that neither one is saying a word to the other. Until the guy drives past a herd of cows and says to his wife "relatives of yours?" His wife instantly replies "Yes! They're my in-laws."

Hey look! A flock of cows!

Herd of cows...
Of course I've heard of cows there's a flock right over there!

What do you call a herd of m**... cattle?

Beef strokanoff.

A European m**... goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.
However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The m**... looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "
In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

Did you know that NASA sent a bunch of cows into orbit?

It was the herd shot round the world.

An albino child in an African tribe...

This puts the tribe's chief in a fury and immediatly summons the white m**... that was sent by the Church in his village.
Chief: "Explain the white kid, white man!"
Priest: "Well, you see, a white child amongst your black tribe is... like the black lamb that was recently born in your herd of white sheep, they..."
Chief, interrupting: "If... if you keep quiet about the black lamb, I'll keep quiet about the child."

What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness?

"You herd me!"

So, a stutterer was a wedding

He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses

Sheepdogs aren't used to herd sheep in Germany

They use German Shepherds instead

A Texan cowboy was walking down the road

When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."

Confucius say to quiet the herd

One must shut the flock up

Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.

Suddenly there is a loud noise from the sheep area.
Tom the border collie jumps up asking, "Did you hear that from the sheep, Boomer?"
Boomer the Collie: "Of course I herd them."

A shepherd was looking for a sheep that ran away

Forget it, you've already herd this one.

Two cows are standing in a field in Canada in the year 2003.

One cow turns to the other and says, "we gotta watch out. I hear mad cow disease has been spreading through the herd." The other cow looks towards him and says, "what are telling me for? I'm not a cow, I'm a duck!"

You can't keep your secret from a sheepdog.

It herd everything.

What is the difference between the American Revolutionary War and several cows being launched into space?

One was the shot heard around the world and the other is a herd shot around the world.

cow herd holding a meeting to trap poachers.....

cow head: moo moo moo moo moo moo moo.
cow herd: moo moo moo
all nodded in unison: a pen.

A herd of cattle... A m**... of crows...

...a migraine of children...

Why did the zombie herd ignore the feminist?

Because they were hungry for brains

Did you hear about the herd of cows that broke into a m**... field?

The steaks have never been higher!

A man and his wife just had an argument, and are very angry with each other.

The man is driving his wife to a family gathering when they suddenly see a herd of pigs crossing the road in front of them. Seizing the chance, the husband cheerily asks:
- "Hey, look! Are they some relatives of yours?
And his wife quickly replies,
- "Yeah, my parents-in-law!"

A herd of elk charged an unsuspecting group of tourists

They don't take cash

What do you call a herd of giggling cows?

Laughing stock.

Herding sheep.

A sheep herder is watching his dog herd all their sheep into a pen. The dog finishes and says "Master, I've got all 30 sheep in the pen". The man looks at the sheep, then back to the dog and says "but I only count 26". The dog says "I know, I rounded them up".

A man in Wisconsin got trampled by stampeding cows

At least, that's what I herd

A disgruntled cow complains about the way it's treated

The Cow grumbles under its breath "This lousy cowboy does nothing but push me around all day"
Cowboy: "What's that you said?"
Cow: "You herd me!"


Someone who takes the herd of screws from the ranch to the market.

A herd of m**... cattle is called Beef Stroganoff, but what do you call it when they do it to each other?

Hamburger Helper

I could tell you a joke about farming...

But it would be the corniest joke you'd ever herd...

Why are there so many more kids working in fishing than on ranches?

Because everyone knows children should be seine and not herd.

A herd of cattle got into a cannabis farm and began to graze...

When asked how serious the situation was, the owner responded, "the steaks have never been higher!"

A group of crows is called a m**..., a group of cows is called a herd. What do you call a group of l**...?

...a lick.

A herd of cows were standing in a field of m**....

The steaks have never been so high.

I was going to tell you a joke about cattle

But you probably have herd it before

A husband and wife been arguing all day:

They pass a herd of jackasses. He says: Relatives of yours?
She says: Yep, in-laws

What's transparent and runs in the fields?

A herd of wild windows

What did the w**... farmer say when he saw a herd of cattle eating his crops?

The steaks are high.

What do you call an Arabian Prince that owns a herd of cows?

A 'Milk Sheik'.

What do you call a herd of turtles?


Two men are organizing a herd of deer.

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.
Seeing as the had 26 deer, they decided to label each one with a letter of the alphabet. As they're herding them into an enclosure, they realize they only had 25.
One of them's missing, said the first man.
Oh dear.

What do you call a herd of cows m**...?

Beef strokin' off

I love my job! exclaimed the farmer. All you do is boss me around all day! complained one of his sheep. What did you say? challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

You herd me.

A husband and wife had been arguing all-day

They passed a herd of jackasses, she drawls "relatives of yours?"
"Yes!" he says, "In-laws"

What did the cows write on their protest signs when the farmer made them social distance due to COVID?

We just want to be herd.

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied

Did you hear about the farmer that called his herd of pigs and ended up being trampled?

Was the first report of sooey-cide in the whole state.

Driving down a country road I pointed to a flock of cows...

Son: Herd of cows, dad.
Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!

A little boy walked up to the farmer watching over cows in his field.

Boy:wow! Would you look at that bunch of cows!
Farmer: Herd
Boy: Heard of what?
Farmer: Herd of cows
Boy: Of course I've heard of cows
Farmer: No, a cow herd
Boy: what do I care what a cow heard? I got no secrets from a cow.
(No punchline but my dad used to say it every time we passed cows on road trips and it still makes me smile)

One of the only jokes I know

What a cute bunch of cows!
It's not a bunch, it's a herd
Heard of what?
Herd of cows
Well, duh, of course I've heard of cows!
No, a cow herd
What do I care what a cow heard?

Sorry if it's lame

I love jokes about sheep dogs..

I won't be satisfied until I've herd them all.

I shouted at a shepherd the other day...

He said You what?
I replied You herd

A farmer was sitting in his barn. After a long day he was admiring his work.

Farmer: I love my job
Sheep: Yeah cause all you do is boss us all day
The farmer not believing what just happened
Farmer: What did you just say..!?
Sheep: You herd us.

Herd joke, A farmer was sitting in his barn. After a long day he was admiring his work.

jokes about herd