Herd Jokes
120 herd jokes and hilarious herd puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about herd that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Herd Short Jokes
Short herd jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The herd humour may include short flock of sheep jokes also.
- "I love my job!" said the farmer "All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.
"What did you say?" said the farmer.
"You herd me." - A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date... German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"
Sheep: "You herd me." - Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- "Look! A flock of cows!" "Look! A flock of cows!"
"Herd."
"What was that?"
"Herd of cows..."
"Well of course I've heard of cows."
There's a whole flock of them right over there!" - A joke I just invented (I think!) I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.
- This is my all time favorite joke Old man: I love my job
Young boy: all you do is round up sheep
Old man: what did you say to me?
Young boy: you herd - I just finished the book my friend gifted me on herd mentality. But I haven't read the reviews yet so I don't know if I like it.
- A herd of sheep walks into a bar. One of the sheep says "A round of beers, please."
The bartender says "Okay, so that's one, two, three, four.... five..... six.......
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz........." - A husband and wife been arguing all day: They pass a herd of jackasses. He says: Relatives of yours?
She says: Yep, in-laws - I do not want to hear any more jokes about cows…. I've herd them all so don't udder a single word.
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Herd One Liners
Which herd one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with herd? I can suggest the ones about crowd and pasture.
- What do you call a stampeding herd of Llama? THE ALPACALYPSE
- Why can't you keep a secret from cattle? They herd
- SpaceX to launch ten cows up into orbit It'll be the herd shot around the world.
- What did the insolent sheep mumble to the shepherd? You herd me.
- Bobby told Billy he stopped a stampede. That was the biggest bunch of bull he ever herd.
- NASA launches bovines into space It was the herd shot round the world!
- Why was the herd of well-sighted deer so smart? It was full of good eye deers.
- WHAT DO WE WANT? HERD IMMUNITY! AND WHEN DO WE WANT TO HEAR IT?
(Ok, I see myself out) - What did the sheep say to her abusive shepherd? You're herding me.
- My dad grew up herding sheep in Germany He was a German shepherd.
- What do you get when a herd of elephants tramples Batman and Robin? Flatman and Ribbon.
- Confucius say to quiet the herd One must shut the flock up
- I have a joke on immunity... but you have probably herd it.
- What do you call a herd of turtles? hurdles
- Why do sheep not get covid? They have herd immunity.
Herd Elephants Jokes
Here is a list of funny herd elephants jokes and even better herd elephants puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the antelope... Did you hear about the antelope that was trampled by a herd of elephants while getting dressed?
He was a self dressed stamped antelope. - What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels... At least the elephants you could reason with
- What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being trampled by a herd of elephants.
- What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill? Swim for it Jane!
Herd Immunity Jokes
Here is a list of funny herd immunity jokes and even better herd immunity puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to spend Christmas together? Because they have herd immunity.
Herd Goats Jokes
Here is a list of funny herd goats jokes and even better herd goats puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There will be no shushing me! Like the goats in my country, I will be herd.
The Funniest Herd Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about herd you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean swarm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make herd pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cowboy and the lesbian
A cowboy is sitting in a bar when a woman comes up to him and says, "Wow! Are you a REAL cowboy?" He says, "Well ma'am, I ride a horse, I herd cattle, I rope cattle... I reckon I'm a real cowboy." Then he gives her a lecherous leer and says, "So you like cowboys, do ya?" She says, "Oh don't get the wrong idea, I'm a lesbian." He says, "What's that?" She says, "It means I like women. In fact, all day long I think about nothing but gorgeous n**... women. Kissing them, touching them, having s**... with them... anyway, nice meeting you." And away she goes. A couple minutes later another woman comes by and says, "Hey, are you a REAL cowboy?" He says, "Well, ma'am, I used to think I was, but I just found out I'm a Lesbian."
A cow joke
Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.
Did you hear NASA is going to start launching cattle into space?
It's going to be the herd shot around the world.
What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?
I herd.
Once upon a time, there were two cavemen...
There were two cavemen overlooking the tundra.
Caveman 1: Hey look! A flock of elephants!
Caveman 2: Herd?
Caveman 1: Herd of what?
Caveman 2: HERD of elephants.
Caveman 1: 'course I have! There's a flock of them, right over there!
What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?
The attorney charges more.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a priest and a rabbi?
They both aren't a herd of elephants getting in a squabble with a group of TSA workers at the airport.
A young man visiting a ranch went out walking with...
...one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
Civics teacher dropped this on us today.
Have you heard about the new Nasa program? They're fixing up one of their shuttles and sending some cows into space to study. It'll be the herd shot around the world!
Two men on a train.
One of them occasionaly says a number like 256, 128, 280, 660 and this goes on for a while.
The other one asks him: "Hey what's the deal with with all those numbers?"
"Well, to pass the time, I just count the animals in the herd as the train passes one."
"Wow, cool! How can you do it so fast?"
"Simple, I count the legs and divide by four."
Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:
"hey look, a bunch of cows!"
The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"
His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"
The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"
The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"
Hey look! A flock of cows!
Herd of cows...
Of course I've heard of cows there's a flock right over there!
Why do groups of cows not like new music releases?
Because they've herd it all before
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two sheep are talking
- It seems to me that a man and a dog are working together.
- If you don't drop your ridiculous conspiracy theories the whole herd will laugh at you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A European m**... goes to an African tribe...
... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.
However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The m**... looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "
In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"
What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep?
I herd that.
A farmer and his herd of cows walk into a bar.
The bartender says to the farmer "We don't serve your kine here."
What did the sheep say to the sheepdog faking deafness?
"You herd me!"
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a group of cows is called a herd, and a group of birds is called a flock, what do you call a group of Jews.
A bank.
Sheepdogs aren't used to herd sheep in Germany
They use German Shepherds instead
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Texan cowboy was walking down the road
When a little old lady walked up to him and asked, "Are you one of those cowboys every body talks about?"
"Why yes ma'am I am." He replied
"The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?" She continued.
"Yes ma'am I am."
"The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?" She inquired
"Yes ma'am I am"
Obviously displeased she scowled at him and said "Well you ought to be hung!"
The cowboy smiled and replied,
"Yes ma'am I am."
What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a herd of women on Black Friday?
"You gotta Mufasa"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy is sitting in a bar...
A woman sits down next to him and says, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He says, "Well ma'am, I ride a horse all day, herd cattle, rope cattle, brand cattle. I reckon I'm a real cowboy alright. So... you like cowboys, do ya?"
She says, "Oh, don't get the wrong idea. I'm a lesbian."
Cowboy says, "What's that?"
She says, "It means I like women. All I think about all day is women. Beautiful, sensual, e**..., n**... women. Nice to meet a real cowboy though." Then she gets up and leaves.
Another woman comes and sits down. "Say there... are you a real cowboy?"
He ponders for a moment and says, "Well ma'am, I used to think I was. But I just found out I'm a lesbian."
Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.
Suddenly there is a loud noise from the sheep area.
Tom the border collie jumps up asking, "Did you hear that from the sheep, Boomer?"
Boomer the Collie: "Of course I herd them."
A shepherd was looking for a sheep that ran away
Forget it, you've already herd this one.
You can't keep your secret from a sheepdog.
It herd everything.
What is the difference between the American Revolutionary War and several cows being launched into space?
One was the shot heard around the world and the other is a herd shot around the world.
cow herd holding a meeting to trap poachers.....
cow head: moo moo moo moo moo moo moo.
cow herd: moo moo moo
all nodded in unison: a pen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A herd of cattle... A m**... of crows...
...a migraine of children...
Why did the zombie herd ignore the feminist?
Because they were hungry for brains
What do you call a bunch of farm cattle with their vertebrae removed?
A spineless cow herd.
A herd of elk charged an unsuspecting group of tourists
They don't take cash
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Blonde that wanted to prove she wasn't dumb.
A blonde woman kept getting told she was dumb because she was blonde.
She decided to dye her hair black and show people how smart she was.
She approached a farmer with a herd of sheep and asked him.
-"Sir, if i can guess how many sheep you have there, will you give me one?"
-"Well ma'am, i suppose, if you guess the exact number i'll let you have one".
-"Alright, you have 134 sheep".
-"I'll be d**..., that's exactly right, well, pick the one you like".
-"THIS ONE!"
-"If i guess the natural color of your hair, can i have my dog back?"
I saw a news article about how some wildlife biologists wanted to learn more about water buffalo, so they put on shaggy costumes and tried to join a herd.
But it was just fake gnus.
Cow voices matter
They need to be herd
Feel like nobody listens to you?
Feel like nobody listens to you?
Get a cattle dog they totally herd you.
Did you hear about the farm that got taken over by animals?
I herd it was a mootiny
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Difference between gay and priest.
Whats the difference between a gay guy and a priest?.
The way they say amen(Ah men).
Am not sure if i herd this before i am sure i made it up myself.
A man in Wisconsin got trampled by stampeding cows
At least, that's what I herd
A disgruntled cow complains about the way it's treated
The Cow grumbles under its breath "This lousy cowboy does nothing but push me around all day"
Cowboy: "What's that you said?"
Cow: "You herd me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend always says how he loves hippopotamuses, but he just made fun of a herd of them....
Why is he so hippocritical?
Screwdriver
Someone who takes the herd of screws from the ranch to the market.
Two mathematicians are talking to each other
Mathematician 1: so I herd you got a girlfriend, is she hot?
Mathematician 2: Yea she's a real square root of 100
Mathematician 1: Mine too, but -100
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A herd of m**... cattle is called Beef Stroganoff, but what do you call it when they do it to each other?
Hamburger Helper
Why was the cow yelling at the rest of the herd?
She was in a terrible moo-d
I could tell you a joke about farming...
But it would be the corniest joke you'd ever herd...
What's your profession? ... Sir, did you hear me?
I herd.
Why are there so many more kids working in fishing than on ranches?
Because everyone knows children should be seine and not herd.
A herd of cattle got into a cannabis farm and began to graze...
When asked how serious the situation was, the owner responded, "the steaks have never been higher!"
I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull...
I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ........but they kind of taste like peppermint.
The USSR also sent cattle along with the monkey that went to space...
...it was the herd shot around the world.
When is a herd not a herd?
When it's a shepherd.
Did you know their are cows missing?
Yeah, no ones really herd anything.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of crows is called a m**..., a group of cows is called a herd. What do you call a group of l**...?
...a lick.
I was going to tell you a joke about cattle
But you probably have herd it before
What's transparent and runs in the fields?
A herd of wild windows
Two men are organizing a herd of deer.
Two men are organizing a herd of deer.
Seeing as the had 26 deer, they decided to label each one with a letter of the alphabet. As they're herding them into an enclosure, they realize they only had 25.
One of them's missing, said the first man.
Oh dear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, I was driving and saw a herd of m**... Cattle !
Beef Stroganoff
What did the cows write on their protest signs when the farmer made them social distance due to COVID?
We just want to be herd.
A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.
A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied
Did you hear about the farmer that called his herd of pigs and ended up being trampled?
Was the first report of sooey-cide in the whole state.
Driving down a country road I pointed to a flock of cows...
Son: Herd of cows, dad.
Me: Well of course I've heard of cows, there's a whole flock of them over there!
