Her Majesty Jokes
31 her majesty jokes and hilarious her majesty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about her majesty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Her Majesty Short Jokes
Short her majesty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The her majesty humour may include short majesty jokes also.
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, king Charles II of England.
- [OC] Why don't dyslexics like the story of King Arthur? They think it's about the romance and majesty of Camelto.
- The queen of England f**... and quickly looked for someone else to blame. "Bidwell!" she shouted to a servant, "stop that this instant!"
"Of course, your majesty," he replied. "Which way did it go?" - When I look up at the majesty of all them stars it really gets me to thinkin, when we gonna get that ding d**... roof patched up!?
Ah horse apples! - What do you call a cousin-f**... in the U.S? A r**....
What do you call a cousin-f**... in Europe?
Your Majesty.
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Her Majesty One Liners
Which her majesty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with her majesty? I can suggest the ones about queen of england and queen elizabeth.
- Your Majesty, the peasants are revolting! I know, I wish they would wash..!
- Due to recent events, James Bond no longer works for her majesty's secret service.
- What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice? The Royal Wii.
Her Majesty Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about her majesty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean princess jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make her majesty pranks.
A british Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
A British Jew is to be knighted by the King.
He is to kneel in front of him and recite a sentence in Latin when he taps him on the shoulders with his sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, His Majesty turns to his advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
Queen Elizabeth arrives to Heaven ...
St Peter lets her in and gives her a tour around the heavenly garden.
-Here are all your family members, previous pets and people of historical significance during your reign.
Liz looks around this multitude of people who wave at her, smiling. Suddenly she stops and calls St.Peter aside.
-What the F***?, Diana has a bigger halo than me!! I reigned for decades, saw my country trough wars and depressions and wars again, gave god, freedom and peace to nations all around the world, surely I deserve a bigger halo than her!!
-Your Majesty, that is a steering wheel...
The king asks a commoner...
"Give me your daughter's hand in marriage, and I'll give you her weight in jewels."
"I will need a couple days first." - Replies the commoner
"To think it over?" asks his majesty.
"No - to fatten her up."
A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention
He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"
My dad got me with this one earlier.
"So, you know how ships from America are USS whatever, right? Well, that stands for United States Ship. In England, they use HMS. And that means Her Majesty's Ship. In Italy, though, they use AMB. Know what that means?"
"What?"
"ATTSA MY BOAT!"
Sir Dimalot strode into the throne room and bowed before the king.
"Your majesty," he said, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the villages of your enemies in the north."
The king looked perplexed. "But I do not have any enemies in the north."
"Ah," replied the knight, realising his mistake. "I fear you do now."
Ig the Knight
Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!
To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.
Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."
A member of the family in a London medical college was appointed an honorary physician to the king.
He proudly wrote a notice on the blackboard in his class-room room : " Professor Jennings informs his students that he has been appointed honorary physician to His Majesty, King George."
When he returned to the class-room in the afternoon he found written below his notice this line :
" God save the King."
The French Ambassador was on a visit to the U.K.
During one stage of the visit, he was travelling in the Royal Carriage with Her Majesty the Queen.
Suddenly, one of the horses let out a tremendously loud and powerful f**....
"Oh dear, one can only apologise!" Said the Queen.
The French Ambassador was shocked. "I thought it was the horse!"
A question of chromosomes, don't ask him Y
A prince out for a ride in his carriage caught sight of a man who looked very much like him. He called the man over and asked him curiously,
Tell me, was your mother ever in the service at the palace?
Holding himself very straight, the commoner replied,
No, your majesty. But my father was.
If James Bond movies were about food...
These could be their titles:
* On Her Majesty's Secret Recipe
* Donuts are Forever
* Octopie
* Moonbaker
* The Spy Who Loved Meat
* License to Grill
* GoldenPie
* Diet Another Day
* All The Food In The World Is Not Enough
* Cashew Chicken Royale
A Fairy Tale
After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.
"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"
"A king, since you asked," whispers Stefan, "…but don't tell that to the queen!"
A Guy is Walking Through a Marina
He looks over and sees a Boat with AMB on the prow.
As he's thinking about it....
American ships are called USS...United States Ship
British are called HMS...Her Majesty's Ship
For the life of him he could not place what AMB would stand for.
So he calls down to the gentleman standing on the boat:
"Excuse me but what does the label "AMB" stand for?"
The guy looks up and yells, "ATSA MY BOAT!!!"
Donald Meets The Queen of England!
Together the Queen of England and Donald Trump proceeded to Buckingham Palace in a carriage drawn by six white horses. Regrettably, the rear horse let go of a putrid and lingering f**.... The coach stunk like a sewage treatment plant, and the Queen turned to Donald and said: "Mister Trump, please accept my humblest apologies, but there are some things that even a Queen cannot control." Donald quickly replied: "Please don't give it a second thought Your Majesty; but I must tell you, I really thought it was one of the horses".
The Queen and Dolly Parton die on the same day...
The Queen and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven.
She takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm proud to own them."
St. Peter thanks Dolly, and asks the Queen the same question.
She then drops her skirt and p**..., takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting hygiene act, and gets in, and I don't?!!!"
"Sorry, Dolly," says St. Peter, "But a royal flush beats a pair any day."
My friend just sent me that and it made my Friday.
Lancelot!
Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him.
"I want to be with the Queen, help me"
So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Queen starts to feel the effect. Arthur, desperate, calls Merlin to advise him on what to do.
"Your majesty, this is an enchantment which only the saliva of noble knight Lancelot can cure. He must apply it to the Queen for three hours"
The King concedes, and Lancelot has his wish granted. The next day, Merlin goes to Lancelot:
"I've kept my part. Pay me"
"What? I won't pay you for only three hours!"
This angers Merlin, who leaves, then puts itchy powder on the King's boxers. Arthur, in pain, calls out:
"Lancelot!"
The most trustworthy knight
A king is about to set out on a journey far away from his home, and must leave his wife behind, but is worried about her faithfulness. He asks the local blacksmith to create a chastity belt that will keep his wife faithful, and so the blacksmith gets to work right away. The blacksmith brings the king a set of metal undergarments with a lock in the back, and a large hole in the front. The king asks why the blacksmith would leave a hole in such a spot. The blacksmith proceeds to get a short stick, and place it in the hole. Immediately, the end of the stick is chopped off by a blade within the hole. The king is impressed, so he leaves on his way after giving the undergarments to his wife. On the day the king returned, he assembled all of his knights in a line, and told them to drop their pants, in order to see who had tried to have their way with his wife. To his displeasure, the king saw that all down the line, every knight had lost his member to the blade, with the exception of one. The king congratulated the knight on his trustworthiness, and asked that he be made the new general in his army. The knight simply shook his head. The king asked again, and again the knight simply shook his head. Confused, the king asked the knight why he refused to accept such an honor, only to have the next knight in line turned to the king and say, "Forgive him, your majesty, he has had trouble speaking since his tongue was chopped off."
A foreign dignitary visiting Russia...
was invited to have dinner with Catherine the Great. After a few glasses of wine the man asked the Empress "Your majesty I probably shouldn't ask you this but I've been hearing stories lately and I must know, Are the rumors true?"
The woman's face turned bright red "I don't know where people come up with these things," she told the man quickly."I would never have s**... with a horse."
The man sat for a moment clearly embarrassed and after a long uncomfortable silence said "So Russia is not going to invade Poland?"
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."