Help I Accidentally Jokes
24 help i accidentally jokes and hilarious help i accidentally puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about help i accidentally that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Help I Accidentally Short Jokes
Short help i accidentally jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The help i accidentally humour may include short accidentally jokes also.
- So I was helping a friend move house yesterday and I accidentally picked up his housemate's woofer.... Woops, wrong sub!
- Proof-reading is vital - for example, you may accidentally type "I helped my uncle j**... a horse." When in reality, all you did was sit and watch.
- Friend says "Help I had s**... with this girl and accidentally peed inside her and now she won't talk to me" Other friend's response: "Sounds like u**... trouble"
Cr - Found a better reason for commas than accidentally helping uncle j**... a horse. "f**...' A, baby" and "f**...' a baby".
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Help I Accidentally One Liners
Which help i accidentally one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with help i accidentally? I can suggest the ones about accidentally dropped and mistake.
- Help! I accidentally swallowed a mint! Never mind, I'm cool now.
- Help, I accidentally ... build a shelf?!? What should I do?
Help I Accidentally Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about help i accidentally you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean whoops jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make help i accidentally pranks.
A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,
a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."
So Fred has accidentally cut off John's ear with his s**....
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his s**... and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back in the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
A caring son
It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!! " the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up. "
"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to. "
"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it. "
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset. "
"Don't be foolish! " the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he? "
"Under the wagon. "
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...
...and rubbed them against the car door.
Magically, it opened!!
"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"
"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."
My Wife won't like it
One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very s**... and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"
God wants to take a vacation
But he has no idea where to go. His archangel, Michael, is helping him decide.
"How about Pluto?" He asks
"Nah, it's too cold there."
"Well, what about Saturn?"
"Nah, not a fan of the rings."
"Well then how about Earth?"
"Are you kidding me? I vacationed there 2,000 years ago, accidentally knocked this chick up, and they're still talking about it!"
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.
Donald Trump's lawyer walks into a bar…
... And sits down next to Trump.
He says, "I'm sorry but I can't really help you. You're looking at life in prison for treason."
Frustrated, Trump pays the bartender and storms out. On his way out he accidentally bumps into Mike Pence.
He says to Pence, "Pardon me."
A man walks into the ER
And the doctor asks "whats the problem?".
The man replies "Well sir, I seem to have slipped and accidentally fell onto this ketchup bottle and its definitely stuck in there. Can you help?"
The doctor looks at the patient, twists the bottle and it pops rather quickly. The doctor stares for a moment and simply says "Now explain the c**...".
HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPS LOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MAD BECAUSE THEY THINK I AM SHOUTING AT THEM OVER INTERNET. PLEASE HELP!!!
Ivan and Peter got drunk in the local bar...
They were neighbors so they were walking home together. As they were walking Ivan stopped and told his friend:
,, I really have to per but I am too drunk to hold it myself. Can you do this for me?"
,,No" said Peter.
,, But I really have to..." continued Ivan.
,,Okay. But be fast." said the poor friend.
Peter closed his eyes and tried to help Ivan but accidentally he put his hand in his friend's pocket and took out a cucumber out of the pocket.
,, I think I tore off your.." said Peter but didn't open his eyes.
,, Oh, I feel the blood flowing down my pants" shouted Ivan.
P.S.:
Sorry for my bad English.
A beautiful black woman was filling her car with gas...
I noticed that she wasn't paying much attention; she was looking at her phone as she removed the pump from her car and accidentally spilled gasoline on herself.
As she got into her car she pulled out a cigarette and lit it, but the gasoline on her arm set on fire. Luckily, there was a cop a couple pumps away, so she ran out of her car and ran at him, waving her burning arm at him for help.
The cop was completely caught off guard and, in his confusion, he shot her.
I wasn't that surprised though... it was her fault for running at him with a firearm.
fake gorilla joke
a nearly broke zoo had trouble maintaining and caring for the gorillas, so they had to sell them to a different zoo.
to keep the exhibit open, they dressed up a staff member in a gorilla suit.
for the next week, the fake gorilla was placed in the cage and paid to act real, and he loved it!
everyone loved him, thinking he was a real gorilla, but one day he went too far, climbed up the side of his enclosure (electric fence didn't hurt him through the suit) and accidentally fell into the lion pit!
"help me!" "I'm gonna die!" the fake gorilla screamed.
the lion roared, ran over to the gorilla, and growled in his face:
"shut up or we'll both get fired!"
My friend told me this joke
It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"
"Under the wagon."
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.
The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."