Helmet Jokes
62 helmet jokes and hilarious helmet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about helmet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Feeling bored? Check out our collection of helmet jokes! With puns about military helmets, bicycle pith helmets and BMX rides, these fun jokes will keep you entertained for hours. Laugh away with our helmet jokes today!
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Funniest Helmet Short Jokes
Short helmet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The helmet humour may include short skull jokes also.
- My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day. So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.
- Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet The view was breathtaking
- What do you call a Russian wearing a head scarf, a balaclava and a helmet? Anything you want. He can't hear a thing.
- I've heard that head injuries can cause memory loss, but I still don't wear a bike helmet. I don't even remember the last time I fell off my bike.
- Voldemort tried to kill my grandpa twice during the war! That's why his helmet has two lighting bolts.
- My grandfather was an electrician during WWII. His uniform had a helmet with two thunderbolts on it
- People always tell me to wear a helmet while skateboarding... I can't even remember the last time I hit my head.
- My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like she was special... ...so I got her a helmet and a box of crayons!
- I ain't saying she's a gold digger. . . But you don't buy a pickaxe and mining helmet on a whim
- I tried to wear a pheasant as a helmet But I just couldn't seem to get my head in the game.
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Helmet One Liners
Which helmet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with helmet? I can suggest the ones about torso and forehead.
- She asked me to make her feel special So I gave her a helmet and crayons.
- Why did the bee wear a helmet on the first day of spring? To protect its buzz-y head!
- What does the N on the Nebraska football team's helmet stand for? Nowledge.
- How does Kylo Ren talk on the phone in his helmet? He uses a hans free device
- Why couldn't Jango wear Boba's helmet? It didn't Fett.
- A construction worker without a helmet walks into a bar. Ouch.
- TIL Vikings didn't have horns on their head. Instead, they had horns on their helmets.
- As a safety precaution all pans bought today come with a free helmet.
- My friend asked me to describe football in just three words "My helmet hurts"
- How did Kris Kross die? They got in a bike accident, they had their helmets backwards.
- How do you call someone who plays Basketball and wears a horned helmet? Lebronze Age
- What does Mike Tyson wear to protect himself against R.Kelly? A pith helmet.
- Why is cycling on the road so dangerous? A single helmet can crack your windscreen.
- Why didn't British explorers dig latrines? They had pith helmets.
- Why Do Some Bikers Not Wear Helmets? Because they have thick skulls.
Pith Helmet Jokes
Here is a list of funny pith helmet jokes and even better pith helmet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Private, you want to explain why your helmet is wet? But Thir, the lispy Private replies, You thaid it wath a pith helmet!
Charming Humor Helmet Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about helmet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bonnet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make helmet pranks.
Jets Fan
A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."
Cats and ladders
A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
How do the r**... keep their name?
Make a deal with Planters and put Mr. Peanut on the helmet.
The first testicular guard was used in Cricket...
The first testicular guard was used in Cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
My girlfriend told me I look "uncool" with a bike helmet on...
Well you know I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during s**....
Why is Darth Vader's helmet so p**...?
...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.
The first testicular guard, the "cup", was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means that it only took 100 years for men to figure out that their brain is also important.
Quit laughing.
I always wear a helmet during i**... cause I'm a firm believer in safe s**....
Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.
At the urinals
Stood next to a guy with a bike helmet on at the urinals at the train station, thought it would be hilarious to say "nice helmet", never seen someone so shocked in my life.
Stormtrooper helmets
I would wear a stormtrooper helmet everytime I went for a ride on a motorcycle to avoid HITTING anything.
A genie grants a Bear and a Squirrel each 3 wishes.
Wish 1: The Bear wishes that every bear in the world would become female.
Wish 1: The squirrel wishes for a motorcycle he can ride.
Wish 2: The Bear wishes that every female bear in the world would fall in love with him.
Wish 2: The Squirrel wishes for a helmet.
Wish 3: The Bear wishes that none of the female bears ever wanted to get married.
Wish 3: The Squirrel wishes the Bear was gay.
I chided my biker friend for actually asking me if he should wear a helmet.
That's a no-brainer.
My wife tells me I look uncool wearing a bike helmet
But I'd rather look uncool than fall and split my head open during s**....
The first jockstrap in ice hockey was introduced in 1874. The helmet was first obligatory in 1974.
So it took precisely 100 years before men realized that the brain eventually could be useful too.
what do you call a cyclist without a helmet?
an o**... donor.
My wife said she'd polish my helmet this evening. I'm happy and she said it's what she's always wanted...
...my medieval bascinet has a lovely gleam and she gets her night in, shining armour.
Wearing a helmet while riding a motorbike is wise..
But having a transparent panel on it?? Now, that's visor..
I've started wearing a bike helmet, cause I find safety important. Now people stare and make fun of me.
I'll never go to that spinning class again.
Two eggs are about to have s**...
And the guy egg puts on a c**... helmet...
The girl egg asks "why the helmet?"
He replies "The last time I was this hard, I got hit on the head with a spoon!"
A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.
Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."
Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that person?"
Officer: "Well, I'm afraid, not. We haven't found the rest of the body yet."
A child and his father were going to ride their bikes.
Child: \*wearing a beanie
Father: When you are going to ride your bike, you should always wear a helmet
Child: Don't worry dad, this is better. I already tested it.
Father: How?
Child: I threw them both out of the 3rd floor window. The helmet broke.
An couple of Swedish jokes
What does it say at the bottom of a Norwegian swimming pool?
- No smoking allowed.
Why do Norwegian motor bikers wear pyjamas hats instead of helmets?
- Because the helmet broke during the 300 metre free fall test.
Why did the Norwegian bring a car door to the desert?
- so he could roll the window down in case it gets too hot.
What does a Norwegian calculator say you if you enter 1 + 1?
- please wait...
A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up.
A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.
The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pretends to read.
The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent and roars, "Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?"
The gorilla says, "You mean the one that nailed you from behind?"
The lion says, "You mean it's in the paper already?"
My grandad was highly decorated during WW2....
In fact, many people believe it was the tinsel and balloon on his helmet that got him shot.
A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.
They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck n**... woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.
The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "
The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Japan!"
The Viking shakes his head and says " No! She is in truth a Viking! Behold the beard of Thor!"
I told the cute girl at the grocery store that I wanted to make her mine. Was all smiles and as happy as anything...
For some reason, she got mad when I gave her a pick axe and a helmet with a light on the front.
army recruitment
If a war breaks out, I think they will take me to communication because I'm an electrical technician. When it was the last war, my grandfather was probably also in communication because he had two lightning bolts on his helmet.
The bicyclist
A bicyclist walks into a bar wearing his bike helmet with a headlamp strapped on it for riding at night. "Nice head light," the bartender comments as he gets the biker a beer. "Yeah, it gets dark so early, I had to get it for riding at night," the biker says. "It makes me look like a miner." "No," the bartender replies. "I'd say you still look about 45."
