Helm Jokes

5 helm jokes and hilarious helm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about helm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Hilarious Fun Helm Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What is a good helm joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A pirate captain with a peg leg walks into a bar.

On his c**..., he's got a ship's helm fastened to him.
The old pirate settles into the bar.
The bartender serves him a drink and finally asks the obvious, "what is the purpose of the helm on your c**...?"
The pirate answers: "Arrrr, I dunno, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.

They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck n**... woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.
The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "
The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Japan!"
The Viking shakes his head and says " No! She is in truth a Viking! Behold the beard of Thor!"

Why are ships referred to as "she"

A fortune is spent trying to make them look pretty and without a man at the helm, they become an unpredictable death trap.

A steamboat captain brought his son along on a short cruise upriver to show him what he does for a living, but all the kid wanted to do was steer the boat. Insisting that his father taught him enough to handle the job, he asked the pilot to let him take the helm...

"Okay..." said the pilot. "But you must pass a small test first. If I asked you to turn to the left, what nautical term should I use?"
"Turn to port!" said the boy.
"Correct!" said the pilot.
"If I wanted you to turn the boat to the right, what direction would that be?"
"Starboard!" said boy grinning from ear to ear.
"Good for you!" said the pilot.

"And straight?" asked the pilot.
The boy quickly replied, "Without ice!"

I once saw an angry perplexed pirate...

...with a helm on his c**.... Asked him why he had that. He replied, "ARRRR, it be driving me nuts."
Credit to SMBC's Zack Weinersmith for the joke :)

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