Helm Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Helm jokes. There are some helm sail jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these helm nautical puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Hilarious Fun Helm Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

A pirate captain with a peg leg walks into a bar.

On his c**..., he's got a ship's helm fastened to him.

The old pirate settles into the bar.

The bartender serves him a drink and finally asks the obvious, "what is the purpose of the helm on your c**...?"

The pirate answers: "Arrrr, I dunno, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

A Knight, a Samurai, and a Viking are lost in a desert.

They see someone in the distance, and as they draw closer, they realise it's a buck n**... woman in a crusader's helmet with a samurai sword on her back.

The knight exclaims, "Look at her helm. Surely she is of my people! "

The samurai says "Nay! See the sword. She is obviously from Japan!"

The Viking shakes his head and says " No! She is in truth a Viking! Behold the beard of Thor!"

Why are ships referred to as "she"

A fortune is spent trying to make them look pretty and without a man at the helm, they become an unpredictable death trap.

A steamboat captain brought his son along on a short cruise upriver to show him what he does for a living, but all the kid wanted to do was steer the boat. Insisting that his father taught him enough to handle the job, he asked the pilot to let him take the helm...

"Okay..." said the pilot. "But you must pass a small test first. If I asked you to turn to the left, what nautical term should I use?"

"Turn to port!" said the boy.

"Correct!" said the pilot.

"If I wanted you to turn the boat to the right, what direction would that be?"

"Starboard!" said boy grinning from ear to ear.

"Good for you!" said the pilot.

"And straight?" asked the pilot.

The boy quickly replied, "Without ice!"

I once saw an angry perplexed pirate...

...with a helm on his c**.... Asked him why he had that. He replied, "ARRRR, it be driving me nuts."

Credit to SMBC's Zack Weinersmith for the joke :)

A man walks into a bar and sees a pirate with the helm of a ship in his pants.

The man is quite confused and stares for a while. Finally, he approaches the pirate and asks, "Is that a helm in your pants?" The pirate replies, "Aye!" The man says, "Isn't that driving you crazy?" The pirate says, "It's driving me nuts!"

Helmholtz Resonators made out of Lampshades, Company name is

Silence of the Lamps

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the helm leadership puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working helm reins piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes