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Helicoptered Jokes

115 helicoptered jokes and hilarious helicoptered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about helicoptered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Helicoptered Short Jokes

Short helicoptered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The helicoptered humour may include short jokes also.

  1. Son In iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
    Dad:Never said I was a good one
  2. I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
  3. Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
  4. Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
    The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter.
  5. A Blonde Crashes a helicopter A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".
  6. A blonde crashes a helicopter... A police officer drives by and exclaims, "What happened!?". She says, "It was getting cold so I turned off the fan".
  7. Two cows are grazing in a field... One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
    The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"
  8. A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?" The Bartender says "No, we only have plane"
  9. Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
    The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"
  10. Two cows are standing in a barn. Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?
    Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

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Helicoptered One Liners

Which helicoptered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with helicoptered? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Why don't helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly.
  2. Life is like a helicopter I have no idea how to operate a helicopter
  3. Why is Mickey Mouse's helicopter no use in Scotland? Disneyland
  4. What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows? A Helenkelicopter.
  5. A helicopter crashes in a graveyard... the police recovered 300 bodies.
  6. Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
  7. A list of things that helicopters do in movies 1. explode
    2. ​
  8. What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job? A patchy gunship
  9. Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border. How did they train it to do that?
  10. Life is a lot like a helicopter. I have no clue how to operate it.
  11. Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter? Hey Look Up There!
  12. A helicopter crashed into a cemetary So far 2 survivors and 300 bodies have been found.
  13. What are the pronouns for someone who identifies as an attack helicopter? Apache/Apachim
  14. Where do Russian helicopter pilots keep their drinks? In Akula
  15. Helicopter rotors are also air conditioners When they stop, the pilot starts sweating.

Helicoptered Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about helicoptered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make helicoptered pranks.

Did you hear about that mad cow disease?

A cow to another: "Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!" The other cow: "Good thing I'm a helicopter!"

Mad cow disease

Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.
The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."
The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...

St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."

A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor

A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

Getting married next week

I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.

Two cows are on a field

one turns to the other and asks " are you worried about mad cow disease" the other says nope. The first cow, was astonished at the ignorance the other cow was showing and barked "WHY?" the second cow slowly turns and shouts "because I am a helicopter"

Helicopter c**...

A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Two cows are standing in a field

...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

What is that thing on top of a helicopter?

A fan. The moment the thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.

An aviation enthusiast enters a bar.

He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."

You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father".

He was meant to come back but he never did.

Mad Cow Disease

So two cows are talking in a field, The first cow says "hey man, you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow says "Naw bro, I'm a helicopter."

I Feel Really Safe

There are police helicopter circling my house.

Breaking news: A helicopter has c**... landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

What's the highest you can fall from without dying?

Is not a question you want to hear right before your friend picks you up in a helicopter.

Did you hear about helicopter that crashed into that graveyard?

Police have so far recovered 54 bodies

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

I s**... identify as an attack helicopter.

Because I explode on impact.

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow turns to the other and says, "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease?"
The other one looks at him and says, "Good thing I'm a helicopter."

Two cows are standing in a field...

One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."
The second says, "oh. Weird."
The first says, "well aren't you worried?"
The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says "Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."
The other cow says "Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."

We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince.

...to shoot at them from a helicopter.

So a man walks into a grocery store and asks the cashier if they have helicopter flavored potato chips.

The cashier says, "sorry we only have plane." ✈️

2 cows were standing in a field

One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"
And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"

BREAKING: Helicopter c**... in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.

Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agreed.
"If you're happy and you know it..."

Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?"

The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"

Two cows are standing in a pasture. The first cow says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow says...

"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."

A man walks into a convenience store

and he asks the clerk, do you have any helicopter flavored chips? The clerk responds, no, we just have plain.

A blonde crashes a helicopter

A policeman arrives shortly and helps the blonde out from the wreckage. "How did this happen?",questions the policeman. The blonde replies,"It got chilly so I turned off the fan."

Why did the Polish helicopter c**...?

The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

2 cows

2 cows are grazing in a field. 1 cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?". The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!".

So this one cow says to the other cow

"Hey have you heard about this mad cow disease?" and the other cow says "Yeah, thank god I'm a helicopter."

George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.

His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?

A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?"

The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."

Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when

Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.
Others:- Why did you do that?
Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country
Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out
Others :- Why?
Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequila in our country.
Donald Trump being anxious, throws Enrique Peña Nieto and exclaims"Too many Mexicans!"

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL h**... WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"

Helicopter flavored potato chips?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

2 cows were talking and one says, "Hey, have you heard about this mad cow disease?"

And the other one says, "Why are you asking me? I'm a helicopter."

A genie appears infront of a man...

And tells him that he can have 3 wishes, but his ex wife will get double anything he asks for.
The man thinks and says "I wish for a trillion dollars"
"It is done. Now your ex also has 2 trillion dollars."
"I wish for the biggest mansion in the world with everything that comes with it, servants, helicopters, the works"
"It is done. Your ex now also has 2 mansions."
The man nods his head and then says "I wish I was beaten half to death"

I walked into the store and asked "do you have any helicopter flavoured chips?"

The cashier says "no , we just have plain".

Two cows are standing in a field.

The first cow says to the second, have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .

The second cow replies, good thing I'm a helicopter.

Two cows are in the middle of a field.

Cow 1: Have you heard about this new disease?
Cow 1: It's being called Mad Cow Disease, It could seriously affect us.
Cow 2: It won't affect me!
Cow 1: Why not?
Cow 2: Because I'm a helicopter!

WHAT DO WE WANT?

Low flying plane noises!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
Nnnnnnyyyyyyyyooooooooo...
\*ducks as the National Guard flies a helicopter over our heads\*

Two cows are grazing next to each other in a field...

One cow says to the other, "The news is so scary with all this talk of mad cow disease, it really has me worried"
The other cow looks over and says ," I'm not worried at all..... I'm a helicopter....."

What did the pirate say to the h**... in the helicopter?

Land h**...!

Doctor to patient with gash on forehead: "What was the last thing you heard before the helicopter rotor hit you?"

"Someone shouting 'Duck, duck go!'"

Whoever invented police helicopters doomed us all

Everything's gonna happen now that pigs can fly

So my dad served in Iraq

Dad: son in Iraq I killed 15 people
Me: dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad: I never said I was good one
(just for record my dad didn't serve in Iraq)

(Last one for the night) - Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow turns and says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow responds...

"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."

You're in a car headed North.

You see a Red Fire Engine, to your right.
And a Fence to your left.
There's a Horse Infront of you
And a Helicopter behind you.
What do you do?
A) Put your drink down. And carefully get off the Merry-Go-Round...

Two cows are standing in a field

The first cow says to the second have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies good thing I'm a helicopter

1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.

Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"
Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"
Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody stole my watch! This is Moscow."

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.
The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out I am the rabbit! And I surrender

Two cows are grazing in a field: You ever worry about Mad Cow Disease?

The other cow goes- Why would I care? I'm a helicopter.

Two guys in a helicopter are crossing a mountain range when the rotor breaks and the chopper is going to c**....

As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a bright red lipstick. He puts lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of the dashboard and shoves it up his a**.... Passenger looks at the pilot in horror and shouts "what the h**... are you doing, we are going to die!" Pilot quietly answers "there's nothing we can do, I'm just giving the c**... investigators something to think about."

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.

Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.

The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"Yes."
"May I speak to him?"
"No."
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"
"No. He's busy talking to the man in the helicopter that's bringing in the search team."
"My Lord!" says the boss, now really worried. "What are they searching for?"
"Me." the kid chortles.

Killer

A grandson asks his grandfather:
Grampa did you get to kill anyone when you were in the army?
Yes, I killed more than 50 men.
But I tought you were an helicopter mechanic!
Yes, but not a good one.