Helicoptered Jokes
115 helicoptered jokes and hilarious helicoptered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about helicoptered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Helicoptered Short Jokes
Short helicoptered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The helicoptered humour may include short jokes also.
- Son In iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad:Never said I was a good one - I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- A Blonde Crashes a helicopter A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".
- A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?" The Bartender says "No, we only have plane"
- 2 cows were standing in a field One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"
And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter" - Whoever invented police helicopters doomed us all Everything's gonna happen now that pigs can fly
- I walked into the store and asked "do you have any helicopter flavoured chips?" The cashier says "no , we just have plain".
- You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father". He was meant to come back but he never did.
- What's the highest you can fall from without dying? Is not a question you want to hear right before your friend picks you up in a helicopter.
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Helicoptered One Liners
Which helicoptered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with helicoptered? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Why don't helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly.
- Life is like a helicopter I have no idea how to operate a helicopter
- Why is Mickey Mouse's helicopter no use in Scotland? Disneyland
- What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows? A Helenkelicopter.
- A helicopter crashes in a graveyard... the police recovered 300 bodies.
- A list of things that helicopters do in movies 1. explode
2. - What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job? A patchy gunship
- Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border. How did they train it to do that?
- Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter? Hey Look Up There!
- A helicopter crashed into a cemetary So far 2 survivors and 300 bodies have been found.
- What are the pronouns for someone who identifies as an attack helicopter? Apache/Apachim
- Where do Russian helicopter pilots keep their drinks? In Akula
- Helicopter rotors are also air conditioners When they stop, the pilot starts sweating.
- I Feel Really Safe There are police helicopter circling my house.
- My friend started a business selling helicopters. It's really starting to take off.
Helicoptered Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about helicoptered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make helicoptered pranks.
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde-made Inventions?
A: Solar Powered Flashlights, Helicopter Ejection Seats, and the Submarine Screen Door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...
St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting married next week
I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Helicopter c**...
A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.
How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier?
The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
A northern californian sees alot of helicopters in the sky...
...he turns to his friend and says, "Hella Copters"
Old couple at the carnival
An elderly couple John, and Janice go to the carnvail where John spots a helicopter ride.
He runs over and says to his wife "Janice I've always wanted to go on a helicopter ride and look its only ten dollars".
Janice then says "John why would we pay money to go on a ride ten dollars is ten dollars". They end up not riding and finish up walking around the carnival until they go home.
A year later when the carnival comes back they go again and John sees the helicopter ride again and runs over to it.
He says to Janice "honey I've wanted to go on this helicopter ride for a while now can we just go"?
Janice says to him "John I'll tell you the same I told you last year, ten dollars is ten dollars".
This happens a few more years until the pilot is tired of them bickering about it and comes up with a solution.
He says to John and Janice "I'll take you both up for free but the catch is, if anyone of you talk I'll charge ten dollars".
Satisfied with the compromise Janice agrees, so they go up and the pilot is trying every maneuver possible to try to get them to scream or talk, but without fail neither talk.
When they land the pilot sees Janice is no longer in the helicopter and asks John "what happened to Janice"? John then exclaims "she fell out about 5 minutes into the ride ". "well why didn't you say anything"? Asks the pilot.
And without missing a beat John says "well ten dollars is ten dollars".
What animal is faster than a cheetah?
A cow dropped out of a helicopter.
A helicopter
There are two men in a helicopter, the gunner says to the pilot,"are you going to rotate clockwise?" The pilot says,"yaw"
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
My Brian Williams's helicopter jokes have been going great!
None have been shot down so far!
What is that thing on top of a helicopter?
A fan. The moment the thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why wouldn't Pope Pius bless any helicopters when they were first manufactured?
Because whenever one started up, the big blades would go "w**......w**...... w**..." and the little blades would go "guineaguineaguinea".
What do you call a pirate's helicopter?
An Eye-patchy helicopter!
>>(Apache)
.
Ill show myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My uncle died after falling out of a helicopter..
..so at his f**... we got him a wreath in the shape of a parachute. Well, it's what he would have wanted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking news: A helicopter has c**... landed into a cemetery in Ireland
The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a helicopter mixed with a rhino??
Well h**...-if-i-know!
Women are like helicopters...
You know they work and you trust them, but if you make any effort to understand them whatsoever you'd be too terrified to go near them.
Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?
Because he was on a higher plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I s**... identify as an attack helicopter.
Because I explode on impact.
An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
Magicians in The Future
"I need a volunteer. Hmm... Yes, you! The attack helicopter in the red shirt!"
Two cows are standing in a field...
One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."
The second says, "oh. Weird."
The first says, "well aren't you worried?"
The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."
We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince.
...to shoot at them from a helicopter.
Compared to planes, helicopters are extremely complex, and have to be crafted with inhuman precision...
It's a wonder they ever took off...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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BREAKING: Helicopter c**... in a New Jersey cemetery
300 dead bodies recovered so far
Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.
Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agreed.
"If you're happy and you know it..."
What do a police officer and a helicopter have in common?
Neither of them are a banana.
Did you hear about the time in someone fixed an attack helicopter with nothing but fabric?
It was apache fix at best
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Polish helicopter c**...?
The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!
Hear about that helicopter that crashed into a Newfoundland cemetery?
So far they've recovered over 80 bodies.
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?
Disneyland
Wits wrong wae Mickey Mouses helicopter?
Disneyland
Why was the young drone unable to be independent?
He had helicopter parents
A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?"
The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."
Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when
Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.
Others:- Why did you do that?
Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country
Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out
Others :- Why?
Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequila in our country.
Donald Trump being anxious, throws Enrique Peña Nieto and exclaims"Too many Mexicans!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL h**... WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"
What's the diffencer between a bird and a helicopter?
It's a matter of a pinion.
I identify as an Apache helicopter
I always have strange army men inside me
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A man dies in a horrible helicopter c**.... What was the last thing on his mind?
The helicopter blade
Trump's cancelled trip to the WWI commemoration is not his fault
His helicopter got a doctor's note claiming it has bone-spurs too.
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Why do female pornstars never take up a second careers flying helicopters in the airforce?
They get them up fine, but they have no experience getting a black hawk down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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So a p**... offered me to do anything for 500 bucks..
I asked her to complete the remote helicopter mission in the GTA Vice City
5 Rajinikanth Jokes
God can walk on water. Rajni can swim through land!
Once Rajnikant was traveling in a helicopter via Switzerland and his wallet fell down. That place is now called Swiss Bank.
People update status via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, etc. Rajinikanth updates status via Calculator!
Government of India pays tax to Rajanikanth for living in India!
Rajinikanth can withdraw money from ATM by using his visiting card.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Jeffrey d**... and a helicopter have in common?
They're choppers.
I really want to try fly fishing, but the equipments are just too expensive!
The helicopter alone will cost thousands
Can any of you think of any jokes about ejector chairs? I am trying to think of one for a powerpoint
So far all i have come up with is. something about helicopters
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Billboard Top 40 artist say when she broke up with her boyfriend before k**... him out of a helicopter?
new single dropping soon!
The upward ejector seat was a great invention for fighter jets ...
... but I'm happy they didn't put it in a helicopter.
A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter fries.
The barman replies "Sorry bud, we only do plain"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A genie appears infront of a man...
And tells him that he can have 3 wishes, but his ex wife will get double anything he asks for.
The man thinks and says "I wish for a trillion dollars"
"It is done. Now your ex also has 2 trillion dollars."
"I wish for the biggest mansion in the world with everything that comes with it, servants, helicopters, the works"
"It is done. Your ex now also has 2 mansions."
The man nods his head and then says "I wish I was beaten half to death"
They always say "when pigs fly"...
but cops have had helicopters for years!
During his first solo flight, Tom crashed a helicopter but survived. His puzzled trainer asked: "What went wrong?"
"At 3000 feet, everything was OK. So I hovered higher. At 6000 feet it started to get cold." "Then what?" "So I switched off the fan..."
As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC
As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC, he says to Melania:
Look, there are a million Trump fans gathered in the streets to wave to me.
She says: No, Donald. There are five million. But they are only waving with one finger each.
I was getting a bit overworked at the helicopter factory.
So they put me on rotas.
Did you hear about the helicopter pilot who quit flying after he made a million dollars?
He's now a rotorvational speaker.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Investigator to trainee helicopter pilot: "So you survived the c**.... How did it happen?" Pilot: "Flying too high. I was shivering. Too cold." "Then what?"
"Then (pointing to the rotor) I switched off the fan."
Doctor to patient with gash on forehead: "What was the last thing you heard before the helicopter rotor hit you?"
"Someone shouting 'Duck, duck go!'"
(Last one for the night) - Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow turns and says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow responds...
"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."
You're in a car headed North.
You see a Red Fire Engine, to your right.
And a Fence to your left.
There's a Horse Infront of you
And a Helicopter behind you.
What do you do?
A) Put your drink down. And carefully get off the Merry-Go-Round...