Helicopter Jokes

What are some Helicopter jokes?

Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.

Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad:Never said I was a good one

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.



"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.



The American turns around. "He killed my wife."

Why don't helicopters fly in the morning?

Twirly.

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?

The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter.

A Blonde Crashes a helicopter

A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".

A blonde crashes a helicopter...

A police officer drives by and exclaims, "What happened!?". She says, "It was getting cold so I turned off the fan".

Two cows are grazing in a field...

One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"

The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?"

The Bartender says "No, we only have plane"

Mad cow disease

Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.

The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."

The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

Two cows are standing on a hill....

One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"

George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.

His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter crash.

George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.

Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Two cows are standing in a barn.

Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

A blonde crashes a helicopter

A policeman arrives shortly and helps the blonde out from the wreckage. "How did this happen?",questions the policeman. The blonde replies,"It got chilly so I turned off the fan."

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL HITLER WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"

Helicopter lessons.

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."


At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.

Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"

The blonde said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."

Two cows are standing in a field

...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position.

Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper "Where am I?" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: " You're inside a helicopter ". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Everybody is astonished and ask him how did he do it? He said when he saw the message on the window he immediate knew his position; he realized the tall building was Microsoft because their answers are always technically correct but completely useless

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.

At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."

At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, just getting a little cold."

But before she reached 3000 feet the helicopter began to slowly come down. It crashed into the ground ruining the helicopter, but the blonde was fine. The instructor ran to her side to comfort her, "What happened?"

She replied, "I told you it was getting cold. So I shut off the giant fan.

An aviation enthusiast enters a bar.

He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons.

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said:

"I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."

At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.

Right before she got to 3,000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crashed and pulled her out of the helicopter. He asked her,

"What went wrong?"

The blonde said: "At 2,500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."

2 cows were standing in a field

One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"

And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"

What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows?

A Helenkelicopter.

Variation of the hot air balloon joke

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how did the sign help determine their position. The pilot responded "Well the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless, so I knew that had to be the Microsoft building."

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.

Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piece of paper, writes "WHERE ARE WE?" in huge letters on it, and holds it up for the officeworker to read. The officeworker grabs a sheet of paper off his desk, scribbles quickly, and holds up his response: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

"Okay, no problem," says the pilot. "I know where we are. We're over the local college and that's the engineering school."

"How do you know that?" asks the copilot.

"Because," says the pilot, "the answer he gave us was technically correct but completely useless."

Two cows are on a field

one turns to the other and asks " are you worried about mad cow disease" the other says nope. The first cow, was astonished at the ignorance the other cow was showing and barked "WHY?" the second cow slowly turns and shouts "because I am a helicopter"

Getting married next week

I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.

Old couple at the carnival

An elderly couple John, and Janice go to the carnvail where John spots a helicopter ride.

He runs over and says to his wife "Janice I've always wanted to go on a helicopter ride and look its only ten dollars".

Janice then says "John why would we pay money to go on a ride ten dollars is ten dollars". They end up not riding and finish up walking around the carnival until they go home.

A year later when the carnival comes back they go again and John sees the helicopter ride again and runs over to it.

He says to Janice "honey I've wanted to go on this helicopter ride for a while now can we just go"?

Janice says to him "John I'll tell you the same I told you last year, ten dollars is ten dollars".

This happens a few more years until the pilot is tired of them bickering about it and comes up with a solution.

He says to John and Janice "I'll take you both up for free but the catch is, if anyone of you talk I'll charge ten dollars".

Satisfied with the compromise Janice agrees, so they go up and the pilot is trying every maneuver possible to try to get them to scream or talk, but without fail neither talk.

When they land the pilot sees Janice is no longer in the helicopter and asks John "what happened to Janice"? John then exclaims "she fell out about 5 minutes into the ride ". "well why didn't you say anything"? Asks the pilot.

And without missing a beat John says "well ten dollars is ten dollars".

A helicopter crashes in a graveyard...

the police recovered 300 bodies.

HELISOFT

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?"

The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"

Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when

Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.

Others:- Why did you do that?

Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country

Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out

Others :- Why?

Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequila in our country.

Donald Trump being anxious, throws Enrique Peña Nieto and exclaims"Too many Mexicans!"

2 cows

2 cows are grazing in a field. 1 cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?". The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!".

Rock'n'Roll Heaven

Stevie Ray Vaughan dies in his helicopter crash and goes to heaven. He is escorted by Saint Peter to a special area reserved for famous dead rock musicians. He is very honoured as he sees that he is in the company of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Buddy Holly and dozens of other famous faces from the history of rock.

Then he spies Bono preening in front of a mirror.

"Hey wait a second," he says, "Bono's not dead!"

Saint Peter replies, "Actually, that's God. He just thinks he's Bono"

Helicopter crash

A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.

Mad Cow Disease

So two cows are talking in a field, The first cow says "hey man, you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow says "Naw bro, I'm a helicopter."

Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

Timmy and Billy compare Christmas presents...

Two 9 year old boys, Timmy and Billy, met after Christmas. Billy asked, "How was your Christmas, Timmy? Did you get any nice presents?"

Timmy's eyes opened wide. "It was amazing!" he said. "I got an Xbox One with all of the games, PLUS a Playstation, a brand new remote control car, a helicopter, an iPad, an iPhone 6, a drone camera, and all the Transformers toys, and a whole bunch of candy and chocolates, a big cake, and a new bike! I got everything I asked for and more."

"Oh my God!" Billy said. "That's so cool. You're so lucky. I didn't get much. I got a new sweater and some puzzles."

"That's too bad," Timmy said. "How come that's all you got?"

Billy looked at his feet. "Because *I* don't have cancer."

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says "Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."

The other cow says "Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."

You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father".

He was meant to come back but he never did.

Two cows are standing in a pasture. The first cow says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow says...

"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."

What's the highest you can fall from without dying?

Is not a question you want to hear right before your friend picks you up in a helicopter.

A man wants to prove there is a God.

While there is a flood, a man wants to prove there is a god. When the water is down to his knees, a rescue boat arrives. He refuses to leave in it and says "God will save me." When the water is to his chest, another boat arrives, to which he says the same thing. When the water is at his chin, a helicopter arrives, but he denies it again, so he drowns. When he ascends up to heaven, he confronts God and says, "Why didn't you save me?" To which God replies, "What do you mean? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

Make us happy!

There was Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton on a helicopter flying over New York, when Donald said I will throw this 20 dollars out of the helicopter and make someone happy , Hillary replay I will throw this two 10 dollars bills out of the helicopter and make two people happy , Donald with disgust on his look to Hillary yell I will throw this four 5 dollars bills out of the helicopter and make 4 people happy , and the pilot look back and said Why don't you throw each other out of the helicopter and make millions happy .

Did you hear about that mad cow disease?

A cow to another: "Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!" The other cow: "Good thing I'm a helicopter!"

A man walks into a convenience store

and he asks the clerk, do you have any helicopter flavored chips? The clerk responds, no, we just have plain.

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

Four old friends meet in a pub and discuss how successful their sons are

The first guy says - My son is so successful, he recently got one of his friends a Yacht as a present.

The second guy says - My son is much more successful, he recently got one of his friends a brand new Ferrari.

The third guy says - That's nothing, my son recently got his friend a helicopter as a present.

During all of this, the fourth friend was in the toilet, and when he comes back, the rest of the guys ask him - "What about your son?"

He says - Oh, my son is a male prostitute, and he recently got a Yacht, a brand new Ferrari and a Helicopter from his clients!

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say,

'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'

Edna always replied,

'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said,

'Edna, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'

To this, Edna replied,

"Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'


Buddy replied,


'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow turns to the other and says, "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease?"

The other one looks at him and says, "Good thing I'm a helicopter."

What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job?

A patchy gunship

We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince.

...to shoot at them from a helicopter.

A man's house is drowning

The boat tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and big ship tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and helicopter tries to save him, but the man says:


"No, no the god will save me"


The man drowned and died.

He goes to heaven's gates and asks st. Peter


"why god didn't save me??"


St. Peter asks god:


"Hey, you remember this imbecile, that you sent a boat, ship and a helicopter?"

THE LORD TRIED!

A church was flooded out and as the preacher stood on the pews, parishioners came by in a boat. "No thanks" the preacher said, "I'll put my faith in the Lord."
As waters rose, the preacher climbed on the roof of the church. When the boat passed by again the preacher said "No thanks, I'll put my faith in the Lord."
The waters rose and as the preacher clung to the steeple he refused a helicopter stating, "No thanks, I'll put my faith in the Lord."
The preacher drowned and when he met the Lord he said, "Lord why did you forsake me?" The Lord said, "What are you talking about? I sent you two boats and a helicopter"!!!

The Most Stupid Man On Earth

There was a flood in a village.

One man said to everyone, I'll stay! God will save me!

The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said Come on mate, get in!

No replied the man. God will save me!

The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house.

A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help.

No, God will save me! he said

Eventually he died by drowning.

He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God Why didn't you save me?

God replied, For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter

Why did the Polish helicopter crash?

The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!

Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border.

How did they train it to do that?

Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter?

Hey Look Up There!

A priest, an Army Man, and a Teacher

A priest, an army man, and a teacher are all in a helicopter. The helicopter starts to go down, so the pilot says quick everybody through anything you have on you to lighten the chopper! So the teacher throws her apple, the priest throws his bible, and the army man throws his grenade.
The helicopter lands safely, and the army man starts walking around when he sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" The little girl answers, "an apple fell out of no where and hit me in the head!"
The army man continues walking until he stumbles upon another crying girl. " little girl, little girl, why are you crying?"
The girl responds, "a bible came out of no where and hit me in the head!"
The army man is walking again and sees a little boy rolling around laughing. He walks up to the boy and asks, "little boy, little boy, why are you laughing so hard?"
The boy laughs and says, "my grandpa farted, and the house behind him blew up!"

Helicopter flavored potato chips?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

God has me covered

A farmer encounters a great flood in his village and he is forced to take refuge on the roof.

A car drives by and offers to drive him to safety, the farmer says "No...God will take care of me"

The flood gets higher and a boat comes by and offers him a ride to safety, the farmer says "No...God will take care of me"

Finally the floods get even higher and a helicopter shows up offering him a ride to safety, the farmer says "No....God will take care of me"." A few minutes later a wave comes at him killing him

Later in heaven, God asks the farmer "Why are you here? I sent you a car, a boat AND a helicopter!!!"

A helicopter crashed into a cemetary

So far 2 survivors and 300 bodies have been found.

Two cows are standing in a field...

One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."

The second says, "oh. Weird."

The first says, "well aren't you worried?"

The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."

How to make Helicopter puns?

We have collected gags and puns about Helicopter to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Helicopter? If Yes here are a lot more one liners and funny Helicopter pick up lines to share with friends.

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