Helicopter Jokes
143 helicopter jokes and hilarious helicopter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about helicopter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These helicopter jokes will have you laughing with a variety of chopper-themed puns, like attack helicopter and short helicopter puns, Chinook helicopter and military helicopter puns, and even helicopter crash puns. You might even find yourself in stitches over a helicopter crash and raft pun, or the Janice and rescuer pun. Get ready to take off for a wild ride of laughter!
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Funniest Helicopter Short Jokes
Short helicopter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The helicopter humour may include short airplane jokes also.
- Son In iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad:Never said I was a good one - I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban... I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter. - A Blonde Crashes a helicopter A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".
- A blonde crashes a helicopter... A police officer drives by and exclaims, "What happened!?". She says, "It was getting cold so I turned off the fan".
- Two cows are grazing in a field... One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter" - A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have any helicopter flavored chips?" The Bartender says "No, we only have plane"
- Two cows are standing on a hill.... One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!" - Two cows are standing in a barn. Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
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Helicopter One Liners
Which helicopter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with helicopter? I can suggest the ones about ambulance and propeller.
- Why don't helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly.
- Life is like a helicopter I have no idea how to operate a helicopter
- Why is Mickey Mouse's helicopter no use in Scotland? Disneyland
- What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows? A Helenkelicopter.
- A helicopter crashes in a graveyard... the police recovered 300 bodies.
- Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
- A list of things that helicopters do in movies 1. explode
2. - What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job? A patchy gunship
- Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border. How did they train it to do that?
- Life is a lot like a helicopter. I have no clue how to operate it.
- Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter? Hey Look Up There!
- A helicopter crashed into a cemetary So far 2 survivors and 300 bodies have been found.
- What are the pronouns for someone who identifies as an attack helicopter? Apache/Apachim
- Where do Russian helicopter pilots keep their drinks? In Akula
- Helicopter rotors are also air conditioners When they stop, the pilot starts sweating.
Helicopter Pilot Jokes
Here is a list of funny helicopter pilot jokes and even better helicopter pilot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- King Charles has announced that he will be sending his best two Helicopter pilots to Ukraine for the war. Their names are Andrew and Harry
- A helicopter There are two men in a helicopter, the gunner says to the pilot,"are you going to rotate clockwise?" The pilot says,"yaw"
- Did you hear about the helicopter pilot who quit flying after he made a million dollars? He's now a rotorvational speaker.
- What do you call it when a helicopter pilot reflects on his life? HINDsight
- My granddad always kept his head high. even when others around him were losing theirs. He was a terrible helicopter pilot.
- The job of a helicopter pilot is really cool But it has its ups and downs...
- What do an apple and a pear have in common? Neither can pilot an attack helicopter.
- Breaking news: A helicopter has c**... landed into a cemetery in Ireland The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.
- Why did the Polish helicopter c**...? The pilot got cold and turned off the ceiling fan!
- After the helicopter c**..., the blond pilot was asked what happened. She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off."
Helicopter Landed Jokes
Here is a list of funny helicopter landed jokes and even better helicopter landed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo mom a so fat she wore a Malcolm x shirt and a helicopter landed on her.
- Yo momma's so fat, she put on a Malcolm X T-shirt, and a helicopter tried to land on her.
- Did you hear what's happened with Mickey Mouses new helicopter? It Disney Land
- Your momma is so fat She wore a Malcom X tee shirt and a helicopter tried to land on her.
- Your Momma is so fat... ... when she wears a Malcolm X jacket helicopters try to land on her back.
- What did the pirate say to the h**... in the helicopter? Land h**...!
Attack Helicopter Jokes
Here is a list of funny attack helicopter jokes and even better attack helicopter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Magicians in The Future "I need a volunteer. Hmm... Yes, you! The attack helicopter in the red shirt!"
- Did you hear about the time in someone fixed an attack helicopter with nothing but fabric? It was apache fix at best
- Two cows are eating grass on a field The first cow asks the second cow, "Are you worried about mad cow disease?"
The second cow looks surprised and replies "Of course not, I'm an attack helicopter!" - Ever done it with an attack helicopter? Let me tell you. It's pretty fly.
- I s**... identify as an attack helicopter. Because I explode on impact.
Cheerful Fun Helicopter Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about helicopter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parachute jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make helicopter pranks.
Did you hear about that mad cow disease?
A cow to another: "Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!" The other cow: "Good thing I'm a helicopter!"
Mad cow disease
Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.
The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."
The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."
Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...
St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
Getting married next week
I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.
Two cows are on a field
one turns to the other and asks " are you worried about mad cow disease" the other says nope. The first cow, was astonished at the ignorance the other cow was showing and barked "WHY?" the second cow slowly turns and shouts "because I am a helicopter"
Helicopter c**...
A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies.
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Two cows are standing in a field
...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
What is that thing on top of a helicopter?
A fan. The moment the thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.
What do you get if you cross a Rhinoceros, an elephant and a helicopter?
HellIfIknow
two cows in a barn
One turns to the other and says, "Man this mad cow disease really has me on edge." then other cow says "*Pshh* I don't care, I'm a helicopter!"
An aviation enthusiast enters a bar.
He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."
You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father".
He was meant to come back but he never did.
Mad Cow Disease
So two cows are talking in a field, The first cow says "hey man, you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow says "Naw bro, I'm a helicopter."
I Feel Really Safe
There are police helicopter circling my house.
What's the highest you can fall from without dying?
Is not a question you want to hear right before your friend picks you up in a helicopter.
A helicopter crashed on a graveyard
Reports says over 500 dead.
Did you hear about helicopter that crashed into that graveyard?
Police have so far recovered 54 bodies
Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?
Because he was on a higher plane.
An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.
The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"
The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"
The American proceeds to throw the Mexican out of the helicopter.
"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the Brit.
The American turns around. "He killed my wife."
Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow turns to the other and says, "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease?"
The other one looks at him and says, "Good thing I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are standing in a field...
One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."
The second says, "oh. Weird."
The first says, "well aren't you worried?"
The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says "Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."
The other cow says "Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."
We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince.
...to shoot at them from a helicopter.
So a man walks into a grocery store and asks the cashier if they have helicopter flavored potato chips.
The cashier says, "sorry we only have plane." ✈️
2 cows were standing in a field
One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"
And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"
BREAKING: Helicopter c**... in a New Jersey cemetery
300 dead bodies recovered so far
Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.
Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agreed.
"If you're happy and you know it..."
Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?"
The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"
Two cows are standing in a pasture. The first cow says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow says...
"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."
A man walks into a convenience store
and he asks the clerk, do you have any helicopter flavored chips? The clerk responds, no, we just have plain.
A blonde crashes a helicopter
A policeman arrives shortly and helps the blonde out from the wreckage. "How did this happen?",questions the policeman. The blonde replies,"It got chilly so I turned off the fan."
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
2 cows
2 cows are grazing in a field. 1 cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?". The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!".
So this one cow says to the other cow
"Hey have you heard about this mad cow disease?" and the other cow says "Yeah, thank god I'm a helicopter."
George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?
A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?"
The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."
Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when
Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.
Others:- Why did you do that?
Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country
Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out
Others :- Why?
Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequila in our country.
Donald Trump being anxious, throws Enrique Peña Nieto and exclaims"Too many Mexicans!"
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea
Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL h**... WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"
Helicopter flavored potato chips?
A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."
What's the diffencer between a bird and a helicopter?
It's a matter of a pinion.
2 cows were talking and one says, "Hey, have you heard about this mad cow disease?"
And the other one says, "Why are you asking me? I'm a helicopter."
My friend started a business selling helicopters.
It's really starting to take off.
A genie appears infront of a man...
And tells him that he can have 3 wishes, but his ex wife will get double anything he asks for.
The man thinks and says "I wish for a trillion dollars"
"It is done. Now your ex also has 2 trillion dollars."
"I wish for the biggest mansion in the world with everything that comes with it, servants, helicopters, the works"
"It is done. Your ex now also has 2 mansions."
The man nods his head and then says "I wish I was beaten half to death"
I walked into the store and asked "do you have any helicopter flavoured chips?"
The cashier says "no , we just have plain".
Two cows are standing in a field.
The first cow says to the second, have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies, good thing I'm a helicopter.
Two cows are in the middle of a field.
Cow 1: Have you heard about this new disease?
Cow 1: It's being called Mad Cow Disease, It could seriously affect us.
Cow 2: It won't affect me!
Cow 1: Why not?
Cow 2: Because I'm a helicopter!
WHAT DO WE WANT?
Low flying plane noises!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
Nnnnnnyyyyyyyyooooooooo...
\*ducks as the National Guard flies a helicopter over our heads\*
Two cows are grazing next to each other in a field...
One cow says to the other, "The news is so scary with all this talk of mad cow disease, it really has me worried"
The other cow looks over and says ," I'm not worried at all..... I'm a helicopter....."
Doctor to patient with gash on forehead: "What was the last thing you heard before the helicopter rotor hit you?"
"Someone shouting 'Duck, duck go!'"
Whoever invented police helicopters doomed us all
Everything's gonna happen now that pigs can fly
So my dad served in Iraq
Dad: son in Iraq I killed 15 people
Me: dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad: I never said I was good one
(just for record my dad didn't serve in Iraq)
(Last one for the night) - Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow turns and says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow responds...
"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."
You're in a car headed North.
You see a Red Fire Engine, to your right.
And a Fence to your left.
There's a Horse Infront of you
And a Helicopter behind you.
What do you do?
A) Put your drink down. And carefully get off the Merry-Go-Round...
Two cows are standing in a field
The first cow says to the second have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies good thing I'm a helicopter
1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.
Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"
Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"
Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody stole my watch! This is Moscow."