The Best 79 Helen Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Helen jokes. There are some helen nag jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these helen louise puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Helen Jokes and Puns
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...
"The most violent book I have ever read"
What's Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy.
How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
She answered the stapler.
How did she pierce her other ear?
Those bastards called back.
(feel free to imagine a dulled "Huwwuh? *ka-thunk* UUUNNGHH!" right after the first punchline)
Do you guys remember Helen Keller jokes? What's your favorite one? I'll go.
Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
She's a woman.
So Helen Keller walks into a bar
Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a lamp. Then she walks into the wa- ok, you get the idea.
Helen Keller
Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "HERGGEHRHEHAIOUIGSGEG!"
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her for misbehavior?
They re-arrange the furniture around the house.
Yankee Doodle can use other names too
Helen Keller went to town while riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'UGLABERPL'
Adolf Hitler went to town while riding on a pony, when someone stuck a feather in his hat, he threw it on the ground and screamed 'NIEN!'
Let's hear your best Helen Keller jokes.
Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!
What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater?
That's the worst book I ever read.
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What's Helen Keller's favorite mouthwash?
Jergen's lotion.
Did you guys hear what happened to Helen Keller?
Neither did she.
Wrote this while waiting for a burrito in 2009
What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony?
One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it.
Helen keller sets down a cheese grader and says...
That was the most violent book i've ever read
How did Helen Keller break her arm?
You try reading a stop sign at 60 miles an hour.
Why could no one hear Helen Keller cry for help when she fell off a bridge?
She was wearing mittens
What did Helen Keller say when she picked up the cheese grater?
That was the most violent book I've ever read...........
How do you confuse Helen Keller?
You tell her to read a basketball.
Sing to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"...
Helen Keller went to town,
A-ridin' on a pony,
Stuck a feather in her hat
and called it "Hunngunnggunufffungg"
(OC) What do you call Helen Keller punching someone?
Senseless violence.
How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
On a blind date!
Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver?
Because she's dead.
Why did Helen Keller mastutbate with one hand?
So she could moan with the other.
Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set?
She didn't know either
How did Helen Keller get punished?
Her mom rearranged the living room
What did Helen Keller say when she fell into the snow?
Nothing, she was wearing mittens.
Why did Helen Keller fire her maid?
Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling
How do you know if Helen Keller just masturbated?
She spits when she talks.
What did Helen Keller say when she fell off the cliff?
Nothing, she had her mittens on.
Helen Keler walked into a bar
then a table.....then a chair.
Why can't Helen Keller drive....
Because she's a woman.
Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff?
She had mittens on.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm?
Trying to read the road signs!!!
Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
She was wearing mittens
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They rearranged the furniture.
Why would Helen Keller be a terrible driver?
She's dead.
What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?
Endless love
Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand?
Because she uses the other one to sing
How did Helen Keller discover masturbation?
Trying to read her own lips.
Did you hear about Helen Keller's dating life?
because I heard she wasn't seeing anyone
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
Glue doorknobs to the walls.
Why couldn't Helen Keller scream when she was pushed off the mountain?
She was wearing mittens.
Why did Helen Keller fail her road test?
Because she was a woman
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?
They gave her a basketball and told her to read.
What was Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?
You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"
Did you know Helen Keller lived in a haunted house?
Neither did she.
How did Helen Keller break her arms?
She tried to read a road sign going 45mph
Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell into a ditch
She screamed until she was blue in the hand.
I can't see the haters.
- Helen Keller
Did you know that Helen Keller lived in a huge mansion?
Neither did she
Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans?
So people can read her lips.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.
Which of the following does not belong: a) Gordon Lightfoot b) Helen Reddy c) Donald Trump d) Celine Dion
b) Helen Reddy is not associated with a sinking ship.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Neither did she.
How did Helen Keller lose her right arm?
She was trying to read the speed limit sign on the highway.
Girl: Do you know my friend Helen?
Guy: No, what is she like?
Girl: She's the vegetarian.
Guy: Can't say I've met herbivore.
I read a review for this cheese grater I was buying online...
"The most violent book I've ever read" - Helen Keller
Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house?
She didn't either.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would, too, if your name was hrhrnwodjbrke.
"On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades"
- probably Helen Keller
What happened to Helen Keller when she fell down the mountain?
She broke five fingers calling for help
Can anyone give me a hand with some Helen Keller jokes?
I haven't heard or seen any in a while.
Why did Helen Keller play the piano with one hand?
So she could sing with the other.
Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well?
Neither did she.
What did Helen Keller get for Christmas?
Polio, she had everything else!
Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard?
Neither did she.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's dead
Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake
It was to Menilayas
What's the most violent book Helen Keller ever read?
A cheese grater
Why does Helen Keller have yellow legs?
Because her dog is blind too.
Why was Helen Keller such a terrible driver?
She was a woman
TIL Helen Keller has a waterfall named after her, to celebrate her story of learning about water.
It's named Helen Keller Falls
Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day?
The braille road
Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...
Just kidding they're all dead.
So Helen Keller walks into a Bar
And a table, and a chair
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You'd run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.
How do you tell Helen Keller a joke?
Not this way.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the helen troy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working helen maria piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.