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Helen Jokes

130 helen jokes and hilarious helen puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about helen that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Read funny jokes related to the name of Helen of Troy, the famous gyptian maid of the Waite. Enjoy a light-hearted and humorous look at the famous figure of ancient Greek mythology and her famous husband, Paris.

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Funniest Helen Short Jokes

Short helen jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The helen humour may include short maid jokes also.

  1. Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"
  2. Your mother has been with us for 20 years, said John. Isn't it time she got a place of her own? My mother? replied Helen. I thought she was *your* mother.
  3. What did helen keller say when she picked up the cheese grater? That was the most violent book I've ever read...........
  4. Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand? Because she uses the other one to sing
  5. Why could no one hear Helen Keller cry for help when she fell off a bridge? She was wearing mittens
  6. What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater? That's the worst book I ever read.
  7. Helen keller sets down a cheese grader and says... That was the most violent book i've ever read
  8. Sing to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"... Helen Keller went to town,
    A-ridin' on a pony,
    Stuck a feather in her hat
    and called it "Hunngunnggunufffungg"
  9. Why were Helen Keller's fingers purple? Because she heard it through the grapevine...
  10. Did you guys hear what happened to Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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Helen One Liners

Which helen one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with helen? I can suggest the ones about honey and helen name.

  1. A flashbang would be completely ineffective against Helen Keller. Because she's dead.
  2. Why did Helen Keller mastutbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other.
  3. Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead
  4. What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love
  5. (OC) What do you call Helen Keller punching someone? Senseless violence.
  6. Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
  7. Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard? Neither did she.
  8. Helen Keler walked into a bar then a table.....then a chair.
  9. How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They rearranged the furniture.
  10. Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well? Neither did she.
  11. Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house? She didn't either.
  12. Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"
  13. Why did Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? So she could sing with the other.
  14. How did Helen Keller lose her virginity? Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.
  15. What's Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy.

Helen Keller Jokes

Here is a list of funny helen keller jokes and even better helen keller puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens
  • Why can't Helen Keller drive.... Because she's a woman.
  • So Helen Keller walks into a bar Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a lamp. Then she walks into the wa- ok, you get the idea.
  • What did Helen Keller say when she fell into the snow? Nothing, she was wearing mittens.
  • Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.
  • How did Helen Keller burn her fingertips? She was trying to read the waffle iron.
  • "On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades" - probably Helen Keller
  • Why did Helen Keller fail her road test? Because she was a woman
  • Why did Helen Keller fire her maid? Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling
  • How did Helen Keller break her arm? You try reading a stop sign at 60 miles an hour.

Helen Name Jokes

Here is a list of funny helen name jokes and even better helen name puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would, too, if your name was hrhrnwodjbrke.
  • TIL Helen Keller has a waterfall named after her, to celebrate her story of learning about water. It's named Helen Keller Falls
  • What did Helen Keller name her dog? Darggghhhh
  • Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? Wouldn't you if your name was Hhuuuurrrnnnnggg.
  • Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was "Raaawwwrgggah".
  • Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if your name was bblamdiffergmunmnumblldpbdb.
  • A woman by the name of Helen Hunt has found a lady's pocketbook. So if you lost your pocketbook, go to Helen Hunt for it. Thank you.
  • What do you name a movie about Helen Keller speaking to the dead? The Fourth Sense.
  • Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if you were named Aaaurrrraaaaggghh!
  • Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? I would too if my name was NUYHAIMONBARG
Helen joke, Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

Helen Of Troy Jokes

Here is a list of funny helen of troy jokes and even better helen of troy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake It was to Menilayas
  • Why did Helen of Troy never use painkillers? Because paracetamol.
  • Helen of Troy had the face that launched 1000 ships Hillary Clinton has the face that launched a Trump presidency.
  • Modern historians have a new hypothesis for what caused the death of Helen of Troy... It was the impact trauma from her face launching a thousand ships, long before champagne was invented.

Bad Helen Keller Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad helen keller jokes and even better bad helen keller puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? She caused frequent blue-screens and IRQ time-out errors.
  • What do you call someone who's bad at reading and playing music? Helen Keller
  • That movie was so bad... ...only Helen Keller liked it.
Helen joke, That movie was so bad...

Fun-Filled Helen Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about helen you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean maria jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make helen pranks.

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at s**... than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?

She answered the stapler.
How did she pierce her other ear?
Those b**... called back.
(feel free to imagine a dulled "Huwwuh? *ka-thunk* UUUNNGHH!" right after the first punchline)

Do you guys remember Helen Keller jokes? What's your favorite one? I'll go.

Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
She's a woman.

Helen Keller

Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "HERGGEHRHEHAIOUIGSGEG!"

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her for misbehavior?

They re-arrange the furniture around the house.

Yankee Doodle can use other names too

Helen Keller went to town while riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'UGLABERPL'
Adolf h**... went to town while riding on a pony, when someone stuck a feather in his hat, he threw it on the ground and screamed 'NIEN!'

Let's hear your best Helen Keller jokes.

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!

What's Helen Keller's favorite mouthwash?

Jergen's lotion.

Wrote this while waiting for a burrito in 2009

What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony?
One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it.

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

You tell her to read a basketball.

Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver?

Because she's dead.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set?

She didn't know either

How did Helen Keller get punished?

Her mom rearranged the living room

How do you know if Helen Keller just m**...?

She spits when she talks.

What did Helen Keller say when she fell off the cliff?

Nothing, she had her mittens on.

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff?

She had mittens on.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm?

Trying to read the road signs!!!

Why would Helen Keller be a terrible driver?

She's dead.

How did Helen Keller discover m**...?

Trying to read her own lips.

Did you hear about Helen Keller's dating life?

because I heard she wasn't seeing anyone

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Glue doorknobs to the walls.

Why couldn't Helen Keller scream when she was pushed off the mountain?

She was wearing mittens.

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?

They gave her a basketball and told her to read.

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

Did you know Helen Keller lived in a haunted house?

Neither did she.

How did Helen Keller break her arms?

She tried to read a road sign going 45mph

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell into a ditch

She screamed until she was blue in the hand.

I can't see the haters.

- Helen Keller

Did you know that Helen Keller lived in a huge mansion?

Neither did she

Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans?

So people can read her lips.

Which of the following does not belong: a) Gordon Lightfoot b) Helen Reddy c) Donald Trump d) Celine Dion

b) Helen Reddy is not associated with a sinking ship.

How did Helen Keller lose her right arm?

She was trying to read the speed limit sign on the highway.

Girl: Do you know my friend Helen?

Guy: No, what is she like?
Girl: She's the vegetarian.
Guy: Can't say I've met herbivore.

I read a review for this cheese grater I was buying online...

"The most violent book I've ever read" - Helen Keller

What happened to Helen Keller when she fell down the mountain?

She broke five fingers calling for help

What's the most violent book Helen Keller ever read?

A cheese grater

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

So Helen Keller walks into a Bar

And a table, and a chair

How do you tell Helen Keller a joke?

Not this way.

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, & he was the town drunk.

Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world?

The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a cat?

Don't worry, she didn't know either.

Your mother has been with us for 20 years, said John.

Isn't it time she got a place of her own? My mother? replied Helen. I thought she was your mother.

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song Helen Keller .
Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my 'dad humor' has clearly rubbed off!!

Who was the most frustrated ghost ever?

The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.

The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset... She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at s**... than you." Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?" Helen: "No, the gardener did." Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a mountain?

Because she was wearing mittens

Helen joke, Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a mountain?

jokes about helen