Heisenberg Jokes
59 heisenberg jokes and hilarious heisenberg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heisenberg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready for a quantum leap of laughter? Take a look at these funny Heisenberg jokes! Featuring jokes about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, the Heisenberg Cat, and the famous Feynman and Trooper topics, these jokes will have you in stitches. Laugh along and take your mind off the world with this collection of Heisenberg-related jokes.
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Funniest Heisenberg Short Jokes
Short heisenberg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heisenberg humour may include short trooper jokes also.
- Heisenberg is pulled over by the cops The cop asks Do you know how fast you were going?
Heisenberg replies No, but I know where I am. - Why did Werner Heisenberg break up with his girlfriend? He wasn't certain exactly where their relationship was currently going, but he knew that it was moving too fast.
- Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy? Cause, whenever he had the energy, he didn't have the time.
- Heisenberg is driving along the highway... A cop pulls him over and asks "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?".
Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I was!". - I hear Heisenberg and his wife are having problems When he has the time, he doesn't have the energy, and when he has the position, he can't get the momentum.
- Heisenberg's wife was unhappy... because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum.
- Werner Heisenberg just unveiled a new car... It comes with a GPS or a speedometer, but not both.
- I asked my bookshop if they had a book on Werner Heisenberg. The shop assistant said "In principle we do, but I'm uncertain".
- How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you know the number, you don't know where the socket is.
- In the physics department's bathroom There is a stall that has graffiti on the wall. The graffiti reads "Werner Heisenberg may have been here."
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Heisenberg One Liners
Which heisenberg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heisenberg? I can suggest the ones about mph and heisenberg cat.
- Why does Heisenberg hate driving? He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.
- Schrödinger and Heisenberg walk into a bar... But maybe they don't. I'm uncertain.
- Werner Heisenberg's epitaph: Here lies Heisenberg.
^^^? - I'm not sure where Heisenberg is... But I know he's not with Pauli.
- What weight division would Heisenberg be in if he were boxer? Welter Weight
- walter white confirmed the breaking bad film heisenberg is no more uncertain about it
- What made Walt turn into Heisenberg? It was his Walter ego
- A sign in Munich reads ... "Heisenberg might have slept here."
- Werner Heisenberg walked into a bar. Or did he?
- Heisenberg told me my exact velocity and now i'm lost.
- Hear about the new show where Heisenberg deals in flour? Baking Bread
Heisenberg Uncertainty Jokes
Here is a list of funny heisenberg uncertainty jokes and even better heisenberg uncertainty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In accordance to the Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Mechanics, we may already be in love right now.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Heisenberg Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about heisenberg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean speeder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heisenberg pranks.
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving down the highway...
After they pass mile marker 16, a state trooper pulls them over for speeding. The trooper goes up to the window and sees Heisenberg behind the wheel.
Trooper: "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going when you passed that mile marker?"
Heisenberg: "Well I certainly don't know now that I know where I was."
The trooper arrests them and he decides to search the trunk of the vehicle. Inside he finds a dead cat.
He goes back to them sitting in the back of his cruiser and says "Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?"
Schrodinger: "Well *now* I do!"
Invitation to a Scientists' ball
Some of the replies from the scientists invited:
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Newton was moved to attend.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
JP Clark & Siegfried the Deerslayer Wanna-Be
Science jokes
Thought i'd make a post compiling a few of my favourite science jokes. You can add your favourites in the comments below.
Q: How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to rotate the universe around it.
Q: What's the difference between a quantum mechanic and an automobile mechanic?
A: The quantum mechanic doesn't have to open his garage door to get his car out.
Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding. The officer asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?. Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Assuming it takes place in a vacuum, approximating the lightbulb as a point particle, Assuming it takes place at precisely 300 K, and ignoring the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: π/3
Einstein, Heisenberg, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek...
...Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Heisenberg and Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly 1 meter, then sits down inside the square.
When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!".
Newton however replies, "No you haven't! You've found Pascal!
(ɹǝʇǝɯ ǝɹɐnbs ɹǝd uoʇʍǝu 1 = lɐɔsɐd 1)
Best science jokes
I need a great list of the dorkiest geekiest nerdiest science jokes ever. Here's one to start you off:
Why was Heisenberg a terrible lover? Because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy. And when he had the energy he didn't have the time
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are traveling in a car.
They get puled over by a cop. The cop asks, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am." The officer becomes suspicious, so he asks to check the trunk. He looks inside and asks, "Did you know that there is a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies, "I do now."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Physics Joke!
Heisenberg is speeding along down an unfamiliar highway when all of a sudden a police car appears seemingly out of nowhere and signals for him to pull over.
The officer approaches the car and asks, "Do you have any idea how fast you were just going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, sir. Why?"
The officer says, "Well, sir, you were speeding, and I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
Heisenberg, annoyed, asks, "Is this really necessary? I'm going to be late to work!"
The officer replies, "Well, I'm sorry to have to hold you up, sir, but you were driving incredibly irresponsibly! According to my radar gun, you were going exactly 90 miles per hour, which far exceeds the speed limit."
"Thanks a lot, j**...," Heisenberg yelled, "I'll be even later now that I'm COMPLETELY LOST!"
Heisenberg and Schrodinger get pulled over
Got this off Facebook:
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
A car with three physicists is pulled over by a cop.
Inside are Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 110 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and says, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the three men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat", Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
The cop proceeds to arrest the three.
Ohm resists and gets tased.
Why Heisenberg didn't have any kids
the second he found the position he lost the momentum, when he got momentum he couldn't find the position.
Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?
Because they won't commute.
Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over while driving...
Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
W.H.: No, but I know where I am!
I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.
The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.
Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."
The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.
"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.
"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding down the highway.
A state cop pulls them over. The cop walks up to the window and asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I knew where I was." The cop says, "You were going over 90 miles per hour!" To which Heisenberg replies, "Fine. Now we're lost."Thinking this answer is a little strange, the cop decides to investigate the vehicle. He begins by opening the trunk. Shocked by what he finds, he shouts, "You have a dead cat in here!" Schrodinger answers, "Well I do now!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car.
They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks, 'Do you know how fast you were going?'
'No, but I know exactly where I am,' Heisenberg replies.
The cop says, 'you were doing 55 in a 35.' Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, 'Great! Now, I'm lost.'
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop the trunk. He checks it out and says, 'Do you know you have a dead cat back here?'
'We do now, a**...!' Shouts Schroedinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
The only dance I know how to do is The Heisenberg
Because it changes when I'm being observed.
Heisenberg and Schroedinger we driving on the freeway
maybe going to a seminar, when they get pulled over by the CHP. The cop comes around to the driver side and says to Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" And so Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was". The cop scratches his head, and says, "Pop the trunk, I want to take a look". He walks back, looks in and then walks around to the right side and says to Schroedinger, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?" Schroedinger says, "I do now".
Heisenberg and marriage
If you want proof that discredits Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Just go for a drive with an old married couple. She will tell him where he is, how that is wrong and how fast he is going all in the same breath.
Werner Heisenberg witnessed a car accident.
The police came and asked Heisenberg if he would like to give a statement about the accident.
Heisenberg agreed.
The cop asks Heisenberg:
"Can you tell me the speed and the position of the car in the moment of the accident?"
Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.
The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"
Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."
The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"
Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car ...
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car. They get pulled over.
Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am!" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35."
Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "You have a dead cat back here!"
"We do now, a**...!" shouts Schrodinger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a
car...
... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, a**...!" shouts Schroedinger.
The cop moves to arrest them.
Ohm resists.
