The Best 50 Heisenberg Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Heisenberg jokes. There are some heisenberg schrodinger jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these heisenberg speedometer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Heisenberg Jokes and Puns

Heisenberg and Schrödinger were in a car when...

they suddenly hit something. Heisenberg, who was the driver, exclaimed, "Oh no! I think I just hit a cat!" Schrödinger asks, "Is it dead?" Then Heisenberg says, "You know, I'm not quite sure."

Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the highway...

and this cop pulls him over. The cop says, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"

Heisenberg is out for a drive...

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he is stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: 'Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg then replies, "No, but I know where I am."

Heisenberg joke, Heisenberg is out for a drive...

Quantum humor is so random

Schrodinger and Heisenberg were driving in a car. Eventually, a cop pulled them over and ask Heisenberg, Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replied, No, but I can tell you exactly where I was. Thinking this was a weird response, the cop decided to check the vehicle. He come back up to Schrodinger and asks, Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger replied, I do now.

How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Assuming it takes place in a vacuum, approximating the lightbulb as a point particle, Assuming it takes place at precisely 300 K, and ignoring the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: π/3


Heisenberg gets pulled over (Nerd humor)

Finding great success as a scientist Heisenberg decides to buy a sports car. He is blazing down the highway when he sees a cop car behind him. He pulls over and the cop comes up to the window and asks: "Do you have *any* idea how fast you were going?!"

Heisenberg looks at him and replies: "No, but I can tell you *exactly* where I am."

Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding...

The cop says to him "do you know how fast you were going?"

"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know where I am."

"You were going 97 miles per hour!" exclaims the cop.

"Great! Thanks!" says Heisenberg. "Now I don't know where I am!"

Heisenberg joke, Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding...

Why did Heisenberg have a miserable sex life?

Because when he found the correct position, he didn't have the momentum, and when he finally found the time, he didn't have the energy.

Best science jokes

I need a great list of the dorkiest geekiest nerdiest science jokes ever. Here's one to start you off:

Why was Heisenberg a terrible lover? Because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy. And when he had the energy he didn't have the time

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are traveling in a car.

They get puled over by a cop. The cop asks, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am." The officer becomes suspicious, so he asks to check the trunk. He looks inside and asks, "Did you know that there is a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies, "I do now."

Heisenberg & Schrodinger

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding along in Schrodinger's car, a police man pulls them over and asks the driver, Heisenberg, if he knows how fast he was going, to this Heisenberg replies
"I do not know how fast I was going, because I know exactly where I am"
After this weird answer the policeman decides to search the car, he opens the boot and asks if Schrodinger knows he has a dead cat in his boot, Schrodinger says "Well I do now"

You can explore heisenberg mph reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean heisenberg cop dad jokes. There are also heisenberg puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Heisenberg is driving along the highway...

A cop pulls him over and asks "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?".

Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I was!".

Werner Heisenberg just unveiled a new car...

It comes with a GPS or a speedometer, but not both.

Heisenberg told me my exact velocity

and now i'm lost.

Schrödinger and Heisenberg walk into a bar...

But maybe they don't. I'm uncertain.

I'm not sure where Heisenberg is...

But I know he's not with Pauli.

Heisenberg joke, I'm not sure where Heisenberg is...

Heisenberg got pulled over by the cops for speeding

Winding down his window, he was greeted by a shout of "Do you know how fast you were going?!"

"Not a clue, but I know *exactly* where I was."

Why Heisenberg didn't have any kids

the second he found the position he lost the momentum, when he got momentum he couldn't find the position.

Werner Heisenberg's epitaph:

Here lies Heisenberg.

^^^?


Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?

Because they won't commute.

How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

If you know the number, you don't know where the socket is.

Why does Heisenberg hate driving?

He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.

Werner Heisenberg walked into a bar.

Or did he?

Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding...

The cop says, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg responds, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"
The cop, being slightly confused, says, "What does that matter? You were going 95 miles per hour!"
"Well, great," Heisenberg says angrily, "Now I'm lost."

Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over while driving...

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
W.H.: No, but I know where I am!

I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.

The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.

Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."

The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.

"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.

"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.

In the physics department's bathroom

There is a stall that has graffiti on the wall. The graffiti reads "Werner Heisenberg may have been here."

A cop car pulls over Heisenberg as he's driving on the highway...

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going sir?
Heisenberg: No, but I know where I am.
Officer: Well, you were going EXACTLY 100 mph.
Heisenberg: Great! Now I'm lost!

Shout-out to my physics professor for making the Heisenberg uncertainty principle less boring today.

Werner Heisenberg is driving down a highway...

...when he sees a police car is flashing its lights at him. He pulls over, and so does the cop. The cops gets out, taps on Heisenberg's window, he rolls it down.
"Sir," the cop asks, "do you know how fast you were going?"
"No," Heisenberg replies, "but I know where I am."

German physicist Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding.

The cop asked, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg responds, no but I know exactly where I am.

Dr Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding.

The policeman asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?". "No, ", replies Dr. Heisenberg, "but I know where I am!".

A sign in Munich reads ...

"Heisenberg might have slept here."

I hear Heisenberg and his wife are having problems

When he has the time, he doesn't have the energy, and when he has the position, he can't get the momentum.

Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding

Officer: "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg: "No, but I know exactly where I am."

I asked my bookshop if they had a book on Werner Heisenberg.

The shop assistant said "In principle we do, but I'm uncertain".

A police stopped Heisenberg for speeding

Police: "you were going at 80 on a 50mph highway"

Heisenberg: "great, now I don't know where I am"

What made Walt turn into Heisenberg?

It was his Walter ego

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway.

Cop pulled him over and says "Son, do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"

Heisenberg said, "No, but I knew where I was"

The only dance I know how to do is The Heisenberg

Because it changes when I'm being observed.

walter white confirmed the breaking bad film

heisenberg is no more uncertain about it

A cop pulls Werner Heisenberg over and asks, Do you know how fast you were going?

Heisenberg replies, No, but I know where I am.

Heisenberg and marriage

If you want proof that discredits Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Just go for a drive with an old married couple. She will tell him where he is, how that is wrong and how fast he is going all in the same breath.

What weight division would Heisenberg be in if he were boxer?

Welter Weight

Werner Heisenberg was stopped by the police...

"Excuse me sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, officer, but I knew exactly where I was."

Werner Heisenberg witnessed a car accident.

The police came and asked Heisenberg if he would like to give a statement about the accident.

Heisenberg agreed.

The cop asks Heisenberg:

"Can you tell me the speed and the position of the car in the moment of the accident?"

Heisenberg is pulled over by a cop

Heisenberg is pulled over by a cop.
Cop: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?
Heisenberg: No
Cop: You were going 80 miles an hour.
Heisenberg: Goddamn it, now I dont know where the hell I am

Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding

The police officer says "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are out for a drive when they are stopped by the police.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" demands the cop. "No," replies Heisenberg, "but I knew where I was."

The cop sniffs, then opens the trunk and says "And do you know there is a dead cat in here?". "Well, I do *now*!" Schrodinger scowls.

Heisenberg and Schroedinger are driving together, but they get stopped by a police officer.

The officer asks, "Did you know you were driving at 75 mph?"

Heisenberg sighs, "Oh great, now we're lost."

The cop is unhappy, and checks the car's trunk. He asks, "And why is there a dead cat in here?"

Schroedinger grumbles, "Well there is NOW!"

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the heisenberg pauli jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working heisenberg speeder piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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