Heisenberg Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

German physicist Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding.

The cop asked, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg responds, no but I know exactly where I am.

Why does Heisenberg hate driving?

He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.

A car with three physicists is pulled over by a cop.

Inside are Heisenberg, Schrรถdinger and Ohm.

The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"

The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 110 miles per hour!"

Heisenberg throws his arms up and says, "Great! Now we're lost!"

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrรถdinger if the three men have anything in the trunk.

"A cat", Schrรถdinger replies.

The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."

Schrรถdinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

The cop proceeds to arrest the three.

Ohm resists and gets tased.

Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car.

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks, 'Do you know how fast you were going?'

'No, but I know exactly where I am,' Heisenberg replies.

The cop says, 'you were doing 55 in a 35.' Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, 'Great! Now, I'm lost.'

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop the trunk. He checks it out and says, 'Do you know you have a dead cat back here?'

'We do now, asshole!' Shouts Schroedinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

Heisenberg and Schrรถdinger get pulled over for speeding.

Heisenberg and Schrรถdinger get pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"

The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrรถdinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.

"A cat," Schrรถdinger replies.

The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."

Schrรถdinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

Werner Heisenberg is speeding down the highway...

and this cop pulls him over. The cop says, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"

Werner Heisenberg is driving,

enjoying a nice day out of the office, when a police officer pulls him over. The officer asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, officer." replies Heisenberg.

"You were going 39 in a 25."

"Shit, now I'm lost."

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving down the highway...

After they pass mile marker 16, a state trooper pulls them over for speeding. The trooper goes up to the window and sees Heisenberg behind the wheel.

Trooper: "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going when you passed that mile marker?"
Heisenberg: "Well I certainly don't know now that I know where I was."

The trooper arrests them and he decides to search the trunk of the vehicle. Inside he finds a dead cat.

He goes back to them sitting in the back of his cruiser and says "Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?"

Schrodinger: "Well *now* I do!"

Heisenberg is out for a drive...

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he is stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: 'Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg then replies, "No, but I know where I am."

Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm get pulled over while driving together to a science convention.

The cop asks Heisenberg do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies no, but I know exactly where I am. The cop says you were doing 55 in a 40. Heisenberg is irritated and exclaims Great now I'm lost!

The cop is suspicious and searches the car, when he pops the trunk he asks Do you know there's a dead cat back here? Schrodinger shouts back we do know asshole,

The officers moves to arrest the scientists.
Ohm resists.

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are traveling in a car.

They get puled over by a cop. The cop asks, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am." The officer becomes suspicious, so he asks to check the trunk. He looks inside and asks, "Did you know that there is a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies, "I do now."

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car...

they get pulled over. The officer approaches the car and asks Hiesenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know exactly where I am." "You were doing 50 in a 35" "Well fuck, now I'm lost" The officer senses something is off. "Are you boys doing anything illegal? Is there anything in the car I should know about?" Schrodinger chimes in, "There's a cat in the trunk" "Open the trunk Sir" Schrodinger opens the trunk and the officer walks to the back. "This cat is dead" says the Officer "Well he is now you asshole" replies Schrodinger

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car

They get pulled over by the police. Heisenberg is driving and the police man asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?".


"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and asks him to open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

-----------------------------------

>Science teacher told me this one, only science joke I've legitimately found funny :p

Quantum humor is so random

Schrodinger and Heisenberg were driving in a car. Eventually, a cop pulled them over and ask Heisenberg, Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replied, No, but I can tell you exactly where I was. Thinking this was a weird response, the cop decided to check the vehicle. He come back up to Schrodinger and asks, Sir, did you know you had a dead cat in your trunk? Schrodinger replied, I do now.

Heisenberg, Ohm and Schrodinger are in a car.

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

Dr Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding.

The policeman asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?". "No, ", replies Dr. Heisenberg, "but I know where I am!".

Heisenberg, Schrรถdinger, and Ohm are driving down the road

An officer pulls Heisenberg over and asks "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I'm going." The officer says, "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg says "Great, now I'm lost..." Then the officer, thinking this is suspicious, asks him to pop the trunk. The officer says "Hey, do y'all know there's a dead cat in here?" Shrรถdinger says, "We do now, asshole!" The officer says "I give up. I'm arresting you." Ohm resists.

Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding...

The cop says to him "do you know how fast you were going?"

"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know where I am."

"You were going 97 miles per hour!" exclaims the cop.

"Great! Thanks!" says Heisenberg. "Now I don't know where I am!"

Best science jokes

I need a great list of the dorkiest geekiest nerdiest science jokes ever. Here's one to start you off:

Why was Heisenberg a terrible lover? Because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy. And when he had the energy he didn't have the time

Heisenberg and Schroedinger we driving on the freeway

maybe going to a seminar, when they get pulled over by the CHP. The cop comes around to the driver side and says to Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" And so Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was". The cop scratches his head, and says, "Pop the trunk, I want to take a look". He walks back, looks in and then walks around to the right side and says to Schroedinger, "Do you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?" Schroedinger says, "I do now".

I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.

The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.

Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."

The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.

"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.

"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.

Heisenberg is driving along the highway...

A cop pulls him over and asks "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?".

Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I was!".

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

Schrรถdinger and Heisenberg walk into a bar...

But maybe they don't. I'm uncertain.

Heisenberg gets pulled over (Nerd humor)

Finding great success as a scientist Heisenberg decides to buy a sports car. He is blazing down the highway when he sees a cop car behind him. He pulls over and the cop comes up to the window and asks: "Do you have *any* idea how fast you were going?!"

Heisenberg looks at him and replies: "No, but I can tell you *exactly* where I am."

Do you know how fast you were going?

Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm are in a car and they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" Shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

Werner Heisenberg is driving down a highway...

...when he sees a police car is flashing its lights at him. He pulls over, and so does the cop. The cops gets out, taps on Heisenberg's window, he rolls it down.
"Sir," the cop asks, "do you know how fast you were going?"
"No," Heisenberg replies, "but I know where I am."

How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Assuming it takes place in a vacuum, approximating the lightbulb as a point particle, Assuming it takes place at precisely 300 K, and ignoring the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: ฯ€/3

Werner Heisenberg was pulled over for speeding...

The cop asked "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"Not a clue," Heisenberg replied. "But I know exactly where I am."

I hear Heisenberg and his wife are having problems

When he has the time, he doesn't have the energy, and when he has the position, he can't get the momentum.

Heisenberg and Schrรถdinger were in a car when...

they suddenly hit something. Heisenberg, who was the driver, exclaimed, "Oh no! I think I just hit a cat!" Schrรถdinger asks, "Is it dead?" Then Heisenberg says, "You know, I'm not quite sure."

Werner Heisenberg's epitaph:

Here lies Heisenberg.

^^^?

Werner Heisenberg just unveiled a new car...

It comes with a GPS or a speedometer, but not both.

Werner Heisenberg is driving down the road.

Werner Heisenberg is driving down the road. A cop pulls him over and asks "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies "No, but I know where I am."

How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

If you know the number, you don't know where the socket is.

I asked my bookshop if they had a book on Werner Heisenberg.

The shop assistant said "In principle we do, but I'm uncertain".

Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over while driving...

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
W.H.: No, but I know where I am!

In the physics department's bathroom

There is a stall that has graffiti on the wall. The graffiti reads "Werner Heisenberg may have been here."

Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding...

The cop says, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg responds, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"
The cop, being slightly confused, says, "What does that matter? You were going 95 miles per hour!"
"Well, great," Heisenberg says angrily, "Now I'm lost."

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding down the highway.

A state cop pulls them over. The cop walks up to the window and asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I knew where I was." The cop says, "You were going over 90 miles per hour!" To which Heisenberg replies, "Fine. Now we're lost."Thinking this answer is a little strange, the cop decides to investigate the vehicle. He begins by opening the trunk. Shocked by what he finds, he shouts, "You have a dead cat in here!" Schrodinger answers, "Well I do now!"

The only dance I know how to do is The Heisenberg

Because it changes when I'm being observed.

A cop car pulls over Heisenberg as he's driving on the highway...

Officer: Do you know how fast you were going sir?
Heisenberg: No, but I know where I am.
Officer: Well, you were going EXACTLY 100 mph.
Heisenberg: Great! Now I'm lost!

Shout-out to my physics professor for making the Heisenberg uncertainty principle less boring today.

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?" "We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

Why did Heisenberg have a miserable sex life?

Because when he found the correct position, he didn't have the momentum, and when he finally found the time, he didn't have the energy.

A cop pulls Werner Heisenberg over and asks, Do you know how fast you were going?

Heisenberg replies, No, but I know where I am.

Heisenberg & Schrodinger

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding along in Schrodinger's car, a police man pulls them over and asks the driver, Heisenberg, if he knows how fast he was going, to this Heisenberg replies
"I do not know how fast I was going, because I know exactly where I am"
After this weird answer the policeman decides to search the car, he opens the boot and asks if Schrodinger knows he has a dead cat in his boot, Schrodinger says "Well I do now"

Ohm, Heisenberg, and Schrodinger are in a car...

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

I'm not sure where Heisenberg is...

But I know he's not with Pauli.

Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding

Officer: "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg: "No, but I know exactly where I am."

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway.

Cop pulled him over and says "Son, do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"

Heisenberg said, "No, but I knew where I was"

Heisenberg got pulled over by the cops for speeding

Winding down his window, he was greeted by a shout of "Do you know how fast you were going?!"

"Not a clue, but I know *exactly* where I was."

Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

A police stopped Heisenberg for speeding

Police: "you were going at 80 on a 50mph highway"

Heisenberg: "great, now I don't know where I am"

Physics Joke!

Heisenberg is speeding along down an unfamiliar highway when all of a sudden a police car appears seemingly out of nowhere and signals for him to pull over.

The officer approaches the car and asks, "Do you have any idea how fast you were just going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, sir. Why?"

The officer says, "Well, sir, you were speeding, and I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

Heisenberg, annoyed, asks, "Is this really necessary? I'm going to be late to work!"

The officer replies, "Well, I'm sorry to have to hold you up, sir, but you were driving incredibly irresponsibly! According to my radar gun, you were going exactly 90 miles per hour, which far exceeds the speed limit."

"Thanks a lot, jackass," Heisenberg yelled, "I'll be even later now that I'm COMPLETELY LOST!"

What are the funniest heisenberg jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Heisenberg? Well, here are the best Heisenberg puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Heisenberg pick up lines to share with friends.

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