Heineken Jokes
16 heineken jokes and hilarious heineken puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heineken that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Heineken Short Jokes
Short heineken jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heineken humour may include short ale jokes also.
- Beer Belly Some guy looked at my beer belly in the bar last night and asked sarcastically "Is that Budweiser or Heineken?"
My response: "There's a tap underneath, taste it for yourself." - A bottle of Heineken walks into a restaurant The waiter said "I'm sorry but we don't serve alcohol."
- When I get something stuck in my t**... I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager. It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre!
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Heineken One Liners
Which heineken one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heineken? I can suggest the ones about miller and brewery.
- Merry Christmas.. Or Happy Heineken, as the case may be ;)
- How would you call Barbie's boyfriend if he became an alcoholic? Heine-Ken
- What do you say when you don't want anymore Heineken? NeinIcant
- Why was the intelligent Heineken upset? 'Cus the bud's wiser.
Silly & Ridiculous Heineken Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about heineken you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean liter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heineken pranks.
CEOs of Carsberg, Heineken, Becks and Guiness walk into a bar
CEO of Carlsberg orders a bottle of Carlsberg.
CEO of Heineken orders a bottle of Heineken.
CEO of Becks orders a bottle of Becks.
CEO of Guiness orders diet coke with no ice.
They turn around and ask him why he ordered coke. He responds " Nobody's drinking beer. Didn't want to be the only one "
Guy calls his buddy and says, "Hey man, I'm throwing a party this weekend!"
"Gonna get a case of beer; what are you thinking?"
Buddy responds, "Anything but Heineken is cool with me. Drank a case of Heineken last weekend, and I blew chunks."
Guy says, "Dude, drinking a whole case of anything is going to make you p**...."
Buddy responds, "No, man, you don't understand... Chunks is my dog."
The CEOS of Budweiser, Miller, Heineken and Guinness sit down for a meal...
The waitress comes by for a drink order, and each orders their own.
Budweiser CEO: I'll have a Bud
Miller: MGD for me
Heineken: I'll have a Heineken
Guinness: Iced tea
Everyone stares.
Guinness replies: what? If you aren't drinking beer, neither am I!
The beer sommelier
A guy walks into a bar and brags to the barman, that he can recognize any beer by its taste. The make a bet and the barman starts to put forwards glasses.
— Oh, that's easy. Budweiser.
— That's wheat Paulaner.
— Hmmm, that's trickier. That's an IPA by Minhas Craft
The barman gets angry, that he will lose the bet. He goes to the back room, p**...into a glass and gives it to the guy. He tastes, smacks his lips for a while and says:
— That's Heineken. But is had been drunk once already.
A guy walks into a liquor store and ask for a case of Heineken.
The gal behind the counter replies, "Sorry. We're out of Heineken."
The guy shrugs his shoulders and says, "Fine. Make it Rolling Rock."
The woman replies, "Sorry, but the only cold beer we have in stock is Budweiser."
The man says, "Nope. No way. Last time I drank a case of Bud, I ended up getting sick and blowing chunks."
The cashier replies, "You drink a case of any beer you're gonna get sick!"
The man retorts, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."
Heineken free beer joke
I just pulled in a quick trip today and this guy says to me. "Hey, do you want a free twelve pack of Heineken?"
Me "Yeah, sure I will take it."
He says "Come over here. You can have a twelve-pack of Heineken if you let me touch your d**...."
I was "Touch my d**...?! What do you mean?"
He answered, "I want to hold it, grab it, pad it..."
After this, I said "Dude, total f**... out there" while drinking my Heineken.
The best beer in the world
An American, a Duchman and an Irishman walked into a bar. Ill have a Budweiser, the best beer in the world, said the American. Ill have a Heineken, said the Dutchman, the ONLY beer in the world. The Irishman yawned and said, Oh, I guess Ill just have a glass of water like these girls are having.
Annual Brewers Convention
The CEOs of Budweiser, Heineken and Guinness meet at the annual Brewers Convention. They decide to go for drinks afterwards.
They go to a bar and sit down at a table. The CEO of Budweiser says, "First round is on me!" and orders three Budweisers. They drink and chat, and after a while the CEO of Heineken says, "My turn!" and orders three Heineken.
They drink and talk a bit more, until the CEO of Guinness says, "My turn!" and orders three Dr. Pepper. The others look at him, surprised, and ask him if he doesn't want to drink beer. He replies, "Well, YOU didn't order any beer either, so I thought YOU didn't want to..."
