Heels Jokes
90 heels jokes and hilarious heels puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heels that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a laugh, this article has it! Read through some entertaining "heels" jokes that will have you head over heels! Enjoy jokes about Tar Heels, barefoot, sandals, shoes, and more. Get ready to kick up your heels and enjoy these lighthearted jokes.
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Funniest Heels Short Jokes
Short heels jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heels humour may include short legs jokes also.
- I told my wife that what she's wearing isn't appropriate for gardening. But..she's digging in her heels.
- My friend invited me to go drag racing with him and I thought yeah that sounds fun Turns out it is really freaking hard to run in the heels
- The other day I went on a date and she said "I like tall men because I like wearing heels." I was shocked that we had that in Common.
- Police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly underwear But the chief inspector said they must wear their normal uniforms.
- A priest walks into a shoemakers shope... And says to the cobbler,
"Help! My soles need heeling!" - Europeans: What's a good American joke in your country? On the heels of the funny Italian joke ("Emma comes first …") what jokes do other countries tell about Americans?
- So my friend told me that any girl he dates has to know how to tightrope on heels, I thought he was joking but guess who he's dating now No one
- A girl won't date me because she'd be taller than me when she wears heels It's her sole reason.
- What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke? You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.
- Did you hear about the recent lottery winner? It was the Old Woman In A Shoe, seriously! Guess where she lives now? Beverly Heels.
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Heels One Liners
Which heels one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heels? I can suggest the ones about hips and wheel.
- What do you call a cow in high heels and tiara? Dairy Queen
- Why did achilles go shoe shopping? Because heels are his only weakness
- I went to a drag race yesterday It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.
- I am head-over-heels in love with an obese person. Infatuated, actually.
- Why doesn't Achilles have any scars? His wounds always heel.
- What's the hardest part about drag racing? Running in heels.
- Drag racing is my favorite sport I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.
- I tried drag racing the other day. It's incredibly hard to run in heels.
- I'm dating a gymnast. She's head over heels.
- The easiest way to not have enemies is to outlive them In the end, time wounds all heels.
- What do you call a milkman wearing high heeled shoes...? A Dairy Queen.
- I hurt my foot a week ago and it's still hurting. I guess it hasn't fully heeled yet.
- I knew that Achilles would die eventually After all, time wounds all heels.
- How do you know the high heel was invented by men? Who else invents things?
- I spend two years a broad I still have no idea how to walk in high heels
High Heels Jokes
Here is a list of funny high heels jokes and even better high heels puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife said I should get high heels for her birthday. I'm getting some weird looks as I walk down the street.
- Old enough -Mom I'm finally 15, can I have a boyfriend?
-No.
-Can I use high Heels?
-No.
-Can I use a mini skirt?
-No.
-But why?
-Because you're a man, Bob. - I went out to a party in my mom's high heels My friends thought I had mommy-ish shoes
- Years ago I used to do a lot of drag racing... ...buy I kept tripping in those high heels
- Why do women wear high heels? Keeps them on their toes
- What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels... At least the elephants you could reason with
- You see, I'm a man who likes to wear high heels while driving... I call it drag racing.
- What do you call a shoe on drugs? A high heel!
- After a spate of bizarre crimes Police want to speak to three men wearing high heels and short skirts but have been told they must wear their uniform
- Back in highschool girls would CONSTANTLY fight over me Back then, I just prayed they weren't wearing high heels.
Head Over Heels Jokes
Here is a list of funny head over heels jokes and even better head over heels puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the husband and wife astronauts? They were head over heels for each other.
- She fell for me head over heels Good thing I brought the chloroform
- I've fallen head over heels in love with a ventriloquists doll. But unfortunately,she's already spoken for.
- Did you hear about the girl so in love, she'd rather blow her boyfriend than go out shoe shopping? Talk about head over heels!
- Did you hear about the contortionist that fell in love? She was heels over head for him!
- Are you involved in ISIS? Because I'm falling head over heels for you.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Heels Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about heels you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heel shoes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heels pranks.
Italian cruise ship captain caught fleeing
The Italian captain of the tragic cruise ship incident was caught at customs trying leave the country. He disguised himself as an Italian women dressed in high heels, a red polkadot dress complete with a wig and red liptick. He was busted because he forgot to add the mustache!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aims at the heels, but hits the nose. What is it?
A f**....
what's the most impressive thing about tom cruise performing his own stunts?
he does it in heels
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early
When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and p**...."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
What did the Jewish Japanese lady like best about her high heels?
They made her Torah.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me the other day that every time he buys his girlfriend shoes he gets a b**....
Turns out he's head over heels.
My daily regime
My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.
I have been trying to find a new hobby
So lately i have been drag racing. I win most of the time, it's hard for them to outrun me in heels
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It seems like I only have s**... with girls in high heels...
Probably because the ones in tennis shoes run too fast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a t**... that looked EXACTLY like Gwen Stefani... with the hair, lashes, makeup, skinny pants, heels, the whole nine.
I was like, "Don't speak"
Wife told her husband
A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.
She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.
Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.
Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can usually tell if I'm going to have s**... with someone by what shoes they are wearing.
Pumps and high heels yes, running shoes no- she will probably get away.
Every so often I go out and practice wearing high heels.
It helps keep me on my toes.
How tall are u in heels?
I dunno, but I could tell you in feet.
Chaplain asked us if we know how to save our souls
"Walk on your heels"
Why was the fetishist chasing the shoe model?
Because he was hot on her heels.
A traffic cop in a small town stopped a motorist for speeding.
"but Officer," said the driver, "I can explain-"
Save your excuses," said the cop. "You can cool your heels in jail till the chief gets back."
"But Officer..."
"Quiet!" snapped the cop. "You're going to jail the chief will deal with you when he gets back."
A few hours later the officer looks in at the prisoner. "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. It means he'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," said the prisoner. "I'm the groom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What type of shoes did h**... make his wife wear?
Ze heil heels!!!
Why did the queen lose the drag race?
It was tough to run in heels.
Starting the day in London
Two friends from London on the phone:
Guy 1: Hey mate, what's up?
Guy 2: Not much. I am smelling one chicks hair whilst another one is walking all over me in her high heels.
Guy 1: Oh I see, call me when you get off the underground.
Agamemnon was talking to Achilles
Agamemnon: what's the deal? These are the fourth pair of shoes you bought this week alone!
Achilles: I just cannot help it.... heels are my only weakness!
I went to the doctor...
Because the back of my foot hurt.
He told it could be months before it heels.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stung...
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 men in an airport
1st man says, "I can't find my wife." 2nd man says, "I can't find mine either, what does yours look like?" 1st man " Six foot tall, blonde, big t**..., mini skirt, high heels and a b**... tube, whats yours look like?" 2nd man says, "f**... her we'll look for yours.
Speeder
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But, officer" the man began "I can explain"
"Just be quiet" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother asked me if I'd ever have s**... with a woman in high heels.
"Probably not," I said, "because my balance isn't very good."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aman comes home from work and his wife greats him at the door wearing a s**... French maid outfit.
He smiles as he is looking her up and down. High heels and fishnet stockings. Then he says Thanks for cleaning the house today honey.
My wife said she'd fulfil any fantasy of mine.
"What about a nice mini skirt, some high heels and a tight red bra?" I asked.
She spread herself on the bed and said, "Of course, baby."
I said, "Excellent. Wait here, I'll just go and get changed."
