Heel Jokes
68 heel jokes and hilarious heel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the humorous side of high heels with our collection of hilarious jokes about the footwear item. From Achilles to Tar Heels, kittens to oculars, slippers to boots and more, these jokes will make you giggle and might even help relieve some of your heel pain.
Quick Jump To
- Short Heel Jokes
- Heel One Liners
- Heel Shoes Jokes
- Achilles Heel Jokes
- High Heel Jokes
- More Heel Jokes
Funniest Heel Short Jokes
Short heel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heel humour may include short legs jokes also.
- I told my wife that what she's wearing isn't appropriate for gardening. But..she's digging in her heels.
- My wife and I had this long argument about the appropriate thing to wear when gardening. But..she kept digging in her heels.
- My friend invited me to go drag racing with him and I thought yeah that sounds fun Turns out it is really freaking hard to run in the heels
- The other day I went on a date and she said "I like tall men because I like wearing heels." I was shocked that we had that in Common.
- Police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly underwear But the chief inspector said they must wear their normal uniforms.
- A priest walks into a shoemakers shope... And says to the cobbler,
"Help! My soles need heeling!" - Europeans: What's a good American joke in your country? On the heels of the funny Italian joke ("Emma comes first …") what jokes do other countries tell about Americans?
- So my friend told me that any girl he dates has to know how to tightrope on heels, I thought he was joking but guess who he's dating now No one
- A girl won't date me because she'd be taller than me when she wears heels It's her sole reason.
- What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke? You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.
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Heel One Liners
Which heel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heel? I can suggest the ones about lever and sole.
- Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
- What do you call a cow in high heels and tiara? Dairy Queen
- Why did achilles go shoe shopping? Because heels are his only weakness
- I went to a drag race yesterday It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.
- I am head-over-heels in love with an obese person. Infatuated, actually.
- Why doesn't Achilles have any scars? His wounds always heel.
- When an eel strikes your heel and severe pain you feel... ... That's a moray.
- Yo mama so fat She left the house in high heels and came back with flip flops
- What's the hardest part about drag racing? Running in heels.
- What did Achilles say when he got hit by an arrow? Aww heel no!
Kill me right now. - Drag racing is my favorite sport I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.
- I tried drag racing the other day. It's incredibly hard to run in heels.
- I can't resist peeing on women. It's my R. Kelly's heel.
- I'm dating a gymnast. She's head over heels.
- Why don't cows wear high heels? Because they lactose.
Heel Shoes Jokes
Here is a list of funny heel shoes jokes and even better heel shoes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a milkman wearing high heeled shoes...? A Dairy Queen.
- Did you hear about the recent lottery winner? It was the Old Woman In A Shoe, seriously! Guess where she lives now? Beverly Heels.
- Have you guys heard of the huge fire at the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
- I went out to a party in my mom's high heels My friends thought I had mommy-ish shoes
- Why was the fetishist chasing the shoe model? Because he was hot on her heels.
- Agamemnon was talking to Achilles Agamemnon: what's the deal? These are the fourth pair of shoes you bought this week alone!
Achilles: I just cannot help it.... heels are my only weakness! - What do you call a shoe on drugs? A high heel!
- One of my shoes felt a little depressed near the heel today... Guess he needs to do some sole-searching.
- Did you hear about the girl so in love, she'd rather blow her boyfriend than go out shoe shopping? Talk about head over heels!
- I can usually tell if I'm going to have s**... with someone by what shoes they are wearing. Pumps and high heels yes, running shoes no- she will probably get away.
Achilles Heel Jokes
Here is a list of funny achilles heel jokes and even better achilles heel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I knew that Achilles would die eventually After all, time wounds all heels.
- Football Player Jason Verret was ruled out of the 2018 NFL season today... Turns out his Achilles heel, was his Achilles heel!
- Ultimately, even the mighty invincible Achilles was killed with a bowshot to his foot. Time wounds all heels
- Why couldn't Achilles become a doctor after the t**... War? Because he couldn't heel.
High Heel Jokes
Here is a list of funny high heel jokes and even better high heel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife said I should get high heels for her birthday. I'm getting some weird looks as I walk down the street.
- How do you know the high heel was invented by men? Who else invents things?
- I spend two years a broad I still have no idea how to walk in high heels
- What do you call a milkman in high heels? Dairy Queen
- Old enough -Mom I'm finally 15, can I have a boyfriend?
-No.
-Can I use high Heels?
-No.
-Can I use a mini skirt?
-No.
-But why?
-Because you're a man, Bob. - Your mother is so fat.. ..when she wears high heels she strikes oil
- Yo mama is SO fat... The last time she wore high heels, she struck oil!
- Years ago I used to do a lot of drag racing... ...buy I kept tripping in those high heels
- Why do women wear high heels? Keeps them on their toes
- What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels... At least the elephants you could reason with
Comical Heel Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about heel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shaft jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heel pranks.
Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.
Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the t**..., and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.
Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?
He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles' heel but have you heard of Bophades' nuts?
One day Achilles and Testiclles are talking
Testiclles said "Why is your name Achilles?" and Achilles said "When my mother dipped me in the river, she held me by my heel. My tendon is my only weak spot" and then he said "And why is your name Testiclles?"
I was woken late last night about 3am
By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.
I said, f**... off dave, I've got work in the morning'.
TIL About the ancient Greek hero Boephades
Like Achilles, he was invulnerable except for one part of his body. Except instead of his ankle, it was his groin.
You've heard of Achilles heel, but did you know about
Boephades nuts?
An Ancient Greek Hero
Have you guys heard of the ancient Greek hero, Bophades? He was a lot like Achilles - he had just one weakness. Except instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have have heard of Achilles' heel , but have you heard of Bophades' Nuts ?
How does nancy pelosi (5'5'') manage to stand up to Donald Trump (6'3'')?
It's called the art of the heel
Did you know biologist James Watson was a foot fetishist?
His favorite s**... act was double heel licks.
My poor knowledge of Mexican food has always been my chilaquiles heel.
You didn't even have to click through to get the punchline.
Why did the doctor kick his patients?
He was trying to heel them.
What's the best nutcracker?
A six inch heel
When an Eel bites your heel, and pain is all you feel...
Thats a "Moray"
Who's the last president to change a light bulb?
Obama. Trump had a deferment because of heel spurs, plus he prefers being in the dark.
Spelling
It's my Akiles heel.
I messed up my foot pretty bad.
The doctors said it would take a while to heel.
I really love spicy foods
...but the Ghost pepper is my a-chilis heel.
The best name to give a dog is h**...
If she's good, she'll heel.
What do you name a dog with no legs?
It doesn't really matter, he isn't going to Heel anytime soon.
The Pope and the Rabbi (not the apple one)
The Pope is walking down a street in London, when the heel breaks off his shoe. He looks around, and sees two shops advertising shoe repair. Looking closer, he sees a star of David on the wall in one, and a crucifix in the other. He thinks for a moment, and decides he'll go into the Jewish run shop, and do a little something for the relationship between the two faiths.
They're a bit surprised when the Pope walks in, but treat him well and do a really nice repair for him. When they're done, they refuse his money but ask if they can put a sign up saying he was a customer. He agrees, and goes on his way. The following day, the Jewish run shop has a sign in the window; "Cobblers to the Pope."
The day after that, the Christian shop has a sign in the window; "b**... to the chief Rabbi."
.
[I'll get my coat...]
I hurt my foot the other day. My heel can't support any weight. But I haven't got to see a doctor yet.
I'm just tiptoeing around the issue.
