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Hedberg Jokes

69 hedberg jokes and hilarious hedberg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hedberg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Hedberg Short Jokes

Short hedberg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hedberg humour may include short evil jokes also.

  1. I used to like Mitch Hedberg jokes... I still do, but I used to, too.
    18 years ago, today, we lost one of the greats.
    R.I.P. to a legend.
  2. I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own. I still do, but I used to too.
  3. Here is the best one liner from the legend, Mitch Hedberg My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
  4. A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
    That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!
  5. I just got the Mitch Hedberg COVID test. I asked my friend if he knows anyone with COVID.
    He said No.
    So I know I don't have COVID because he knows me.
  6. I bought a world map for my room, I'm gonna put a pin on everywhere that i've travelled… … but first I gotta travel to the top 2 corners of the map so it won't fall down.
    (Mitch Hedberg 2003)
  7. My attempt at a Mitch Hedberg joke "Why are people always having their pizzas delivered? Just order them without liver."
  8. You know what? I'm sick of following my dreams! I'm just going to ask where they're going, and catch up with them later.
    --RIP Mitch Hedberg
  9. When I started doing stand-up, I didn't have a lot of my own material, so I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes I still do, but I used to too.
  10. I'm really good with cars, man. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's going. - Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg One Liners

Which hedberg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hedberg? I can suggest the ones about mitch hedberg and cannonball.

  1. I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes. I mean, I still do, but I used to, too.
  2. I used to like Mitch Hedberg I still do, but I used to too
  3. I'm against picketing.... But I don't know how to show it.
    - Mitch Hedberg
  4. I used to miss Mitch Hedberg... I still do, but I used to as well.
  5. I used to copy Mitch Hedberg jokes. I still do, but I used to, too.
  6. Last week I had to put down my dog. It was sad. I said, you are one dumb dog.
  7. Hey Mitch Hedberg, what's the date today? Just press 2 for a while!
  8. By The Great Mitch Hedberg. "A dog is forever in a push up postion".
  9. Breaking news: Mitch Hedberg dead at 48 Has been dead since 37, but is still dead, too.
  10. I tried to walk into Target But I missed. - Mitch Hedberg
  11. I used to love hearing people make Mitch Hedberg jokes. I still do, but I used to too.
  12. A severed foot... ...is the ultimate stocking stuffer. - Mitch Hedberg
  13. What would Mitch Hedberg say if he were alive? Hey man, get me out of this coffin.
  14. I saw a wino eating a bunch of grapes I said "You gotta wait!"
    I miss you Mitch Hedberg
  15. I used to listen to old Mitch Hedberg recordings.. I still do, I just used to too.

Mitch Hedberg Jokes

Here is a list of funny mitch hedberg jokes and even better mitch hedberg puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My favorite Mitch Hedberg joke: I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry", so it died.
  • My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg Best joke that's ever been told.
  • Mitch Hedberg died of a drug overdose... Which means the drugs came from Mexico. Otherwise, he would've over-two'd.
  • I got tired of chasing my dreams I told them go where ever and I would meet up with them later.
    \-Mitch Hedberg
  • One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, He said "here's a picture of me when I was younger." I responded "Every picture is of you when you were younger."
    -Mitch Hedberg
  • I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hot dogs to teenagers! You've got both your legs, Frank
    Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam.
    -Mitch Hedberg (That 70's Show)
  • If i got a dollar for every Mitch Hedberg joke i stole I'd be making money in a very strange way.
  • Man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking It's as hard as it is to start flossing
    - Mitch Hedberg
    I miss this man every day :(
  • I've never been booed off stage. I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage.
    In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP.
  • You know the fly was really close to being called a land... Because that's what it does half the time.
    RIP Mitch Hedberg
Hedberg joke, You know the fly was really close to being called a land...

Howlingly Hilarious Hedberg Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about hedberg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean motor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hedberg pranks.

I was at a job interview...

I was at a job interview and the boss asked me where I saw myself in 5 years and I said celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question.
R.I.P Mitch Hedberg

[Remembering] Today is the 10th anniversary of the passing of Mitch Hedberg

Share some of your favorite Hedberg lines! Personally, I quote these ones the most:
"I have not slept for ten days because that would be too long."
"I used to do drugs. I still do. But I used to, too!"

So many years after his death, I stayed in room 1401 and remembered how great Mitch Hedberg was.

"The hotel I'm staying in has no 13th floor 'cause of superstition. But people on the 14th floor: You know what floor you're really on. What room are you in? 1401? No, you're not! If you jump out that window, you will die earlier."
— Mitch Hedberg
R.I.P.

My girlfriend got c**......

so i bought her a fishnet stocking
-Mitch Hedberg

Fire exits

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-Mitch Hedberg

This is a Mitch Hedberg inspired joke

So I was moving a refrigerator and I needed some extra strength. Instead of grabbing some Tylenol, I snagged a couple of Altoids instead. Cause I'll admit, I was curious...

Mitch Hedberg Joke - Escalators

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'escalator temporarily out of order' sign, only 'escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
-Mitch Hedberg

Tribute joke to Mitch Hedberg. I went to a farm. They told me, Everything we raise here is organic.

I hope so! Because I'm not eating a chicken made of rocks.

I got a world map for my wall, I'm going to put pins in all the places I've traveled to ...

... but first, I have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
(credit to Mitch Hedberg, about 2003)

I cant remember who this comedian or how the joke goes 100% but the gist is

So theres this joke i heard when i was young, my mom showed me him on youtube, it was a very deadpan, dry comedian, almost like mitch hedberg, and i cant remember who it was, but the gist of the joke is, "two aliens landed in their spaceship and walked up to me, they were super short, and i asked, hey, is everyone of your species this short? And they replied, no, we're just really far away"

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
RIP to one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg. The king of one liners

Hedberg joke, I used to like Mitch Hedberg jokes...