JokoJokes

Heck Jokes

118 heck jokes and hilarious heck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laughter is the best medicine, and so are Heck Jokes! Get ready for some unabashed fun with irreverent quips and one-liners involving zooms, bois, and even the occasional 'goddamn.' Have a laugh and enjoy what the heck!

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Popular Heck Short Jokes

Short heck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heck humour may include short hits jokes also.

  1. If a tree falls..... A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.
    Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"
    Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"
  2. A six sided man walks into a bar A six sided man walks into a bar and orders a gon.
    The bartender says, "What the heck's a gon?"
  3. What's the difference between Amrican and British humour? The spelling (This joke is better said out loud) (Aw frick. That's a heck of a typo)
  4. North Korean launches keep getting better and better Heck, they even made it to the front page today!
  5. A man walked onto a plane, holding a vulture. The stewardess asked "What the heck is that?"
    He said "It's my carri-on luggage"
    *sorry sorry sorry*
  6. A little Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow 50 dollars. His dad says, "50 dollars?! Why the heck do you need 40 dollars? 30 dollars is a LOT of money!"
  7. I told my son his birthday was only half a minute this year He asked what the heck am I talking about. I said, well it's his thirty second birthday...
  8. So this guy is getting arrested and the officer tells him he doesn't have to speak without his lawyer present. When in jail, he consults his lawyer and asks...
    Where the heck is my present?
  9. I asked my wife what she wants for our anniversary… Where the heck am I supposed to get the last 10 years of her life back?
  10. I went to a reincarnation seminar last night... ...I figured what the heck, you only live once.

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Heck One Liners

Which heck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heck? I can suggest the ones about hoot and holes.

  1. I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. Where the HECK is my roof?!
  2. Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system? I for one...
  3. What is Heck? It's where you go when you don't believe in Gosh.
  4. Heck A place reserved for those who don't believe in Gosh.
  5. What is heck? Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.
  6. What is heck? It's where people get darned to when they don't believe in Gosh
  7. I chose the Road less traveled.. Now where the heck AM i.
  8. Getting Lockjaw is terrible. Heck I am just lost for words.
  9. You know how you get to Heck? Gosh darns you to Heck.
  10. A heck of a bird is a Pelican It's beak can hold more than its Bellycan
  11. What is Heck? Where you go when you don't beleive in Gosh
  12. Heck is where you're darned for not believing in gosh... Then you're really frigged.
  13. Parents aren't supposed to bury their children. Heck, my mom was almost arrested for it!
  14. They say a pentagram is the devil's shape... Clearly they've never heard of a heck's-agon
  15. I cannot stand insect puns... They bug the heck out of me.

What The Heck Jokes

Here is a list of funny what the heck jokes and even better what the heck puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Is "I don't remember" considered a legitimate legal response? Because it sure as heck doesn't work with my wife.
  • Do you have any bruises, sprains, strains, or broken bones? No? Good! Now that we've gotten four maladies out of the way, how the heck are ya?
  • I gave up my seat for an old lady on the bus today and we later crashed. How the heck was I meant to know that she'd never driven a bus before?!
  • Just seen a Disney trailer. I've just seen a Disney trailer
    It said, "A new movie from the people that brought you Up."
    Flipping Heck! I never knew Mum and Dad made films.
  • I have a friend from Armenia who disagrees with everything I say just for the heck of it. He's such a Contrarian.
  • The polar bear sleeps in his little bear skin . . . he sleeps very well, I am told.
    Last night I slept in my little bare skin,
    and I got a heck of a cold!
  • What did the depressed, illiterate pepperoni slice say when asked where he was with his life? Well it pizza heck out of me.
  • A PROBLEMIC POLEMIC Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
    A: Who knows why the heck they do anything?
  • "Heck yeah, I'll marry him! He drives a 400k vehicle, gets paid to travel, and is adorned by the business crowd." Woman: So what do you do for a living?
    Man: I drive a bus.
  • I'm a law student who's doing an IT subject this semester... and i've been asked whether I know Jake Weary over four times now! Who the heck is he?
Heck joke, I'm a law student who's doing an IT subject this semester...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about heck can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of heck puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Gather Around for Heartwarming Heck Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about heck you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean hind jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make heck prank.

h**...

Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a h**... before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."

The Longest Memory in the World

One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

Coloured Eggs

A rooster was strutting around the hen house one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow.
The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.

Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

A man is sitting in his house watching tv

when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and a small snail is at the door.
The man picks up the snail and throws it as far as possible.
three years later later, the man is sitting in his house watching tv when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and it's the same snail!
The snail says "What the heck was that for?!"

A woman says to her engineer husband...

"Could you please go to the store for me and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six."
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks, "Why the heck did you buy six cartons of milk?"
"They had eggs."

This husband wins the fight every time.

A newlywed couple are having their first big fight since being married. Things start getting heated when the husband angrily says "You know I'm right, I'm twice as smart as you!" Furious, the wife asks incredulously "What the heck, how could you say that!" The husband responds, "Well, just look at who I married compared to who you married, and tell me who is smarter!"
Use this one with caution in your own marriage :-)

A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...

Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."

City workers

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn't figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

Johnny burned both of his ears

Johnny burned both of his ears. So the doctor asked him at the hospital how it happened.
Johnny: I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang. So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear.
Doctor: How the heck did you burn the other ear?
Johnny: They called back.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

My girlfriend and I walked passed a "swanky" new restaurant last night...

"Did you smell that food" she asked, "incredible." being the gentleman that I am I thought "what the heck, I'll treat her, so we walked passed it again....

The Millenium Falcon is taking off...

Han Solo asks C3PO to give him a countdown, and C3PO says..
"10....8.....6.....4"
Han interrupts him and asks what the heck he's doing.
C3 says "You told me to never tell you the odds"

Why didn't the recently single goose lose her job when she made a mistake?

Because she had one heck of an ex-goose

Southern man getting a Vasectomy, no not the cherry bomb joke.

A man from the southern US goes to the doctor to get a vasectomy. He wears his finest 3 piece suit with his best shoes. When the nurse is getting him ready she asks him why he's dressed so fancy. The man replies, "Well heck, if I'ma be impotent, I'ma look impo'tant too."

A farmer had a champion bull that bred 200 times a year.

His wife said "200 times? isn't that wonderful dear? maybe you ought to watch him, maybe he show you how."
the farmer said " oh he's a heck of a bull, but it wasn't all with the same cow.

SCHOOL JOKES,Teacher and student

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie appeared.

The genie looked at the man and said, "And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish, when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women."
"Funny," said the genie, "That was your first wish, too."

A programmer goes shopping

A room mate asked his friend who is a programmer to go shopping.
"hey, can you buy a bottle of milk? Oh and if they have eggs, buy 12"
So the programmer went shopping.
When he got back, he bought 12 bottle of milk and his room mate asked
"why the heck did you bought 12 bottle of milk?!"
The programmer responded.
"they have eggs"

Two little girls are playing together when one say's to the other, "I found a contraceptive on the patio yesterday."

A little confused, her friend responded by asking, "What the heck is a patio?"

How many cats?

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

The Church of Scientology does many mission trips.

I mean heck, Tom Cruise has been on 5 missions already!

Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

No Bedside Manner

I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until … Heck, he continued, you have 
a better chance of dying from the 
anesthesia than the surgery itself.

My sister turns 42 on Monday

Considering it's a weeknight and we have kids and all, I told her not to get her hopes up.
"As it is," I say, "we'll only celebrate it for less than a minute."
When she asked what the heck I was talking about, I reminded her: "This is your forty-second birthday."

How did the heckawii indians get their name?

They split off from a larger tribe and fallowed a river, they walked for weeks and months until finally coming to a great plain, the Indian chief looked at the medicine man and said "where the heck are we?"

A drunk guy is driving around Paris...

He keeps crashing into everything, and almost kills several pedestrians. Eventually, he's about to cross a bridge, but he doesn't make it, and instead plunges his car into the water below. However, the guy doesn't seem to care, as he tries to keep driving.
A nearby ship: "What the heck is wrong with that driver?"
The car: "I don't know, but he's driving me in Seine!"

A guy hears a knock at his door...

He opens the door and sees a snail. He picks the snail up and throws it as far as he can.

Two weeks later the man hears another knock at the door, it's the same snail!

The snail looks at the guy and says, "What the heck was that for?!"

A r**... was walking down the road carrying a bag...

His friend happened to pass by and asked, "Hey, bud, what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," he answered.
"Say, if I can guess how many chickens you got in there, will you give me one?"
"Heck, if you can guess how many, I'll give ya both of 'em!"

Woke up at 6 o' clock this morning ...

...with a b**... hangover listening to my neighbour mowing his lawn , was going to get up and throttle the sod , but then thought "To Heck with it , he can mow around me."

A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sitting quietly in the pub having a pint, when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac and then storms off again...

The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, What the heck was all that about?
The bit of black tarmac replies, You have to be careful not to upset that one. He's a bit of a cyclepath."

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Wife: actually I'm holding my son.
Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?
Wife: oh god.
Kidnapper: what?
Wife. you have my husband.

Judge going through the file of an accused

Judge: So what's your Name?
Accused: Mr. Fallchurges, your Honor. First name is Freo.
Judge: So you're Freo Fallchurges.
Accused: *standing up* Thank you, Your Honor.
Attorney: Heck, we almost got him this time

Came across a body lying on the sidewalk

A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.
The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, I'm on Sycamore Drive.
How do you spell that? the operator asked.
S-i-c-k… the man began. No, s-i-c-a….. no, s-i-k-a…. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I'll call you back.

A guy took his 1973 Volkswagen Beetle to a blond mechanic and said

"My engine is missing." The mechanic raised the hood and said "Oh wow, you're right! But how the heck did you drive it here?"

A cop pulls over a woman going the wrong way down a one-way street.

Where the heck do you think you're going? the cop asks.

I don't know, but I must be late because it looks like everyone is coming back.

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: Ah i knew you'd get stuck on that

A woman calls 9-1-1...

A woman calls 9-1-1 and starts crying hysterically. After the operator calms her down, he asks what's wrong. The woman responds that her husband and his friends are in her basement, giggling at something on the television.
Confused, the operator informs her that what they're doing, while it may be annoying, isn't a crime.
The woman, angry, responds, "What the heck is manslaughter, then?!"

Maternity Ward

So I was at a matetinity ward with my friend. His wife & him just had their first baby, and he told me to go buy a pizza to celebrate. I brought back a frozen Digiorno brand pizza. My friend got mad mad like what the heck this is frozen? I responded, Well your wife had a C-section so I got this because it's not delivery.

A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday

She drops hints to her husband:
"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..."
The husband nods knowingly. So for her birthday, he buys her a scale.
And that's when the fight started...

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your b**...!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She replied... "It's not talcum powder... it's Miracle Grow."

Cake Day Joke!

An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot and asked the owner if she could buy it. The owner said, Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me – you do not want that parrot!
She said, I can teach it good manners.  
But, when she got home the parrot said a bad word, so she put it in the freezer for 10 seconds.
She took it out and said, Did you learn your lesson? It said another bad word so she put it back in for 30 seconds. She took it out and asked if it learned its lesson yet. 
The parrot said Brr… Yes I learned my lesson, but, what did the chicken do?

A cop pulls over a woman going the wrong way down a one-way street.

Where the heck do you think you're going? the cop asks.
I don't know, but I must be late because it looks like everyone is coming back.

Farmer Joe decides to go down the road to visit his friend Eb.

When he arrives at Eb's farm he hears music coming from Eb's barn.
Going to take a look Joe finds Eb dancing n**... around his John Deer!
Taking a step back Joe asks Eb what the heck he's doing?
Eb explains, "Well to be honest me and my woman's been having problems in the bedroom, so we went to see a s**... therapist. I'm just doing what she suggested."
"Do something s**... to a tractor!"

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....

discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

A new competition!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I recently entered a competition to see who gained the most weight and lost the most hair," he tells the bartender. "What the heck? Why?" the bartender asks. "Oh, they didn't call it that," the guy replies. "It was advertised as 'high school class reunion,'"

Any great and funny jokes like this one for my 8 year old granddaughter?

She loves this one:
A guy is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up and opens the door, no one there. Looks down and sees a snail on the doormat. Being a guy, of course he picks it up and throws it across the street.
Six months later, the guy is in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up, opens the door, no one there. He looks down and it's that snail. Snail looks up and yells "what the heck was that about?!!!".

Adam was returning home late one night at paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn.

Eve got angry and yelled at him: "YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN!"
Adam responded: "Don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth", and went to sleep.
Later that night Adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve.
"What the heck are you doing?" he asked
"I'm counting your ribs," she responded.

As a teacher, one of the things I used to dread most was seeing one of my students out in public. So imagine my surprise when I saw 18 year old Kristen out one Saturday night in a 21 and over establishment. She saw me at the same time, came over and loudly asked, "What the heck are YOU doing here?!"

I said, "Well, I'm a functioning alcoholic, it's Saturday night, and I am 32 years old. So I really think the better question here is... how much are the lap dances?"

First time in Vegas

I stayed for one night. Checked out in the morning, the bill was $250, and they had added resort fees, and I asked what the heck is that for?! She said the hotel had a pool and internet here and available for use. I said I didnt even use them! She said Well they were here and available and you could've used them.
So I just wrote out a check, but made it out for $50 and handed it to her. She said: Sir this check is for only $50.
I said That's right! I charged you $200 for sleeping with me.
But I didn't! she said.
I said: Well I was here and available, and you could have!

Doctor's news

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: I'll take the bad news first.
Doctor: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but there was an error in your chart and I'm afraid we cut off the wrong leg.
Patient: WHAT THE HECK?!? That's not bad news. That's TERRIBLE news. What incompetent fools! You've ruined my life!!!
Doctor: Now hold on. You haven't heard the good news. I'm pleased to tell you that upon further study it turns out your other leg's going to be okay!

A guy asked his buddy to teach him how to fish

His buddy then gave him a list and said "Alright, here are some basic things you need, go get them and I'll prepare the boat for our trip."
A week went by and the guy went back to his buddy accompanied by another guy in complete fishing gear.
"Where the heck have you been?" asked his buddy.
"I went to Poland" he said
"What the heck for?!" asked his buddy, bewildered.
"You wrote that I need a fishing pole!"

Heck joke, A guy asked his buddy to teach him how to fish

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these heck jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.