Heavy Lifting Jokes
24 heavy lifting jokes and hilarious heavy lifting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heavy lifting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Heavy Lifting Short Jokes
Short heavy lifting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heavy lifting humour may include short weight lifting jokes also.
- Recently, i decided to quit my job at the construction place because i couldn't deal with the heavy lifting. I gave them my too weak notice yesterday.
- I hurt my shoulder and doctor told me i shouldn't lift anything heavy. So i'm forced to sit down when i pee.
- The doctor said I can't lift anything heavy for the next two weeks I guess I gotta sit down to pee now
- My doctor told me I can no longer stand when I pee and need to sit down. He said I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy.
- Does heavy lifting make you dumb? Yes
Cause counting to 10 has never been this hard before - I asked my couch-potato wife to go to the gym to do some lifting with me She philosophically retort: "Why should I? The burden of life is already too heavy."
Me: "Indeed you are." - What boots do you wear when lifting a heavy object? UGGH!!!! boots (say it with a constipated voice)
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Heavy Lifting One Liners
Which heavy lifting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heavy lifting? I can suggest the ones about lifting weights and lifting.
- I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev from a company called You crane.
- Why couldnt Elon Musk lift the box? Its was too falcon heavy
I'm sorry - I lifted my 100KG weights ten times today That was a ton of heavy lifting
- I tried making money flipping houses. but they were to heavy for me to even lift.
Heavy Lifting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about heavy lifting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heavy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heavy lifting pranks.
My 93 year old grandfather FTW
We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ''Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee..."
All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him.
"My doctor told me no more heavy lifting."
A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.
She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.
The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling f**.... Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a pound.
A farmer posted on his local subreddit that he was looking to hire help to fix his fence...
The farmer's wife asked him, Why would you look to hire someone from the internet? Surely they will not be up to the physical demands of lifting and setting these heavy fence posts!
The Farmer replied We need a professional, and I heard that there is no one more experienced than a Redditor at re-posting.
On the first day of school,
.. the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit… She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,
"Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy...........
"It's a puppy!"
SCOTCH ??
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,
"Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy...
"It's a puppy!"
Maybe it's scotch?
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit…She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
Blonde Breakfast Dilemma
A man watches as his blonde girlfriend comes downstairs to make breakfast.
At first she attempts to lift the stove, struggles, and sighs.
Next she tries lifting the microwave, again to no avail. Finally she lifts the toaster and smiles, makes toast and eats her breakfast.
This goes on for a couple of days before her boyfriend finally asks what in the world is going on.
The blonde replies, "My new medication doesn't allow me to operate heavy machinery and the toaster is the only thing I can lift."
The elbow
A man is complaining to his friend: "My elbow really hurts. I think I need to see a doctor." His friend answers: "Dude, this is 2012, in the supermarket they have a new computer that can diagnose much faster and cheaper. Just place a u**... sample in the machine and it says what's wrong, and that only for $1!"
The man decides to take a shot, fills a glass with u**..., goes to the supermarket, finds the computer and pours his u**... into the computer. Immediately a small paper is printed and comes out of the computer: "TENNIS ELBOW. Keep your arm warm for a few days and avoid heavy lifting. In two weeks you'll be better."
The former scriptkiddie is impressed and decides to see if he can confuse the computer. He mixes dishwashing water with diarrhea from his dog, together with some u**... from his wife and daughter. To finish it he masturbates and drops his s**... into the cup and mixes everything again.
when he arrives in the supermarked he drops his mixture into the computer. The computer spits out a little less small paper: "Your tap water contains too much calcium, buy softener. Your dog has parasites, give him medicines. Your daughter smokes marihuana, speak with her. Your wife is pregnant and you're not the father, get yourself a good lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!
Is it Scotch?
For Christmas, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,"Champagne?
"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"