Heave Jokes
32 heave jokes and hilarious heave puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heave that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Heave Short Jokes
Short heave jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heave humour may include short shove jokes also.
- A depressed atheist heaves a sigh and tells his friend, "Sometimes I wish I was god so I didn't exist"
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Heave One Liners
Which heave one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heave? I can suggest the ones about hefty and lifting.
- What would Steve Harvey change his name to if he suddenly became bulimic? Heave Starvey
- I just got back from a bulimic disco The place was heaving!
- I just walked past the Bulimics Club. The place was heaving.
- Where do Christians go after throwing up? Heave'in
- Busy night at the bulimia clinic last night... the place was heaving.
- Dry heaving is like throwing up, but... Your body literally gets nothing out of it.
- What would you call a bulimic Steve Harvey? Heave Starvey.
- what do you say to a puking p**...? Heave-h**...!
Comical Heave Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about heave you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hang over jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heave pranks.
If heaven is above and h**... is below,
why are we burying the dead and not launching them into the sky?
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"
God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day."
Heaven Between Legs
A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession.
"Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying ba***rd !" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"
How do you get into Heaven?
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss...
h**..., on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.
Who wants to go to heaven?
My wife used to teach Sunday school to 7 year olds,so in one of her classes,she asked the class,"Who wants to go to heaven"?Everyone raised their hand except this one cute little girl,so my wife asked her,"Why don't you want to go to heaven my angel"?
The little girl replied,
My mother told me that I must come home straight after Sunday school.
Do you want to go to heaven?
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
If there is a "Heavens no"...
If there is a "Heavens no" and a "h**... yes", why isn't there a "purgatory maybe"?
I wish my ex could look down from heaven and see me now.
Unfortunately she's still alive.
Why is heaven hard for alcoholics?
Because they're surrounded by Spirits.
Up in Heaven, God was feeling tired
He had been a busy deity lately.
Anyways, St. Peter suggests he should go on vacation.
Where?" rants God, "I created everything! I know what everything is!!"
Well" replies St. Peter, "Earth is a nice place. You could go there."
Ohh no! Not Earth!" says God, "I went there about two thousand years ago, s**... some chick, and they're *still* talking about it!
Heaven and h**... according to Europe
Heaven is a place where,
all the cops are British,
all the chefs are French,
all the engineers are German,
all the parties are organized by the Italians,
and it's all run by the Swiss
h**... is a place where,
all the cops are German,
all the chefs are British (sorry Gordon),
all the engineers are French,
all the parties are organized by the Swiss,
and it's all run by the Italians
Heaven is...
Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.
h**... is where the cooks are British, the police are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.
Two pools of v**... walk into a bar...
One goes straight to the bathroom, while the other orders a couple of drinks.
When the first one comes back, he sees his friend staring at the floor with a tear in his eye.
"What's wrong, Spewurt?", he asks.
"Oh it's nothing, Heave." his friend replies. "I was just feeling a bit nostalgic. This is where I was brought up!"
If you want to go to heaven, make sure your sin count is divisible by 360.
Because sin(360)=sin(0).
In Heaven, computers don't need a lot of space.
It's all stored on the cloud.
Heaven is celebrating
A man was waiting at the Pearly Gates, when he noticed a commotion, suddenly a choir of angels start singing and the whole place is rejoicing.
What's going on? He asked.
Soon a man whose deeds and actions were greatly admired by God, will be joining us and we're anticipating the arrival of this great human, who did more to spread prayer and joy than any other!
Ah, yes, I had heard that the Pope died.
Who cares about a freaking Pope? I'm talking about Pele!
How to get to heaven
A Sunday school teacher asked her class the question how do we get to heaven?
She then asked, Can I be nice to my neighbors and go to church every Sunday and get into heaven?
The class replied, No.
She said, Okay, can I keep my house clean and help the poor then get into heaven?
The class again replied, No.
She asked, Then how do we get to heaven?
A boy stood up a said, You need to be dead!
Which heavenly body is Gods all-time favorite?
Saturn.....He even put a ring on it.
Do you come from heaven?
Did it hurt when you landed on your face?
Did you know there is a second heaven for people who died of pandemics?
It's called the after party
In heaven Mother Theresa is complaining to god that Princes Diana's halo is bigger than hers...
God giggles... That's not a halo, that's a steering wheel.
