The Best 17 Heave Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Heave jokes. There are some heave jump jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these heave leap puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Heave Jokes and Puns

Heaven Between Legs

A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession.

"Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."

"Why that lying ba***rd !" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"

How does that heaven joke go?

Ages ago, I read this joke about a man dying, and as he ascends the pearly staircase, increasingly attractive women with increasingly large amounts of gold urge him a level higher for some really promising reward. Eventually, he reaches the top, and there's a man who makes Jabba the Hutt look like a sex god, and his name is some kind of sexual pun on the earlier promise.
I just can't for the life of me remember the specifics of the joke. Has anyone else heard it?

Are you from Heaven?

Because you look like you just died

Heave joke, Are you from Heaven?

How do you get into Heaven?

When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" Tim answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, Tim answered, "NO!"

The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.

Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

What would Steve Harvey change his name to if he suddenly became bulimic?

Heave Starvey


Do you come from heaven?

Did it hurt when you landed on your face?

In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.

Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.

Heave joke, In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.

Up in Heaven...

Scotsmen are all like "Hey yoo, get off m' cloud!"

On Earth, it's "Hey MacLeod, get off m' ewe!"

In Heaven, computers don't need a lot of space.

It's all stored on the cloud.

How to get to heaven

A Sunday school teacher asked her class the question how do we get to heaven?
She then asked, Can I be nice to my neighbors and go to church every Sunday and get into heaven?
The class replied, No.
She said, Okay, can I keep my house clean and help the poor then get into heaven?
The class again replied, No.
She asked, Then how do we get to heaven?
A boy stood up a said, You need to be dead!

Which heavenly body is Gods all-time favorite?

Saturn.....He even put a ring on it.

You can explore heave ravine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean heave rock dad jokes. There are also heave puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If you want to go to heaven, make sure your sin count is divisible by 360.

Because sin(360)=sin(0).

In heaven Mother Theresa is complaining to god that Princes Diana's halo is bigger than hers...

God giggles... That's not a halo, that's a steering wheel.

What would you call a bulimic Steve Harvey?

Heave Starvey.

Did you know there is a second heaven for people who died of pandemics?

It's called the after party

Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss...

Hell, on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.

Heave joke, Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the

I wish my ex could look down from heaven and see me now.

Unfortunately she's still alive.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the heave fling jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working heave flung piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes