Heart Monitor Jokes
16 heart monitor jokes and hilarious heart monitor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about heart monitor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Heart Monitor Short Jokes
Short heart monitor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The heart monitor humour may include short heart rate jokes also.
- I was sending letters to a kid with cancer I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.
- After breaking up with my girlfriend, I got a device to monitor the condition of my heart. There was only one problem... It was broken.
- I just plugged in my phone to charge... and now my grans heart rate monitor wont shut up with this long beep and its driving me nuts!
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Heart Monitor One Liners
Which heart monitor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with heart monitor? I can suggest the ones about heart beats and heart condition.
- A man with manic depression buys a heart rate monitor It was made by Polar
Heart Monitor Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about heart monitor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heart doctor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make heart monitor pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff
They never know if you're coming or going
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teacher : What do you do after school ?
"I always go to buy cigarettes from Basil" - Girl 1
"I always go to buy w**... from Basil" - Boy 1
"I always go to buy c**... from Basil" - Girl 2
"I always go and do my homework" - Boy 2
The teacher, nearly surviving a heart attack after hearing the answers, had a smile on her face. *Finally a normal student*, she thought.
Teacher - "Wow! You're great student and a good example for others! I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. What is you name?"
Boy 2 - "Basil!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman patient in a hospital had been in a coma for a number of years. Each day a nurse gave her a bed bath. One day while washing her private parts she notices that the monitor shows an increase in heart rate.
The nurse tells a Doctor, He considers the results and calls her husband. When he arrives the Doctor suggests that o**... s**... may help. The husband agrees and they pull the curtain around the bed for privacy.
30 minutes later the monitor shows her heart and breathing has stopped, then she flatlines and is obviously dead. The Dr rushes in and asks the husband what happened, he looks at the doctor and says I don't know, maybe she choked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man's wife is in a coma...
...and the nurse notices that when she bed-bathes the woman's g**..., there are small fleeting signs of life.
So the doctor explains to the husband and suggests that perhaps if he performed o**... s**... on her, it might bring her out of the coma.
So the husband goes in, but after a minute or so the woman's heart monitor flatlines and all the staff rush in to find her dead.
"What happened?" the doctor screams to the man.
"I'm not sure..." he says,
"...I think she choked"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's wife has been in a coma for 6 months....
Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her. Ecstatic, they go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little o**... s**... will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The husband finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor begins to flat-line... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. "What happened?!?" they asked.
"I don't know!" exclaimed the husband. "I think she's choking!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman in a coma
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little o**... s**... will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was in a coma,
and she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognisable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little o**... s**... will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that with the curtains closed for privacy, and his co-operation it might just work. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
A few minutes passed and then the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart beat, alarms ringing, the nurses burst into the room. "What happened?" they cried.
The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Coma
A woman was in a coma for months.. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was sizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little o**... s**... will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room. "What happened?!"
The man said, "I have think she may have choked"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's wife is in a coma in the hospital
The man, exhausted, sleeps in the waiting room as the nurse gives his wife a towel bath. As the nurse does this, she notices a slight movement from the comatose woman as she runs the washcloth over the woman's private parts.
The nurse gently wakes the man up, and as he rubs sleep from his eyes, she tells him, "I noticed something when bathing your wife, and it makes me think she might respond to o**... s**...."
The man thinks a moment, then says, "OK, I'll give it a try." He goes into the room while the nurse watches the woman's vital signs from the monitor at the nurse's station.
Suddenly, the heart monitor goes flat with a loud "BEEEEP". The nurse charges off and almost crashes into the man as he exits the door of the woman's room. "What happened!?" she shouts.
"She choked."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her.
They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little o**... s**... will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy.
Besides it's worth a try.
The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate.
The nurses run into the room.
The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."