Hearing Problem Jokes
135 hearing problem jokes and hilarious hearing problem puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hearing problem that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Hearing Problem Short Jokes
Short hearing problem jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hearing problem humour may include short hearing loss jokes also.
- I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair" - A man goes to the doctor Man: doctor I'm having problems with my hearing
Doc: can you describe the symptoms?
Man: marge has blue hair and homer is a fat guy - Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems... Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?
Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair - Went to the doctors yesterday... ..I said: "doc, im having problems with my hearing"...."really? Can you describe the symptons?" he replied I said "yes, Marge has blue hair and Homers a fat bloke"
- You close the fridge door and hear something fall inside... That, my friends, is the sound of someone else's problem.
- Did you hear about the problem at the Indian bread factory? Turns out it was a naan issue.
- Did anyone hear about that country who started using balloons as currency? They ended up with a massive inflation problem.
- Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to running red lights? He knew he had a problem, but he told me he could *stop anytime*.
- Did you hear about the math teacher... ...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?
He really rose to the equation. - "Doctor, I have a problem with my hearing in my left ear. " "Are you sure,"
"Yes!! I'm definite."
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Hearing Problem One Liners
Which hearing problem one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hearing problem? I can suggest the ones about hearing test and hearing related.
- Gal Gadot's husband has a problem I hear he's been doing heroine...
- Apparently mime on mime violence is a real problem, you just don't hear about it.
- The problem is I'm really tired... But I hear there's a nap for that.
- If you hear, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave" There's usually a looming problem.
- Did you hear about the lady with breast cancer and amnesia? She has mammary problems.
- Did you hear about the duck with a drug problem? he was a quackhead
- What do you call the grim reaper with hearing problems? Deaf..
- Did you hear about the teacher who had eye problems? She couldn't control her pupils.
- Did you hear about my fight with the polar bear? Snow Problem
- You hear about all of these refugees? Sounds like a Syria's problem.
- Did you hear about the chef-turned-rapper? He's got 99 problems but ceviche ain't one.
- Did you hear about that snake with a m**... problem? it was a real Cottonmouth
Hearing Problem Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about hearing problem you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hearing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hearing problem pranks.
Lady goes to her doc.
"Doc, I have quite the problem. I can't control my gas. All day long I'm f**... and f**.... The only good news is they are the 'silent but deadly' type.
The Doc pauses for a moment and replies, "first let's get you fitted for a hearing aid."
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
An aircraft is flying when all over sudden a bird crashes through the cockpit and kills both the pilot and co pilot.
Having heard the c**... a blonde flight attendant rushes in to find out what happened.
Once inside the cockpit the plane jerks and the cabin door slams shut and can't be opened.
So she pulls the captain out of his seat and sits down, taking the radio into her hands and says,
"May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! The pilots are dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!"
"I'm 5'4 and in the front seat of the plane."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio. "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven..."
Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed?
A: She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.
What did the math book say to the psychologist? "Would you like to hear my problems?"
My doctor wouldn't examine me when I said I was having hearing problems...
He just said it was ear relevant
So---there was this woman who had a problem with silent gas
and she went to the doctor and she said, "This is so embarrassing. I have this problem of f**... silently. You probably haven't noticed, but I've let three of them since I've been in this office with you. Is there ANYTHING you can do?" He said, "Yes, but the first thing is to get you fitted for a hearing aid."
Slightly more modern Russian joke
Putin is visiting a big factory for a photo op, and he decides to get the opinions of the common man. He walks up to one of the line workers and says, "My friend, I hear alcoholism is a big problem in Russia. Tell me, do you think you could still do your job if you drank a bottle of v**... in the morning?"
The worker thinks and says, "Well... I suppose so."
Putin frowns because that wasn't the answer he was expecting, but presses on: "Do you think you could still do your job if you'd had two bottles of v**... in the morning?" The worker nods and says he probably could. Putin, now becoming exasperated, asks: "What if you'd had *three* bottles?"
The worker replies, "I'm here, aren't I?"
Hearing problems
So a guy is going down the express way, and sees a lot of flashing lights, pulls over. The officer motions him to roll down his window and he says:
-Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car, a mile back?
And he says:
-Oh thank god! I thought I was going deaf!
A old Jewish man goes to the doctors...
He says "Doctor I've got a huge problem."
The doctor says "What is it?"
He says "I keep getting these silent, smelly, gassy emissions I was with my wife and the Grossmans yesterday and it happened about 100 times during dinner and created a nauseous gas but it was silent so no one new who it was and then again on the bus this morning and even in your office now I must have had 20 of them, Do you have anyway to fix this problem doc?"
The doctor looks up and says "Well first off I'm going to send you to specialist."
The man interrupts him "What kind of specialist doc?"
"A hearing specialist!"
So this plane is flying over the atlantic.
So this plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean. The captain comes over the loudspeaker and says, "One of our engines is malfunctioning but we should still make it to our destination just a little late.".
30 minutes and everyone hears a loud BOOM. The passengers get nervous and start looking at each other. The captain comes over the loudspeaker again, "We uh... have a problem. Another engines has gone out and we won't have enough fuel to make it. We've dumped our luggage and now we have to make the unfortunate request to have some of our passengers jump out."
The flight attendant pops the hatch. A well dressed gentleman goes to the hatch and proclaims in a British accent, "Remember the queen of England!" before jumping out.
Next a large frenchman goes to the front and proclaims in a thick accent, "Remember le president!" before jumping out.
Next a Texan moseys on up to the air lock and yells "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!" then he throws two Mexicans out the door.
The doctor says to the old man
"Sir, i see what the problem is. You've got a suppository stuck in your ear!"
And the old man says, "well, now i know what happened to my hearing aid!"
f**... all the time
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact I've f**... at least 10 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was f**... because it doesn't smell and is silent."
The doctor says,
"I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week".
The next week the lady returns.
"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly".
"Good," the doctor said "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing"
Long Lost Twins
There's this story on CNN running about these two long lost twins that found each other on Google!
Did ya hear about it?
The o**... down in Mexico, I think, was doing that family tree thing and found out that he had a twin, Ehmal, was taken as a baby with his mother back to the middle east! And these two found each other!
Well the reporter on the CNN kept trying to run the story but for some reason Ehmal was like this anti-computer guy or something cuz he couldn't get a decent picture to the reporter!
They got faxes of pictures that were too dark and phone calls and such but no decent pictures. Frustrated she goes to her producer with the problem, wondering what she should do. Guy scratched his head, thought about it for a while and you know what he said?
Well.... If you seen Juan, you seen Ehmal.
Jar Full of $10 Bills
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"
Did you hear about the kid born without eyelids?
Yeah, apparently a baby boy was born without eyelids just last week! Obviously that was a problem and the child's sight wouldn't last long unless the doctors acted quick, so they decided to take a skin graft from the boy and use it to protect his eyes. The most logical solution for the quick thinking doctor was to use the child's f**..., since he would probably be circumcised anyways.
Those are about all the details I know from the story, but I guess the baby is doing ok. The doctor said he would be fine, and should keep his eyesight, he just might end up a little c**...-eyed.
Blonde Co-Pilot
This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "repeat after me: Our Father...Who art in Heaven....."
An elderly lady goes to her GP complaining about her flatulence
She tells him that although she farts many times each day, it's more of a nuisance than a real problem.
"What do you mean?" Asks her doctor.
"Well," says the old lady, "they're silent and they don't smell."
The doctor writes a prescription and tells her to come back in a week.
When she returns she says, "I don't know what you gave me doctor! I still f**... all day and although they're still silent, they now stink the place up!"
The doctor nods and says, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, I'll see what I can do about your hearing."
Bar Bet
A man walks into a bar that he has never been to before. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat. The bartender asks "What are you having". The man is about to respond when he sees a large pickle jar FILLED with cash. The man asks "What's that" the bartender responds "We have a challenge here, if you can complete the three part challenge the money is yours" The man thinks about it for a while and says "What's the challenge" the bartender says "Well first you have to drink a bottle of Jack" the man says "No problem" the bartender continues "Next there is a Rottweiler outside who has a rotten tooth and you have to pull it out" The man starts to get nervous but assures himself he can do it. "Finally" says the bartender "There is a 98 year old woman upstairs who has never been laid and you have to do her" the man shivers but says "Let's do it". The bartender hands him an un-opened bottle of Jack and the man quickly c**... it down. The man continues outside wobbling to the door and for the next several minutes all anyone can hear outside is barking followed by growling and finishing with the whining. The man stumbles back inside, with his shirt torn and bite marks all over his body says "Now whhheere is the oold lady with a sore tooth?"
Family xmas problem solved
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."
Did you hear about the boy born without eyelids?
The doctors said they could give the boy eyelids made out of his f**.... The only problem is that he would be a little cockeyed.
Be wary of your bicycle . . .
My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell my wife, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
So my wife went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
My wife said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
So my wife replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist said, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."
So a woman makes an appointment to see her doctor...
She goes to the doctor's office and during the examination she says,
"Doctor, I've got a problem that i am deeply concerned about. I keep f**... all the time, they don't smell or make a sound but I am constantly f**... all the time, in fact I've f**... 15 times since you've stepped in the room to exam me, I'm very worried that there is something wrong with me."
the doctor writes her a prescription and says,
"take 2 of these a day and see me in a week"
The woman comes back in a week and says,
"these pills aren't helping, in fact I'm even worse, I'm still f**... all the time, they still don't make any noise, but now they smell horrible"
the doctor says "good, we've cleared up your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing"
So I have this friend Jonathan...
Jon's been on a bit of a dry spell with the ladies lately. I suppose I should tell you a bit about Jonathan. He's a bit hard of hearing, but the ladies still love him despite that and his slightly diminutive stature, probably because he's usually the life of the party, buying drinks, etc. Anyway, back to the problem at hand.
We went to lunch the other day at a nice, quiet cafe. We started chatting about the usual, work, sports, whatever, but it came clear that Jon actually had invited me to give him some advice. He told me about his dry spell and of course I wanted to get to the root of the problem. A few minutes pass in silence. Finally, I ask, "Can I ask you a question?"
"WHAT?"
(Oh right, the hearing thing) "I said, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?"
"OK!"
"WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING TURNED DOWN?"
"TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT!?"
An elderly man goes to the Doctors...
He's having problems hearing and he wants to know if his hearing aid is broken. The Doctor takes a look and recoils in shock. He then proceeds to pull a t**... out of the man's ear. "This is why you can't hear. There's a t**... in your ear not a hearing aid. The man then asks if he can use the Doctor's phone to call his wife. "Why?" the Doctor asks. The man smiles and replies "So I can tell her where my hearing aid is".
Two old friends reunite...
- Hey! I haven't seen you in a while! How are your memory problems?
- Pretty fine, actually. My doctor is helping me a lot and I barely have any issue remembering things.
- Oh, that's nice to hear. How is the name of your doctor? I'm kind of worried because I'm starting to forget things and I would like to talk to a professional.
- Sure, her name is... ehm... ehm... what is the name of this famous v**... that appears in the bible?
- Mary?
- Yes! That's it!
He turns into his wife and asks:
- Mary, what is the name of the doctor who helped me with my memory problems?
An old man is concerned that his wife is starting to go deaf...
The old man goes to the doctor and says, "My wife can't hear very well anymore and I am getting worried. What should I do to help her?"
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "First we need to understand how serious the problem is. Stand 25 feet away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, walk 5 ft closer and ask again. Repeat this until she can hear you and then let me know how far away you were standing."
The man is so concerned for his wife that he agrees to do what the doctor suggested. When he gets home, he sees his wife cooking in the kitchen. He stands 25 feet from his wife and says, "What's for dinner?"
The wife does not answer and he walks closer, "What's for dinner?"
The man does this 2 more times until he is standing only 5 feet from his wife. The man is now very worried and tries one last time, "What's for dinner?"
The wife looks over and yells at him, "I HAVE TOLD YOU 4 TIMES ALREADY, WE ARE HAVING LASAGNA!"
Let me hear your best agriculture related jokes!
Students in one of my ag classes are required to tell a couple jokes to the class to start off the day. Only problem is 1) I am awful at telling jokes and 2) I do not know any. Please help me not tank this! Thank you.
Doctors meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
Two Jewish mothers are at lunch...
During the meal, one of the mothers says to her friend, "I have some distressing news. I sent my son to Israel to become a better Jew, but he came back a Christian."
Her friend looks up in surprise and says, "Funny story! I also sent my son to Israel to become a better Jew, and he came back a Christian! Let us go and talk to the Rabbi."
The two mothers stroll down to the local synagogue and lay their problems before the Rabbi, whom, upon hearing their Lamentations replies, "Funny story! I also sent my son to Israel to become a Jew, and he came back a Christian! Let us pray for guidance."
The three of them kneel in prayer, and are answered by the voice of God: "What troubles you, my children?" He says.
"Father," says the Rabbi, "Each of us sent our sons to Israel to become better Jews, and each of them has become a Christian."
To which God replies:
"Funny story..."
A baby
A women is in the final stages of giving birth, and with one last push she hears the babies cries as the doctor holds it in his arms out of view. The doctor tells her there's a problem and rushes the baby out of the room. After 5 or 10 minutes the women is hysterical with worry for her child. The doctor eventually comes back and stands at the bottom of her bed an says
"Well, There's good new and bad news."
The women, now very worried asks for the bad news first
"Unfortunately, your baby is ginger."
Offended and somewhat relived the women begins a tirade of a**... aimed at the doctor, calling every name under the sun. After 30 seconds of a**... she remembers the good news, and promptly asks him for it.
"It's dead."
Somebody tried to tell me that cleaning my ears with Q-tips could cause hearing problems...
To which I responded "WHAT?!?!"
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have the strangest problem. I have silent farts. I f**... all the time, but they're silent and they don't smell. In fact, I must have f**... twenty times since I came into your office, and you didn't notice a thing. What should I do?"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and says, "Take one of these a day and come back in a week."
A week later, the woman returns, very confused. "Doctor, what did those pills *do*? I still have silent farts, but now they stink like crazy!"
"Good," says the doctor, "we've got your sinuses cleared up. Now let's work on your hearing."
"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."
The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her something. If she doesn't hear it, reduce the gap by 10 feet and so on till she can hear what you say."
The man satisfied with the reply, hurries home to try this little technique. He stands around 50 feet away from her, and shouts, "Hey honey, what's for dinner today?" He gets no response, so he moves closer and repeats the same question four more times till he's right next to her.
He asks the same question again and she says, "For heaven's sake, this is the fifth time I'm telling you, it's just fruit salad tonight!"
Did you hear about all the problems going on in the middle East?
I heard its pretty Syria-ous
An old woman goes to the doctor...
and talks to him about a problem she is having.
"I have a terrible time with gas. Luckily, they are silent and scentless. In fact, I've f**... several times while I've been here. While it isn't ruining my day to day living, it is terribly embarrassing."
The doctor thinks a minute and prescribes her some medicine. "This should help. Come back in a week."
She starts taking the medicine, and a week later she returns distraught.
"Doctor, the problem has gotten much worse! Now when I pass gas, it smells awful!"
"Okay. Now that we've cleared out your sinuses, we can take care of your hearing..."
A woman is in bed with a man she shouldn't be with
Her husband is away on a business trip. Suddenly she hears the sound of the front door opening, her husband is back earlier than she expected.
"Quick! Hide in the bathroom!", she says to the man in her bed, he scampers off quickly.
The husband walks into the bedroom and sees his wife n**.... Thinking on her feet she says "You must have had a long journey, come to bed and make love to me."
"That sounds great, I'll just have a quick shower, let me pop to the bathroom."
He opens the door and is confronted with a man, barefoot to the neck, looking into the distance, clapping with his arms outstretched.
The husband asks "Who are you?"
"From the council", the man replied, "your wife phoned us up and said you had a moth problem"
"But you're not wearing any clothes?!"
The man suddenly looked down at his n**... body and looking shocked he exclaimed: "The b**...!"
Did you hear about Trump getting Pink Floyd back together?
Only problem is, he's gonna make them pay for every brick in the wall.
Did you hear Prince's sister is inheriting his estate? There's just one problem…
She's just like their mother, so she's never satisfied.
Did You Hear about the Gender Identity Problems among Robots?
Yeah. They all have trans-sisters...
A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....
The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"
Did you hear about the problem in Pakistan where smoking a scorpion gets you high?
Well only the men get high, the women get s**...
Wife's having a heart attack
A man comes home after a long hard day at work, and hears some sounds coming from his bedroom.
He hurried up the stairs and sees his wife in her bed, "I think I'm having a heart attack" she says in a panicked voice. The man rushes downstairs and dials 911 and goes to tell the operator what the problem is.
His 4 year old son comes down the stairs and says "daddy, uncle joe is n**... in your closet". Angrily, the man slams the phone down and hurried up the stairs, swings open the closet door and sees his brother sitting there n**.... "My wife is having a heart attack, and all you do is run around my house n**... scaring the kids!?"
A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.
"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"
911, what's your emergency?
"I'm m**... too much."
Sir that's not really a problem.
"One sec. HEAR THAT MOM? NOW GET OFF MY CASE."
I told my doctor I´d got hearing problems
He said "describe the symptoms"
I said "Homer´s a fat bloke, drinks beer, and Marge has got blue hair"
The only difference between group s**... and group therapy...
is that in group therapy you hear about everyone's problems, and in group s**... you see them.
I hear that mime crime is a big problem in Paris these days.
Apparently they do unspeakable things if you resist.
Did you hear? Somebody released a bunch of angry, rabid owls down at the local junior high!
I tell you, school hooting is a real problem in this country.
I need plastic surgery
to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems
My doctor said "I understand you are experiencing hearing problems. Please describe the symptoms. "
So I told him that Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing…
He said, Can you describe the symptoms?
I said, They're yellow, Homer's fat, and Marge has blue hair.
An old man visited a doctor because of his hearing problems
The doctor examined his ears thoroughly but could not find anything out of the ordinary.
"I simply cannot find an issue," said the doctor. "It could just be caused by alcohol."
"I see," the old man replied. "I guess I'll come back when the doctor is sober."
An old woman goes to the doctor..
She complains that "I've been f**... all the time. It doesn't smell and no one can hear it... but I just want to get the problem fixed."
The doctor writes her a prescription and tells her to come back in two weeks after taking her medication.
She comes back after two weeks and says "Doctor, I'm still f**... all the time and no one can hear it - but it's starting to smell really badly"
The doctor: "Great - now that we fixed your smelling problem, let's fix your hearing one."
Did you hear about the robber who wouldn't stop complaining about his victim
That's the problem with a petty theif
Before dying, a t**... with hearing problems said his final words.
"Deaf to America!"
(I feel like this joke has been done before but oh well)
I hear Heisenberg and his wife are having problems
When he has the time, he doesn't have the energy, and when he has the position, he can't get the momentum.
Did you hear about the problems they've had at church recently?
They've had a real conundrum.
An old lady visits her doctor...
...and says to him:
"Doctor, I have a problem. I keep f**... all day long, luckily they don't smell and are dead silent, can you do something to make it stop?"
"Take these pills and come back after a week for a checkup."
One week later she comes by and says:
"Doctor! Not only didn't the f**... stop, but now they are smelly as a landfill!"
The doctor replies:
"Calm down, miss. I cured your sense of smell, now to do something about that hearing."
Two guys sitting in a doctor's office waiting room....
First guy says to second guy:
"I ...I...I...I'm hhhhh... hear ....fffffff...for my stttut...stutttering ppp,ppp, problem. Yyyy, you?"
Second guy says:
"I'm here because I have a swollen prostate, gonna get it checked"
First guy says:
"wwwww, what hhhhh, hhhappens wwwheeen y, yoour, ppppp, pprostate swelll, swells?
Second guys says:
"well, basically, I pee like you talk"
An old man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem gas.
"It's non-stop," the man tells his doctor. "I just have this *constant* stream of silent gas pouring out of me. It might shock you to know that it's even been happening since I came into your office."
"OK," replies the doctor. "The first thing I'm going to recommend is a hearing test."
I went to the Doctors about a hearing problem. He asked what symptoms I was getting...
I said "Homer is a fat guy and Marge has big blue hair".
Did you hear about that lady that got her minks all twisted?
She had furs twirled problems.
If you're a bowler, I don't need to hear about your problems
Because I have already walked in your shoes
Did you hear about the guy who had a horrible drug problem and a really bad lisp?
He was methed up
A guy takes a girl back to his parents house to have s**......
The only problem is, he shares a bunk-bed with his younger brother. Reluctantly, they decide to proceed -- but he gives her the code words "lettuce" for faster, and "tomato" for slower.
As the two get into it, the boy hears "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!" coming from the top bunk. He yells out, "Guys! Stop making sandwiches, the mayo is getting all over me!"
Problem with Gas.
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've f**... at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.
The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"
The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."