Hear Jokes

Funniest Hear Short Jokes

Short hear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hear humour may include short listen jokes also.

1. What asian stereo type do you hear the most? Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
2. Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name? Anna 1
   Anna 2
   Anna 3
   Anna 4
3. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative number? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
4. Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak
5. Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
6. An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
7. Some say that if you play Nickelback backwards you'll hear Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you'll hear nickelback.
8. I took an epileptic girl to a rave I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.
9. Did you hear what NASA's new slogan will be once their budget is cut? "NASA: The Sky's The Limit"
10. "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church. But a horrible thing to hear in a mexican prison.

Share These Hear Jokes With Friends

Hear One Liners

Which hear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hear? I can suggest the ones about sense and hone.

1. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because they're dead
2. Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets? His name was Rick O'Shea
3. Did you ever hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives
4. Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery? Anything
5. Did you hear about what happened to the really offensive joke about cows? [remooved]
6. Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
7. Did you hear about the gay french baker? Faguette
8. Did you hear Jeff Bezos is buying Crunchyroll? He is renaming it to Amazon Weeb Services.
9. Anyone need a job? I hear Malaysia Airlines is looking for people.
   ^im ^so ^sorry
10. Did you hear about Prince? Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.
11. Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
12. Shoutout to my grandpa That's the only way he can hear
13. Did you hear about the Anorexic Jedi? She had to be force fed.
14. My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough. Now he can hear the voices too.
15. Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his soul to Santa.

Hear Voices Jokes

Here is a list of funny hear voices jokes and even better hear voices puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices in my head. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.
• I was trying to convince my therapist that I don't hear voices in my head. Eventually she pointed out that I don't have a therapist.
• My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD. Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane.
• I hear voices telling me to do things I don't want to do "Take out the trash"
  "Do the dishes"
  "Clean the litter box"
  Why did I get married?
• If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill. But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.
• A psychiatrist and their patient were talking. Psychiatrist: Do you hear any voices in your head?
  *tell him no.*
  Patient: No.
• I've been a little worried about the voices I hear in my head,.. .. luckily one of them is a therapist and he's been helping me through it.
• Read this in a pirate voice Did ye hear what happened to Captain Bluebeard when he fell overboard in the Red Sea?
  He got Marooned!
• I like how when people in the Bible, like Noah, hear voices, it's "God speaking to them" But when I hear voices I'm "Clinically insane"
• My wife says that she still hears her grandmother's voice sometimes before she goes to sleep at night. But only when I forget to lock the basement.

Did U Hear Jokes

Here is a list of funny did u hear jokes and even better did u hear puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid "it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.
  my dad: "what kind is it?"
  my grandma: "it's 4:15pm"
• Did u hear the joke about the cure for covid19? It's a riot
• Apparently, Nintendo opened a hospital recently. Oh, hey, I can hear their ambulance driving by now!
  Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U...
• A golden joke... Did you hear about the man who robbed the bank? He went up to the cashier and demanded all the gold. When the thief ran away, the cashier yelled, "A u!"
• did u guys hear about the conflict in the middle east? israeli interesting
• Did u hear about the male stripper who was considering retirement? He decided to stick it out one more year! LOL
• What would u call a deaf man with a red hair and grey mustache.? U could call him anything... He wouldn't hear it...
• Did u hear about the new plane that's going to be 2000 ft long? it's going to be the longest flight ever
• Did you hear that Grey Poupon is opening a university? It's called Poupon U
• What did people hear when Nintendo's building went on fire? A Wii U Wii U Wii U in the distance

Never Hear A Man Say Jokes

Here is a list of funny never hear a man say jokes and even better never hear a man say puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you never hear a blind man say? See ya later
• Y'all ever hear about the eyeless man? They say he hears everything we say about him but he never sees it coming.

Never Hear A Woman Say Jokes

Here is a list of funny never hear a woman say jokes and even better never hear a woman say puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you never want to hear a woman's husband unexpectedly say "Honey, I'm home."

Did You Hear Jokes

Here is a list of funny did you hear jokes and even better did you hear puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
• Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
• Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed? Everyone else is forbiden
• Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo this morning? Apparently they still have 500 million users.
• Too soon for COVID jokes? COVID is like fashion…
  We started hearing about it in Italy…
  Became popular in LA and NYC…
  Florida ignored it…
  And it was all made in China in the end.
• After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Who was that?
• I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
  So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"
• Alexa, tell me a joke Alexa, tell me a joke. ...Alexa? Alexa?
  Sorry, I wasn't listening. I thought you deserved some privacy.
  Really? Well, that's nic-
  Would you like to hear another joke?
• Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler.... The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"
• Did you hear that Auschwitz had to ask visitors to stop playing Pokemon Go? They got tired of people pretending to be Ash.

Comical & Quirky Hear Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about hear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hind jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hear pranks.