Healthy Living Jokes
25 healthy living jokes and hilarious healthy living puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about healthy living that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Healthy Living Short Jokes
Short healthy living jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The healthy living humour may include short healthy eating jokes also.
- Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Guy: No, minding his own business. - Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets? It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.
- Birthdays are healthy for you Studies show that the more birthdays you have, the longer you tend to live!
- Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy. Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer.
- What you call a healthy, large aquatic mammal living in a structure that gives access to ground water that is located west of England? A well Welsh well whale
- A child is raised with antivaxxor parents... And lives a very happy and healthy life.
Thats it. Thats the joke - When a healthy m**... dies of Cancer young. You don't feel so bad for living up life and out living him.
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Healthy Living One Liners
Which healthy living one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with healthy living? I can suggest the ones about health wellness and healthy diet.
- What would Cardi B be called if she decided to live a healthy lifestyle ? Cardi O
- Why were some people living in the 80s so healthy? Because they had good high jeans
Healthy Living Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about healthy living you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean healthy food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make healthy living pranks.
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar....
Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Kid: No, minding his own business.
I walked into the doctor's office one day.
"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.
I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"
Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."
I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"
You know when things are getting bad when people only want their kids to live a long and healthy life they will enjoy...
And you have to wonder how their children are going to handle the pressure of those unrealistic expectations?
An old man is being interviewed on live TV
Hello everybody. We are with Michael, who is 97 years old. Michael, tell us, what's your secret?
During the war, I s**... off a enemy soldier in exchange for food.
I meant about your age.
Ah… Eating healthy.
Lively Old Lady
A doctor made a house call on an elderly lady, back when they made house calls. She was spritely and healthy, and the doctor remarked on her good condition.
"Have you ever been bedridden?" he asked.
"Oh my, yes" she said. "Many times, and twice in a buggy"
A little girl is in a taxi with her mother
The little girl was eating a chocolate and soon after she finishes the first one she opens a second one.
The taxi driver trying to make some conversation says to the little girl:
TD: "Are you sure all that chocolate is healthy for you?"
Girl: "You know, my grandfather lived for 135 years"
TD surprised: "Because he ate so much chocolate?"
Girl: "No, because he was minding his own business"
Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?
During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it", said doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."
The patient said, " I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your a**...."
Triple H Joke about wrestling star Paige
I'm a fan just like everyone else. I would love to see [Edge or Paige] step into the ring and compete," he said.
"More importantly than that, though, I would like to see them live long, healthy lives. You know, Edge has kids. Paige, maybe, she probably has some she doesn't know of."
A man is walking down the street...
And he sees a gnarled, wrinkled little old lady sitting on her porch. He starts to just keep walking, but he notices that the lady has a huge charismatic smile on her face.
The man walks up and says to her "Excuse me, I Couldn't help but notice how vibrant you look. Can you tell me what you've done to maintain what appears to be such a youthful exuberance?"
The lady responds "Sure, I get up every morning and smoke 2 stogies while I have my coffee with bourbon. Then I have some sausage for lunch, smoke some cigarettes and sometimes a joint before I b**... one of the guys I hang out with."
The man says "Oh my god, we've got to get you on tv! You've lived a long healthy life living like that! Exactly how old are you?"
The woman says "24."
A man went to the doctor asking what he could do to live longer.
The doctor asked him some preliminary questions.
"Do you drink much?"
"No, Doctor."
"Do you smoke?"
"No, Doctor."
"Do you stay up late or go to wild parties?"
"No, Doctor."
"Do you eat fatty or sugary foods?"
"No, Doctor."
"Do you consume milk or dairy products?"
"No, Doctor."
"Do you eat meat?"
"No, Doctor."
The doctor continued to ask the man about his lifestyle, and found that the man was leading a very healthy life. At this, the doctor was perplexed.
"So is there a way I can live longer?" The man asked.
The doctor replied, "Perhaps - but why would you want to?" :P
Gorbachev, Reagan, and Thatcher all meet God.
God says "I'll answer one question from each of you."
Reagan asks "How long will it be before the American people are happy, healthy, and living in prosperity?"
God replies "50 years."
Reagan starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"
Thatcher says "What about the British people? How long until they're all happy?"
God says "100 years."
Thatcher starts to weep as well, saying "I won't live long enough to see it!"
Gorbachev asks "What about the Soviet people?"
God starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"
Cutting-edge medical procedure
A new father was overjoyed to learn that his wife had just given birth to their first child: a son. However, the doctors informed the couple that their baby boy suffered from a rare but serious birth defect: the child had no eyelids. He had been born perfectly healthy in every other way, but lacked eyelids.
"All hope is not lost, however," the chief resident said. "The muscles and connective tissue appear to be normal, he just lacks the mucous membrane. If we circumcise your little one, we should be able to graft that tissue onto the place where his eyelids should be, and he can live a relatively normal life."
"Ok," the father said after discussing it with his wife,"go ahead and see what you can do for him."
The operation was a resounding success; the baby was blinking normally within a week.
The only problem was that the child ultimately grew up to be c**...-eyed.
Praying For Nothing?
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day. So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:
"Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?" And a great voice was heard from above:
"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"