JokoJokes

Health Jokes

172 health jokes and hilarious health puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about health that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a fun way to lift your spirits and get a giggle? Check out these hilarious health-related jokes! Perfect for health care professionals, health and safety experts, health insurance agents, nutritionists and more, these jokes cover everything from hygiene to mental health to nutrition. Get a few laughs during your health class or just while you're out exploring health food options.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Health Short Jokes

Short health jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The health humour may include short fitness jokes also.

  1. Birthdays are good for your health Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer.
  2. What do you say to a 20 year old with no legs, one eye and no health insurance? Thank you for your service
  3. American kid: Mommy, what's a "Canadian"? Well, dear, that's an unarmed citizen with health insurance.
  4. The doctor said I should stop eating meat immediately for health reasons... I asked if I had to quit cold turkey.
  5. According to my doctor it would be best for my health to stay away from trans fats I'm really gonna miss Tumblr.
  6. You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one.
  7. I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy that we have health care
  8. I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy... that we have health insurance.
  9. The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine. It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.
  10. The World Health Organisation has confirmed canines do not carry the virus and can be released from pounds. WHO let the dogs out.

Share These Health Jokes With Friends




Health One Liners

Which health one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with health? I can suggest the ones about medical and hospital.

  1. For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr
  2. Mommy, what is a Canadian? It's an unarmed North American with health insurance, sweetie.
  3. What does dark humor and health care have in common? Not everyone gets it...
  4. I used to think that alcohol was bad to my health So i quit thinking.
  5. Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural.
  6. Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
  7. I started doing lunges this year for my health I think it's a big step forwards.
  8. I've lived on Mars for years However, only eating chocolate has taken a toll on my health
  9. What's not 50% off today? Health insurance
  10. Why do ghosts love health food Because it's super natural
  11. Dark humour is like Free health care Not everyone gets it.
  12. The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
  13. What do you call adolescents who are into health and fitness? Proteens
  14. My doctor said I am the picture of health The before picture
  15. What do you call a health conscious cannibal? A humanitarian

Mental Health Jokes

Here is a list of funny mental health jokes and even better mental health puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded... 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
  • Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
  • What do you call a horse with good mental health? Stable
  • Hi, I'm a mental health therapist helping people to be more at peace with their lives. Check out my Instagram! I'm a content creator.
  • Why can't you hear a psychiatrist go to the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent.
    I work in mental health and a patient told me this one the other day
  • The new Joker went to see a doctor for his mental health, but didn't make an appointment. It was a Joaquin.
  • What do you call the Mental Health class at Hogwarts? Defence against the Dark Thoughts.
  • Apparently people who exercise have been shown to recover better and be less at risk from mental health issues... So who said you can't run away from your problems.
  • Why is crushing pop cans taxing on one's mental health? Because it's soda pressing.
  • My pronouns are Rare/Medium Rare. And if you don't use these, my feelings and mental health is at steak...

Health Insurance Jokes

Here is a list of funny health insurance jokes and even better health insurance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear they're remaking the show, 6 Million Dollar Man? It used to be about an enhanced human. Now it's just a story about a guy who visits the ER without health insurance.
  • Why doesn't the United States have universal healthcare? Because paying for health insurance should give a sense of pride and accomplishment
  • A really hot gal in my apartment complex said she wanted us to be "friends with benefits" Does anyone know where I can get a group health insurance plan?
  • I texted my mom at 5am telling her trump won, she asked why I was up so early. I told her "I don't know. Maybe the sound of my health insurance flying away woke me up."
  • A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish. They call it their No Clams Bonus.
  • What kind of health insurance does a llama need? Ollamacare
  • What's it called when you're still on your mom's health insurance? Yomamacare
  • I can't believe the way they used the Childrens Health Insurance Program during the budget debate... It was like a bargaining CHIP.
  • I used to look both ways before I crossed the street... then I got health insurance.
  • Canadian Defenition Canadian (noun):
    An unarmed american with health insurance
Health joke, Canadian Defenition

Health Wellness Jokes

Here is a list of funny health wellness jokes and even better health wellness puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It's good that it's called 'public health England' (PHE) Because 'public health Uk' wouldn't work so well
  • Donald trump said he cares more about the health and safety of the American public than he does about money. Well *I* laughed when he said it.
  • So a farmer goes to the doctor... And the doctor says, "I need to talk to you about your overall health." and the farmer says, "Well my overalls are just fine thanks you!".
  • A original joke. Did you know that cardi B has a famous cousin who's well known in the health department?
    Her name is cardi O
  • Your mom is so far That we're very concerned about her well-being and health. Is everything ok at home?
  • I lost 3 pounds - well that's good for your health
    - yeah.. well explain that to the mexicans at the door
  • My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.
  • I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. It's not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her...
  • Man: "When I bend my arm like this it hurts?"
    Doctor: "Well, stop doing it!"
  • Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
    Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"

Health Care Jokes

Here is a list of funny health care jokes and even better health care puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town I guess she was having a midwife crisis
  • This is 40 Questioning her career choices, a 40-year old health care worker who treated pregnant women bough a bright red convertible and skipped town. She was having a midwife crisis.
  • You should not vaccinate your children. Get a health care professional to do it.
  • A microbiologist quit caring about his own health. He started gaining a lot of weight. He's a biologist now.
  • Don't worry about losing health care under the Trump administration We won't need it after the EPA starts restricting oxygen
  • The World Health Organization has your best interests in mind.... WHO cares
  • Today our leaders closed of the southern border preventing people from coming to our country for a better life a better education and much needed health care! As a Canadian I am outraged!
  • The tagline of World Health Organization WHO cares!
  • Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes And It cost me an arm and a leg.
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but.... Unaffordable health care keeps them at bay.

Health And Safety Jokes

Here is a list of funny health and safety jokes and even better health and safety puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I failed my Health and Safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
  • Im currently doing my dissertation on the safety of a new handheld device for the world health organisation New phone WHO diss
  • I forgot my hard hat when I went to the building site... Health and safety came down on me like a tonne of bricks.
  • What R&B singer works for the Occupational Safety and Health Organization? Billy OSHA
  • There's a health & safety officer at my work with only one eye... ... oh the irony.
  • Health and Safety, that's a minefield but don't tell them.
  • I failed a Health and Safety course at work today... One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

    "f**...' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
  • Why do women wear p**...? Because it's the law. The health and safety act of 1974 clearly states:
    (4)(b)1: All manholes must be covered when not in use
Health joke, Why do women wear p**...?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about health can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of health puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Fun Health Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about health you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean nutrition jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make health prank.

Fire safety

I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps
would you take?"
"f**...' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

Not for your health.

A man walks into the doctor's office for his annual check up. The doctor starts to look him over and says, "you need to stop m**..."
The man looks up at the doctor concerned and asks, "why?"
And the doctor replies, "because i'm trying to examine you."

Health Class

Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"

If I die...

If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It's all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It's new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"


"No. She's left-handed."

A man is waiting in the doctor's office...

When the doctor comes in and says, "There's good news and there's bad news concerning your health. Which would you like to hear first?"
"Give me the good news first." Replies the patient.
"Well, the good news is we're naming a disease after you."

I like my health care like I like my h**... (oc)

Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle

Final exam

My psychology professor wrapped up the class and dicussed the final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up, barring a health trauma or death in the immediate family. My friend Johnny smirked and asked, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?"
After the chuckling died down, the professor replied, "Nope, you can use your other hand to write."

There once was a woman who had 100 children....

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.
Only Ninety's kids will remember This.

Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health?

It's because they have anty-bodies!

Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.

"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"
"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."

Now that I'm almost 30, there is nothing more s**... to me, than a girl who is fully covered...

...By her health insurance provider.

The World Health Organization has stated that eating bacon increases your chances of getting cancer.

Statistics also show that not eating bacon dramatically increases your chances of blowing yourself up.

Husband in coma

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."

A drunk man

A drunk man is questioned by a police officer at midnight, asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol a**... & ill effects on my health."
Officer: Really....??? Sounds interesting, Who is giving that lecture at this time of night.....???"
Man: "My Wife"!!!

My doctor said the best thing I could do for my health was to go outside more. He told me to pick a fun outdoor hobby to motivate me to get out of the house.

So I started smoking.

NEW study shows that Birthdays are good for your health

Statistics show that people who have more birthdays, live the longest!

News from the s**... health clinic

A friend of mine received news from the s**... health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V

My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...

It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a f**......

42! 42! 42!

A man Is walking past a mental health building, he can hear the patients in a yard shouting " ", not being able to see over the high walls, he finds a hole in the wall, as he looks through, a Finger pokes his eye. "43! 43! 43!" The yard shouts!

What's brown and very bad for your dental health?

A baseball bat.

What kind of table is good for your health?

A vegetable!
This joke was made by adorable 8-year-old niece!
It wasn't. It was made by a 27 year old. Me. It was made by me.

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

"Gymnasium" in ancient Greek means "n**... exercise"…

…but try telling that to the receptionist at the health club…

It's scientifically proven that birthdays are good for your health.

The more of them you have, the longer you live.

My doctor told me to remove trans fats...

Who knew removing my tumblr app would get me back to proper health?

Why did the robot see a psychiatrist?

Because he had metal health problems...

The one about the Pakistani Mental Health Hotline

*Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?
*Caller*: My life s**..., I see no way out.
*Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.
*Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?
*Hotline*: How close are you to India?
*Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.
*Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?

Why don't snails use the internet?

Salt is bad for their health.

Everyone is concerned about Trump's health after he posted an incomprehensible tweet about his covfefe

But don't worry. Dr. Hufghfufu just assured the media that he's agvofofi.

Did you hear about the doctor who sent a group of crows to a mental health institution?

He committed a m**....

Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today

When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.

Blonde childbirth

It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!

Cigarette packets says smoking kills so I stopped smoking them

I just smoke the ones that seriously damage health instead

I have a really healthy sleep schedule. I sleep at least eight hours a day

And at least ten a night.

Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

A man goes to the doctor

After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health
The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all
The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff
Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke

I have this problem where I hallucinate different types of health professionals,

So I'm seeing a psychologist

My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs

The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.

My friend travels from town to town giving seminars on the health benefits of eating dried grapes.

He is just out there, raisin awareness.

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

The secret of long life

A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you'll live to a nice, ripe old age."
So the young man did this religiously every day for the rest of his life, and sure enough, lived to the age of 100.
When he died he left behind 6 children, 10 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asbestos

My grandfather worked around asbestos for 60 years and never developed any health issues. It did take 3 straight days to cremate him, but that's besides the point.

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19.

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

A nurse had s**... with the health minister to get a COVID-19 vaccine.

When asked why she did it, she said "It was worth a shot."

I went to join a health club today and saw a sign on its door that said 'Look better in 10 days or your money back.' I then wrote out a check and handed it over to the girl at the front desk.

The girl looked at me and said, Keep it. We're gonna mail it back to you anyways.

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"

(Sorry)

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

m**... is perfectly normal and healthy . it releases dopamine and reduces stress . improves prostate and cardiovascular health ...

and i still got thrown off the bus

A 45 year old woman arrives home from her doctor's exam, just gleaming with happiness.

Her husband, being a grump, asked: What's got you so happy!?
The woman says, The doctor said I am in great health. He was also impressed and said I have the b**... of a 20 year old!!
The husband scoffs.
Then asked, Really? And what did he say about your 50 year old a**...!?
She responds, I don't know. He never asked about you.

Food Coma….

A health forum speaker asks, Which food causes extreme suffering for years after eating it.
After a long silence, an old man answered,
Wedding Cake …….

The secret to a long life.

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:
The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.
I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!
Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?
The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:

The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret. I've been married for 75 years.
Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers. I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!
Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?
The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?
What dear? She asked gently.
I think you bring me bad luck.

A man goes to the doctor

After a few tests he says
"Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says
"I would seem so, Mercury is in Uranus after all"
The man scoffs,
"No offence doc, but I dont believe in astrology"
"Neither do I" answers the doctor, "My thermometer broke"

My dad works for a company that focuses on the health of the lower 3/4 of the body, and yesterday he just became the CEO.

Now he's the Head of Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!

The benefits of F***ing

1.F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it's harmful if done every day.
2. F***ing relaxes your mind and body.
3. F***ing refreshes you.
4. After F***ing, don't eat too much; go for more liquids.
5. Try F***ing in bed 'cause it can save you valuable energy.
6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.
SO, REMEMBER ..
Fasting is good for your health

WHO and Covid 😛

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Health joke, WHO and Covid 😛

jokes about health

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these health jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.