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Healthcare Jokes

81 healthcare jokes and hilarious healthcare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about healthcare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready for Halloween with these spooky, dark, and sometimes silly healthcare jokes. From American healthcare to government-provided services to medical providers, get ready to laugh out loud with these healthcare-related gags!

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Funniest Healthcare Short Jokes

Short healthcare jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The healthcare humour may include short health care jokes also.

  1. I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID. But, no one else would get it.
  2. For Valentine's Day, my wife finally fulfilled a fantasy of mine when dressed up as a nurse. At last, I got to roleplay having access to healthcare.
  3. You always claim Germans don't have humour, but we have. It's just like healthcare. Most Americans don't get it.
  4. You can tell that Wolverine is a canadian character written by an American His superpower is healthcare
  5. What would you call someone with the power to heal others but chooses to be evil? The American Healthcare System
  6. Americans have a terrible sense of humour I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.
  7. I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween. I won't be leaving the house.
    (Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)
  8. I had my wife dress as a nurse and get on top last night. That's the closest to healthcare coverage I've had since I was 26.
    cries in American
  9. If you can't afford healthcare... Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!
  10. There's zero difference between US and European Healthcare.... ...well, lots of zeroes...usually added to the end of the bill.

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Healthcare One Liners

Which healthcare one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with healthcare? I can suggest the ones about health insurance and health wellness.

  1. German humor is like healthcare Many Americans simply don't get it
  2. What does the H in America stand for? Healthcare
  3. I have a joke about universal healthcare but americans wont get it.
  4. What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes? Americans don't get them.
  5. Americans won't get this Free healthcare
  6. I'd tell you a joke about healthcare... ...but the Americans would struggle to get it.
  7. What do you call two healthcare professionals hanging out? A paramedics.
  8. Dark Humor is like Healthcare.... It's better if only some people get it."
  9. What do you call the fish in charge of healthcare? The sturgeon general.
  10. Do you wanna hear a joke? The American healthcare system.
  11. I heard the employee healthcare plan for Apple is awful It only covers iDoctors
  12. Healthcare Costs in America
  13. Why did aliens vote for Bernie Sanders? Universal Healthcare
  14. Why do Canadians have free alphabet healthcare? Because of all their sore E's
  15. You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare.... Back in my day we just died

American Healthcare Jokes

Here is a list of funny american healthcare jokes and even better american healthcare puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Wanna hear a joke about free healthcare? Oh, your American? Never mind , you wouldn't get it.
  • If the NSA built the website for healthcare... Americans would have been signed up before they knew it...
  • A joke about world-geography is kind of like healthcare ... Lots of Americans just won't get it.
  • I keep trying to tell Americans a joke about universal healthcare But they just don't get it
  • Personally, I don't get why people complain about American Healthcare It ranked 3rd in North America
  • A European and an American European: Wanna hear a joke?

    American: Sure.

    European: Free Healthcare.

    American: I don't get it.

    European: I Know.
  • I was going to tell a joke about affordable public healthcare... But Americans wouldn't get it.
  • American healthcare costs are out of a control A simple double amputation cost me an arm and a leg!
  • I have the power to heal others. I am a villain. Who am I? The American healthcare system.
  • What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people? Death.

Healthcare Cost Jokes

Here is a list of funny healthcare cost jokes and even better healthcare cost puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • They said Canada has free healthcare, but after I got in a car accident and needed to have two limbs amputated... The cost was an arm and a leg!
Healthcare joke, They said Canada has free healthcare, but after I got in a car accident and needed to have two limbs

Healthcare joke, They said Canada has free healthcare, but after I got in a car accident and needed to have two limbs

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Healthcare Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about healthcare you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean medical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make healthcare pranks.

I asked my wife to fake an accent from a developed country tonight...

to fullfill my fantasy that we have healthcare.

America was not shut down properly.

Would you like to restart America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)

Conservatives want to repeal Obamacare

and replace it with a single prayer healthcare plan

What healthcare program is offered to the citizens of Pakistan?

OsamaCare... It's the bomb.

Donald Trump does not tell lies.

He said everyone would be covered under his Healthcare plan.
He just forgot to mention that the poor would be covered by 6 feet of dirt.

I call my toilet the oval office..

It's got a think tank, and a pipeline for delivering healthcare reform.

Protests on TV are demanding diversity, same s**... relationships, gender free norms, free healthcare, cultural enrichment, free education, drugs, income equality - I found the perfect place that has all this for them.

Prison.

Why doesn't the United States have universal healthcare?

Because paying for health insurance should give a sense of pride and accomplishment

Republican healthcare:

Pay an extra $5.99/month to use Google to search for the symptoms you have that you can't afford to have treated.

Hear about the game of Life Millennial Edition?

There are 27 different pegs for gender and only four squares: Debt, Rent, Destroy an Industry, and early Death from lack of healthcare.

My main job is as a male nanny, but I don't get healthcare when I'm sick, I get spa days

It's because I need a Manicure!
^^^I ^^^^am ^^^^^actually ^^^^^^a ^^^^^^Nanny

Say what you will about Trump's Presidency, but you can't overlook what he has accomplished in terms of healthcare specifically life expectancy...

He managed to turn one year into something that feels like an eternity.

George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.

Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.
Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.
God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.
Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.
God invited him to take the seat to His left.
Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"

My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.

lul

Charging $500 for a $5 case of water is considered price gouging. What is charging $500 for a $5 bag of saline called?

Healthcare.

OECD: Wanna hear a joke?

USA: OK
OECD: Universal Healthcare
USA: I don't get it
OECD: You're **never** gonna get it!

A foreign family is about to travel to america

The parents told the kids to say bye to the friends they will miss. The older son then threw himself down a flight of stairs, in the hospital, when he was asked why he did it, he said
"Just saying goodbye to free healthcare"

Donald Trump has announced a new healthcare plan that's named after himself.

It's called DonT Care.

To sum up healthcare in America

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."
He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn.
A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."

Let me just say that I'll NEVER vaccinate myself or my children!

I'll rather have a healthcare worker do that.

Healthcare (freely translated from german)

A man really needs some vacation but can't afford any. So he decides to go to the psychiatry. He asks the doctor: "What do I have to do to stay here?" The doctor says: "We need to make a test of your menal health." He shows him a bathtub full of water. In front of it lies a spoon, a water glass and a bucket. "You have to empty the tub, what will you do?" "Ah," the man replies, "a smart person would say the bucket so I go for the Spoon." The Doctor looks seriously worried at him and says: "No, a smart person had pulled the plug - do you want a room w**... a balcony?"

Healthcare joke, Healthcare (freely translated from german)

jokes about healthcare