Health Care Jokes
41 health care jokes and hilarious health care puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about health care that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Health Care Short Jokes
Short health care jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The health care humour may include short healthcare jokes also.
- I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy that we have health care
- The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town I guess she was having a midwife crisis
- This is 40 Questioning her career choices, a 40-year old health care worker who treated pregnant women bough a bright red convertible and skipped town. She was having a midwife crisis.
- A microbiologist quit caring about his own health. He started gaining a lot of weight. He's a biologist now.
- Donald trump said he cares more about the health and safety of the American public than he does about money. Well *I* laughed when he said it.
- Don't worry about losing health care under the Trump administration We won't need it after the EPA starts restricting oxygen
- Today our leaders closed of the southern border preventing people from coming to our country for a better life a better education and much needed health care! As a Canadian I am outraged!
- Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes And It cost me an arm and a leg.
- What did the terminally-ill dock worker say about his health care? "It's asbestos could be."
- The World Health Organization have a new motto out this year! (drum roll please) Who cares... ?
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Health Care One Liners
Which health care one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with health care? I can suggest the ones about health insurance and american healthcare.
- What does dark humor and health care have in common? Not everyone gets it...
- Dark humour is like Free health care Not everyone gets it.
- You should not vaccinate your children. Get a health care professional to do it.
- The World Health Organization has your best interests in mind.... WHO cares
- The tagline of World Health Organization WHO cares!
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but.... Unaffordable health care keeps them at bay.
- We should care more about the mental health of batteries.. They are all bipolar.
- Why do so many pro hockey players come from Canada? Free Health Care.
- My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
Rib-Tickling Health Care Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about health care you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean health jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make health care pranks.
A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.
He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."
Speaking in German in Texas
In Texas, there is a town named New Braunfels, where there is a large
German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his
hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser
nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen." (Translated: "Glad to meet you!
Don't drink the water. The cows have crapped in it.")
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for
Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
I like my health care like I like my h**... (oc)
Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle
Long term pain
During a congress about health care, the speaker asks:
"which food causes extreme suffering, even after years of being eaten?"
After a long silence an elderly raises his hand and replies "A WEDDING CAKE"
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
According to every sarcastic person I've ever met. The World Health Organisation really cares.
Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
Nobody would survive anyway.
My nephew is conducting a study of the effectiveness of hand soap in health care settings.
He goes to the hospital twice a week for Dialalysis.
What do you call a 66 page document that promises health care to more than 300 million people?
DonTCare. Sorry.
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline..
If you are obsessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want..stay on the line and we'll trace your call.
If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
If you are a nymphomaniac please stop doing that with the phone..
If you are schizophrenic listen carefully - a small voice will tell you which button to press.