Healing Jokes
41 healing jokes and hilarious healing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about healing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
We all need a bit of healing from time to time, and laughter might just be the medicine. Learn about the healing power of humor, from nature-based faith healing to the mending of an arthritic coordination. Laughter can be the best remedy!
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Funniest Healing Short Jokes
Short healing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The healing humour may include short heals jokes also.
- What would you call someone with the power to heal others but chooses to be evil? The American Healthcare System
- If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'
- Why are helium, curium, and barium known as the healing elements? Because if you can't helium.
Or curium.
You gotta barium. - A man walks up to Jesus. I hear you healing the blind. What's the catch? Jesus turns away, cackling. You'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!
- Dentist: This will hurt a little. Patient: OK.
Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife for a while now."
That's one hole that never really healed. - I told my suicidal friend that time heals all wounds, and he agreed with me. His body was later found at the bottom of Big Ben.
- Homosexuality is not natural! Just like healing illnesses by touch, walking over water and raising from the dead after a few days.
Homosexuality is a miracle. - A man fighting a war finds an ancient lance capable of healing wounds rather than creating them. He names the weapon "Ambu-lance"
- Did you hear that the televangelist got himself a puppy? He taught it how to beg and heal.
- I started therapy the other day My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds, physically and mentally". So I stabbed them. Now we wait.
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Healing One Liners
Which healing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with healing? I can suggest the ones about recovery and wounds heal.
- My Therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds"..... So, I stabbed him. Now we wait.
- What's the best herbal remedy for cuts and scrapes? Thyme. It heals all wounds
- What do you use to heal cuts in the matrix? Neo-sporin
- Our divine caster lost track of his healing spells. It was a clerical error.
- my therapist said time heals all wounds So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
- The herb with the most medicinal properties is Thyme... It heals all wounds.
- You know what they say about herbal medicine... Thyme heals all wounds.
- What makes Mercy such a good medic? It must be her high heals.
- If you break your leg... put some herbs on it. I mean, thyme heals all wounds.
- Baby, give me that couch.. .. cause I need some sectional healing!
- Herbal Doctors, someone should tell them Thyme Doesn't heal all wounds.
- If your hands aren't healing... Take matter into your own hands
- They say that time heals all wounds... But what if you get hit in the head with a clock?
- What do you call an Egyptian test administrator who heals back pain? A Cairo-Proctor!
- Viper is also a God's creature Said Jesus after healing Peter's mother-in-law.
Healing Properties Jokes
Here is a list of funny healing properties jokes and even better healing properties puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Excuse me, is this pool stirred up by angels and imbued with healing properties?" "No, Sir, I'm afraid this font is sans-Seraph."
- TIL there's a potato native to Germany that is said to have healing properties They call it the Sani-täter
Cheeky Healing Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about healing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rehab jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make healing pranks.
Jesus walks into a bar and says "who will buy me a beer" the guy with the 1 eye walks over and buys him a beer..Jesus raises his hand and touches the guys eye healing it instantly! he then asks for another beer..an old veteran paralyzed from the chest down rolls over to him and says
Ill buy your next beer Jesus..once again Jesus raises his hand to heal the veteran and the veteran screams
"NO JESUS DON'T!!!! IM ON THE DISABILITY BENEFIT!"
Lourdes
A wheel-chair bound chap decided to visit the healing waters of Lourdes. It was very crowded but he spotted a gap and went for it at such a pace that he ended up in the pool, wheel-chair and all. When they fished him out he was quite disappointed to find that he was still unable to walk, but found consolation in the fact that his wheel chair had a brand new set of tires.
A healing priest is in the process of a miracle
Priest: Stand up!
(The man slowly stands up)
Priest: Now walk my child walk!!!
(The man slowly started walking and the crowd was shocked)
The priest then gave the microphone to the man.
Priest: Now what can you say upon this miracle of God!!??
Man: I still can't see
The healing river
People heard about a healing river and the stories about its powers and so they gathered to see it with their own eyes. A lady with a sick child in her arms goes into the water on one shore and comes out at the other, the child now smiling and completely healthy. A blind man goes in and comes out seeing. Everybody is stunned. Another guy in a wheelchair goes in on one shore and comes out at the other with new rims.
A thought about Del Toro's The Shape of Water
The Shape of Water is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a plucky protagonist dodging authority.
However, the protagonist also has a love scene with him.
You could say that this is *BestialE.T.*
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you?
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you? i'll have you know my son was diagnosed with the measles so I placed various crystals around his bed while he slept to promote the proper aura for healing.
He's dead now but at least he's not autistic
Why is Jennie McCarthy so bad at RPG's?
The last time her son had a healing potion he lost 15 IQ Points.
You may have known about Raphael, the Angel of Healing
But did you know of his brother, Graphael, the Angle of Graphing?
Why did the doctor float away after healing Liam Neeson
He became Heal-Liam
How do you know when Christianity isn't "healing" you?
When you start to become Sikh.
Thyme isn't great at healing.
But advice is definitely better when it's read.
Justin bieber just did a miracle by healing a wheelchair man...
He walked to turn off the music player.
What do you call Kygo's written biography?
Textual healing.
A couple of nurses are working in a children's hospital when all of a sudden a mysterious figure appears.
He is in doctor's clothing, but strangely he starts healing all the kids with just a few words and a touch of his fingers. As the man, in scrubs and sandals, disappears again the nurses look at each other in disbelief, one says: 'Wow, do you think that was Jesus?' To which the other replies: 'I think so... I almost did not recognize him in that outfit, he normally wears white robes.'
TL;DR: He was blessing in diguise.
