Healed Jokes
30 healed jokes and hilarious healed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about healed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Healed Short Jokes
Short healed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The healed humour may include short heals jokes also.
- What would you call someone with the power to heal others but chooses to be evil? The American Healthcare System
- If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'
- Why are helium, curium, and barium known as the healing elements? Because if you can't helium.
Or curium.
You gotta barium. - A man walks up to Jesus. I hear you healing the blind. What's the catch? Jesus turns away, cackling. You'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!
- Dentist: This will hurt a little. Patient: OK.
Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife for a while now."
That's one hole that never really healed. - I told my suicidal friend that time heals all wounds, and he agreed with me. His body was later found at the bottom of Big Ben.
- Homosexuality is not natural! Just like healing illnesses by touch, walking over water and raising from the dead after a few days.
Homosexuality is a miracle. - A man fighting a war finds an ancient lance capable of healing wounds rather than creating them. He names the weapon "Ambu-lance"
- Did you hear that the televangelist got himself a puppy? He taught it how to beg and heal.
- I started therapy the other day My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds, physically and mentally". So I stabbed them. Now we wait.
Share These Healed Jokes With Friends
Healed One Liners
Which healed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with healed? I can suggest the ones about cured and recovered.
- My Therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds"..... So, I stabbed him. Now we wait.
- What's the best herbal remedy for cuts and scrapes? Thyme. It heals all wounds
- What do you use to heal cuts in the matrix? Neo-sporin
- Our divine caster lost track of his healing spells. It was a clerical error.
- my therapist said time heals all wounds So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
- The herb with the most medicinal properties is Thyme... It heals all wounds.
- You know what they say about herbal medicine... Thyme heals all wounds.
- What makes Mercy such a good medic? It must be her high heals.
- If you break your leg... put some herbs on it. I mean, thyme heals all wounds.
- Baby, give me that couch.. .. cause I need some sectional healing!
- Herbal Doctors, someone should tell them Thyme Doesn't heal all wounds.
- If your hands aren't healing... Take matter into your own hands
- They say that time heals all wounds... But what if you get hit in the head with a clock?
- What do you call an Egyptian test administrator who heals back pain? A Cairo-Proctor!
- Viper is also a God's creature Said Jesus after healing Peter's mother-in-law.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Healed Jokes
What funny jokes about healed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wounds heal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make healed pranks.
I translated a German joke and hope it's still funny
A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After some weeks of psychiatric counseling he is finally healed and has learned, that he isn't a mouse.
As the man in walks out of the psychiatrists office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"
The psychiatrist replies "I thought you know now, that you are not a mouse."
The man answers "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"
A guy's playing basketball with his buddies...
A guy's playing basketball with his buddies when he injures a finger badly.
He goes to the doctor and explains what happened.
The doctor examines it and says "It's broken, but we'll be able to get it healed up just about as good as new."
The guy gets a concerned look on his face and asks "Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after it's all healed up?"
Noticing his concerned look, the doctor reassures him "Sure you will," with a warm smile on his face.
The guy gets really excited and exclaims "YES! I've always wanted to be able to play the piano!"
A man walks into a doctor's office with a broken arm.
He asks the doctor, "Doc, when my arm is healed, will I be able to play guitar?"
Doctor: "Well the fracture doesn't appear to be too bad, so yes you should be able to when it's all healed"
Man: "That's fantastic news! I've always wanted to be able to play guitar."
Old joke from my m**... grandpa.
Two guys go to a preacher to be healed. o**..., Danny, has a lisp. The other, Mr. Smith, is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot walk. The preacher tells them, however, not to worry.
"The Lord is going to heal you. Are you ready?"
"Yes," says Mr. Smith,. "Yeth", says Danny.
"Okay, when I say the word, Mr. Smith, throw down your crutches! And Danny, you say the first thing that comes to your mind!"
The preacher begins some silent prayer, and after a few seconds, he shouts: "Now! Now!"
A thud is heard. "Mr. Thmifth juth fell on the flo"
It is mean to make fun of Trump for using both hands to drink coz of his injury
He touched The Bible a few weeks ago and the injury hasn't healed yet.
Working for Jesus would be terrible.
One day, one of Jesus' disciples walked up to him to ask for a sick leave, and He replied "and you are healed."
Did you hear about the NFL player who came back from injury only 25% healed?
I think he was a quarter back
Jesus.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice. Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
What do you call a broken arm which has healed?
Castaway
What's a werewolf healed from Lycanthropy?
Over the moon.
Why did h**... save the plaster after his broken arm had healed?
He wanted a hollow cast.
Do you know why Peter denied Jesus three times?
Because Jesus healed Peter's mother in law
Because He Was Infected With Corona Virus
Mr. johnson went to Church on Sunday and gave testimony that he was infected with Corona virus and that God had healed him. When he finished, he tried to give the microphone to the second man who was waiting to give his own testimony, but the man refused to take it: The following conversation ensued:
2ndman – I have no testimony. Give it to Pastor.
(mr johnson tried to give the microphone to the Pastor)
Pastor – I'm not in charge of testimonies so give it to the Senior Pastor.
(mr johnson goes to the Senior Pastor)
Senior Pastor – Brother in Christ, the mic is yours. It's a gift from the Church. You may take it home.
A blind man, paraplegic, and deaf man visit a healer on a mountain.
The blind man goes up the trail using his white cane. Arriving at the top he asks to be healed and so it is. He throws his cane off the mountain and comes back down.
The paraplegic goes up the mountain with great difficult and asks to be healed and so it is. He throws his wheelchair off the mountain and comes back down.
The deaf man ponders the situation. He's gonna need an interpreter to help him at the top and so the two of them sets off to the top. At the top he asks to be healed and so it is. He throws the interpreter off the mountain and comes back down.
