Headstone Jokes
26 headstone jokes and hilarious headstone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about headstone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Headstone Short Jokes
Short headstone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The headstone humour may include short gravestone jokes also.
- "Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?" "I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"
"Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" - Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?... I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".
- My dad finally got a job, and he has over a 1,000 people under him. He's cleaning headstones at the cemetery.
- A man is walking through a cemetery when he sees a headstone that reads, "Here lies John, an honest man and a lawyer."
"How about that," he thinks. "Three men buried in one grave!" - I think I've discovered the headstone of the world's oldest man! Apparently he lives to 194, and was called Miles - from London!
- I just came up with this, this community can always use fresh/not reposted material. I accidentally knocked over a headstone while walking through a cemetery.
I've made a grave mistake. - I once saw a headstone that read "here lies a politician and an honest man." I wonder how they fit two people in one casket.
- Irish historians have discovered the headstone of the oldest man to have lived. He was 193 and was called Miles from Dublin.
- A guy goes to the cemetery with his kids As he is about to move a headstone, nearby passer-by asks him politely what is he doing. To that he responds "I'm just dropping off the kids at Grandma's"
- Are they allowed to put two people in the same grave? Dont think so, why?
That headstone over there says: "here lies a lawyer and a honest man"
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Headstone One Liners
Which headstone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with headstone? I can suggest the ones about tombstone and graveside.
- TIFU by placing flowers on the wrong headstone in the cemetery It was a grave mistake
- I want my headstone to read "He died doing what he loved" Absolutely nothing
- When Silento dies, he won't need a headstone. BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS!!!
- Why did medusa enjoy the cemetery? Because of all the headstones.
- Hey, there's no name on that headstone. Whom do you suppose is down there? Barry D.
- I had a headstone made for the b**... I broke last night. I had it engraved b**... RIP.
Amusing Headstone Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about headstone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cemetery jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make headstone pranks.
After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelled my name!"
COWBOY TOMBSTONE JOKE
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen.
What are you doing working so late?
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!
A lawyer named Strange died.
His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
A man was walking his dog through a graveyard when he saw a man kneeling behind a headstone.
'Morning' the walker shouted. 'No, just having a s**...' the man replied.
There was a man once who was named "Odd"
He hated his name because he was bullied due to his name in School. His whole life he had to endure people making fun out of him. When he was old and on his death bed, he told his children that his headstone should not have his name and should be blank. After he died, his children fulfilled his wish and put up a blank headstone.
Later when people were passing by his grave, they would look at his blank headstone and say - "Hmmm. Thats Odd".
Husband and Wife 40th Anniversary
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
An elderly couple are making their f**... arrangements.
They get to choose what is engraved on each other's headstones.
Husband says, "Here lies Karen. Quiet at last"
Wife says, "Here lies Kevin, stiff at last"
One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, dude," one says after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbles. "They misspelled my name!"
A woman lying on her death bed wanted all to know she was a v**.......
She asked that her headstone would forever read:
'Born a v**..., lived a v**... and died a v**...'.
When the stonemason was making her headstone, he ran out of space so just carved:
'Returned unopened'.
An elderly couple were arranging their f**... and deciding on what words to put on their headstones
Husband suggests "Here lies Beryl, silent at last"
Wife suggests "Here lies Barry, stiff at last"
During a fight, the husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife: Cold As Ever!"
"Oh yeah?" retorts the wife. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
Man walking through a graveyard
He sees a man crouching by a headstone so shouts over morning . Headstone man replies no just having a s**...
