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Headquarters Jokes

53 headquarters jokes and hilarious headquarters puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about headquarters that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Headquarters Short Jokes

Short headquarters jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The headquarters humour may include short principal office jokes also.

  1. My long past criminally psychopathic grandfather's favourite joke: What do you get if you cut a policeman's head into four pieces? Police Headquarters…..
  2. What's the difference between a pakistani preschool and Isis headquarters? I don't know man I just fly the drones
  3. Oh no! Someone got seriously injured at the Nintendo headquarters! Call an ambulance! Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
  4. Police humors Someone cut a hole in the nudist camp fence. The police are looking into it.
    Someone stole the toilet from the police headquarters. The cops have nothing to go on.
  5. German ocean rescue radio headquarter *A call comes to the radio*
    "German Ocean Rescue, what is your problem?"
    "Help, we are sinking, we are sinking!"
    "What are you sinking about?"
  6. Kraft Foods, Inc. has moved their headquarters to Tel Aviv They're changing their name to Cheeses of Nazareth.
  7. The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters She needed them to get in quick and destroy all the evidence.
  8. Police say their investigation into the shooting at the YouTube headquarters has been hampered... ...by having to sit through a 5 second advert before interviewing each witness...
  9. The phone rings at Crayola Headquarters {green-green-green}
    "Yellow?"
    "May I speak to Mr. Brown?"
    "Please white while I transfer you."
    {pink}
  10. If the corporate building for a company is called a headquarters, what do you call the gym? Bodybuilding.

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Headquarters One Liners

Which headquarters one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with headquarters? I can suggest the ones about corporate office and capitol.

  1. What do you call Bill Clinton's office? The Headquarters.
  2. Do you know the company that makes double sided coins? You should see the headquarters
  3. Why is it so dark in the apple headquarters? Because they haven't installed any Windows.
  4. Mississippi should be the headquarters of the NSA 'Cause it's got i's everywhere
  5. Toilet stolen from police headquarters Cops have nothing to go on.
  6. What do you call a blizzard at NSA headquarters? Snowden
  7. A meteor shower destroyed the Red Cross headquarters. All Perseids went to charity.
  8. What do you call the headquarters of an organization of space terrorists? ISISISS
  9. A journalist walks into CNN's headquarters.... Van Jones asks, "Why are you here?"
  10. There's been a mass shooting event at DNC headquarters. All the messengers are dead.
  11. Stationary Thief Hits Police Headquarters: Police say they can't rule anything out.
  12. Where does Elon Musk bang Grimes? At the SpaceX headquarters, with his BFR.
  13. Where do Zombies have their meatings? At headquarters!
  14. What do you call money you pay prostitutes? Headquarters
  15. Weak end at Bernie's campaign headquarters.

Headquarters joke, Weak end at Bernie's

Cheerful Fun Headquarters Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about headquarters you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean capital city jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make headquarters pranks.

FBI Investigation.

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding m**... inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes the they bust open every piece of wood, but finds no m**.... They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
"Hey Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep"
"Did they chop the wood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. i need my garden plowed."

Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...

...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".

A woman stumbles into the police headquarters.......

And says "Help me! I was r**... by an Irishman!" The police are quick to ask "How do you know it was an Irishman?"
"because I had to help him....."

At The Nikon Headquarters

We need random people in a room to test and sample our new lenses
"A focus group?"
d**... JOHNSON THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES

Where is the most extravagant brothel in Switzerland, with the most expensive h**...?

The FIFA headquarters.

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '

So, I was at the UN headquarters...

So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.

For $60 you can have Thanksgiving at EA headquarters.

For another $2000 they'll unlock the whole buffet.

Did y'all hear about...

Did y'all hear about the guys that broke into the police headquarters last week?
No? Well they stole all the toilets. The cops have no leads and nothing to go on.

Why is Roy Moore's Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel?

He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.

Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters?

Because everyone is left leaning.

What was the tallest building in the Soviet Union?

KGB Headquarters. You could see Siberia from the basement.

The difference between the services

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

There's a new Child a**... Victims help centre opening in London...

The headquarters are on savile Row.

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**...,

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**... call. when they got there they had to call for backup. 2 police cars showed up making it 6 officers at the scene,
they called headquarters and spoke to their Captain.
"Captain we have a m**... here"
"what happened?"
"a wife shot and killed her husband for walking on her still wet mopped kitchen floor"
"well, have you arrested her yet?"
"Not yet, the kitchen floor is still wet."

There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.

The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.
Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?
Because There I can complain!

A Soviet Jew applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you want to move to Israel? asks the KGB interrogator. The Jewish man nods.
Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why do you want to move to Israel?
Because There I can complain!

A Russian citizen went into FSB headquarters and reported he'd lost his parrot.

The FSB agent says "what are you bothering us for... why don't you report it to the local police?"
The guy says "I just want YOU to know that I don't agree with A WORD of what my parrot has to say about Putin..."

Can I buy the building?

The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

Headquarters joke, If the corporate building for a company is called a headquarters, what do you call the gym?

jokes about headquarters