Headquarter Jokes
77 headquarter jokes and hilarious headquarter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about headquarter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Headquarter Short Jokes
Short headquarter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The headquarter humour may include short jokes also.
- My long past criminally psychopathic grandfather's favourite joke: What do you get if you cut a policeman's head into four pieces? Police Headquarters…..
- What's the difference between a pakistani preschool and Isis headquarters? I don't know man I just fly the drones
- Oh no! Someone got seriously injured at the Nintendo headquarters! Call an ambulance! Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
- Police humors Someone cut a hole in the nudist camp fence. The police are looking into it.
Someone stole the toilet from the police headquarters. The cops have nothing to go on.
- German ocean rescue radio headquarter *A call comes to the radio*
"German Ocean Rescue, what is your problem?"
"Help, we are sinking, we are sinking!"
"What are you sinking about?" - Kraft Foods, Inc. has moved their headquarters to Tel Aviv They're changing their name to Cheeses of Nazareth.
- The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters She needed them to get in quick and destroy all the evidence.
- Police say their investigation into the shooting at the YouTube headquarters has been hampered... ...by having to sit through a 5 second advert before interviewing each witness...
- The phone rings at Crayola Headquarters {green-green-green}
"Yellow?"
"May I speak to Mr. Brown?"
"Please white while I transfer you."
{pink} - If the corporate building for a company is called a headquarters, what do you call the gym? Bodybuilding.
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Headquarter One Liners
Which headquarter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with headquarter? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What do you call Bill Clinton's office? The Headquarters.
- Do you know the company that makes double sided coins? You should see the headquarters
- Why is it so dark in the apple headquarters? Because they haven't installed any Windows.
- Mississippi should be the headquarters of the NSA 'Cause it's got i's everywhere
- Toilet stolen from police headquarters Cops have nothing to go on.
- What do you call a blizzard at NSA headquarters? Snowden
- A meteor shower destroyed the Red Cross headquarters. All Perseids went to charity.
- What do you call the headquarters of an organization of space terrorists? ISISISS
- A journalist walks into CNN's headquarters.... Van Jones asks, "Why are you here?"
- There's been a mass shooting event at DNC headquarters. All the messengers are dead.
- Stationary Thief Hits Police Headquarters: Police say they can't rule anything out.
- Where does Elon Musk bang Grimes? At the SpaceX headquarters, with his BFR.
- Where do Zombies have their meatings? At headquarters!
- What do you call money you pay prostitutes? Headquarters
- Weak end at Bernie's campaign headquarters.
Headquarter Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about headquarter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make headquarter pranks.
The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?"
"Yes. What can we do for you?"
"I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding c**... in his firewood."
"Thank you, this will be noted."
Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no c**..., swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom’s house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood for you?"
"Yeah, they did."
"Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
FBI Investigation.
The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding m**... inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes the they bust open every piece of wood, but finds no m**.... They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
"Hey Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Yep"
"Did they chop the wood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. i need my garden plowed."
Two policemen are walking down the street in Soviet Russia...
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
A woman stumbles into the police headquarters.......
And says "Help me! I was r**... by an Irishman!" The police are quick to ask "How do you know it was an Irishman?"
"because I had to help him....."
Three corrupt politicians were having coffee...
...in their headquarters, until they heard the police siren. The first politician said, "Quick, hide in the empty boxes and disguise as something else." The police arrived and saw three boxes that seemed suspicious. They kicked the first box and the first politician said, "Meow, meow." "Nope, it's a cat in here," the police concluded. They proceed and kicked the second box. The second politician spoke, "Arf! Arf!". "Nope, it's a dog in here." Finally, they kicked the third box. Nothing spoke. They kicked it again and still no sound was heard. They opened the box and saw the third politician. Now knowing that the politicians were in the boxes, they caught all three.
In jail, the two other politicians asked the third one, "Why didn't you make any sound?" The third one replied, "I'm a fcking carrot, you idiots!"
Police in Paris have revealed that 51Kg of c**... has gone missing from their central headquarters.
The police chief said at a press conference, "We'll do whatever it takes to catch the culprits, even if we have to stay up all night. And all tomorrow night. And then maybe hit a club or something."
At The Nikon Headquarters
We need random people in a room to test and sample our new lenses
"A focus group?"
d**... JOHNSON THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES
The Unknown Celebrity
The Pope travels to America. Upon arriving in America, a limo comes to pick him up. The Pope, having a simple background, had never driven a limo before. So he excitedly asks the driver if he can drive the limo to the hotel. The driver, flabbergasted, had never heard such a request before and decided "why not?" And so, the Pope and the driver switch spots and pull out of the airport. On the freeway, the Pope gets a bit too excited and starts to push more on the accelerator. Suddenly the a siren rings out. The Pope pulls over and pulls out his passport. The cop walks up and the Pope rolls down the window. "What seems to be the problem officer?" The officer immediately recognizes His Holiness and runs back to squad car. He quickly radios into headquarters. "Boss, I just pulled over a huge celebrity! What should I do?" His captain radios back, "Well....who is it?" "Sir, I have no idea. But it has to be some one big....he's got the Pope driving for him!"
In a helicopter somewhere over Seattle
There was a helicopter pilot lost over Seattle on a particularly cloudy day. He finally comes up next to an office building and holds up a sign to person in the window. The sign read "WHERE AM I?" The person in window responded with their own sign, which read "IN A HELICOPTER".
The pilot immediately nodded, and flew straight back to airport.
Once on the ground the pilot was asked how he knew where he was. His response was, "I knew I was at the Microsoft headquarters when I received an equally accurate and useless answer".
Want some quiet and solitude?
Just take a trip to MySpace headquarters.
A disgruntled animator for Wallace and Gromit quit his job...
A disgruntled animator for Wallace and Gromit quit his job. He took people away from the company with him and decided to protest the terrible treatment and wasteful use of the clay the company used. He taught principles of peaceful protests and even wrote a list of points against the company for his followers to use as reasoning for their strike. When he heard that a group of his supporters had been arrested for disruptive behavior at the company's headquarters, he went to visit them in prison. "Why did you go against the peaceful demonstration rules we talked about?" He asked. "You told us to yell!" They said. "No," he replied, "I told you to use ex-claymation points!"
If you want to go somewhere you can smoke w**... without getting caught....
just head on over to the MySpace headquarters.
Where is the most extravagant brothel in Switzerland, with the most expensive h**...?
The FIFA headquarters.
Where's the feminist world headquarters?
Bancock
A new vending machine opened up at isis headquarters today...
It was called the allahu snackbar.
There was a fire at the IRS headquarters today,
but it was put out before it could do any good
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
So, I was at the UN headquarters...
So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbour Tom. He is hiding m**... in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no m**..., swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house.
"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yeah they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
For $60 you can have Thanksgiving at EA headquarters.
For another $2000 they'll unlock the whole buffet.
Did y'all hear about...
Did y'all hear about the guys that broke into the police headquarters last week?
No? Well they stole all the toilets. The cops have no leads and nothing to go on.
Why is Roy Moore's Strategic Planning Committee headquartered in Disney's Hollywood Hotel?
He likes to keep his staff in something 12 years old.
Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters?
Because everyone is left leaning.
What was the tallest building in the Soviet Union?
KGB Headquarters. You could see Siberia from the basement.
The difference between the services
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
There's a new Child a**... Victims help centre opening in London...
The headquarters are on savile Row.
2 police officers were called to a domestic a**...,
2 police officers were called to a domestic a**... call. when they got there they had to call for backup. 2 police cars showed up making it 6 officers at the scene,
they called headquarters and spoke to their Captain.
"Captain we have a m**... here"
"what happened?"
"a wife shot and killed her husband for walking on her still wet mopped kitchen floor"
"well, have you arrested her yet?"
"Not yet, the kitchen floor is still wet."
There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.
The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.
When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.
It shouldn't be called the Central Intelligence Agency, it's headquarters is in Virginia. That's nowhere near the centre of the USA
I'm beginning to realize I may have Alzheimer's disease.
TIL Google has a pet T-Rex skeleton named Stan that lives at their California headquarters.
Quadruple entendre by me
An addict, a musician and a baseball player all walk into headquarters...
They're on the base.
A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.
As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.
Here in Russia, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in Russia, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in Russia, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?
Because There I *can* complain!
Preparations for parenthood.
Not sure you are prepared to be a parent, here are some tips to get you started.
Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a bathrobe and stick a giant beanbag chair down the front and leave it for 9 months. After the 9 months, empty out approximately 10-20% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to your local drug store, dump the contents of your wallet on the counter and give it the pharmacist. Then, go to the supermarket and arrange to have your salary direct-deposit to their headquarters. Go home, pick up the paper and read it for the very last time.
A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.
As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.
Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?
Because There I can complain!
A Soviet Jew applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.
As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.
I see that you want to move to Israel? asks the KGB interrogator. The Jewish man nods.
Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?
Yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?
Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.
And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?
Yeah, I can't complain.
So, Jew, why do you want to move to Israel?
Because There I can complain!
A Russian citizen went into FSB headquarters and reported he'd lost his parrot.
The FSB agent says "what are you bothering us for... why don't you report it to the local police?"
The guy says "I just want YOU to know that I don't agree with A WORD of what my parrot has to say about Putin..."
Can I buy the building?
The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.