Headache Jokes
146 headache jokes and hilarious headache puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about headache that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the not-so-serious approach to headaches with these light-hearted headache jokes. From the humorous jokes about indigestion and vertigo to the banter between a husband and wife, explore these stories to find a new way to ease the discomfort of headaches.
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Funniest Headache Short Jokes
Short headache jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The headache humour may include short migraine jokes also.
- My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping. It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.
- I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
- A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin" The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed - I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today The loud beeping was giving me a headache.
- I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector. All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.
- I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
- When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.
- Last night in bed, my wife said we should try some role reversal. So I told her, I had a headache.
- My Dad had a headache the other day so I asked if he needed any pills. He said "The only pills that could have stopped this head ache should have been taken 16 years ago"
- I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm... ...the loud ringing noise from it was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.
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Headache One Liners
Which headache one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with headache? I can suggest the ones about head hurting and head banging.
- Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum? Too many frames.
- A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear Ahh Migraines!
- Girl, are you a 3D movie? Because you're too expensive and giving me a headache.
- My carbon monoxide detector keeps beeping It's really giving me a headache
- My missus asked me where her Valentine's day card was. I said, "Sorry, I had a headache."
- You shouldn't worry about headaches I mean, it's all in your head.
- What do trees take when they have a headache? Aleve.
- All these jokes are giving me a headache. Anyone got any Dadvil?
- Doctor: How's your headache? Husband: She's out of town.
- Why do I always get a headache when I eat the wheat I grew? Because it's my grain
- My self esteem is so low.... The other night my hand told me that it had a headache.
- What do you call a headache caused my someone stealing your wheat My-grain
- What's the #1 cure for headaches and ear pains? Divorce
- Ever heard about the bread theif that always has a headache? He's got my grains.
- Doctor: How's your headache? Man: She is fine.
Headache Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny headache up jokes and even better headache up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- had to throw out my carbon monoxide detector tonight. All that beeping was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.
- Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of. Is it a virus or a free U2 album?
- I live with my wife in a two story house... "I'm too tired" and "I have a headache" are the only two stories I hear...
- I unplugged my carbon monoxide detector from the wall today All that beeping was giving me headaches and making me feel nauseous
- I've spent so long trying to think of a synonym for 'ambitious' that I've given myself a headache. Aspiring?
No thanks, I'll just get some fresh air, that'll clear it up. - What do children and ice cream have in common? They're sweet but they sometimes give you a headache.
- A Wife's Headache A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
"Gotcha!" - I had to remove the batteries from my monoxide alarm The loud beeping was giving me a terrible headache and making me dizzy
- I think i am allergic to leather. Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.
- Wife was massaging her husband's head. Wife : you always ask for a head massage. Wonder who gave it to you before marriage.
Husband : well no one did , I didn't need one since there was no headache!
Wife Headache Jokes
Here is a list of funny wife headache jokes and even better wife headache puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "My wife is like Whiskey." "Oh yeah, she gets better with age?"
"No, she gives me a headache." - headache Husband: "Here's a pill for your headache."
Wife: "But I don't have a headache."
Husband: "Gotcha!" - Husband: Hey honey I brought you some Tylenol for your headache. Wife: I don't have a headache
Husband: Great because I also bought condoms - My wife keeps complaining about having a headache that won't go away. I keep telling her that I have a name.
- I had to go to the doctors' yesterday, because every time I 69 the wife I get a terrible headache after a couple of minutes. He suggested we do it lying down.
- A man wakes up his wife midnight "Hey my love, here is your aspirin!"
"But I don't have a headache?"
"Great!" - My wife has always been very strict about wasting things One day I swallowed paracetamol by mistake and asked her what to do?
She thought for a second and gave me a headache - And then there was the male spotted owl who told his wife, "What do you mean you have a headache? We're an endangered species!"
- What is headache ? 5 minutes talk to wife.
- A man gives his wife a glass of water and two aspirin His wife says, "What are these for? I don't have a headache."
The man replies, "Great! Let's f***!"
I Get Headache Jokes
Here is a list of funny i get headache jokes and even better i get headache puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
- Headache around Kids When I get a headache around my kids, I take two Advil and keep away from them just like the bottle says.
- Getting out of bed in the morning always gives me a headache... I'm going to try feet first tomorrow.
- Math Teacher: James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3? James: A Headache ma'am.
- I'm a greedy farmer who gets really bad headaches They're my grains
- I had to go get more tablets for my Dishwasher… She had a headache
- Don't bother getting medicine for your headache... After all, it's all in your head.
- People told me to get a carbon monoxide alarm.... But all it's doing is beeping and giving me a headache
- What does the alien take when he gets a headache Ibprobin
- What do you get when you multiply 1,654,835,583 to 5,687,423,908? A headache.
Migraine Headache Jokes
Here is a list of funny migraine headache jokes and even better migraine headache puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine
- When I eat wheat it gives me a headache. Oddly, it doesn't if the wheat belongs to someone else. It's just migraine
- What did the person with a headache say when people tried to steal his crop? It's migraine!
- Made her lol When are you not having a headache?
When you are having a migraine! - It's weird when I eat wheat, it gives me a huge headache But, if I get the wheat from someone else, I'm fine. It's just **migraine**.
Quirky and Hilarious Headache Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about headache you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean my head hurts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make headache pranks.
A man enters into his bedroom with a goat in his hands.
His wife is reading a book when the man suddenly says: 'See, this is the cow I am having s**... with when you have a headache.'
Wife puts the book down and says:' Are you s**...? That is a goat, not a cow.'
'I've been talking to the goat'
Helpful Daughter
Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
The Farmer
A Farmer, carrying a sheep under one arm, storms into his bedroom where his wife is in bed, quietly reading.
The farmer stares his wife directly in the eyes and yells "THIS IS THE PIG I HAVE s**... WITH WHEN YOU HAVE A HEADACHE!!"
The farmers wife looks him up and down and states " Thats a sheep, not a pig"
The farmer replies "I WASNT TALKING TO YOU!!"
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better j**.... I've got a headache."
Headaches
A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having s**... tonight!"
Buying aspirin
Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
May I have a piece of gum?
Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."
My brother was worried last night that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep because he had a headache.
I told him to make a stiff nightcap and drop a couple of pills in it. You know, just take Aleve of Absinthe.
Layoffs
The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or j**..."
"You better j**..., I've got a headache"
A day in court....
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce?"
"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."
The judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well one story is I have a headache and the other story is It's that time of the month!"
A man goes up to his wife...
He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.
She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"
He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have s**... then."
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
I handed my wife some paracetamol.
I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"
"Do you not have a headache?"
"No" she responded.
"Not feeling unwell at all?"
"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".
"That's great, we can have s**... this evening then".
A husband walks into the bedroom...
... and hands his wife 2 Advils. She says: "But honey, I don't have a headache!" ... To which he replies: "Aha, I got you! Let's have s**... then!"
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having s**......
I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.
Jack and Jill work together in an office...
Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or j**...".
"j**...!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".
Young couple codewords
The bashfull newlyweds decided to talk about "laundry" when one was interested in s**.... A Year later, when the new was off, the Husband asked "do you want to help me do the laundry tonight?"
Wife: "No, I am too tired".
The next night: "I have a headache". Next
On the following night: "I just don't feel like it".
Finally wife says: "How about doing the Laundry tonight".
Hubby's reply: "No worries, Dear, it was just a small load and I did it by hand!"
Chinese man calls in sick
h**... Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The boss says, "You know what h**..., I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for s**.... That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
My girlfriend said..
"We should spice things up and try reversal of roles in the bedroom"
So I have a headache.
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."
Not Tonight
Guy brings his wife a glass of water and two pills. She looks puzzled. "What's this?"
He says, "Oh, these are your aspirin, sweetheart."
She says, "I don't have a headache."
To which the husband replies, "AH HA!"
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm
He says, "Darling, this is the pig I have s**... with when you have a headache."
His wife, lying in bed replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid s**...
"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....
I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector
The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.
Lee has a terrible headache
Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."
His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for s**.... I always feel better after."
A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"
The similarities between alcohol and girls...
... Both have the quality of giving pleasure at night and headache in the morning.
An infallible way of curing a headache...
Put your head through a window and the pane will disappear.
Headache
Guy gets home from the bar and he wants some s**... time but he finds his wife asleep. So he proceeds to go to the bathroom and makes a lot of noise rummaging the medicine cabinet. The wife wakes up.
Wife: What's with the noise?
Husband: just open up your mouth.
She opens up jet mouth and he proceeds to shoot two pills into her mouth.
Wife: what was that?
Husband: two ibuprofen for your headache.
Wife: but I don't have a headache.
Husband: that's what I wanted to hear
I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.
Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm...
...his wife wakes up and asks him what he's doing.
He says, 'Honey, this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache.'.
The wife sneers at him and says, 'You idiot, that isn't a pig, it's a sheep!'.
The husband replies, ' I wasn't talking to you.'.
A husband tells his wife, Honey, I got you some Aspirin!
The wife says, But I don't have a headache.
Great! Let's have s**...!
Aspirin
A man comes home to his wife one evening.
Honey, I'm home! He says and gives her a kiss.
I've brought you some Aspirin he says.
But I don't have a headache she replies.
Ok then. Let's have s**...
I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their s**.... I think they are completely crazy.
4G must've fried their brains.
A man was having trouble getting his wife to make love to him anymore
So one night just before bedtime, he offered her a glass of water and two aspirins.
What are you giving me these for? , asked the wife. I don't have a headache.
Great! said the man. Let's get started.
A new and easy test for COVID-19
Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.
Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.
I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!
COVID-19 home test:
Open a beer and smell it. If you can smell the beer, this is good, as one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is a loss of smell.
Now drink the beer. If you can taste it, this is good, as another symptom of COVID-19 is loss of taste.
I was tested 11 times yesterday, and all tests turned out negative.
I need more testing today, since headache is another potential symptom...
Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.
Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."
I've finally had it with my carbon monoxide detectors.
All this beeping has been giving me such a bad headache. I'm going to take the batteries out right away.
I tried an At Home Covid Test
Instructions:
1. Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2. If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3. If you can smell it and taste it, this confirms that you don't have the Covid.
Last night, I did the test 19 times and all were negative. Tonight, I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and I feel like I'm coming down with something.
Do It Yourself COVID Test
1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus
Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat them today, as I woke up with a headache and a bit disoriented this morning.
Marital Misunderstanding
It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:
"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"
Her husband looks at her and says:
"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."
"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."
TIL I'm allergic to leather.
Every time I wake up with my shoes on, I have a massive headache and feel quite sick.
Billy Bob calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Billy Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me s**.... That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later, Billy Bob calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
I've spent an hour and a half now trying to explain "sunk cost fallacy" to my son
He's no nearer understanding it than when we started, and it's giving me a serious headache.
But if I quit now I'll have had all this for nothing!
A farmer visits the doctor...
A farmer goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, whenever I plough my fields I get a terrible headache"
The doctor says: "It's a migraine"
The farmer replies: "No it's my grain and why are you talking in an Italian accent?"
