headache Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious headache puns

My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping.

It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.

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An husband comes home to his wife of 20 years

Husband: Darling, I'm home and I brought you some aspirins.

Wife: But I don't have a headache.

Husband: Then let's fuck.

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I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

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Blowjobs do not relieve headaches

The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
I sucked three dicks and my head still fucking hurt.

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A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin"

The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed

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Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

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I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache.

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A man goes up to his wife...

He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.

She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"

He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have sex then."

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Chinese man calls in sick

Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

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Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

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Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

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The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

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I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

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Jack and Jill work together in an office...

Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

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Headaches

A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having sex tonight!"

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Aspirin

Before climbing into bed, a man sets down a glass of water and an aspirin on his wife's bedside table.

"What's this for? I don't have a headache" she says.

"Good. Let's fuck."

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Husband walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep.

His wife is in bed reading a book. He stands at the foot of the bed and says, "See honey, this is the cow I fuck when you have a headache." The wife puts the book down and looks at her husband. "If you weren't so stupid" she replies, "you'd realize that's a sheep, not a cow."
"Well" says the husband, "if you weren't such a bitch you'd realize I wasn't talking to you."

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I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

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When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

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A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear

Ahh Migraines!

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Last night in bed,

my wife said we should try some role reversal. So I told her, I had a headache.

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Buying aspirin

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

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A man gives his wife a glass of water and two aspirin

His wife says, "What are these for? I don't have a headache."

The man replies, "Great! Let's f***!"

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I handed my wife some paracetamol.

I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"

"Do you not have a headache?"

"No" she responded.

"Not feeling unwell at all?"

"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".

"That's great, we can have sex this evening then".

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My Dad had a headache the other day so I asked if he needed any pills.

He said "The only pills that could have stopped this head ache should have been taken 16 years ago"

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A man calls in sick for work...

He tells his boss he can't come in because of an awful headache.

The boss says to him, "I can't let you have today off. You need to come in. You know what I do when I have a headache? I grab my wife, throw her on the bed, and have sex with her, no questions asked. Do that, feel better, and get your butt to work."

The employee calls back 30 min later and says, "you were right! I feel much better. Nice house btw..."

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I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm...

...the loud ringing noise from it was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.

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Hung Chow Calls into work and says "Hey boss, I no come into work today, I really Sick...

I got Headache, stomachache, and my legs hurt. I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and i go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

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I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.

Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.

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A man tells his wife "Here's your aspirin, my dear."

Wife: Why are you giving me an aspirin? I don't have a headache.

Man: Gotcha! Let's fuck!

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I had to turn off my carbon monoxide detector...

...The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

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A man hands his wife 2 aspirins and a glass of water.....

The wife says, "What's this for? I don't have a headache".

The man says, "Good! Let's fuck!"

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Helpful Daughter

Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."

"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."


That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.

Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

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Wife: "I'm going to bed, honey."

Husband: "Okay, sweetheart. I'll go get you a tylenol."

Wife: "But why? I don't have a headache."

Husband: "Great! Let's fuck."

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I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

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What are the best Headache jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Headache? Well, here are the best Headache dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Headache pick up lines to share with friends.

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