The Best 89 Headache Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Headache jokes. There are some headache paracetamol jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these headache therapeutic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Headache Jokes and Puns

Helpful Daughter

Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."

"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."

That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.

Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."

A Pakistani living in England (offensive)

A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human faeces and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.

Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."

The Farmer

A Farmer, carrying a sheep under one arm, storms into his bedroom where his wife is in bed, quietly reading.

The farmer stares his wife directly in the eyes and yells "THIS IS THE PIG I HAVE SEX WITH WHEN YOU HAVE A HEADACHE!!"

The farmers wife looks him up and down and states " Thats a sheep, not a pig"

The farmer replies "I WASNT TALKING TO YOU!!"

Headaches

A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having sex tonight!"

jokes about headache

Buying aspirin

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

What do trees take when they have a headache?

Aleve.

I think i am allergic to leather.

Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.

Headache joke, I think i am allergic to leather.

My brother was worried last night that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep because he had a headache.

I told him to make a stiff nightcap and drop a couple of pills in it. You know, just take Aleve of Absinthe.

Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

My missus asked me where her Valentine's day card was.

I said, "Sorry, I had a headache."

A day in court....

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for divorce.

The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce?"

"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."

The judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, "Well one story is I have a headache and the other story is It's that time of the month!"

You can explore headache vertigo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean headache bedroom dad jokes. There are also headache puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A Wife's Headache

A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

"Gotcha!"

A man goes up to his wife...

He holds out his hand offering her two aspirin and a glass of water.

She says with a puzzled look on her face "But I don't have a headache?"

He replies with a smirk on his face "good! We can have sex then."

This is the pig I sleep with when you've got a headache

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "this is the pig I sleep with when you've got a headache"

"That's a sheep you idiot," says his wife.

"I know, I was talking to the sheep! "

When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

Headache joke, Chinese Sick Day

My self esteem is so low....

The other night my hand told me that it had a headache.

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

Last night in bed,

my wife said we should try some role reversal. So I told her, I had a headache.

"My wife is like Whiskey."

"Oh yeah, she gets better with age?"

"No, she gives me a headache."

I handed my wife some paracetamol.

I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"

"Do you not have a headache?"

"No" she responded.

"Not feeling unwell at all?"

"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".

"That's great, we can have sex this evening then".

A man gives his wife a glass of water and two aspirin

His wife says, "What are these for? I don't have a headache."

The man replies, "Great! Let's f***!"

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

A husband walks into the bedroom...

... and hands his wife 2 Advils. She says: "But honey, I don't have a headache!" ... To which he replies: "Aha, I got you! Let's have sex then!"

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex...

I'm tired. I'm washing my hair. I've got a headache. I am your sister-in-law.

Headache joke, I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex...

Putin and Medvedeev talking

- We need to change these time zones, they are giving me a big headache, says Putin
-Why? asks Medvedeev
-I'm calling Beijing to give my congrats for their national holiday and they tell me it's tomorrow. I call Warsaw to express my condolences for the airplane crash in Smolensk and they tell me the plane didn't take off yet!

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm...

...the loud ringing noise from it was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.

Jack and Jill work together in an office...

Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache

Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine

I live with my wife in a two story house...

"I'm too tired" and "I have a headache" are the only two stories I hear...

Young couple codewords

The bashfull newlyweds decided to talk about "laundry" when one was interested in sex. A Year later, when the new was off, the Husband asked "do you want to help me do the laundry tonight?"
Wife: "No, I am too tired".
The next night: "I have a headache". Next
On the following night: "I just don't feel like it".
Finally wife says: "How about doing the Laundry tonight".
Hubby's reply: "No worries, Dear, it was just a small load and I did it by hand!"

Chinese man calls in sick

Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Girl, are you a 3D movie?

Because you're too expensive and giving me a headache.

My girlfriend said..

"We should spice things up and try reversal of roles in the bedroom"

So I have a headache.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

Not Tonight

Guy brings his wife a glass of water and two pills. She looks puzzled. "What's this?"

He says, "Oh, these are your aspirin, sweetheart."

She says, "I don't have a headache."

To which the husband replies, "AH HA!"

A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm

He says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife, lying in bed replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

I hate the reasons girls come up with to avoid sex

"I'm tired, I've had a long day, I have a headache, I'm your sister"....

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector

The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

My carbon monoxide alarm went off in the middle of the night

It gave me a really bad headache, so I had to turn it off.

Lee has a terrible headache

Lee calls in work and say "I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come to work today."

His boss says "I really need you today, Lee. You know, whenever I am not feeling OK like you, I go ask my wife for sex. I always feel better after."

A couple of hours later, Lee calls in. "I do what you say. I feel great now. I be at work soon. You have nice house"

My Dad had a headache the other day so I asked if he needed any pills.

He said "The only pills that could have stopped this head ache should have been taken 16 years ago"

Ever heard about the bread theif that always has a headache?

He's got my grains.

The similarities between alcohol and girls...

... Both have the quality of giving pleasure at night and headache in the morning.

A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear

Ahh Migraines!

A man tells his wife before he goes to bed, "I'm gonna go get your aspirin"

The wife says, "Aspirin? I don't have a headache."
"Ah, HAH!!" The man exclaimed

Doctor: How's your headache?

Husband: She's out of town.

An infallible way of curing a headache...

Put your head through a window and the pane will disappear.

Headache

Guy gets home from the bar and he wants some sexy time but he finds his wife asleep. So he proceeds to go to the bathroom and makes a lot of noise rummaging the medicine cabinet. The wife wakes up.

Wife: What's with the noise?
Husband: just open up your mouth.

She opens up jet mouth and he proceeds to shoot two pills into her mouth.

Wife: what was that?
Husband: two ibuprofen for your headache.
Wife: but I don't have a headache.
Husband: that's what I wanted to hear

My carbon monoxide detector keeps beeping

It's really giving me a headache

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache.

Doctor: How's your headache?

Man: She is fine.

I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.

Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.

A husband tells his wife, Honey, I got you some Aspirin!

The wife says, But I don't have a headache.

Great! Let's have sex!

Husband: Hey honey I brought you some Tylenol for your headache.

Wife: I don't have a headache

Husband: Great because I also bought condoms

headache

Husband: "Here's a pill for your headache."
Wife: "But I don't have a headache."
Husband: "Gotcha!"

My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping.

It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.

Aspirin

A man comes home to his wife one evening.

Honey, I'm home! He says and gives her a kiss.

I've brought you some Aspirin he says.

But I don't have a headache she replies.

Ok then. Let's have sex

A man was having trouble getting his wife to make love to him anymore

So one night just before bedtime, he offered her a glass of water and two aspirins.

What are you giving me these for? , asked the wife. I don't have a headache.

Great! said the man. Let's get started.

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.

Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.
I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!

COVID-19 home test:

Open a beer and smell it. If you can smell the beer, this is good, as one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is a loss of smell.

Now drink the beer. If you can taste it, this is good, as another symptom of COVID-19 is loss of taste.

I was tested 11 times yesterday, and all tests turned out negative.

I need more testing today, since headache is another potential symptom...

Getting out of bed in the morning always gives me a headache...

I'm going to try feet first tomorrow.

I've finally had it with my carbon monoxide detectors.

All this beeping has been giving me such a bad headache. I'm going to take the batteries out right away.

I tried an At Home Covid Test

Instructions:

1. Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2. If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3. If you can smell it and taste it, this confirms that you don't have the Covid.

Last night, I did the test 19 times and all were negative. Tonight, I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and I feel like I'm coming down with something.

My wife keeps complaining about having a headache that won't go away.

I keep telling her that I have a name.

What do you call a headache caused my someone stealing your wheat

My-grain

Do It Yourself COVID Test

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus

​

Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat them today, as I woke up with a headache and a bit disoriented this morning.

TIL I'm allergic to leather.

Every time I wake up with my shoes on, I have a massive headache and feel quite sick.

had to throw out my carbon monoxide detector tonight.

All that beeping was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.

Wife was massaging her husband's head.

Wife : you always ask for a head massage. Wonder who gave it to you before marriage.

Husband : well no one did , I didn't need one since there was no headache!

I've spent so long trying to think of a synonym for 'ambitious' that I've given myself a headache.

Aspiring?

No thanks, I'll just get some fresh air, that'll clear it up.

Billy Bob calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Billy Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later, Billy Bob calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Why do I always get a headache when I eat the wheat I grew?

Because it's my grain

I've spent an hour and a half now trying to explain "sunk cost fallacy" to my son

He's no nearer understanding it than when we started, and it's giving me a serious headache.

But if I quit now I'll have had all this for nothing!

I had to remove the batteries from my monoxide alarm

The loud beeping was giving me a terrible headache and making me dizzy

A farmer visits the doctor...

A farmer goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, whenever I plough my fields I get a terrible headache"

The doctor says: "It's a migraine"

The farmer replies: "No it's my grain and why are you talking in an Italian accent?"

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

All these jokes are giving me a headache.

Anyone got any Dadvil?

Headache around Kids

When I get a headache around my kids, I take two Advil and keep away from them just like the bottle says.

Cutback

Ellen and Jack worked for a small company owned by Bob.
Hard times hit and Bob was having to cut back.
He called a meeting and looking directly at Ellen stated I've got to lay you or Jack off.
Ellen replied Well you gonna have to Jack off then, cause I got a headache.

My wife put her hand on my leg, winked at me, and told me to spice things up we should try some role-reversal in the bedroom tonight. I thought it was a great idea.

So I told her I had a headache, turned off the light, rolled over and went right to sleep.

I had to go get more tablets for my Dishwasher…

She had a headache

I think my wife and I are telepathically connected

Every time I feel horny she immediately gets a headache

Put Something In It

Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, "Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."

That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, "That's because it's empty," she said.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it."

A construction worker tells his boss that he has a terrible headache

The boss answers: "Hey, what I do if I have a headache is, I go home and have sex with my wife, then my head is clear again and I can come back to work"

The worker says he doesn't know about this and prefers taking some medication.

But this doesn't work, and so the boss basically orders him to go and have sex.

Two hours later, the worker is back, smiling and in a good mood, "hey boss, your trick worked, and btw. a nice house you have got there!"

What do children and ice cream have in common?

They're sweet but they sometimes give you a headache.

When I get a headache

I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the headache stomachache puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working headache migraine piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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