Head And Shoulders Jokes
95 head and shoulders jokes and hilarious head and shoulders puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about head and shoulders that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Head And Shoulders Short Jokes
Short head and shoulders jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The head and shoulders humour may include short shaved head jokes also.
- In a surprising announcement, Head & Shoulders have decided to discontinue their popular anti dandruff shampoo line. The decision left many scratching their heads.
- Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"... …have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
- A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem... The redhead says "why don't you give him head and shoulders."
The blonde replies "how do you give shoulders?" - Did you know kurt cobain had really bad dandruff? They found his Head & Shoulders behind the sofa.
- Asked 100 women what shampoo they were using. 2 said Head and Shoulders The other 98 replied "How did you get in here?"
- My dad works for a company that focuses on the health of the lower 3/4 of the body, and yesterday he just became the CEO. Now he's the Head of Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!
- What goes "Chest, Chest, Chest, Chest"? A T Rex doing "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes".
- How'd they know Dale Earnhardt had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glovebox.
- How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the front seat.
- Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark? They found his head and shoulders on the beach.
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Head And Shoulders One Liners
Which head and shoulders one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with head and shoulders? I can suggest the ones about head lice and hair shampoo.
- What can be found in a cannibal's shower? head & shoulders
- What was the executioner's favorite shampoo? Head and shoulders.
- What's the hardest part of giving birth to a shampoo bottle? Head and shoulders
- What shampoo do busts use? Head & Shoulders
- You enter Hannibal's bathroom. What's the first thing you see? Head & Shoulders.
- Today, I lost my head It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders
- My girlfriend is so hairy She uses head & shoulders for her head & shoulders.
- What does an executioner shower with? Head & Shoulders
- Shoulders, Head, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes! Stop that! Sing it right Quasimodo!
- What shampoo did Paul Walker use? Head and shoulders, they were on the dashboard
- Met a pretty disabled man today... He had a good head on his shoulder
- What is the most popular shampoo in Ukraine? Heads & Shoulders.
- A shampoo manufacturer had an accident. ..he suffered injuries to his head and shoulders.
- Eye sand, ear sand, mouth and nose. Head, shoulders, knees and toes!
- My mom gave me Head... and Shoulders for my itchy scalp.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Head And Shoulders Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about head and shoulders you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bald head jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make head and shoulders pranks.
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.
Taxi Story
A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times . . .
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost)
...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."
The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."
Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."
This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that s**... when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the l**... return to the shower?
He forgot his head and shoulders.
A man walked into a psychiatrist's office with a pancake on his head...
... a fried egg on each shoulder, and a piece of bacon over each ear.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the psychiatrist.
The man said: "I'm worried about my brother."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
How did the paramedics know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove box
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS new way of requirement
ISIS leader posted a job offer for new workers : " Need somebody with a head on his shoulders "
In honor of The Challenger disaster: proof that I have no soul.
How do we know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Her head and shoulders washed up on the shore.
It was said that Christa's pupils were hit the hardest... by the instrument panel.
As she left for work that day she said to her husband "you feed the dog, i'll feed the fish."
How do you know her eyes were blue?
One blew one way the other blew another way.
Christa used to teach Social Studies ...now she's History
What does NASA stand for? Need another seven astronauts.
How did the investigators discover that a serial killer had dandruff?
They found head & shoulders in his bathroom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?
They found his head and shoulders on the beach
A Blonde Visits a Doctor
One day, a blonde goes to a doctor. She told the doctor, "Doctor, my son has dandruff, what do I do?" The doctor replied, "Give him Head and Shoulders." So the next day, the blonde comes back and asks, "Doctor, how do I give him shoulders?"
A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...
And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.
The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"
No offense anyone...hehe
How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders on the beach
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in d**......
they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to p**..., 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
p**... and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.
At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
p**... watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, p**... shakes his head and says, f**... dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too f**...'n dangerous for me!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard the police raided my neighbors house on suspicion of a brutal m**......
... When they charged into the bathroom they found Head and Shoulders.
Thanks for being the shoulder to put my head on..
Though being a conjoined twin does have its cons.
Jaws
How do you know the girl from Jaws had dandruff?
She left her Head & Shoulders on the beach
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My cousin gave me head
& shoulders conditioner, but I still have dandruff. Any advice?
;)
Golf is like urinating in a public toilet
- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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"....so then my wife told me to run out and get her some Head & Shoulders"
"......nevertheless, this court still finds you guilty Mr. d**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My sister just gave me head
and shoulders shampoo. What should I do?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde: My husbands dandruff is getting out of control!
Friend: Why don't you give him head and shoulders?
Blonde: How do you give shoulders?
Did you hear Paul walker had terrible dandruff before he died?
Nobody knew, until they found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Jeffrey d**... had dandruff?
They found some head and shoulders in his bathtub
I was walking along the road when a tile fell off a roof and just missed my shoulder.
It hit my head.
How did we know about Princess Diana's Obsession with her hair?
They found Head and shoulders in the glove compartment of her car.
They said the poacher killed by the lion had really bad dandruff...
Because he left behind his head and shoulders
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My mom gave me head
and shoulders for my dandruff
I don't usually brag about my shampoo
But it really is head and shoulders above everything else
I walked in on my little son vigorously rubbing shampoo on his shoulders...
...when I asked him what he was doing he matter-of-factly replied, "Mom the bottle says 'Head and Shoulders.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jewish man walks into a bathroom.
He unzips his pants and proceeds to pee into a u**.... The man peeing next to him taps him on the shoulder and says hey David! did you have Doctor Goldstein as your Mohel? The man turns his head and replies yes! How did you know? The other man just looks down at the ground and says he's cross eyed and you're peeing on my leg.
This joke has been passed down through my very Jewish family for a few generations and It's my go to. A Mohel is the Jewish doctor who performs circumcisions for the uninformed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Daughter calls her Mom: My boyfriend has dandruff what can i do?
Mom: give him head & shoulders.
2 days later the daughter calls back.
Daughter: How do i give him shoulders?
Have you heard about the man with dandruff who lost the top half of his body?
I hadn't either, until I found his Head & Shoulders
Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...
The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.
Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.
Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.
Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?
"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.
Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.
He replies: "Fake noose."
A blonde and a brunette are talking about their boyfriends' dandruff problems
The brunette says, my boyfriend used to have dandruff, but I gave him Head and Shoulders and it went away in a few days
The blonde thinks for a minute and then replies, how do you give shoulders?
How do you know Kurt Cobain was using anti-dandruff shampoo?
His head and shoulders were all over the wall.
A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator
A man gets in the elevator and they're both checking him out. He gets off at the next floor.
Blonde: He looked good but he had some serious dandruff.
Brunette: yeah, somebody should really give him some Head & Shoulders.
Blonde: good idea, but how do you give shoulders?
The crew on the Challenger must have had great hair prior to the shuttle failure.
They found their Head and Shoulders on the shore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I ever die by being cut in half, i'd like my body to be made into shampoo.
Unfortunately, I can't name it 'head & shoulders' since it's already used.
What's a spider baby's favorite nursery rhyme?
Head, shoulders, shoulders, knees, knees and toes toes, knees, knees and toes toes.
How did the paramedics know Paul Walker had clean hair?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box
Doctor, it hurts...
Says the patient with so much pain.
Patient: It hurts when I touch my head.
Doctor: \*Takes a look at the head\*, \*Does MRI\* Well, what else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my shoulders.
Doctor: \*Takes shoulder x-ray\* Hmmm, is there anything else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my knees too.
Doctor: \*Does that hammer thingy\* I see. I can conclude now.
Patient: What is it?
Doctor: Your finger is broken.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom, my boyfriend has dandruff
Mom: Give him head & shoulders.
Girl: Okay. But how do I give him shoulders?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's Jeffery d**...'s favorite song?
Head, shoulders, knees, and toes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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2 women are in an elevator and a man with a lot of danruff walks in and gets off the next floor down.
One woman turns to the other and say "We should have given him Head and Shoulders?"
The other asks "How do you give shoulders?"
A shark ate a girl that had dandruff.
How did they know?
They found her head and shoulders on the beach.
There were 4 henchmen: Winter, Summer, Spring, and Autumn.
The boss stood before them.
"Winter," he began. "I need you to stay cool in the face of pressure. Ice in your veins," he said, patting his shoulder.
"Then there's you, Summer," he continued. "If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that hot temper of yours to make sure the cops remember who they're working for.
"As for you, Spring," he chuckled, "this operation is gonna bring in a lotta *green.* Make sure that it keeps growing."
He turned for the door as Autumn stood up.
"Boss!" he sputtered. "What about me?"
The boss turned back, shaking his head.
"Sorry, son. You're just the Fall guy."
A blonde and a brunette are riding in an elevator...
At one point, a man steps aboard with dandruff all over his suit. He gets off a few floors later and the brunette turns to the blonde and whispers-
Now THAT'S a guy who could really use some Head & Shoulders!
The blonde looks perplexed:
How do you give somebody shoulders?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The head is on the wrong end of this nail.
A carpenter was putting siding on a house. He'd reach in his pouch pull out a nail and drive it, then he'd pull out a nail and toss it over his shoulder, he continued, sometimes driving the nail and sometimes tossing it.
His partner asked, "Why are you throwing away some of your nails", the first guy says, "The idiots that made them put the head on the wrong end".
His partner said, "You're the idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house"
A blonde and brunette walk into an elevator
They exchange pleasantries and the door closes, the next floor a man gets in with terrible dandruff.
Both women look at each other but don't say anything.
When the man gets off and the door shuts they share a laugh.
The brunette says wow he could definitely use some head and shoulders!
The blonde gives her a look and replies How do you give shoulders?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle
He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.
After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.
He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself t**... and looks down and sees a spit with glowing coals warming up below him.
He screams for mercy and says You don't understand, I'm the chief editor of the New York Times!! .
The head cannibal replied, relax…
Soon you'll be the editor in chief…
I have a skin disease called psoriasis
It really only flares up on my legs and feet and using dandruff shampoo helps clear it up or at least soften it. So I guess you could say I use head and shoulders for my knees and toes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.
People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked o**..., who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."
The fact that Head and Shoulders....
Hasn't made a bodywash called Knees and Toes, really bothers me.
