hawaii Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious hawaii stories

What are the best hawaii puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Hawaii? Well here is a complete list of the top hawaii jokes:

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.

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At my friend's house, her dad told us these jokes called "Mama mama jokes." I expected old fashioned "Yo' mama" jokes. I got these.

Mama, Mama, I don't like little brother!

Shut up and eat what you're told.

Mama, Mama, I don't want to go to Hawaii!

Shut up and keep swimming.

Mama, Mama, I don't like going in circles!

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

Honestly, I'm scarred.

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A guy is flying to Hawaii...

He's unsure of the pronunciation, not sure if its "Hawaii" or "Havaii", so when he gets off of the plane, he looks for a local.

He finds a guy that appears to be a local and asks him, "is it pronounced 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii'?"

The local responds "Havaii!"

The traveler then says thank you, that he was really confused and the local really cleared things up and the local replies "you're velcome!"

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What did the Hawaiian dope dealer say to the Eskimo tourist?

Danks for da kine cold stranger!

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Yo momma so dumb

she tried to avoid taxes by setting up an offshore bank account on Hawaii!

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Dream Big

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.

Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

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Understanding Women

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp... blah, blah, blah... This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?

Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No. Think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... to know why they're crying, to know what they really want when they say 'nothing' ... to know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?

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The secret to women

A man is walking down a beach in California, when he stumbles across a magic lamp

A genie appears from the lamp and says, "Thank you sir for freeing me, in return i will grant you one wish."

The man replies "I have always wanted to walk the beaches of Hawaii, but I do not ride planes and the trip by boat is to long. I wish for a highway from California to Hawaii."

The genie looks at the man and replies, "A bridge that size takes to much magic, I am not powerful enough to create a bridge of that magnitude, however I will give you another wish.

The man replies "Fine, I wish to learn the secret to women."

Without skipping a beat the genie says, "Two lanes or four?"

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Your best clean joke?

Mine: 3 men are wandering lost in the desert, and stumble upon a lamp. They rub it, and a Genie comes out. He tells them "I will give you each one wish."

The first man says "I really miss my family. I'd love to be back with them." *POOF* He's back with his family.

The second man says "I don't have a family, but I'd love to be on the beach in Hawaii, surrounded by beautiful women." *POOF* He's in Hawaii.

The third thinks for a little while and says "I'm lonely here. I wish my two friends were back here with me."

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Yet another damn genie joke

A man is walking on the beach in California when he trips over a lamp in the sand. A genie emerges and says, "You've freed me after being in that lamp for a thousand years! In gratitude, I will give you one wish."

The man thinks for a bit and says, "You know, I'd like to visit Hawaii, but I'm deathly afraid of boats and airplanes. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii?"

"Come on, buddy, I've been in a lamp for a thousand years; I want to get out and see the world. It would take forever to build that -- can't you ask for something easier?"

The man thinks again and says, "OK, now that you mention it, I've always wanted to understand women."

"So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

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A catholic all boys school went on a trip...

A catholic all boys school was going on a trip to Hawaii. They are on the plane when the pilot says on the radio Father, can you come up to the cockpit really quick . So the priest gets up and makes his way over to the pilot. When he gets to him the pilot says Father, we have a big problem, there is a gas leak and i'm afraid we are not going to make it to the island. I have 2 parachutes though, I am taking one and you can take the other . The priest says What about the children?! . The pilot says fuck em! To which the priest replies, Do we have time for that?

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One of my grandpa's better jokes

An old man is walking along the beach one day when suddenly God appears and says to the man, "You know, you've been a good man and faithful to me all your life. I'm going to grant you one wish. What would you like?"

The man thought about it and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive there any time I want."

God said, "I can't do that, there would be too many problems. Where would I even get all the steel from? Think of something else."

So the man says, "Lord, I've been married and divorced 4 times. All 4 of my wives made me feel like I was doing everything wrong when I thought I was right. Help me understand women."

God replies, "You want two lanes or four?"

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The man that desired to understand women

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man thought for a while, and said, "I want a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges and environmental consequences that kind of undertaking would create. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four?"

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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."

At once the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, my wife says that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

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A doctor, a lawyer, and a biker in the pub,

The doctor goes, I got my wife 2 anniversary presents instead of one. I thought if she didn't like the Mercedes, she would definitely love the trip to Hawaii.

Lawyer : oh yeah?, i got my wife 2 presents too: a pearl necklace, and in case she didn't like *that*, the diamond earrings will make her very happy, for sure.

The biker looks at both, with wounder on his face. You know what the two presents i got my wife were?, a T-Shirt and a vibrator. I thought if she *didn't* like the T-Shirt, she could go *fuck* her self.

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A man stumbles across an old lamp.....

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"

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a wife and husband are taking a trip to...

a husband and wife wanted to take a trip somewhere. after much argument, they decided to go to Hawaii. on the flight there, they were arguing about the pronunciation of the word Hawaii. the wife insisted, "it's pronounced havaii." the husband argued, " NO! its hawaii!" they both agreed to ask the first person they see after they get off the plane.

when they get off, they ask a man the name of the island. the man replies "havaii." "I TOLD YOU!" the wife gloats. "thank you, sir!" she smirks. the man tips his hat and replies "you're velcome."

EDIT-got help from my brother. i suck at writing.

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So a man finds a dirty lamp on the ground...

and he starts to clean it, because he thinks it may be valuable! After a while of rubbing it a genie comes out, and says "Hey! I'm a genie and normally i'd grant you 3 wishes but today i'm really tired, so I can only grant you one."

So after a while of thinking, the man says "Alright, I've always loved Hawaii. I want a bridge that goes from my backyard to there."

The genie snorts. "That's probably the dumbest wish I've ever heard! Make a different one."

So after another long while of thinking, the man says "I want to be able to know what any woman is thinking."

The genie then replies "So do you want this bridge to be invisible from other people or....

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Build me a bridge

A man was walking along a California beach and finds a genies bottle, he gives the bottle a rub and a genie appears and offers to grant him one wish.

The man said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of flying and I get sea sick in boats. Could you build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive there whenever I want?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of the concrete and steel! I could do it but it's hard for me to justify. Is there anything else you would like instead ?"

After much thought, the man said, "Iv'e been married and divorced 3 times and still don't understand women, so I wish that I could understand women."Then, after a few minutes, the genie said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

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Yet another genie in the lamp joke

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Poof! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' Poof! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

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What doctors really thinking?

- This should be taken care of right away.

I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.


- Welllllll, what have we here…?

He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.


- Let me check your medical history.

I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.


- We have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.


- Let me schedule you for some tests.

I have a forty percent interest in the lab.


- I'd like to have my associate look at you.

He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.


- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.

I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.


- This may hurt a little.

Last week two patients bit off their tongues.


- This should fix you up.

The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.


- I'd like to run some more tests.

I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.


- There is a lot of that going around.

My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best hawaii jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 21 puns about hawaii. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty hawaii gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these hawaii jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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