havent Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious havent puns

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.


I'm never buying a Labrador...

Havent you seen how many of their owners go blind?


I phoned my wife today and said...

"Pack a bag dear, I've booked us into a hotel for a few nights."

"Ooh, why's that?" she asked.

I said, "Well I've been playing poker all day, havent I!"

"Really?" she asked again in excitement, "How much have you won?"

"Nothing," I replied. "I've lost the house."


I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your need, so let's call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class" and your little brother, we can call "The Future". Do you understand son?

Son: "I'm not really sure, dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think i understand what politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit."


Outsmarting Teacher

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."


An armed robber walkes into a bank

... after he collected the money he turns to a customer and asks: "Did you witness me robbing this bank?" The customer says "Yes" and so the robber shoots him. He turns to a 2nd customer and asks: "Did you witness me robbing that bank?". The 2nd customer also says "Yes" so the robber shoots him. He now turns to a 3rd customer and asks:"Did you witness me robbing that bank?" The 3rd customer says: " I havent witnessed anything but my wife witnessed it all".

Sorry for bad english.
Sorry if its a repost.


PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"

TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."


I applied for an accountancy job, told them I would give it 110%......

havent heard back :(


I havent talked to my wife in 6 months.

I got a slap the last time I interupted her.


Bought an ant farm the other year.

They are right lazy! A whole year and they havent grown me any crops yet!


Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy...

He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex.


What do u call an early bitcoin adopter?

A bitster.

Haha why havent i seen this joke yet.


Two guy friends run into each other...

They haven,t seen each other in a long time. One of them urgently says: "I have been meaning to talk to you! I have two bad news for you and one bad news for me!" The other asks: " What is is it?" And the guy answers: "I think your wife is cheating on us!"


I miss Sears:(

Eminem and Machine Gun Kelly are feuding, and Colin Kaepernick is the new face of Nike. White people havent been this stressed since Sears closed.


I havent worn put clothes on once this year..

I wonder how long I can keep this streak going.




I havent jacked off since last year

Just kidding


I havent had sex

But i spilled water on a cat once

Does that count as getting the pussy wet?


A: What are you doing?

B: Nothing
A: Didn't you do that yesterday?
B: I havent finished...


How many Steam employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Honestly Im not sure, they havent got back to me yet. It's been 3 weeks.


Why aren't there any feminist sex dolls?

cause engineers havent been able to make one that's right.


I havent had sex in a while (OC)

I wouldnt say im asexual, more like a pathetic


Chinese man: Do you like cats?

Me: No.

Chinese man: That means you haven`t cooked them properly.


A girl i havent spoken to in ages suddenly texted me today

She must have seen shrek on netflix


Come to the conclusion my dads a dinosaur..

Cause everytime i mention him my mother says "heneverfuckingsawus"

Makes sence cause dinosaurs havent been around for a while either.


What are the most funny Havent jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Havent? Well, here are the best Havent dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Havent pick up lines to share with friends.


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