Have Faith Jokes
144 have faith jokes and hilarious have faith puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about have faith that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Have Faith Short Jokes
Short have faith jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The have faith humour may include short faith jokes also.
- I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains. Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
- Mike Tyson said he was going to convert me to atheism At least I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by "I'm gonna break your faith!"
- Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night... He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
- I was kicked out of my church for suggesting Jesus may have spoke with a lisp It was a real slap in the faith.
- I'm so faithful, I don't even have a girlfriend and I STILL don't sleep with other women!
- I don't like how people love their fandoms more than their god Especially Star Wars fans
I find your lack of faith disturbing - Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger. My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers. - Bill Clinton voted for Hillary Clinton in the electoral college today. First known instance of him being faithful.
- The Pope-mobile Because nothing says "faith in God" more than 4 inches of bullet-proof glass...
- By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
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Have Faith One Liners
Which have faith one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with have faith? I can suggest the ones about believing and hope.
- science builds planes and skyscrapers but faith brings them together.
- I'm not sure faith can move mountains... But we all know what it can do to skyscrapers.
- Mike Tyson is SO religious That he punches people in the faith.
- The pope walks into a synagogue... The rabbi says, "Why the wrong faith?"
- I've found religion after meeting Mike Tyson Dude hit me right in the faith.
- What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common? Faith book
- The temple of the giant sea cow has recently been rebuilt Faith in huge manatee restored
- A church sign says "Come Honor Faith"... Mike Tyson starts giggling.
- What do you call Kanye after he gave up religion? Ye of little faith!
- What weapon do sisters of the faith use? Nun-chucks!
- Why did Rihanna abandon the Catholic faith? She found love in a Popeless place.
- What do you call a Christian who lost their faith? Holy Ghosted.
- What was the Christian plastic surgeons specialty? Faith lifts
- Which fruit is the most faithful? Cantaloupe, because it *cantaloupe*
- What do you call a religious beard? Faith-al hair.
Have Faith Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about have faith you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean i believe in the saying jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make have faith pranks.
A disciple went to his master and said, "I have served you faithfully for ten years. Now I have a wish: give me something to eat which will never end." His master said, "Here, have some chewing gum."
A man is only as faithful as his options.
What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.
Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...
She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".
A waiter is working and sees Jesus come in
Waiter: Hello sir, welcome to our restaurant! What can I get for you?
Jesus: Hello Matthew. Today I would like a steak please.
Waiter: How did you... oh right, you're Jesus! Duh. Anyways, how would you like that?
Jesus: Well done, good and faithful servant
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...
St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."
The Lone Ranger is in trouble now!
The lone ranger and Tonto are riding together, when suddenly they are surrounded by a group of Apache Indians, screaming like banshees and swinging warclubs.
The lone ranger takes a look at the war-painted pack of warriors howling for his blood, and yells to his faithful sidekick, "Looks like we might have to fight them off, Tonto!"
The lone ranger looks over his shoulder to see Tonto backing his horse away slowly.
"What you mean 'we', white man?"
What do Bill Gates and the Pope have in common?
They've both put their faith in the cloud.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Chrsitian."
"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.
"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?"
He said, "Funny you should come to me..."
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
God is in an argument with Jehovah...
about which one of their faiths is the true one.
"That's it, I've had it with this! I am taking the matter to the supreme court." he said
"I'd like to see you try." said Jehovah. "I have witnesses."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian drunk in a streetcar
Another Russian joke. A drunk boards a streetcar, and says out loud:
"All the women to the left of me are idiots, and all the women to the right are w**...."
A woman to the right stands up and says, "I've been married for 15 years, and I've always been faithful to my husband, so there."
"Then move to the left."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?
How do you stay faithful in a room full of h**...?
If you rearrange the letters in the words Faith and Religion, you can make "Microwave."
No, don't test it or question it, just believe me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A old man goes into confession
"Father, all my life I've been faithful, but last night, I met two beautiful blonde 21-year-old girls and I slept with them, twice each!"
"Well, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Oh, never Father, I'm Jewish!"
"Well, why are you telling me then??"
"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Sherlock says
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Watson?"
Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the dolphin king say at the f**... of his faithful servant?
You have served your porpoise.
A Muslim man went to China...
And went to a nearby Chinese restaurant. He orders his food and, being the faithful Muslim man he is, he wants to make sure that his food isn't pork.
He asks the waiter "Is this pork?" but the waiter doesn't know any English.
So instead he points at his food and says "Oink?"
The waiter quickly shakes his head and says "Meow"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Pope and the Rabbi (not the apple one)
The Pope is walking down a street in London, when the heel breaks off his shoe. He looks around, and sees two shops advertising shoe repair. Looking closer, he sees a star of David on the wall in one, and a crucifix in the other. He thinks for a moment, and decides he'll go into the Jewish run shop, and do a little something for the relationship between the two faiths.
They're a bit surprised when the Pope walks in, but treat him well and do a really nice repair for him. When they're done, they refuse his money but ask if they can put a sign up saying he was a customer. He agrees, and goes on his way. The following day, the Jewish run shop has a sign in the window; "Cobblers to the Pope."
The day after that, the Christian shop has a sign in the window; "b**... to the chief Rabbi."
.
[I'll get my coat...]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was just discovered that islams prophet mohamed was a huge help.
A nomad happened upon mohamed and asked him what he was doing.
The architect of the Islamic faith turned red and said: *"I was just helping this goat through the fence!"*
My Future
I have a lot more trust and faith in my guidance counselor's advice after getting an empty fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my faith in this world...
Today they offered me to have s**... with a s**... 21 years old girl as long as I would publicize the new detergent CL-UP! to all my Whatsapp list. Obviously I didn't do it since my moral is really strong, almost as strong as the new detergent CL-UP for only 6.99$!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
THREE RELIGIOUS TRUTHS IN AMERICA, WE CANNOT ESCAPE:
1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists AND MORMONS do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at h**....
A man was about to jump off a cliff...
...and before he jumped he said, "I'm doing this for Jesus Christ!"
I think he took a leap of faith.
Watson, Sherlock Holmes's faithful assistant, asked, "What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?"
Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."
A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...
Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."
So, Anakin thought Padme was cheating with Obi Wan.
It seems he found her lack of faithfulness disturbing
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an atheist Kanye West?
Ye of little faith
The Catholic Church has decided to recruit an army of the faithful
They're going to use Mass Conscription.
What is Darth Vader's least favorite band?
Faith No More
Sherlock and Watson take a vacation
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Christian friend got caught m**... to a hymn
It gave a whole new meaning to 'O Come All Ye Faithful'
People tend to put their faith in a higher power.
But to me that's just a primitive solution.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Darth Vader say to Admiral Motti after browsing his collection of George Michael records?
"I find your lack of Faith disturbing."
Darth Vader...
Of all the things that Darth Vader lost when the Death Star blew up, it was the destruction of his George Michael box set that affected him most deeply.
He finds his lack of Faith disturbing.
Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard george michael will only play new songs at his concerts?
He found his lack of Faith disturbing.
English...
Active : Faith can move mountains
Passive : Mountains can be moved by Faith
Conclusion : English is very funny language
A man walked up to me and asked "What is your chosen faith?"
I told him that George Michael's version was still the best.
I failed stats because i have no faith in myself..
I couldn't find anything more than a 0% confidence interval.
Decided to vote today, so I bought a locket
and put my ballot in it, guess I really put my faith independant
If you cheat on your girlfriend once a month
that's only 12/365 days. You're still 97% faithful, and that's an A+.
The Lost Bible
One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An angry teenager from a Catholic home began dressing as a monk to mock his parents' faith.
When asked by a friend how her son had been, the boy's mother replied, "Well, he's been-a-d**...-teen lately."
My girlfriend thinks I'm incapable of being faithful
My wife on the other hand... has a pretty hot sister
My girlfriend is like Bigfoot
She hasn't been found yet but I have faith she's still out there.
Two kids of different faiths are walking to school
The Christian kid says "My faith can move mountians!"
The Muslim kid says "My faith can move towers!"
A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm...
A co-worker grabs the new guy by the arm and insists that he join everyone for beers.
New guy looks at him, and tells him, my Faith doesn't allow me to drink.
Why the co-worker asks, are you muslim?
No, my wife, Faith, she punches above her weight.
Christian to an Atheist, "If God isn't real, how do you explain walking on water? Can you walk on water like Jesus?"
Atheist : Yes.
Christian : Show me a video of you walking on water.
Atheist : I don't need to. You just need to have faith that I did.
I'm so high on God right now...
I can't feel my faith
Midget priest
The new bishop is visiting local churches to meet the priests and introduce himself.
He walks in to see a midget priest.
Surprised he exclaims "wow you must be the only midget catholic priest in the whole faith, what's that like?"
The midget says "actually we prefer little people"
Bishop replies "Who doesn't"
A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why would Italians make a faithful spy?
Because they won't utter a word when their hands are tied.
There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
Satan asked to test a person's faith...
God knew a man just right for the Job.
Why is faith a virtue?
Doesn't matter, I have faith that it is.
Renovation of Big Ben has started
After the modernization, the famous clock will be beat five times a day, calling the faithful to prayer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My New Year's resolution is to have Faith and Hope...
It'll be a great t**....
Did you know Jesus is on Social Media?
Faith Book
How much faith does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, faith can only move mountains.
A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch.
"Help! Is there anybody up there?" he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."
"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.
"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young m**... on his first term in Africa..
..was reading his bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down on his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his bible. As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Do not try to read between the lions.
Hey, God, how do you like your steak cooked?
"Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Courage, Discipline, Faith. We are the total package.
Join the United States Postal Service.
My girlfriend was faithful to the end
Unfortunately, I was the quarterback
Faithful dog for sale
Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.
- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.
- Shoot.
- He good with kids?
- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.
- yard dog or house dog?
- House trained but loves the yard as well.
- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?
- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.
I once met a member of the Catholic faith who could only face North, East, South and West...
His name was Cardinal Directions
American policemen beaten Chinese tourist after asking him for his name...
"I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu from the hospital.
What do you call someone interested in converting to the Baha'i faith?
Baha'i-curious
A quick way to figure out a Jewish person's level of devotion to their faith is made simple by using the PH scale.
Basic or Hasidic