The Best 74 Haunted Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Haunted jokes. There are some haunted ghost jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these haunted haunted house puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Haunted Jokes and Puns

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted

I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.

A man moves into a haunted house

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."

There once was a man who made dead houses.

There once was a man who made dead houses; Stored them under his home with the bugs and the mouses; The coffins he made were of rich sleek wood; He built them as big, yet as fast as he could; For his caskets were haunted and were said to walk; one night he went to his basement, and one started to rock; It moved towards him, his insides began to soften; So he pulled out some Halls, cause Halls stops the coffin.

Haunted joke, There once was a man who made dead houses.

Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant?

He got crêped out.

What do a haunted gypsum mine and paint thinner have in common?

Mineral Spirits


What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house?

...it was repossessed!

My house was haunted...

... then I got a divorce.

Demon free since 2003.

Haunted joke, My house was haunted...

Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract.

That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.

I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places.

It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours

Mario is a recovering alcoholic...

haunted by the thought of Boos.

How can you tell when a bar is haunted?

It's full of Boo's and Spirits.

You can explore haunted ghostbuster reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean haunted poltergeist dad jokes. There are also haunted puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a haunted accordion

Polka haunt us

Did you know Helen Keller lived in a haunted house?

Neither did she.

What did Velma say to Scooby when they went to the haunted methadone clinic?

*Junkies!*

What do you use to plan a haunted house?

Boo prints. :)

Why are all liquor stores haunted?

Because they're full of spirits.

Haunted joke, Why are all liquor stores haunted?

"Whenever one door closes, another opens."

"Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."


"No, I live in a haunted house."

In an old castle, a lady says to the guide...

"I've heard that this place is haunted. I'm so scared!"
The guide says: "I've been working here for 558 years and I've never seen any ghosts..."

What do you call a movie about a family haunted by a Turkey?

Poultrygeist.


I had a chance to buy a couple of haunted houses and turn them into rental properties...

but I said no, because who wants to be the lessor of two evils?

How do you know your house is haunted?

You get booed during sex.

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Yo mama so ugly

She went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheque

Did you hear about the haunted health food store?

Everything is super-natural.

Did you hear about the haunted hair salon?

I heard a ton of people have dyed there

What do you call haunted yogurt?

Paranormal Activia.

America is going through such bad luck at the moment

It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...

The tenants said the house was haunted.

You'd think I would've noticed after 200 years.

Honestly 2017 should be recreated as a haunted house attraction.

But instead of being scared, You get angry and offended.

Haunted castle

A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England. "How did you enjoy it?" The guide asked when it was over.

"It was great," the tourist replied, "but I was afraid I was going to see a ghost in some of those dark passageways."

"No need to worry," said the guide "I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here."

"How long is that?" the tourist asked.

"Oh, about 300 years."

Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house?

Because it was 2 squared

My house is haunted by Nintendo characters.

I knew I shouldn't have fooled around with that Luigi board.

Why was 4 afraid of going inside the haunted house?

Because it was two squared!

There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

What do you say in a haunted French bakery?

This place gives me the crepes.

Two mexicans walk into a haunted forest...

...Only Juan comes out.

There's a haunted KFC near my house.

They think it's poultrygeist.

A group of people are touring an old, 16th-century castle one day.

The tour guide seems to be doing a great job, explaining things in detail, when one of the tourists asks a question.



"I heard from a friend that this castle was haunted! Is that true?"



The tour guide, without hesitation, says "Oh no, I've been here for 300 years and I've never seen any paranormal activity."

What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?

Repossessed

Are you a haunted house?

Because I'm gonna scream when I come inside you.

Floor 13 may be haunted, but floor 666...

...is a whole different storey.

I went to a comedy night at a haunted mansion

I got booed off the stage

My housemate thinks our house is haunted.

I've lived here since 1878 and I haven't noticed anything strange!

People say that my house is haunted

They are lying cuz I've been living here for 274 years without noticing anything.

I once ate at a haunted French restaurant.

The place gave me the crepes.

My roommate seems to think that our house is haunted

I've been living here for the past 200 years and haven't noticed anything.

I'm so pale...

I'm so pale that when I went outside last winter, the neighborhood kids said, "Hey, look! Frosty's on a diet!"

I'm so pale that when I worked in the ice cream parlor and was giving a kid his vanilla cone, he started licking my hand.

I'm so pale that my house is listed as haunted. It was built last year!

I'm so pale that when I went to confession, the priest told me to eat a clove of garlic.

My roomates think our house is haunted

I live here for over 200 years and never seen anything strange in it.

I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in terror.

I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost.

Absolute cowards.

Has anyone heard about the cemetery for alcoholics?

It's haunted by spirits.

Do you ever wonder if your house is haunted? Follow this easy step by step process to find out for sure!

Step 1: it isn't.

Have you heard about the haunted house shortage?

Seems like a lot of people are running out of them.

My roommate says that our house is haunted.

But i live there for around 700 years and I've never seen anything.

What happens if you don't pay the priest, who comes to exorcise your haunted house?

Your house gets repossessed.

So my oilfield is haunted, turned out quite profitable...

Now I can sell Super-Natural Gas!

Haunted House Idea:

A room full of women saying "I'm fine."

What do you yell after chopping down a haunted tree?

Tim Burton!!!

What do you get if you build a carousel inside a haunted house?

A scary go round.

Why do bars tend to be the most haunted business?

because they're full of booze!

My Roommate told me that my house is haunted.

I've been living there for 200 years and found nothing weird.

They say that this house is haunted.

That's funny; I've lived here for 245 years, and I haven't noticed anything strange.

What did Velma say to Scooby at the haunted methadone clinic?

"Junkies!"

Yo mama's so ugly

She went to a haunted house and came out with a job application

9 and 5 walk into a haunted house...

9 leans over and whispers "I'm squared."

5 laughs and replies "I'm not, that would be irrational."

A lady suspects her house is haunted and converts it into a tavern...

She was possessed by the entrepreneurial spirit.

Every time one door closes, another opens.

I think my house is haunted.

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.

The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world?

The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.

The Three Stooges are spending the night in a haunted house... and get up to their usual eye-poking, nyuk-nyuking, slapstick shenanigans. In the middle of the pie fight, a poltergeist appears. Curly throws a cream pie and it turns around in midair and smacks him right in the face!

He turns to Moe and says, "Hey, I think that ghost must have been from Australia."
"Oh yeah, why?"
"Because it just threw a Boo-Meringue at me!"

Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?

Because the ghosts will bring the boos

Did you guys know that according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria

And becomes the haunted house of the cell

Tinder is haunted

I have been talking to someone on tinder and i told her how much i love halloween. To this, she said "great, i have something perfect for you"

Then she ghosted me.

I tried stand-up before, but it didn't work out. My first audience was a real tough crowd

I was performing in a haunted house and the only responses I got were "boooo".

What do you call it when a ghost feels like it's haunted the same house before?

De ja Boo!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the haunted goreng jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working haunted eerie piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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