Haunted Jokes

115 haunted jokes and hilarious haunted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about haunted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a good laugh? Look no further than Haunted Jokes! Read our selection of hilarious spooky stories ranging from what happens when a ghostbuster visits a haunted house to a ferris wheel ride gone wrong. Get ready for some good old-fashioned ghostly fun!

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Funniest Haunted Short Jokes

Short haunted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The haunted humour may include short spooky jokes also.

  1. My housemates are convinced our house is haunted I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
  2. America is going through such bad luck at the moment It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...
  3. Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house? Because the ghosts will bring the boos
  4. I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places. It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
  5. I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music. At first I was afraid, I was petrified
  6. Just bought a boomerang from a ghost. Now I'm worried that this going to come back to haunt me.
  7. Yo Mama is so ugly, that when she entered a haunted house, she came out with an application.
  8. My 8 year old son wrote this... What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?
    A poultry-geist.
  9. My roommate seems to think that our house is haunted I've been living here for the past 200 years and haven't noticed anything.
  10. So my oilfield is haunted, turned out quite profitable... Now I can sell Super-Natural Gas!

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Haunted One Liners

Which haunted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with haunted? I can suggest the ones about halloween ghost and possessed.

  1. Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house? Because it was 2 squared
  2. Your momma so ugly… She went into a haunted house and came out with a job application
  3. Yo mama so ugly She went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheque
  4. I once told a bad joke about ghosts It still haunts me to this day.
  5. Mario is a recovering alcoholic... haunted by the thought of Boos.
  6. What do you call a chicken haunting your home? A Poultrygeist.
  7. Haunted House Idea: A room full of women saying "I'm fine."
  8. Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant? He got crêped out.
  9. Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural.
  10. What do you call haunted yogurt? Paranormal Activia.
  11. How can you tell when a bar is haunted? It's full of Boo's and Spirits.
  12. The tenants said the house was haunted. You'd think I would've noticed after 200 years.
  13. To the many people out there who live in haunted houses... YOU ARE NOT ALONE
  14. What do you call a haunted accordion Polka haunt us
  15. Did you hear about the haunted hair salon? I heard a ton of people have dyed there

Haunted House Jokes

Here is a list of funny haunted house jokes and even better haunted house puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the accordion player turn down a chance to play at a haunted house? He didn’t want to become a squeeze ghoul.
  • My roomates think our house is haunted I live here for over 200 years and never seen anything strange in it.
  • "Whenever one door closes, another opens." "Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."

    "No, I live in a haunted house."
  • My housemates are convinced that our house is haunted. What a bunch of scaredy cats. I've lived here for 284 years and never noticed anything strange.
  • My housemate thinks our house is haunted. I've lived here since 1878 and I haven't noticed anything strange!
  • My Roommate told me that my house is haunted. I've been living there for 200 years and found nothing weird.
  • What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house? was repossessed!
  • My roommate says that our house is haunted. But i live there for around 700 years and I've never seen anything.
  • Honestly 2017 should be recreated as a haunted house attraction. But instead of being scared, You get angry and offended.
  • What do you use to plan a haunted house? Boo prints. :)

Haunted Mansion Jokes

Here is a list of funny haunted mansion jokes and even better haunted mansion puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I went to a comedy night at a haunted mansion I got booed off the stage
  • The Haunted mansion opened three years after Walt Disney died. It's what Walt would have haunted
  • Why was the haunted mansion self conscious? Because it got a lot of creepy stairs.
  • A russian joke: Some people in Mosow got stuck on a ride at an amusement park! That entire country is got stuck on a ride! On something between a haunted mansion and a house of funny mirrors!
Haunted joke, A russian joke: Some people in Mosow got stuck on a ride at an amusement park!

Haunted joke, A russian joke: Some people in Mosow got stuck on a ride at an amusement park!

Hilarious Fun Haunted Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about haunted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean frightened jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make haunted pranks.

A man moves into a haunted house

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."

There once was a man who made dead houses.

There once was a man who made dead houses; Stored them under his home with the bugs and the mouses; The coffins he made were of rich sleek wood; He built them as big, yet as fast as he could; For his caskets were haunted and were said to walk; one night he went to his basement, and one started to rock; It moved towards him, his insides began to soften; So he pulled out some Halls, cause Halls stops the coffin.

What do a haunted gypsum mine and paint thinner have in common?

Mineral Spirits

My house was haunted...

... then I got a divorce.
d**... free since 2003.

Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract.

That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.

Did you know Helen Keller lived in a haunted house?

Neither did she.

What did Velma say to s**... when they went to the haunted methadone clinic?


Why are all liquor stores haunted?

Because they're full of spirits.

In an old castle, a lady says to the guide...

"I've heard that this place is haunted. I'm so scared!"
The guide says: "I've been working here for 558 years and I've never seen any ghosts..."

What do you call a movie about a family haunted by a Turkey?


I had a chance to buy a couple of haunted houses and turn them into rental properties...

but I said no, because who wants to be the lessor of two evils?

Haunted castle

A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England. "How did you enjoy it?" The guide asked when it was over.
"It was great," the tourist replied, "but I was afraid I was going to see a ghost in some of those dark passageways."
"No need to worry," said the guide "I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here."
"How long is that?" the tourist asked.
"Oh, about 300 years."

Why was 4 afraid of going inside the haunted house?

Because it was two squared!

There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

Two mexicans walk into a haunted forest...

...Only Juan comes out.

There's a haunted KFC near my house.

They think it's poultrygeist.

A group of people are touring an old, 16th-century castle one day.

The tour guide seems to be doing a great job, explaining things in detail, when one of the tourists asks a question.

"I heard from a friend that this castle was haunted! Is that true?"

The tour guide, without hesitation, says "Oh no, I've been here for 300 years and I've never seen any paranormal activity."

What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?


Are you a haunted house?

Because I'm gonna scream when I come inside you.

Floor 13 may be haunted, but floor 6**...... a whole different storey.

People say that my house is haunted

They are lying cuz I've been living here for 274 years without noticing anything.

I once ate at a haunted French restaurant.

The place gave me the crepes.

I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in t**....

I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost.
Absolute cowards.

Do you ever wonder if your house is haunted? Follow this easy step by step process to find out for sure!

Step 1: it isn't.

Have you heard about the haunted house shortage?

Seems like a lot of people are running out of them.

What happens if you don't pay the priest, who comes to exorcise your haunted house?

Your house gets repossessed.

What do you get if you build a carousel inside a haunted house?

A scary go round.

Why do bars tend to be the most haunted business?

because they're full of booze!

They say that this house is haunted.

That's funny; I've lived here for 245 years, and I haven't noticed anything strange.

What did Velma say to s**... at the haunted methadone clinic?


Yo mama's so ugly

She went to a haunted house and came out with a job application

9 and 5 walk into a haunted house...

9 leans over and whispers "I'm squared."
5 laughs and replies "I'm not, that would be irrational."

A lady suspects her house is haunted and converts it into a tavern...

She was possessed by the entrepreneurial spirit.

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.
The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world?

The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.

The Three Stooges are spending the night in a haunted house... and get up to their usual eye-poking, nyuk-nyuking, slapstick shenanigans. In the middle of the pie fight, a poltergeist appears. Curly throws a cream pie and it turns around in midair and smacks him right in the face!

He turns to Moe and says, "Hey, I think that ghost must have been from Australia."
"Oh yeah, why?"
"Because it just threw a Boo-Meringue at me!"

Did you guys know that according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria

And becomes the haunted house of the cell

Tinder is haunted

I have been talking to someone on tinder and i told her how much i love halloween. To this, she said "great, i have something perfect for you"
Then she ghosted me.

I tried stand-up before, but it didn't work out. My first audience was a real tough crowd

I was performing in a haunted house and the only responses I got were "boooo".

What do you call it when a ghost feels like it's haunted the same house before?

De ja Boo!

The tale of the haunted refrigerator was calm and cold.

Indeed, it was chilling.

I asked my girlfriend if she felt haunted.

Because I've been seeing people behind her back.

I went to a haunted bakery yesterday

That place really gave me the crepes

Who was the most frustrated ghost ever?

The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.

I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France. I left.

The place was giving me the crepes.

I live in a very old house, everyone in my town says it's haunted.

It's all superstitious b**... to me, I've lived here for 127 years and not once seen any ghosts.

I saw a grave sweeper at the cemetery and asked him if the place was haunted.

He said no, he hadn't seen a ghost in over 200 years.

I was staying the night in a haunted pub

Just as the clock struck midnight a ghostly police officer walked in through the wall and across my room and out through the other wall.
Next morning I told the landlord what I'd seen.
"Oh yes," he said, "that's the inn spectre".

What will you see if you visit a haunted s**... club?


Have you heard about the haunted golf course?

It had a bogeyman.

Today's joke...

I tried to open a haunted theme park in Columbia...
I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those Medellín kids.

My house mates are convinced that our house is haunted...

I've been here 235 years and haven't noticed a thing!

What do you call a haunted orange peel?


Haunted joke, What do you call a haunted orange peel?

jokes about haunted