Haunted Jokes
113 haunted jokes and hilarious haunted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about haunted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a good laugh? Look no further than Haunted Jokes! Read our selection of hilarious spooky stories ranging from what happens when a ghostbuster visits a haunted house to a ferris wheel ride gone wrong. Get ready for some good old-fashioned ghostly fun!
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Funniest Haunted Short Jokes
Short haunted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The haunted humour may include short spooky jokes also.
- My housemates are convinced our house is haunted I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
- Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house? Because the ghosts will bring the boos
- I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places. It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
- I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music. At first I was afraid, I was petrified
- Just bought a boomerang from a ghost. Now I'm worried that this going to come back to haunt me.
- My 8 year old son wrote this... What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?
A poultry-geist. - So my oilfield is haunted, turned out quite profitable... Now I can sell Super-Natural Gas!
- Why did the accordion player turn down a chance to play at a haunted house? He didn’t want to become a squeeze ghoul.
- I think "Scarborough Fair" is Simon & Garfunkel's most haunting song To this day, I still wonder, "*Did* Parsley save Rosemary in time?"
- I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France. I left. The place was giving me the crepes.
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Haunted One Liners
Which haunted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with haunted? I can suggest the ones about halloween ghost and uncanny.
- Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house? Because it was 2 squared
- I once told a bad joke about ghosts It still haunts me to this day.
- Mario is a recovering alcoholic... haunted by the thought of Boos.
- What do you call a chicken haunting your home? A Poultrygeist.
- Haunted House Idea: A room full of women saying "I'm fine."
- Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant? He got crêped out.
- Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural.
- What do you call haunted yogurt? Paranormal Activia.
- How can you tell when a bar is haunted? It's full of Boo's and Spirits.
- The tenants said the house was haunted. You'd think I would've noticed after 200 years.
- To the many people out there who live in haunted houses... YOU ARE NOT ALONE
- What do you call a haunted accordion Polka haunt us
- Did you hear about the haunted hair salon? I heard a ton of people have dyed there
- Why did the ghosts haunt the bar? For the boos.
- My mum doesn't want me to die. She said it's because 'mistakes come back to haunt you'.
Haunted House Jokes
Here is a list of funny haunted house jokes and even better haunted house puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Whenever one door closes, another opens." "Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."
"No, I live in a haunted house." - Honestly 2017 should be recreated as a haunted house attraction. But instead of being scared, You get angry and offended.
- What do you use to plan a haunted house? Boo prints. :)
- I had a chance to buy a couple of haunted houses and turn them into rental properties... but I said no, because who wants to be the lessor of two evils?
- What do you call it when a ghost feels like it's haunted the same house before? De ja Boo!
- 9 and 5 walk into a haunted house... 9 leans over and whispers "I'm squared."
5 laughs and replies "I'm not, that would be irrational." - Did you guys know that according to scientists, in October the mitochondria turns into the frightochondria And becomes the haunted house of the cell
- Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world? The one that haunted Helen Keller's house.
- Tried to tell a joke to the ghost that haunts my house but I don't think he liked it... ...he just looked at me and boo'd.
- People say that my house is haunted They are lying cuz I've been living here for 274 years without noticing anything.
Haunted Mansion Jokes
Here is a list of funny haunted mansion jokes and even better haunted mansion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to a comedy night at a haunted mansion I got booed off the stage
- The Haunted mansion opened three years after Walt Disney died. It's what Walt would have haunted
- Why was the haunted mansion self conscious? Because it got a lot of creepy stairs.
FML.
Hilarious Fun Haunted Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about haunted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean terrified jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make haunted pranks.
I think my college dorm is haunted.
Sometimes the ceiling shakes and I hear feint moaning.
A man moves into a haunted house
After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that he has no money on hand to pay him. The priest says "Fret not my son, we can send you a bill. Just pay it off within the month or we'll repossess your house."
There once was a man who made dead houses.
There once was a man who made dead houses; Stored them under his home with the bugs and the mouses; The coffins he made were of rich sleek wood; He built them as big, yet as fast as he could; For his caskets were haunted and were said to walk; one night he went to his basement, and one started to rock; It moved towards him, his insides began to soften; So he pulled out some Halls, cause Halls stops the coffin.
What's the squeakiest ride at the fair?
The haunted mouse
What do a haunted gypsum mine and paint thinner have in common?
Mineral Spirits
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My house was haunted...
... then I got a divorce.
d**... free since 2003.
Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract.
That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.
I used to work in a haunted pub...
There was spirits everywhere.
So aparently my local pub is haunted.
Everyone keeps telling me the place is full of spirits.
Nintendo just announced the first haunted tower for Pokemon GO
The New World Trade Center
I have never managed to find a happy medium
All the one's I've ever met have a haunted look to them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Velma say to s**... when they went to the haunted methadone clinic?
*Junkies!*
Why are all liquor stores haunted?
Because they're full of spirits.
In an old castle, a lady says to the guide...
"I've heard that this place is haunted. I'm so scared!"
The guide says: "I've been working here for 558 years and I've never seen any ghosts..."
Moved to a new place, was told it was haunted... Last owner hung himself in his bedroom.
But why would I believe it was haunted if the guy didn't even believe in himself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know your house is haunted?
You get booed during s**....
At the amusement park's Haunted House, the toilets are three inches taller than normal.
They like to keep visitors on their toes.
I went to a haunted house last night
The scariest part was making small talk with the staff
Haunted castle
A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England. "How did you enjoy it?" The guide asked when it was over.
"It was great," the tourist replied, "but I was afraid I was going to see a ghost in some of those dark passageways."
"No need to worry," said the guide "I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here."
"How long is that?" the tourist asked.
"Oh, about 300 years."
I just met the girl of my dreams...
Yeah I probably shouldn't have bought a haunted house.
My house is haunted by Nintendo characters.
I knew I shouldn't have fooled around with that Luigi board.
Did you hear about the nickel and the penny that got fused together and is haunted?
The coin has the sixth cents
There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
What do you say in a haunted French bakery?
This place gives me the crepes.
Two mexicans walk into a haunted forest...
...Only Juan comes out.
There's a haunted KFC near my house.
They think it's poultrygeist.
What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?
Repossessed
Are you a haunted house?
Because I'm gonna scream when I come inside you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Floor 13 may be haunted, but floor 6**......
...is a whole different storey.
I once ate at a haunted French restaurant.
The place gave me the crepes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm so pale...
I'm so pale that when I went outside last winter, the neighborhood kids said, "Hey, look! Frosty's on a diet!"
I'm so pale that when I worked in the ice cream parlor and was giving a kid his vanilla cone, he started l**... my hand.
I'm so pale that my house is listed as haunted. It was built last year!
I'm so pale that when I went to confession, the priest told me to eat a clove of garlic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in t**....
I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost.
Absolute cowards.
Has anyone heard about the cemetery for alcoholics?
It's haunted by spirits.
Do you ever wonder if your house is haunted? Follow this easy step by step process to find out for sure!
Step 1: it isn't.
Have you heard about the haunted house shortage?
Seems like a lot of people are running out of them.
What do you yell after chopping down a haunted tree?
Tim Burton!!!
What do you get if you build a carousel inside a haunted house?
A scary go round.
Why do bars tend to be the most haunted business?
because they're full of booze!
A lady suspects her house is haunted and converts it into a tavern...
She was possessed by the entrepreneurial spirit.
Every time one door closes, another opens.
I think my house is haunted.
A man's car gets haunted by a ghost
So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.
The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.
The Three Stooges are spending the night in a haunted house... and get up to their usual eye-poking, nyuk-nyuking, slapstick shenanigans. In the middle of the pie fight, a poltergeist appears. Curly throws a cream pie and it turns around in midair and smacks him right in the face!
He turns to Moe and says, "Hey, I think that ghost must have been from Australia."
"Oh yeah, why?"
"Because it just threw a Boo-Meringue at me!"
Tinder is haunted
I have been talking to someone on tinder and i told her how much i love halloween. To this, she said "great, i have something perfect for you"
Then she ghosted me.
I tried stand-up before, but it didn't work out. My first audience was a real tough crowd
I was performing in a haunted house and the only responses I got were "boooo".
The tale of the haunted refrigerator was calm and cold.
Indeed, it was chilling.
I asked my girlfriend if she felt haunted.
Because I've been seeing people behind her back.
I went to a haunted bakery yesterday
That place really gave me the crepes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I live in a very old house, everyone in my town says it's haunted.
It's all superstitious b**... to me, I've lived here for 127 years and not once seen any ghosts.
I saw a grave sweeper at the cemetery and asked him if the place was haunted.
He said no, he hadn't seen a ghost in over 200 years.
I was staying the night in a haunted pub
Just as the clock struck midnight a ghostly police officer walked in through the wall and across my room and out through the other wall.
Next morning I told the landlord what I'd seen.
"Oh yes," he said, "that's the inn spectre".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What will you see if you visit a haunted s**... club?
BOOOOOOBIES
Have you heard about the haunted golf course?
It had a bogeyman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today's joke...
I tried to open a haunted theme park in Columbia...
I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those Medellín kids.
