Hats Jokes
59 hats jokes and hilarious hats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Hats jokes are always a crowd pleaser! From silly jokes about brothers wearing hats to more out-there jokes about the Pope, tinfoil, and baggy headwear, there's something for everyone. Read our hilarious collection of hats jokes and have a laugh.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Hats Short Jokes
Short hats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hats humour may include short fedora jokes also.
- Since this is the first year that I've remembered my cake day, here's my four year old's favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
- My dad says we shouldn't reward people with trophies for participation, because it's like a reward for losing. So I took his vietnam Veteran hat
- I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
- I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"
- My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
- I found a hat with $17.50 in it and I thought this other guy was going to pick it up but... ...he was too busy juggling.
- I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size Oops, wrong thread
- Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized
- Did you know you can wear any boat as a hat? You just have to turn it upside down to make it cap sized.
- Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.
...I'll see myself out. :-/
Share These Hats Jokes With Friends
Hats One Liners
Which hats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hats? I can suggest the ones about cowboy hat and bonnet.
- What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift
- How did they name Canada? They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.
- What do you call a lion with a fancy hat? A dandy lion.
- Did you know? If you put a hard hat up to your ear... ...you can hear the OSHA
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- What do you call a gold fish wearing a top-hat? Sofishticated
- If you turn a boat over you can wear it as a hat It's capsized
- If your rowing boat turns upside down, you can wear it as a hat.. It's capsized.
- What did one hat say to the other? "You stay here, I'll go on ahead...."
- What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I'll go on ahead.
- Two hats on a hat hanger, one says to the other.... You go on ahead.
- I recently lost lots of weight by placing bread on my head. The loaf hat diet
- What did the scarf say to the hat? I'm just gonna hang around here.. you go on ahead.
- What did the hat say to the hat rack? You stay here, I'm going to go on a head.
- What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion
Cheeky Hats Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about hats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean caps jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hats pranks.
So heres one.
So a teenager walks into a store in the mall to buy a hat. He asks for what size he should get. The store manager tells him most of the hats are one size fits all. Just then a screaming toddler walks in followed by a young girl. The boy looks at them, turns to the store manager and says "that's what they said about the c**...."
Overcrowded church
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
Why are c**... Bowlegged?
Because Cowboys eat with their Hats on.
Why do c**... have bow-legs?
Because cowboys always eat with their hats on.
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats.
An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?
A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.
Why don't Korean captains wear hats?
Because they don't know what to do with cap sizes.
I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays
When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"
I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"
Today it's National t**... Cap Day
Hats off to whoever founded it.
Everytime I tell someone a joke about hats, they never get it.
Almost as though it goes over their heads.
Y'know, the k**... actually do have some good points
on their hats
What's a hats favourite thing?
Getting head
The Cure for the Common Cold
It's called "The Whiskey and a Hat Trick"
All you need is a bottle of whiskey and a hat.
First, sit on your bed. Place the hat at the foot of the bed. Proceed to drink whiskey until you see two hats, then go to sleep.
If you do this your cold will be gone in just 7 days.
If you don't, it'll last a whole week.
Why do c**... walk bow-legged?
Their boyfriends eat with their hats on.
Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work.
No... I meant take your hats off. You look s**....
All this trump merchandise made me wonder
We have make America great again hats, t shirts, and socks, but I've never seen a make America great again dress. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
On hat said to the other: you stay here; I'll go on a head.
I like my women how I like hats
on my head.
Why does the k**... wear those pointy hats?
White Wizard Hat: +10 to racist spells, -15 to black magic. It's all about the stats, man.
There were two economists who were shipwrecked on a desert island.
They had no money but over the next three years they made millions of dollars selling their hats to each other.
Two hats were deciding what to do
One says "I'll wait here, you go on a head"
Me: "Alexa, add tinfoil for hats to my shopping cart."
Alexa: "I ordered yesterday after I noticed you had 3 sheets left in your upper right cupboard. You're all good."
What's the difference between a scientist and a magician?
One pulls rabbits out of hats and the other polls habits out of rats
What do you call a group of rabbits with little hats?
Rabbi.
Why do spies always wear hats?
Because they are undercover.
Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
I have a friend who always does an incredible job fixing my headgear.
Hats off to him.
A man gives dollar to a homeless person
After he threw the dollar in his hat, he noticed a second hat.
The man frowned and asked: "Why do you have two hats?"
"Well, you see..." Said the wanderer. "Business is going well these days so I recently opened my second store."
Why are cowboy hats curled up on the side?
So they can fit three in the pickup.
Do you know why c**... are bowlegged?
Because cowboys eat with their hats on.
Two hats are on a hat rack...
One hat looks at the other and says, "You stay here. I'll go on a head."
Why do c**... walk around bow-legged?
Because cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It's a little gnome fact.
An couple of Swedish jokes
What does it say at the bottom of a Norwegian swimming pool?
- No smoking allowed.
Why do Norwegian motor bikers wear pyjamas hats instead of helmets?
- Because the helmet broke during the 300 metre free fall test.
Why did the Norwegian bring a car door to the desert?
- so he could roll the window down in case it gets too hot.
What does a Norwegian calculator say you if you enter 1 + 1?
- please wait...
Why are cowboy hats curled on the sides?
So three of those a**... could sit in a truck.
Most garden statuary is only 30cm tall and wears red hats.
It's a little gnome fact.
I'm going to start a religion with really big hats
that way God can't see what we're doing.
My Grandfather always told me "never wear animal skin hats in the woods during hunting season"
One day I asked him why and he said "Other hunters might try and make conversation with you"
What's the difference between a magician and a psychology researcher?
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, a psychology researcher pulls habits out of rats.
Did you hear about a man who got arrested for stealing hats?
He hat it coming.
A fellow from the Midwest has to spend Christmas in the deep South.
He's there on business, and he misses the snow. He tries to cheer himself up by walking around looking at a Christmas crèche ( a tableau representing the Nativity scene ). He's shocked to see that the three wise men are dressed as firemen, in hats and boots and slickers. He asks a passerby why in the world they're dressed that way.
Annoyed, she says, "Don't you Yankees ever read the Bible? It says right in the Bible, the three wise men came from *a far!*"
Almost all garden gnomes have red hats.
It's a little gnome fact.
I was discharged from the police academy for refusing to wear anything except Delta hats, Boeing ties, and JetBlue shirts.
I just wanted to be a plane-clothes cop.
