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Hates Jokes

150 hates jokes and hilarious hates puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hates that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Hates Short Jokes

Short hates jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hates humour may include short hated jokes also.

  1. I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it's their cake day, just so people can wish them. You won't catch me doing that today.
  2. I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
    Leroy, please paint that wall
  3. I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
  4. Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait.
  5. I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me. I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
  6. Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago? I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night
  7. My psychologist told me: "Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."
    I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...
  8. Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait
  9. Let's discuss who the most hated world leader is as of now I think Putin just Trump-ed all of his competitors
  10. I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by... Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

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Hates One Liners

Which hates one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hates? I can suggest the ones about hating and despise.

  1. I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years I don't have 2020 vision
  2. I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy It's not like I did anything
  3. Chess is banned under Islam They hate that the queen moves freely.
  4. Why does spiderman hate driving with his evil twin? Because he's a bad parallel Parker
  5. I hate people who take drugs For example, border security.
  6. Why do librarians hate tennis? Too much racket.
  7. I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person.
  8. Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
  9. Why do Indians hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.
  10. Why does Oedipus hate profanity? He kisses his mother with that mouth.
  11. Why did Stalin only write in lowercase? Because he hated Capitalism
  12. Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press
  13. I hate people who take drugs... specifically the DEA and US Customs.
  14. Why does Karl Marx write in lowercase? He hates capitalism
  15. I hate being bipolar, it's great

God Hates Jokes

Here is a list of funny god hates jokes and even better god hates puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • No one in here better be making any jokes about Fred Phelps' death God hates gags.
  • Two cannibals sat around a campfire One turned to the other and said, "God, I hate my mother-in-law."
    His friend said, "Well then try the potatoes."
  • Why did god invent patchouli? So blind people can hate hippies too.
  • What does a Muslim have if they hate their god? An Allahgy
  • Speed dating Her: I hate it when people get excited when they find out they have smallest thing in common.
    Me: Oh my God! Me too!
  • I hate it when people compare Freddie Mercury to God I mean He's good but He's no Freddie Mercury.
  • Why does God hate Trig? Cos it's a Sin
  • God I hate hidden microphones They bug me so much!
  • God I would hate it if this covid pandemic kept going all the way through to tick season. I really don't like corona with Lyme.
  • I hate when people compare Eminem to God I mean, he's great and all, but he's no Eminem.
Hates joke, I hate when people compare Eminem to God

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about hates can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of hates puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Hates Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about hates you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean love hate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make hates prank.

Never treat a woman like an object...

It hates that.

I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness...

...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.

After record breaking single day sales at Chic-Fil-a amid the same s**... controversy

today CEO of Jack in the Box Ted Fuller said he "hates Jews and Mexicans."

My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers.

It gets her Snickers in a Twix.

I've been sleeping with my maid for the past 3 years.

Just don't tell me wife, she hates it when I call her that.

My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her

And according to the judge, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend

I complained to my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.

He said "Don't be ridiculous! Everyone hasn't met you yet"

The Government

Don't lie..
Don't cheat.
Dont steal.
Don't sell drugs.
Don't kill.
The Government Hates Competition

Little Erika hates hypocrisy..

Little Erika gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As she passes her parents' bedroom she peeks in through the keyhole. She watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway muttering to herself, "And she gets mad at me for s**... my thumb . "

What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?

a polynomeal

My Life s**......

...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To push Jake off a cliff.... he really hates Jake.
as told by my 6 year old who hates a kid named Jake.

Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Why aren't there any Calculus teachers in Little Rock, Arkansas?

Because everyone there hates integration.

A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?
I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

What do you call a person who hates fat people?

Weighcist

Kim Jong Un recently banned the blues scale...

He hates Seoul music

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug

to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java.
He hates me.

I made a deposit at the s**... bank last night.

She really hates it when I call her that though.

I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.

I nearly fell out of my tree.

Why Gordon Ramsey hates WWE

Because it's f*cking RAW

I've just bought a house with period features

She hates that nickname.

Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

The Dad joke pay-off [not actually a joke, sorry]

Dad, a little after lunchtime: "Are you hungry?"
Son: "No."
D. "Really? You've hardly had anything to eat all day."
S. "Okay, really I am, but I don't want to say it because then you'll do that joke again."
Son hates joke so much he would rather go hungry than risk hearing it one more time. Now my legacy is in place, I may die a happy man.

Life is like a bag of jelly beans

Everyone hates the black ones

I haven't spoken a word to my wife in years.

She hates to be interrupted.

Every 5 out of 6 people say Russian Roulette is fun...

I wonder why the sixth guy hates it

What's the difference between a slab of meat and someone who hates high school students?

One's protein, the other's anti-teen.

A Trucker Hates Lawyers so Much That When he Sees Them he Always Runs Them Over

One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.
He says "I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me!"
The priest replies, "Don't worry, I got him with the door!"

My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her.

Also the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

Conversation that just happened between a friend (lawyer) and I (Architect).

Friend: Everybody hates lawyers, until they need one.
Me: Everybody loves architects, until they need one.

Whats big, pink, long and my girlfriend hates when I put it in her mouth?

Our miscarriage.

A Man was talking with his best friend.

About how much he hates his Mother in law.
Friend says " Well without your Mother in law you wouldn't have your wife so you cant hate her."
Man says "No pretty sure thats mainly the reason I hate her."

My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight...

She needs to lighten up.

Why does Gordon Ramsey like to have s**... with a c**...?

Because he hates it raw.

What do you call...

What do you call it when a man who Hates games, cant stop playing side scrolling shooters?
A contr-addiction

What image format does Gordon Ramsay hates the most?

.raw

Our family surname is Daniels

So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.
She hates it.

My friend said he hated grapefruit with a passion.

I asked him if he also hates passion fruit with a grape.

Why does Jesus hates playing video games?

Because it takes him three days to respawn.

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to d**...…

Mostly because his name is Steve…

There is a new t**... religion that hates addition

The Tally Ban

What do you call a camel that hates cows?

Drama-dairy.
Courtesy of my eight-year-old

What do you call someone who hates brown rice?

Ricist.

What's a dentist's favorite time of the day?

Five o'clock, because he hates his job and lives for the weekend.

Why doesn't sherlock holmes ever drink tea made in hospitals?

He really hates more ER tea

My son said he hates paraphrasing.

Or something like that.

Can someone explain this joke my dad told me?

My dad told me there was a joke inside of the mirror but all I ever see is that one kid he always hates and gets mad at.

I have a friend who says that he hates all comforters.

I told him that he shouldn't make blanket statements like that.

The beard or me. You must choose.

A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.
He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"

My girlfriend hates it when I call her 'curvy'.

She says it's Scoliosis.

You know who really hates spoiled children?

Cannibals.

Don't steal, don't lie and don't cheat.

The government hates competition.

What should you do if someone hates on your puns?

Punish them.

I don't understand why Ice Cube hates the police so much...

They are a really good band

The main reason everybody hates flat Earthers

...is because they're so edgy.

What do you call a masseuse that hates women?

A massagynist.

So, I introduced my gf to my family today...

I still don't know why my wife hates her so much.

White light hates passing through a prism.

It shows its true colors.

Did you hear about the dyslexic racist?

He hates gingers.

Did you hear about the dyslexic k**... member?

He really hates gingers

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.

When im alone i like to pretend im a wind turbine. My wife hates it...

But im a big fan.

My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...

And she hates having s**... with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.

What do you call a blind person who hates jews.

A not-see.

My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.

So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes t**... in her yard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

An American and a German are discussing freedom of speech.

The German says:
>Here in Germany, contrary to what a lot of you Americans think, we do have freedom of speech. Everyone here hates Putin, but I could walk right up to the Bundestag and proclaim: "I love Vladimir Putin!" And I wouldn't even be arrested!
The American replies:
>Ah, yes, but in the USA we're even freer. I could walk right up to the White House and shout "I love Vladimir Putin"... and they'd let me in!

My girlfriend hates it when I tap the brakes to make the car bounce when I listen to hiphop.

But when I think about it, she never did like brakedancing.

Tom and his buddy got drunk

Tom took it too far and puked on his shirt.
"Oh no! My wife will kill me she hates when i drink"
"Dont worry. Take this 20$ bill and tell her someone else puked on you and gave you the money for the cleaning."
So it was done.
Tom went home and his wife starts nagging and screaming to poor Tom.
"No honey someone puked on me and gave me 20 bucks for the cleaning. See?"
"And what is the second bill for?"
"Oh someone crapped in my pants too."

You hear about the guy who hates negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

God's punishment

God gave women labor pains and monthly bleeding as the punishment for the original sin. Men's punishment is to be with his wife and listen to her problems. That's why god hates homosexuals. They found a loophole in this system.

What do you call a country that hates the 5th letter of the alphabet?

Haiti

Why did Al Capone refuse to carry pennies?

Because he hates coppers, see?

/u/username hates the hotel he is staying in and starts packing his stuff.

Username checks out.

You'd think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

Whenever I'm at the therapist's waiting room, I stand in one corner and blow air at people.

Everyone hates it, but I'm a fan.

My GF said she hates my sense of direction.

So I packed my stuff and right.

Hates joke, My GF said she hates my sense of direction.

jokes about hates

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these hates jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.