Hate You Jokes
69 hate you jokes and hilarious hate you puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about hate you that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Hate You Short Jokes
Short hate you jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The hate you humour may include short hates jokes also.
- I absolutely HATE when people make a post subtly implying it's their cake day, just so people can wish them. You won't catch me doing that today.
- I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say
Leroy, please paint that wall - I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
- Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait.
- I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me. I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
- Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago? I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night
- My psychologist told me: "Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."
I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters... - Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait
- Let's discuss who the most hated world leader is as of now I think Putin just Trump-ed all of his competitors
- I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by... Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...
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Hate You One Liners
Which hate you one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with hate you? I can suggest the ones about hating and love hate.
- I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years I don't have 2020 vision
- I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy It's not like I did anything
- Chess is banned under Islam They hate that the queen moves freely.
- Why does spiderman hate driving with his evil twin? Because he's a bad parallel Parker
- I hate people who take drugs For example, border security.
- Why do librarians hate tennis? Too much racket.
- I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person.
- Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
- Why do Indians hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.
- Why does Oedipus hate profanity? He kisses his mother with that mouth.
- Why did Stalin only write in lowercase? Because he hated Capitalism
- Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press
- I hate people who take drugs... specifically the DEA and US Customs.
- Why does Karl Marx write in lowercase? He hates capitalism
- I hate being bipolar, it's great
Gather Around for Fun Hate You Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about hate you you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean despise jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make hate you pranks.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...
The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".
My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"
She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.
He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black b**...."
So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house...
"I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"
As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"
To all of you idiots out there that drive loud cars, we hate you and get off our roads.
We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital.
How do I say I hate you in a nice way?
"You are the Monday of my life".
Happy Monday ya'll.
A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation
Before long they're arguing.
Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."
Chinese man: "Why?"
Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"
Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."
Jewish man: "Why?"
Chinese man: "The Titanic!"
Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"
Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?
Disney teaches you to hate your stepmother.
Wife: I hate you. Get out, I never want to see you again!
I hope you have a long and miserable life.
Husband: Now I'm confused. Do you want me to stay or not?
A young black boy walks int to kitchen ...
There he dumps a pound of flour on himself, he goes to his mother and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His mother slaps him in the mouth and says, "go tell your Father what you jst said!" The boy goes to his fAther and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His father takes him over his leg and spanks him hard. Then the father asked," okay son , now what have you learned?" The looks at him and says," I've only been a white boy for 8 minutes now an I already hate you black people!"
A mexican boy with the desire to be white
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
He says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father."
He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother."
The boy goes into his grandmother's room and say, "Mira la Abuela, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!"
So a young black boy walks in to the kitchen where his mother is baking, puts his hands in the flower covers himself in it and tells his mother "look I'm a white boy!"
His mother slaps him and tells him to show his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad I'm a white boy! " His father slaps him and tells him to show his grandmother.
He shows his grandmother and says "Look I'm a white boy! " She slaps him and sends him back to his mother.
Mother asks what he learned, he says
"Nothing but I sure do hate you black folk"
"You are gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late"
Jokes on you I am gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what.
Was offered a bowl of dinosaurs to eat from my toddler.
"No thanks! I'm allergic to dinosaurs, they make me break out in Dino sores"
Audible groan and required "I hate you" from their babysitter.
I'm good friends with 24 letters of the alphabet.
I hate you, I don't know why.
If someone hates you for no reason, punch them in the face.
Now they will hate you for a reason.
There's a kid about to jump off a cliff.
His dad walks up and asks why he's going to jump. The kid says, I'm depressed and I hate your dad jokes. Hi depressed...
Husband: Do you love me?
Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.
Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?
Wife: I will always love you, my darling.
Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?
Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.
Husband: what if i cheated on you, would you still love me?
Wife: of course. I will always love you, apple of my eye.
Husband: Ok. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night.
Wife: I HATE YOU, YOU LAZY, SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE m**...!!
What is the difference between Disney+ and Xvideos?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
How do you know you hate your job?
When your coffee is so strong it shows up in a drug test.
I'm not saying I hate you...
but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
How do you get whole race to hate you?
Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)
At Night
It is night, I'm sleeping. Gently you're moving towards me, softly touching my n**... body searching for that one special place. You've found it and you start s**... on it. You love it so much.
I hate you, mosquito.
Son: *crying* Santa isn't real!
Me: of course he is!
Son: •sniffle• but I stayed up all night and he didn't come
Me: aw, buddy, •kneels down• he must really hate you then
I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor...
I still hate you.
Life: Why do people love me and hate you?
Death: *scoffs* Have you met the millennials?
I'm not saying I hate you...
I'm not saying I hate you, but if I were locked in a room with h**..., Bin Laden, and you, and I had 2 bullets, I would shoot h**... and Bin Laden and then say loads of mean things about your mother.
If you hate your journey to work because you ride share and you always get stuck in a tunnel...
you have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Best (worst) Wine and Chocolate Jokes Thread
Can we do this? My parents have these c**... wine / chocolate jokes on knick knacks around their house...
*i joined the 12-step program for chocoholics -- now I'm never 12 steps away from chocolate*
Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Hate you!
*i love cooking with wine.. sometimes i even put it in the food!*
Please be dead.
Let's hear your best (worst) wine and Chocolate jokes!
This reminds me of a saying my dad used to tell me as a young boy growing up
"I hate you son"
When you hate your friend nasaur
Dinosaur
If you ever hate your job...
Remember; at least you're not the guy who has to handle s**...-toy returns at Amazon.
My wife thinks I hate her relatives.
Me: I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law more than mine!
I'm not saying I hate you...
I'm just saying I think you should play Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun.
Water solves everything!
You want to lose weight? Water!
You want a clear face? Water!
You hate your boss? Drown him. In Water!
Roses are red
The sky is blue
You think this is love
But I hate you.
The One Ultimate Secret to Creating Clear Headlines that will make other joke-tellers hate you.
Corduroy Pillow Case.
A man writes an OP-ED for his local newspaper.
He goes into great detail explaining why everyone in his town is an idiot and they are ugly too.
Unsurprisingly, it gets a VERY strong reaction. People hate him!
So the next week he calls up his local paper and asks them to publish his OP-ED again in the next week's paper.
the editor gets on the phone and tries to talk him out of it. He says people hate you already, why would you want us to publish your piece a second time? That's nuts!
The man calmly replies, "Oh don't worry! There's nothing this community loves more than a repost!"
A black kid pulls the flour over his head.
A black kid walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, "Look Mama, I'm a white boy!" His mother smacks him and says, "Go to your Daddy and say wbat you just said!" The boy finds his father and says, "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy!" His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, "Now what do you have to say about yourself?" The boy replies, "I've only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!"
Tommy, I hate you with all my heart!
Tommy: Why so?
I hate you more than
Michel J Fox hates coloring books
I'm not a racist.
I'm a speciest, and I hate you homos.
I don't hate you
But if you were on life support, I'd unplug you to charge my phone.
God doesn't hate you
just thinks you would be better off worshipping someone else.
Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar...
Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.
Bernie Sanders says "Hello, can I have a drink?" and gets a drink.
Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says "Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate you. You're also bald. I hope that you die soon. When I become president I will make sure to deport ugly and bald people like you."
The entire bar looks in shock. A news reporter, there at that time, says to a patron of the bar, who originated from the South, "What do you think of this?".
The patron replies "Absolutely f***ing disgusting - Bernie Sanders didn't say Merry Christmas!"
"Look Momma, I'm a white boy."
A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps him on the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother." So the boy goes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy." She slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says "Well, did you learn something from all this?" The boy shakes his head and says "I sure did, I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate you people".
I hate YOU
JAY and Q, when I'm playing Scrabble
If you think you're pessimistic,
all your friends *probably* hate you.
What should you do if you're fat and hate your hair colour?
Diet. (Dye it)
Former President George W. Bush was giving his speech when suddenly...
... an anti-Bush campaign leader ran to the platform and said "I hate you! I hate America because of you!". Before security had any time to respond, the guy pulled out a syringe and stabbed Pres. Bush on the arm and said "Ha! That was my blood inside the syringe! And I have AIDS! Goodbye, Bush!"
After the commotion, Pres. Bush was surprisingly calm. The media asked him "So, are you ok? You have AIDS now! What are you gonna do?"
Pres. Bush replied "Ow, don't worry about that. I have protection - I'm was wearing a c**... when he stabbed me."
how do you make a conedian and a coke dealer hate you?
Steal their lines
A Jewish man and an Chinese man spark up a conversation....
Before long they're arguing...
Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."
Chinese man: "For what?"
Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"
Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
Jewish man: "eh, Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"
Chinese man: "Well, you kow what? I hate you."
Jewish man: "For what?!?"
Chinese man: "The Titanic!"
Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Tatanic!"
Chinese man: "eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
A little hispanic boy was next to his mother while she was making tortillas...
A little hispanic boy was next to his mother while she was making tortillas. He dumps his face into the flour, ruining it and says to his mother, "Look mom! I'm a white boy!". Shocked the mom spanks that boy and afterwards tells hims "Go show this to your father!" He goes to his father and says "Look dad!, I'm a white boy!" and his father proceeds to s**... him as well and sends him off his grandmother. He goes to his grandmother and says "Look abuela I'm a white boy..." She turned furiously red and berated him. Then she spanked him and said said "Show this to my husband!", not wanting to call him his grandfather. He went to his grandfather and sorrowfully said "Look pampo... I'm ... a white boy." His grandfather didn't just s**... him, he proceeded to beat him. Once he was done, the boy was sent back to his mother.
His mother asked, "What did you learn?"
The boy replied, "I've only been white for an hour, and I learned that I already hate you w**...!"